Cal stepped aside to allow her to go before him and then followed her through his office to the hallway. He remained close but didn't touch her. She could hear his soft breathing and imagined it was a little rushed. Excitement? Nervousness? Arousal? There was no way to know for sure unless she stopped to read him. His crisp cologne hung in the atmosphere and she knew his return scrutiny would turn up more than she'd be comfortable with at the moment.
It was just dinner. Not any kind of big deal. They'd eaten together hundreds of times.
Who was she kidding? It would be different this time. Very different. A pleasant date often led to certain expectations. Not necessarily sex, but expectations that could involve her hands dropping the "stop" gesture and moving up and around him instead. It could involve aligning her body with his, knowing how well they fit, but unsure if the path wouldn't be a treacherous one. Exciting, yes, but ramifications could prove more than she'd want to handle.
He leaned past to hit the elevator button but still did not come in contact with her, not even the subtle brush of his jacket against the sleeve of her blouse. She sensed it was purposeful on his part. Cal was leaving everything in her court and that just was not him. Mister brash and impatient had done a complete turn-around.
Gillian wondered how much it was costing him on the inside. Was his heart thrashing underneath his cool exterior? Was he worried about her answer or did he anticipate one way or another?
"Weird, yeah?"
They stepped into the elevator and at once it seemed so much smaller. She could have sworn there was more space inside.
"A little."
He faced her, blinking at the blush she was trying to hide. Her skin warmed even more and she concentrated on their shimmering and warped reflection in the brushed steel of the elevator doors.
Cal said nothing but from the corner of her eye she saw the slight upturn at the corner of his mouth. It only lasted a moment, as if he just reminded himself that chemistry didn't always result in a green light. If it were as easy as that, they would have landed together the moment the signatures were dry on her divorce papers.
They rode the car down several floors in silence. It wasn't exactly uncomfortable but it wasn't as it should be either. Heaviness had settled around them but an underlying current pulsed within, giving it the spark of life and promise.
He walked her to her car, began to lean in, but pulled himself up short. She caught his scent again and almost closed her eyes to breathe it further in, stopping herself just in time.
"G'night darlin'." Yanking the door open, he waited until she was in before pushing it shut with a solid clunk. She rolled down the window to respond.
"Goodnight Cal." Gillian watched as he nodded without smiling and walked to his own car in that exaggerated swagger of his. Many people presumed it was arrogance fueling his unique style of movement. She knew differently.
The warmth in her heart competed with her logical side and that side was the one who threw up her instinctive roadblocks. What a mess. Her emotions and her head were locked in a power struggle and she feared for the aftermath. Every single time her heart had won, it had wound up in pieces. She wasn't sure if she could bring herself to allow it again. She'd managed to build her little safety box around her and even though Cal had been banging on the outside for years now, she'd successfully kept him out. Although difficult, it was still easier than letting him in and risking another disaster.
But God, his inhibitions had been circling the toilet the night he tried to press in for a kiss and there was no doubt he would have connected if her defenses hadn't come roaring up to intercept. Even high, he'd never push the point. He wasn't that kind of man.
No. He wasn't the kind of man who'd ever force himself on a woman. For all his faults, he was a good person. Brilliant, maddening, striving to do the right thing even if it consisted of the wrong way and sometimes so gentle and tender it made her ache and blink back tears. There was no doubt he was one of a kind and in his own way, he was making it clear that, if she'd have him, he'd be hers.
Hers, along with all his baggage and trouble-making tendencies. It was a package deal after all.
As she sat daydreaming, it occurred to her that he was sitting in his car waiting for her to leave first.
Startling, she gave him a half-wave before twisting the ignition and bringing the car to life with a roar.
It was going to be a long night. Wine and a bath might temper it, but her mind promised unrelenting thoughts into the wee hours.
"Is everything okay?" Emily curled next to him, can of Coke in hand.
"Yeah, luv. Why?" He'd been caught in his own whirlwind of thoughts and she'd startled him. Cal did his best to absorb it and not let her know.
She shrugged. "You just seem…I don't know, kind of distant, quiet and it's a little weird."
"I can't be contemplative once in a while?" He pulled his daughter close and kissed the top of her head. At one time it had smelled like baby shampoo, but not anymore. She was almost grown and would soon be gone. Not from his life, of course, but on to experience her own future. He'd always be there for her, but would be relegated to the sidelines instead of walking beside her. Cal felt a pang inside.
"Sure, but it usually means you're up to something."
"Would you believe me if I told you that that isn't the case?"
Emily tilted her head to look up at him, scrutinizing. "I suppose, but there's something up even if you're not plotting or planning."
His sigh was deep. The evening had been dense with the unspoken. He was on a whole new level and it was terrifying. Up to this point, his feelings had remained personal, buried so deep he was reluctant to take them out to analyze. He loved her. There was no dispute at all in that regard. The dispute lay in his ability to be what she needed. That was the tangle. He knew it and so did she, otherwise she wouldn't have the unconscious urge to push him away.
Emily was still waiting for response, probably an excuse or deflection.
He did neither and his own candor surprised him as soon as the words slipped from between his lips. "I asked Gill to dinner."
The girl frowned for a moment before realization widened her dark eyes. "Like…a date?"
"Somethin' like that."
"Oh my God, Dad!" She pushed away to see him unhindered, her grin bigger than what he'd think could fit on her small face. "That's awesome! When? And where are you going? What kind of flowers does she like? You have to do it right you know."
Do it right? He didn't even know if it was going to come to pass.
"Hold up, luv. I said I asked."
Her face dropped, disappointment chasing itself around her face, minute anger following behind. Sometimes he forgot how protective she was of him. "She said no?"
"She didn't say anythin' yet. I told her to think about it."
"Oh." Emily leaned back and sipped her soda. "But slow is good, right?"
Any slower and they'd be going in reverse. "Yeah, it's probably for the best."
"Do you think she'll say yes?" Her smile was twitching at the corners of her mouth again.
He wanted to say yeah, he thought so, but in all honesty, he wasn't sure. The heat had been crackling between them tonight, despite the lack of touch. Her flesh had been tinged pink, pupils dilated, mouth parted. She'd looked so beautiful and luscious that it took more strength than he thought he possessed not to run his fingers across her cheek and delve into her thick hair to bring her closer.
However, there was one thing Cal was absolutely certain of. Despite Gillian's answer, nothing would ever be the same between them again.
