AN: I didn't think I would ever look at this story again, but when I opened up the first chapter and realised that the story had a lot more to tell, I decided to take a hard look at this idea and began to write. This story has been lying dormant on my account for years, and while the original story plan no longer exists, I do know exactly where I want to take this story and am working hard to complete it. One thing is certain, this story is going to be a standalone, and will no longer have sequels.
I would like to thank every single reader and reviewer for everything they have done for me. This story is for all of you.
Chapter Two
It was the sound of footsteps outside the door of the physician's chambers that caused Merlin to panic, not the look of intense anger that quickly turned to alarm on Gaius' face. For a moment the two of them sat across from each other in silence, not daring to look at each other. It seemed as though they were waiting for the knock on the door, the sharp orders from the guards or even from Arthur himself, the declaration of arrest that would take Merlin directly to the king of Camelot for a trial before the courts. A trial was what Merlin hoped would happen to him if anyone were to find out about his magic. However, he knew that it was uncommon for Uther to grant even this most basic of courtesies to those accused of sorcery.
The silence began to unnerve him. He suddenly felt what it must be like for the mad- that uncertainty of what lies ahead, the constant fear that somebody close to him would find out about him, and the feeling of knowing that he was different, that he alone carried the burden of being so, overwhelmed him. Across from him, Gaius began to feel the effects of the silence. Merlin could see from his mentor's expressions, the way he played with his hands and the wide assortment of utensils that were upon the table that Gaius was nervous.
They waited with abated breath as the footsteps paused outside the door, long enough for Gaius to throw an anguished look towards Merlin, before miraculously continuing down the long hallway towards the staircase.
Merlin relinquished the breath that had been held for those long moments of unknowing, then lifted his eyes to Gaius. "See? I told you that it wasn't a guard."
He knew that he had said the wrong thing the moment that the words left his mouth. He cursed himself for his stupidity and attempt at making light of the danger he was now in. He saw Gaius' mouth twitch in agitation, the blue eyes dangerous as they focused on his own, and the knitted brows. A sure sign of just how angry Gaius was with him at the moment.
"How could you have been so stupid?" Gaius hissed, throwing a panicked look towards the door as though an intruder stood outside with their ear pressed against the door. In great agitation, he got up and went to the door and threw it open to stick his head out. Satisfied that there was no one there, he quietly closed and bolted the door and came back to the table. He rubbed his eyes the moment he sat down and peered at Merlin with such concern that the young man felt terrible that he had committed the crime. "Nobody must know that you have magic, Merlin. You know that as well as I do. The wrong ears can hear and go straight to Uther."
"I told Morgana, Gaius." Merlin felt as though a new weight was being lowered upon his shoulders. "She wouldn't go against her own kind, would she?"
"There's no telling what she'll do now that she knows. She's not the Morgana that you and I have known for all these years. She's on the side of Morgause now."
"But surely..."
Gaius gently interrupted him. "If she's on the side of Morgause, she may regard you as a threat to their plans. She knows more than anyone that you will fight on the side of Arthur and will not be persuaded to do otherwise. That is why I told you to be cautious around her, Merlin. Now that she knows that you are a sorcerer, she may do something to harm you."
For the first time that night, Merlin felt tired. He longed for the soft bed that awaited him and the warmth of the blankets that would gently ease him to sleep. However, he knew that even if he did retire to his bedchamber that sleep would elude him tonight. His mind raced with images and fragments of spoken words. He remembered the surge of powerful magic that went through him as he got closer to the magical staff that Morgana had slammed into the ground. Her eyes had been manic when he found her, as though the magic within the staff was going through her.
He closed his eyes at the memory as if it were blocking some terrible truth. As much as he wished that it wasn't actually Morgana in that tomb that her mind had been possessed by Morgause's evil magic- he couldn't shake the ominious feeling that Morgana had acted of her own free will, and would if opportunity presented itself, do it again.
Slowly he exhaled as this realisation sunk in. He hadn't thought that Morgana would have done such terrible acts willingly. His eyes snapped open, his anger getting the best of him. Why hadn't he seen this coming? He had been foolish to believe that Morgana had forgiven him for what he had done to her all those months ago. He felt angry with himself that he had allowed himself to believe that their friendship was being mended, and that things would settle back to how they were before such tragedy unfolded.
Merlin surveyed the room before him, looking anywhere but at Gaius whose eyes asked too many questions that he could never answer. His eyes fell on a pile of books that took up nearly half the space of a work bench on the far side of the room. He felt a sudden urge to pick one of these up, to leaf through it and to see if he could find a resolution to his problems, but he didn't dare move. Not when Gaius wasn't yet finished with him, and from the look on his uncle's face, he knew that the man wasn't yet finished with his reprimand.
As though Gaius read his mind, his face tensed and his eyes were cold. He regarded Merlin in silence, almost as though in thought, as though he was struggling to come up with the words he truly wanted to say. For a moment, he looked uncertain of himself. A moment later, his face crumbled as though life had been sucked out of him. His anger was replaced by something that terrified the young man before him, a look of fear and worry.
"Listen to me, Merlin." Gaius looked away from him for a moment as his voice wavered. He blinked several times before he brought his gaze back. His eyes bored straight into Merlin's with such intensity that the young warlock almost looked away. There was something about this look that prevented him from tearing his gaze away from his mentor's. "Morgana is not the same person we know. She's dangerous now. Far more dangerous than you can possibly know. She'll get rid of you in any way she could. Now that she is being taught to control her own magic, she is becoming more powerful and as her power grows so does the threat that she will present to Camelot."
"Morgana is being taught dark magic."
"With a teacher such as the one that she's got, can you blame her? Morgause is a powerful witch, Merlin. She not only knows the old ways, but she knows the darkest of magic that not even you can hope to know. Now that Morgana knows your secret, you can guarantee that Morgause will also know of it very soon."
Merlin suddenly felt sick to his stomach. He hadn't thought of Morgause at all when he had approached Morgana early that night. She was mentioned of course, but he hadn't given her too much consideration- she hadn't been the one trying to bring Camelot down to her knees from the inside. From what he had heard, the witch had been thwarted before she had even entered the city gates. All that he had thought about was trying to talk some sense into Morgana, and in some way let her know that she wasn't alone in carrying a secret clenched tight to her heart. There wasn't a moment that he had thought of the consequences of what he had done when he had told her that he had magic. He had just assumed that she would understand... that she would be relieved with the knowledge that she wasn't the only one within the walls of Camelot that hid who they were from the rest of the world.
He hid his face in his hands as he fought hard to control his breathing. He had inadvertently put himself in more danger when he thought he was doing the right thing. Suddenly he found that he couldn't remain sitting for much longer, and he sprang to his feet as though he had sat on something wet.
"Maybe she won't tell," Merlin mumbled distractedly as he paced the length of the table and back to where Gaius sat with his hands still clasped in front of him. He ignored the look of concern that overcame his uncle's features as he pressed on. "No, she wouldn't..." he sputtered to a stop, looked wildly about him and struggled to speak the words that he wanted to say. Finally he collected himself, though he still had yet to manage his wildly beating heart and the feeling that he was about to be sick. "Would she really do that, Gaius? Maybe she will come to her senses and will understand that there is somebody that is like her. She knows that there is somebody else that can help her with her magic, to understand it better and to control it. She won't be on Morgause's side for much longer. Not now when she knows that I am here."
"If only it was that easy." Gaius peered over at him sadly. He had unclenched his hands at last and picked up a strange medical instrument that Merlin had never seen before. For a moment Gaius examined it critically, before he snorted and threw it back down on the table with a look of bemusement. He returned his attention back to Merlin who stood with his arms crossed over his chest, his eyes distant. "Sometimes things don't go as we plan, Merlin. We may think we know what is right and we try to help a person that is dear to us, but sometimes the other person is not willing to listen. We cannot control everything that happens in life. Even if we try hard to."
Merlin listened to him without protest. He knew that when it came to these things that Gaius was far wiser than he was. His uncle had lived a difficult life in his own youth with people he had thought were his friends and who had betrayed him to Uther Pendragon the first chance they got if it meant that they could save their own lives. Even when Uther had made him court physician and treated him as though he were an advisor and later a trusted confidant, life had been difficult. However, Gaius had lived through all the hardships that had been thrown at him, and had a great understanding of life as a result. Merlin appreciated all the advice he received from his mentor, even if he disagreed with it at first.
With a sigh, Merlin sat down heavily in the chair that he had vacated moments earlier. He rubbed at his eyes and with his head leaning against his arm, he looked towards Gaius. His eyes sought for the familiar sea of blue, and held on tight. "You think I made a mistake don't you, Gaius?"
Gaius breathed in sharply but didn't respond right away. Only after a few moments of thoughtful silence did he open his mouth to speak. "I think that you did what you thought was right. It isn't a mistake if you had that in mind, Merlin. Unfortunately, you're going to have to deal with the consequences that always arise out of such situations."
Merlin nodded his head to show that he understood what Gaius had said to him. His head ached horribly now, and he absently rubbed at his temples as Gaius got slowly to his feet. It felt as though his fight with Morgana took place nights ago, though it had only happened just a few hours before. For the first time since he had left the crypt, he began to feel the pain of his injuries. Gaius had done his best at disinfecting the scrapes and cuts, and had patched up the worst of the cuts as he listened in silence to what Merlin had to say.
It was the first time, Merlin mused, that Gaius had been rough with him. He had been unnaturally stiff as he applied the bandages, and had remained tight-lipped long after he was done his work. It had been the first time that Merlin had truly seen his guardian so angry in all the years he had known him.
A soft hand on his arm startled him from his reverie; Gaius was beside him holding a glass vial in his hand. A light green liquid was inside it; the pleasant smell of peppermint made its way to Merlin's nostrils and immediately soothed him.
"It's a draught for your headache," Gaius said as he handed the vial into Merlin's hands. "Peppermint is the only thing that I have right now that can soothe pains like that. The rest of my medicine and herbs had to be used on the wounded from tonight's surprise attack."
Merlin gulped back the draught in one go and swallowed. The peppermint was strong, but pleasant to taste. It would take a few minutes for the medicine to work, but already he could feel it refreshing his system. His eyes fell on Gaius who nodded grimly.
"We've had a long night, Merlin. We should go get some much needed rest. I have the feeling that the next few days will be our busiest." He gathered together a few extra blankets that were piled up on a chair, along with a few extra pillows, and went towards his own bed that had been placed on the opposite wall. He turned back to Merlin with a comforting smile. "We can talk tomorrow. Right now, however, it is for the best that we get some rest."
Merlin smiled as he nodded his head in agreement. He felt as though exhaustion had crept into his bones, and he slowly made his way to his bedchambers where after he closed the door, had fallen straight into bed without undressing, and drifted into a fitful sleep.
Merlin felt as though he had only closed his eyes for a few minutes before he woke up with a start. His heart thumped loudly in his chest as he stared around at the darkness in terrified silence. He found it difficult to breathe, as though a heavy weight had been placed on his chest, and he struggled for a few moments to catch his breath. His eyes began to grow accustomed to the dark, so that the terrifying shapes that appeared like monsters began to take their true form. A large trunk that was at the end of his bed held an assortment of books that Gaius had given him in a vain attempt to learn the trade of the Physician.
Despite himself, Merlin found that he was smiling. It wasn't the fact that he found medicine to be boring, as a matter of fact, he discovered that he was quite interested in the topic. It was the fact that Gaius frowned on the use of magic while making medicine that Merlin found extremely problematic.
However, he found that this was not the time to dwell on Gaius and medicine. He felt the presence of powerful magic in Camelot. It had taken him a few minutes to figure out that it was for this reason that he had woken up in the first place. His own magic had picked up on something that was far stronger than what he could manage, and for a few moments he wondered in panicked silence if an object more powerful than what lay broken in the ossuary was being smuggled into Camelot. He remembered how ill he had felt since Morgana's return, and how his magic nearly bubbled to the surface in the days leading up to the attack against the kingdom.
"Merlin."
The voice nearly caused him to fall out of his bed as he tried to sit and roll out of his blankets at the same time. His heart nearly jumped out of his chest as he waited with bated breath for the sound of an intruder. He debated calling out for Gaius, but thought better of it when the magic deep within him boiled just beneath the surface. It was an overwhelming sensation that Merlin felt move within him.
He pushed away the blanket that covered him and slowly got to his feet. He shivered as his bare feet hit the cold floor, but moved quickly to the window and pulled away the curtain so that he could see outside. The moon was out tonight, providing a gentle light to those that were still up. He caught sight of a large group of knights as they patrolled the road nearest to the servants' quarters. They moved slowly and carefully over rubble and around larger debris that was too dangerous for them to go over. The wail of a baby in the rooms next door startled him enough that he nearly tripped over a chair that was covered with linens.
"Merlin."
He hit his head hard on the shelf that was near his bed. Angrily he rubbed at the spot and cursed silently at the pain. The voice was familiar to him, but it seemed that in his anguish, he found it impossible to place a name to that particular voice.
Then it suddenly hit him. He quickly moved across the room and grabbed for his boots and put them on. His heart panged in his chest as he thought of this voice and how difficult it was going to be to tell the owner of that voice the latest betrayal. It had been hard enough admitting that Morgana had returned and was back to her old ways, but he suspected that this time around, he would be lucky to escape from this encounter unscathed.
"Merlin."
"Kilgharrah"
Merlin repeated the name in his head nervously. There was every possibility that the Great Dragon already knew what Merlin had done, but he sincerely hoped that Kilgharrah was calling to him for a different reason. He hesitated by the bedroom door for a moment as he thought things through more. Was it really for the best (in Merlin's case) that the dragon didn't know about recent events before he arrived in Camelot?
He mulled over this question as he cautiously opened his bedroom door and poked his head out cautiously. Gaius was fast asleep near the fireplace that had burnt out hours earlier. The table that served as both a work bench and kitchen table contained a wide selection of herbs that were drying overnight and glass vials that Gaius reserved for his medicines. The path from his bedchambers to the outer door was free of debris, but he still tread carefully through the room as he passed the sleeping form of Gaius.
He reached the door and slowly opened it and peered up and down the hallway. He felt momentary relief wash over him as he noticed the hallway was empty of guards, and Merlin quickly stepped out into the lit hallway and closed the door gently behind him.
Less than a minute later, Merlin was outside. He shivered as the cold night air hit his face and went through the wool of his coat, but he quickly shrugged it off and pressed on. The moon was brighter when it was unobstructed by a window, and the white light lit up his surroundings and made them appear almost surreal. The damage from that night's battle was still strewn around on the cobblestoned road. The remains of an overturned cart took up most of the space in the narrow street, its front end had been reduced to ashes and splintered wood. Large boulders destroyed much of the road, and in area had caused one portion of the servants' quarters to collapse. The gigantic rock that was not too far from the stone steps was still smouldering despite the time that went by since the battle.
He knew that he had to be careful now that he was out in the open. If anybody caught sight of him, there was a chance that he'd have a lot more to worry about than a night in prison. Now that the kingdom was on high alert, there was a high possibility that those that broke curfew would be killed on the spot. He shuddered at the thought as he darted quickly into the shadows and made his way to the city walls as quickly as he could.
As he walked, he thought of the last encounter he had with Kilgharrah. It was almost as though the dragon knew what Merlin intended to do, and had given him a piercing look as well as a grave warning. The more he thought about it, the more he realised that he wasn't looking forward to seeing Kilgharrah tonight. He felt sure that the reason for why the Great Dragon chose to return back to Camelot was because he knew that Morgana knew what he truly was.
The witch must never know who you truly are, Merlin.
He had sworn to protect his secret and he had failed in doing so. It wasn't the threat that Morgana posed to him that worried him so much. It was the threat she presented to Arthur that made his heart clench tightly in his chest. He felt suddenly guilty as the thought went through his mind. He hadn't thought of Arthur and his safety when he had been so honest with Morgana. Instead, he had forgotten all about his protector as he tried to save Camelot from destruction.
Not that I was successful, Merlin thought savagely as he crawled over a large portion of rocks and splintered wood. He nearly fell into the ruins of a house that leaned dangerously over the road, and figured that the debris directly in front of the damaged building used to be the front wall and part of the roof. Camelot had nearly fallen into enemy hands thanks to his negligence.
He came to an abrupt stop when he neared the last of the houses before the large gate that opened up into the forest beyond. He knew that there would be a large presence of soldiers here tonight, and while he could not hear them, he knew it would be foolish to dart across the road and through one of the crumbled sections of wall. For a moment, he debated his options. Was it worth using magic to divert attention? It seemed foolish to even think about. Every knight would be on high alert, and would know where the magic originated from if he was observant enough.
With his heart beating loudly in his chest, Merlin decided to throw all caution to the wind and run to the portion of wall that had crumbled completely. The darkness of the forest looked formidable to him as he gathered his courage to dash across the road.
Merlin took a deep breath, looked around for obvious signs of guards and bolted across the wide space that made up the main road, and scrambled over rocks to get through the opening. He fell hard on his hands and knees on hard earth on the other side of the wall. His heart thumped loudly in his chest as he listened to the silence of the night. He expected to hear the startled cries of many men, yelling at him to stop and to identify himself. The silence unnerved him as he crouched panting in the darkness of the forest. There was no sound of rushing footsteps to investigate what had happened, no sound of panicked cries that would wake up civilians and sleeping soldiers alike, and there was no sound of the unsheathing of swords, and demands for him to show himself.
"Merlin."
He nearly jumped out of his skin at the sound of Kilgharrah's voice, and slid down a small hill in his panic. He threw an anxious look back in the direction of the damaged wall before he took off at a run to where he knew the Great Dragon waited for him.
Merlin had expected Kilgharrah's anger. He had expected the rearing of the great head, the anguish in the dragon's voice as he heard from Merlin's own mouth what had happened, and the flames. However, the Great Dragon's actual reaction stunned him into silence.
"The Witch knows your secret." Kilgharrah's amber eyes were locked on Merlin's with such intensity that he found that he could not look away. The voice was soft, almost to the point that it was a hiss, and though Merlin could hear the anger in the dragon's words, the surprise was nowhere to be found. "Tell me that this is not true, Merlin."
"I had to tell her, Kilgharrah. It was the only way to stop her..."
The Great Dragon roared in anger at his words. "The Witch chose her path, Merlin! There is no stopping her from her ultimate destruction. She made the decision to go to the side of evil, and study the darkest of magic that not even you can hope to defeat. You never had any obligation to tell her your secret, and now that the Witch knows, she will bring about the end of everything you hold dear."
"She wouldn't go after her own kind, would she?" Merlin asked desperately. The dragon seemed to sense the plea that he tried to keep hidden from his voice because suddenly, Kilgharrah's eyes softened and his face relaxed.
"You and Morgana are as different as you are alike. She is the darkness of your light, the hatred to your love. There is no changing that. The only thing that makes you similar is how you shape the future."
"What does that mean? What does the future hold now?"
"You and Arthur are to build Albion together. The Witch intends to destroy it. There is only one way the end will come, and it is you, Merlin, that can help shape that future."
Merlin felt a cold hand clench around his heart and squeeze tightly. He heard the words that Kilgharrah said, but they seemed to echo in his mind instead of sinking in. He shook his head, unable to breathe and tried to move away from the dragon but couldn't find it in himself to do even that.
Finally he was able to look up into the Great Dragon's face. "You are telling me that Morgana must die?"
"I am not telling you anything," said Kilgharrah harshly. "However, the more powerful the Witch gets, the more difficult it will be to defeat her."
He felt strangely hollow at the dragon's words, but knew that they were the truth. However, he still felt a small beacon of hope that Morgana would change that now she knew there was somebody like her in Camelot that she'd use her magic for good and leave Morgause for good.
"Morgana has made her choice, Merlin." Kilgharrah's voice was soft when Merlin voiced his thoughts out loud. "There is nothing that you can possibly do to change this. There is no magic powerful enough to change the outcome of something as simple as a decision. It's what we do with our choices that define both who and what we become."
Merlin felt overwhelmed by a wave of hopelessness at these words. He felt as though every last flickering ray of hope that things would go back to way they were before everything went horribly wrong went out. The future was bleak and dark. He had made a choice that had ruined both his and Arthur's destiny.
"You should not blame yourself," Kilgharrah said kindly after a few moments of silence. "You thought you were doing something right. What you did was make a sacrifice that not too many men would make in the hope it saves countless of lives."
"Do you think I made a mistake in telling Morgana about my magic?"
"It doesn't matter what I think," said the dragon after a brief hesitation. "What is done is done. You made the decision to tell the Witch something that could bring about your own destruction. The question that you have to answer is whether you are willing to suffer the consequences of that choice, and what you will do about it?"
"A simple yes or no would be more help to me than your riddles," Merlin said annoyed. He felt the pangs of another headache, and rubbed at his temples for a minute to gather himself.
"I am not here to give you direct answers to your problems, Merlin." The dragon sounded amused, but he quickly became grim once more. "You are in more danger than ever before, young warlock. The war for Camelot and the future of Albion has officially begun, and you need to be wary, for even the most trusted ally can be your worst enemy." Kilgharrah paused and looked down at Merlin solemnly. "There is always a price to be paid for every choice we make, regardless of how small or how big it is. It has been this way since time began. You cannot alter your fate. What is meant to be is meant to be. However, the fate of Arthur and of the kingdom he is to build rests entirely on you, Merlin. Every decision you make, every action you take, decides the future forever."
Merlin looked up at the dragon startled at these words. "What do you..."
"There is no magic in the world that is strong enough to repair the damage one can cause. Once something is destroyed, it is gone for good. Arthur's dream of uniting all of Albion will never come to pass if you are careless."
"Is there anything that I can do to repair the damage I caused tonight?"
Kilgharrah looked down at him sympathetically. "No, there is nothing you can do to take back your actions tonight. The only thing you can do to make things right is to suffer any of the consequences that come your way for your decisions. But be warned, Merlin, the Witch will do everything in her power to get you out of the way. There is no telling what she is capable of now that she knows that you stand in her way of power."
Before Merlin had a chance to say anything, the Great Dragon spread his gigantic wings and took off into the night, leaving him with more worries than he ever had before.
