"So this Trickster and Prank…they're like the poor man's version of us, right?" asked Harley Quinn as she sat in the passenger seat of the Jokermobile, which was on its way to Central City.

"Yep," agreed Joker, nodding. "Well, it was bound to happen, Harley, when you're as beloved and popular as I am. There are always gonna be copycats who want a piece of your greatness and genius. It's flattering, in a way. I mean, look at you."

"What about me?" asked Harley, puzzled.

"Well, you made yourself in my image," he said, nodding at her clown outfit and makeup. "Because you wanted a piece of my greatness and genius."

"Because I love you, puddin'!" snapped Harley. "I didn't do this to use your fame! I did this to be with you, and help you! It wasn't out of selfishness - it was the opposite of that!"

"All right, don't get so touchy, kid," he retorted.

"No, seriously, is that really what you think?" she demanded. "That I'm just using you for my own self-promotion and selfish gratification?!"

"Of course not, pumpkin pie," he said, kissing her cheek. "Although Daddy has gratified you on many occasions, hasn't he?" he said, sliding his hand onto her thigh.

"Don't think you can just change the subject and make me forget what you said by being affectionate!" snapped Harley. "I can't believe you think I'm so selfish! Don't you know me at all?! Can't you understand unselfish, unconditional love?! And haven't I done enough for you over the years to prove it…"

Joker sighed deeply, and then pulled the car over to the side of the road, slamming on the brakes. Then he unbuckled his seat belt, punched Harley's free, and picked her up, throwing her down in the backseat and climbing on top of her.

"Mr. J!" she shrieked. "You can't pacify me with sex! Mr. J…Mr. J…oh, Mr. J, yes!"

It was the only way to shut her up and stop her nagging at him all the way to Central City, thought Joker. And it worked, he thought with a satisfied smile, as he buckled himself back into the front seat and started the car again a good half hour later. Harley had climbed back into the passenger seat, gazing at him dreamily and beaming.

"Oh, Mr. J, you know just how to make a gal feel special!" she sighed.

"I do," he agreed, grinning. "Bet that Trickster guy doesn't know half of my tricks."

"Well, his little henchwench probably doesn't love him half as much as I love you," purred Harley, kissing his cheek. "But just think, there are people out there who see me as a role model too!"

"Yeah, that's…a scary thought, all right, pooh bear," he agreed.

"I meant it as a nice thought!" she snapped, her face falling in anger again. "What's scary about me being a role model?"

"Just…because…if every woman in the world tried to be like you, it'd be pathetic," invented Joker, hastily. "Because there's only one unique, special Harley Quinn. My dame's one of a kind, and nobody should bother emulating her because they'd just fail miserably."

Harley beamed. "Aw, puddin', you know just what to say to a gal!" she sighed, kissing him again.

Joker breathed a sigh of relief at averting another crisis. Harley reached over to steal a piece of gum from his pocket, and she chewed as they drove, putting her feet up on the dashboard.

"Oooh, Mr. J, that sign says they got a Chucky Charlie's at the next exit!" she exclaimed, pointing excitedly. "I just love their deep fried bacon double cheeseburgers! Can we stop?"

"No," he retorted. "We're on a schedule. I wanna be in Central City before dark in case this Flash guy patrols like Batsy. Anyway, we just had breakfast."

"That was like three hours ago!" she exclaimed. "And those burgers are to die for!"

"Literally, when they clog up your arteries with fat," agreed Joker. "Which is a good joke, I guess. Delicious, killer food…"

"Please, puddin'?" she begged. "Please, please, please can we stop?"

"No," he repeated.

"Please?"

"No."

"Please?"

"No."

"Puh-leaze?!" she sobbed, tugging on his arm. "You can get a mouth-scalding apple pie!"

Joker thought. "I do love those mouth-scalding apple pies," he admitted. "And I guess I could use a bathroom break. Ok, kid, you got it," he said, turning into the exit lane. "But we're going through the drive-thru, and eating on the road."

"That ain't very safe, Mr. J," commented Harley.

"Do I look like the kinda guy who cares about safety?" he demanded. "Now go on, pooh, talk into the clown's mouth," he said, gesturing to the drive-thru speaker.

Harley grinned, placing her mouth over Joker's and saying, "I want a deep fried bacon double cheeseburger value meal with extra fries, please…"

"Ha ha, very funny," he snapped, shoving her away.

"I thought it was," agreed Harley, leaning over him and placing her order.

"Here, you take over driving while I go to the john," he said, climbing out of the car. Harley climbed into the driver's seat and drove to the window to pick up and pay for her food.

"Here you go, ma'am," said the attendant, handing her a bag. "That'll be $19.90."

Harley fished around in her purse for a twenty dollar bill, but she appeared to just have a ten and some loose change. "Uh…can you hang on until my boyfriend gets back from the toilet?" she asked. "Only he's got the money…"

"Sure thing, ma'am," said the attendant, glancing anxiously over at the long line of cars waiting behind her, a line that only grew longer the more they waited.

The Joker returned to the car, climbing into the passenger seat. "What's the hold-up?" he asked.

"You got a twenty, puddin'?" she asked. "Or a ten? I just need to pay the guy…"

"Pay?" repeated Joker. "We don't pay for things, Harley. Just drive off."

"Puddin', no!" she exclaimed. "We can't just rip off an honest fast food chain trying to run a legitimate business in this tough economy!"

"We're gonna do what I say!" he snapped. "So just step on the gas!"

Harley looked helplessly at the attendant, biting her lip. "Sorry about this," she murmured. "It's nothing personal, honest."

And she slammed her foot down on the gas pedal, blasting off into the street.

"Honestly, you'll ruin my reputation, you dumb blonde!" muttered Joker, picking up the bag of fast food. "The Joker paying for stuff! Whoever heard of such a thing?"

He pulled the lid off his pie, dipping the spoon into the smoking dessert. "Besides, you inconvenienced all those other poor schmoes trying to use the drive-thru!" he snapped. "Making 'em wait for their deep fried goodness! Now that's the real crime, Harley!"

"Sorry, puddin'," she snapped. "Maybe if you hadn't taken so long in the toilet, we coulda made a break for it sooner!"

"I didn't take that long!" he shouted. "But I ain't the Flash, y'know! I can't just go and come back in half a second!"

He bit down on the spoon and sighed at the scalding pie juice burning the roof of his mouth. "Oh yeah, that's the stuff!" he gasped.

"Can I have my burger, puddin'?" Harley asked, pulling the gum out of her mouth and sticking it on the steering wheel for safe keeping.

He handed it to her, and she began eating with one hand, and driving with the other. "Do you think…he does actually do that?" asked Joker after a long silence.

"Who does what, puddin'?" she asked.

"The Flash," he said. "Do you think like all his bodily functions are super sped up too?"

"I dunno," replied Harley. "Why?"

He shrugged. "It's just…kinda funny to think about," he said, grinning. He let out a giggle. "I mean, do you think that's a problem for him when he's in bed with Mrs. Flash? Being the World's Fastest Man and all…he must not last very long."

"Puddin', you're horrible!" giggled Harley.

"Hey, it's a valid question!" snapped Joker. He laughed. "It's also all I'm gonna be thinking about whenever I see him now. I can't take him seriously anymore. Not that I ever could take a guy in a red muscle suit seriously…or a guy in a unitard, for that matter."

"Who wears a unitard?" asked Harley.

"This Trickster guy," replied Joker. "Ain't you ever seen a picture of him? He's a total fashion disaster. I mean, say what you will about me, but I'm a fantastic dresser. The purple suit is always classy. But you can't teach things like class and sophistication, Harl, and frankly, this guy ain't got either."

"Are you gonna try to help him, puddin'?" asked Harley.

"Well, sure, but a guy can only do so much," sighed Joker. "It's like comedy – it can't be taught. You're either funny or you're not. It's just something you're born with. Like you and me – I'm funny, and you're not."

"I think I'm pretty funny, puddin'," snapped Harley.

"Unfunny people usually do," agreed Joker.

"You think you're funny!" snapped Harley. "By that logic, you're unfunny too!"

"How dare you call me unfunny, you little brat!" he snapped, striking her across the back of the head.

"Ow! You want me to have a wreck?!" she demanded. "Because we'd really ruin your precious schedule then!"

"You're already gonna have a wreck trying to eat and drive, and getting your greasy hands all over the wheel!" snapped Joker. "C'mon, I'll drive!"

"We can't switch seats when the car is moving, puddin'!" she retorted.

"We can – just hurry up about it!" retorted Joker, grabbing her arm and yanking her away from the wheel.

The other cars began honking and slamming on the brakes as the Jokermobile swerved across the road, going through all four lanes of traffic and causing the cars to brake and pile up. Joker grabbed onto the wheel at last, swerving suddenly to avoid rear-ending another vehicle.

"See? I told you! Piece of cake!" he snapped, adjusting the rear-view mirror away from the four-lane traffic pileup he had caused.

"Y'know, we're near enough to Central City that you need to be careful!" snapped Harley. "The Flash could hear about us taking off without paying for the food and causing traffic jams and be here in the blink of an eye, y'know!"

"I ain't scared of him – let him come!" retorted Joker. Then he burst out laughing. "Which I bet he always does, prematurely!"

Harley joined him in hysterical giggling as the Jokermobile headed on its merry way toward Central City's limits.