Disclaimer: I don't own Star Wars. Happy Thanksgiving! (:
Chapter One
I remember my life in little moments, little details. Snapshots that I'll hold on to for the rest of my days, whether the scene in the picture is one of beauty or pain. Sometimes, though, there are these little moments in between- the times you look back on that make your heart ache and cry for a more innocent time. When you remember how it was to be a child, and wish with all your soul that you could return there again.
As a little girl, I was naturally an observer. Always have been, always will be. Through the twenty years I spent at the Jedi Temple, the elders would tell me that my wide open blue eyes were the first thing they ever noticed about me. I'm more likely to stand back and take in the scene rather than jump into the action right away. This has its advantages, such as having the patience to wait for and recognize the perfect moment to strike in battle, or analyzing people and their motives. However, understanding people does not always allow those people to understand you, and so I was usually ignored or misunderstood by most. As I grew up, there were few around me that even knew my name. Always the watcher, you are, Julianna, and never the watched. Master Yoda's words to me one day have stayed with me all these years, and I believe they capture my life perfectly. Perhaps to some, the comment would have been offensive. Personally, I preferred it that way.
It was always Anakin that was the watched, from day one. Yet he never looked around him and tried to understand others very well. Perhaps that was why we fit together so simply, so easily.
I remember our first meeting well.
She was blindfolded, wielding a green training saber that younglings commonly used. There were eighteen young children in the darkened room, all holding ignited training lightsabers of all colors. There was a wide variety of species in the room as well; she was one of only three humans.
Master Yoda was instructing his pupils in the ways of the Force, teaching them how to sense where a laser blast would be coming from the droid hovering in the air in front of each of us. The bolts would only produce a mild sting, as would the training sabers if they accidentally hit one another or, in the case of one unfortunate classmate, themselves.
"Relax, you must, Julianna," Master Yoda reprimanded her gently. Only then did she suddenly realize how tense her muscles were, how apprehensive she was that a bolt might hit her. She tried to breathe and feel the Force, like she had learned. As her breath released, her mind cleared, and she could feel her perception of surroundings sharpen in detail and come into focus. A sudden surge in the Force warned her, and she whipped up her lightsaber in time to deflect a bolt that she knew had been aimed at her face.
They were all so focused that when the door slid open, they all tensed as one and turned, blindfolded, to face the doorway.
"Take off your blindfolds, you may," Master Yoda addressed his class. She powered off her saber and slipped off the strip of cloth that was covering her eyes. She was disoriented for a moment, blinded by the light, and then her eyes adjusted.
Master Mace Windu entered the room, accompanied by a small boy about their age with blond hair and ice blue eyes. He looked around curiously, and she caught his gaze.
I'll never forget the expression on his face. It made something in my chest hurt, the way he looked so totally alone.
"Class, this is Anakin Skywalker," Master Windu told the children. "He will join you in lessons from now on." With that, he bowed respectfully to Master Yoda and left the room.
"Hello, Anakin," they all chorused, as was done with every new addition to the class. However, there had not been one for at least five years. New younglings at this age were nearly unheard of. Julianna couldn't help raising her eyebrows. Who was this Anakin Skywalker, and why was he so special as to deserve an exception to the rigid rules of the Order?
She looked around her, and her classmates all wore similar expressions of confusion and skepticism. Already the whispers were starting, and there came in her heart a little pang of pity. She sighed, and watched them stare at him with an indecisive mind.
"Someone to help him get started, young Skywalker will need," Master Yoda said while Juli was still considering. "Anyone willing, is there?" And she could have sworn his wise green eyes looked right at her, as if he knew the decision she was struggling with.
As if he knew my future already.
She looked at Anakin for a split second more before raising her hand in the air. It wavered in space a little, yet remained where it was, committed, even as stares turned its way. There was just something about that boy that just seemed... familiar. Like he belonged, almost, despite all the judgmental looks shooting his way that claimed the opposite. So, she decided, she could give him a try.
"I will," she spoke, quietly but clearly, and his bright blue eyes, which had previously been wandering a little, fixed on her with an expression that said thank you and why? at the same time. She just smiled.
"Thank you, Miss Lumenti," Yoda continued, seemingly oblivious to the social structure of his class altering ever so slightly. However, Juli was not fooled. The master's sharp eyes rarely missed anything. When Anakin just stood there for a second longer, looking undecided, she just gave him a look. What are you doing, idiot? Get over here, where you belong.
It was the kind of expression only children fully appreciate, the kind of familiar acceptance that is welcoming in its brusqueness. And so, without either of them really saying anything, as Anakin came to stand by Julianna that first day, they became friends. Their classmates stared as Yoda gave the command to resume their practice, but they just shared an amused smile as she began to show him the proper stance and grip for his borrowed lightsaber. For the two children, here was already a distinct "us" and "them", and what "they" thought didn't seem to matter so much anymore.
Julianna left class that morning with a friend and a newfound respect for all the lightsaber teachers she'd had so far in her short life.
It stormed that afternoon.
After lunch, the younglings were set free for the afternoon. There were lots of things that Juli considered taking Anakin to do. Every day, the students at the Temple were expected to do physical activity on their own, outside, and they often made a game out of it. The lake almost always had a lot of kids and teenagers swimming and horsing around, and the obstacle course was another popular spot for competitions. But Juli didn't really feel like doing her rec time right then.
"How about we go to the gardens?" she asked her companion. He shrugged.
"Whatever you feel like," he answered. "I don't really know any of the places around here..."
She had already grabbed his wrist and was dragging him down the hallway. When they stumbled, breathless, out of the building and into the verdant gardens, she stopped abruptly and stared at the sky, joy lighting up in her eyes.
"Rain!"
Dark stormclouds veiled the sun, and the breeze was cool and strong against her skin. Though no water fell from the sky yet, Juli could feel the heavy thickness of it in the air like a promise. She looked at Anakin, grinning like crazy. His face was a little dazed.
"...Rain?" he asked, a little awed. She nodded fast, and just then, the first droplet of water fell straight from the heavens and into his eye. She giggled. And then the bottom dropped out, and it began to pour.
Screaming and laughing, she ran around in the rain, her brown ponytail whipping around behind her. She quickly became soaked, but she could not have cared less. She looked at her friend, who was just staring up at the sky with happiness like he'd just gotten the best present he'd ever received. Running up to him, she hit his shoulder and ran away again, yelling out "Tag!" He quickly shook himself out of his daze, and they chased each other around the gardens for a long time, getting cold and wet and generally having way too much fun.
By the time they both had enough sense to get back inside to dry halls and warm quarters, they were soaked to the skin and shivering. But the wild grins on their faces were bigger than the sky. The next few days, Juli was sneezing and lost her voice, but she thought that the afternoon with her friend in the rain was worth it.
From the very beginning of our friendship, there was already... a complication.
Anakin had barely been at the Temple for two weeks, and already Juli knew they were best friends. They just fell into it, naturally and smoothly. Eventually, they both stopped questioning "why" and just went with it. No one else seemed to question it, either. But eventually, something had to happen, because nothing was perfect.
One late afternoon, after dinner, Juli walked in on Anakin and another boy in the middle of a fight.
They were yelling so loud they didn't even notice her come in to the room. She tried and failed to be heard over the sound of their argument.
"You can't do that! It's not allowed!"
"So? What makes you the ruler of the universe, huh?"
"It's not my rules! And you can't just do whatever you want!"
"If it's not your rules then why do you care? You don't even have to tell anybody!"
"Yes I do! You can't just go and comm anybody you want, especially not a Queen! She wouldn't even wanna talk to you anyway!"
"She would too! Just- let me- have it-!"
"No! And quit pushing!"
"HEY!"
Both boys ceased in their struggle and stared, incredulously, at the small girl who stood inside the doorway, hands on her hips. She herself found it hard to believe that such a loud shout had come from her own lungs, but she pushed forward after a beat of surprised silence. "Why are you guys fighting? It's so dumb!"
Anakin stared at her, then angrily pointed an accusing finger at the other boy. Juli vaguely recognized him from their class. "I came in here to comm- my friend, and HE won't let me!"
"Because you're not supposed to!"
"Your friend?" Juli asked, confused, ignoring the boy's comment. "Who?"
Anakin hesitated. "P-Padmé. She... she's the-the queen of Naboo. And she does TOO want to talk to me!" He glared at the other boy.
Juli raised her eyebrows. "You have a friend that's a queen?"
"It doesn't matter if he does!" the second boy interrupted her. "You're still not allowed to contact anybody outside the Temple without the masters' permission. It's a rule."
She tried to not immediately dislike the boy with the know-it-all voice, but found it difficult. "Yeah I knew that already. But he didn't! So quit yelling at him! And you!" She turned to Anakin. "Stop yelling at him, too! You don't know everything yet, and you should have come and asked me. Ugh! Boys are so stupid!"
Both boys looked at her like she had suddenly grown a second head. Anakin looked a little hurt, while the other boy seemed like he was just a teeny bit impressed with her, as well as kind of mad. In all truth, she was a little impressed with herself. Usually, she just stood back and watched when things like this happened.
"Who're you, anyway?" the boy asked her. The fire had mostly gone out of the argument, and now that she took a second to look, she noticed that he had an odd streak of gold in his hair. His eyes were amber, too.
"I'm Juli," she said with her head up high. "Who are you?"
He blinked. "Ferus."
Anakin spoke up. "And I'm leaving." He headed for the door, his face resigned and disappointed.
"Anakin! Wait!" she followed after him, leaving Ferus standing, looking after them uncertainly. She looked back at him briefly, then left the room as well.
She caught up to Anakin in the hall. "Ani- wait-"
"Whatever," he told her. His voice was more hurt than angry. "And don't call me that! Just leave me alone."
"I'm sorry!" she said, refusing to walk away. "I didn't mean to make you mad. But you really can't comm your friend... I'm really sorry."
Her sincere apology made him stop, if nothing else. "Yeah. I know. I just... I wish I could at least talk to her." His blue eyes were sad.
"...How did you meet her?"
"It's kind of a long story."
"Well, let's go back to my room then. And you can tell me."
"You wouldn't understand."
"Why not? You're my friend, right?"
"...Yeah."
"So what are you scared of?"
"I'm not scared of anything!"
"Then come on, idiot."
"...Fine."
That led to a conversation that lasted into the night, and Juli thought that she'd never heard any story quite as exciting as the one Anakin told her. It was better than any bedtime story, because according to him, it was all real. She'd heard the tales that the older students told when they came back from various missions, the ones that were already apprenticed to masters and training to become Knights. But an adventure had never seemed so... close, before.
There was a lot to take in about Anakin Skywalker that she hadn't considered before. He'd saved an entire planet already, and he was only her age. He'd been in real life-or-death situations. He had a definite future with the Jedi, unlike herself, who would remain unsure until a master had chosen her. He had a master already, just waiting for him to grow up and prepare himself for apprenticeship. He was even considered a hero by many, the one that would restore balance to the Force. She was a little intimidated for a moment, looking at this one small boy that was so important to the fate of the galaxy. Then she felt silly. He wasn't any different than the Anakin she'd known for the past two weeks, after all. The one that was fun and silly and just wanted to have a good time and grow up to be a great Jedi. Just like her. The only difference was that she knew him better now.
After he finished talking, they sat in silence for a minute. Then, Juli asked quietly, "Do you think you'll ever see her again? That queen?"
"I hope so," he answered. His eyes were far away, and for a second, she felt scared. Her best friend didn't seem to be so close anymore. But then she shook herself out of it. That queen was just another friend, and she thought that maybe, if she ever met her, that they could be friends, too. She told him this, and it seemed to snap him out of his remembering.
"Maybe you'll get to meet her someday," he told her, smiling at the thought. "Then we could all go on adventures together!"
"Maybe," she agreed. Not long after, he left to go to bed in his own room. She sat awake on her sleepcouch late into the night, thinking over everything.
She decided she was glad to have a best friend, and even more glad that it was Anakin.
The silvery blue form of Anakin Skywalker read the words of his best friend over his son's shoulder, and smiled despite himself at the happy memories. His eyes shone bright, remembering back to that little energetic, sweet girl that he'd met at nine years old. She always wore her hair in a ponytail back then, he remembered, and it was never in the same place twice.
It was these little memories that made the guilt in his heart twist like a knife.
Luke read her story, completely engrossed in the text, and as he moved to the next page, an image appeared. It was another one of them, looking happy and carefree by the lake. They were dripping wet and wearing swimming attire. How he wished now that those times had lasted.
Luke heard the ghost sigh, and looked behind him, not altogether surprised that he was there. "This is what you wanted me to see, isn't it," he said softly, looking back down at the datapad in his hands. "This is the mistake you need me to correct."
"Yes," Anakin responded, sighing. "That's her. She's... she's the heart I broke."
Luke was quiet a minute.
"What am I supposed to do, Father?" he asked. "What... what happened?"
Anakin gestured towards the technology in his son's loose hold. "I think she could tell you better than I." And indeed, Luke saw that there was a lot more left on the datapad to read. More stories, more images. The story had only just begun.
And so he returned his focus to the text on the screen and moved on, past the cheerful picture and into the story ahead.
Author's Note:I am so. So. So. So sorry! How long has it been, two months? Three? More? =/ I promise I didn't mean to wait this long. But, in my defense, school killed my inspiration. For everything. The only reason I'm able to write now is because I'm on Thanksgiving Break, and I've had about five days for all the stress to leach out of my brain. (I also went back and did a minor edit on the prologue while I was at it. Nothing major.)
This chapter may not be what you were hoping for... if you were hoping for it, and hadn't completely forgotten this story, anyway. I felt like I was forcing it a little towards the end, and I'll probably go back and edit it later. But anyway, it's here. And I would greatly appreciate any critique you have for me. (Thank you to CaelumBlue for your advice! You are amazing^_^)
Hope you all are well and have enjoyed a wonderful Thanksgiving with your family! Happy writing!
-Lady E
