A/N: I want to thank you all for the wonderful reviews that I have gotten on this story :)
I have spent some time researching churches in the Toronto area, as well as a couple of sites describing what is said during a funeral. So, I sincerely hope that it matches up with the reality.
I have decided not to give Tommy a cop's funeral - given the way that he left the force, but as you will see in this chapter, he does get a little taste of it. I hope you'll enjoy this chapter as well, and leave me a word or two in the box at the bottom of the page ;)
Disclaimer: I don't own "Rookie Blue" and "My Father, My Father" is property of Dakota Ellerton.
[chapter two]
St. Mary's Church is filled with people, who loved and cared for Tommy.
"We are gathered here today to say farewell to Thomas McNally, and to commit him into the hands of God."
It's surprising to Andy how many people's lives her father has touched, but she quickly realizes that that was the kind of man that he had been.
Andy is sitting up in the front pew flanked on one side by Sam, who is holding her hand tightly and by Claire on the other.
The drive to the church had been quiet; the hum of the engine having been the only sound that had existed after Sam had turned the stereo off when it had begun to play some loud rock music.
Traci and Leo are sitting right behind her and Sam – flanked by the rest of their friends on either side of them.
Reverend Fernando Couto has been a great support throughout this entire process. He has known Andy since she was a little girl and Tommy for several decades, so it had only seemed right that it should be him that would help Andy send her father off on his last journey.
Sam presses his lips against her temple when the rest of the congregation is about finished singing a hymn asking Andy if she's okay.
She turns her face towards his with a shaky smile on her lips. "I'm managing."
"Okay," he nods his head knowingly, while tightening his hold on her hand that is now safely placed in his lap, while his other arm is curled around the back of Andy's shoulders for support.
"In the Name of the Father, and of the Son, and of the Holy Spirit," Reverend Couto says before giving the Homily.
Andy knows what's coming after the Homily; he had asked her if there had been something that she would like to say as Tommy's daughter; a poem for instance. She had initially said no, but had then after a sleepless night of tossing and turning thought better of it.
The only thing that worries her right now is if she can get through it without breaking down in tears. Andy had known exactly which poem she'd want to recite from, but she'd also known that the odds of her finishing the poem without falling apart would be slim to none.
Andy hopes that if she falters, then all she'll need to do is to look down at Sam, and find the strength that she needs to carry on.
"Now, Thomas' daughter, Andrea would like to recite a poem by Dakota Ellerton," the Reverend announces and she feels like all eyes fall on her. "Andrea?" he prompts Andy to join him by the altar.
Sam squeezes her hand one last time before Andy gets up from the pew, and walks to where Reverend Couto is standing.
"A couple of deep breaths, my dear..," he cautions her with a soft smile, knowing how excruciating these past couple of days have been for her.
Taking her spot, she takes a deep breath before reaching into the pocket of the black shift dress that she has on, pulling out a wrinkled piece of paper where the poem is written down on.
The microphone makes a loud screeching noise when Andy unfolds the piece of paper to such an extent that it almost scares her half to death.
She looks down to where Sam is sitting for the reassurance that she needs – with a small smile Andy approaches the microphone and begins to speak.
"Dakota Ellerton is a very young poet..," her voice is all but a screech, so she coughs a couple of times before speaking again. "Sorry," Andy reaches up to fiddle with the pendant of her necklace and holding onto the poem in a vice grip with the other before speaking again. "Dakota Ellerton is a very young poet," she repeats in her normal tone of voice.
Chancing a look in Sam's direction, she finds that he's still nodding his head at her encouragingly with a smile in place on his lips.
So far, so good.
"Ever since I read some of her works, I've been drawn into her writing style, and when Reverend Couto, here..," Andy gestures towards him with the hand that's holding the poem. "Asked me to pick something to read that would best describe my dad and what he meant to me," she bites down on her bottom lip upon realizing that she's just spoken about her dad in the past tense. Taking a deep breath, Andy adds, "This poem sprang to mind."
Her eyes move across all the faces in front of her – down in the pews. It amazes her that even with everything that Tommy's drinking had done to him and the people around him, that there were still so many people, who had come back into his life once he'd sobered up.
Andy's eyes halt on Amy, who is sitting with her son on the opposite pew of where Andy is sitting with Sam, Claire and Claire's husband.
She has never really gotten to know Amy, and she's really kicking herself for that one now; she had been a big part of her dad's life but lately Andy had been so occupied with work and Sam that even the visits once or twice a week had seemed impossible to keep.
Clearing her throat once more, she begins to recite the poem that in Andy's mind depicts the relationship that she had had with her dad.
My father, my father,
I love he,
My father, my father,
made me see,
How beautiful this world really can be.
My father, my father,
said to me,
My daughter my daughter,
come see me,
I won't be around forever, and I have things that must be.
My father, my father,
don't die on me.
Her voice had cracked several times during the recitation, but it had been especially difficult to get through the last three lines of the poem.
Those were the lines that spoke the truth of the matter, that one's parents won't always be around, and that if Andy had been able to be there right before Tommy had died then she could've asked him to keep on fighting and to not leave her – much like she'd told Sam a couple of months ago when he'd been hurt in the line of duty.
But Sam had survived.
Tommy hadn't.
The tears that had been glistening in her eyes ever since she'd stepped foot in St. Mary's Church are now freely cascading down her cheeks.
Andy hasn't faltered though, she has gotten through the poem, and when she looks up from the piece of paper, that she had recited the poem from, it had almost been as if Tommy had been there.
Bright sunlight is streaming through the large windows in the church casting a golden glow on the flowers that have been strategically placed alongside the pews.
It's a beautiful sight, but a tragic one as well, because they signify the fact that her dad is gone and no matter how much she talks it over with Sam or Traci or Reverend Couto then it won't bring him back.
He's gone.
Reverend Couto walks ahead of Chris, Nick, Dov, Oliver, Sam and Amy's son; Brian, as they carry Tommy's coffin out of the church. They are followed closely behind by Andy, who's flanked on one side by Traci and Leo and on the other by Claire, as they all walk out of St. Mary's Church.
"How are you holding up?" Traci asks softly linking one arm with Andy's, while the other is holding onto Leo's hand.
Andy merely shakes her head, as they walk past all the tombstones in the cemetery directly linked to St. Mary's Church. "I don't know..," she says. "I keep on telling Sam that I'm managing, but…I really don't know, Trace." Andy sighs deeply.
Nodding her head, Traci tells her best friend that she recognizes the feeling. She had felt the exact same way back when Jerry had been killed.
"The pain will lessen in time Andy, it won't disappear, but it will lessen in strength, so that you'll be able to breathe again." She tells her.
Once they arrive at the gravesite, Andy notices that the men have placed Tommy's coffin in its rightful place, and she smiles softly at Traci as a thanks for the kind words before walking to stand next to Sam by the gravesite.
"Are you okay?" he asks wrapping one arm around the tops of her shoulders, and holding her hand with the other.
Shrugging her shoulders, Andy tells him that she's managing since that seems to be the term she's using these days.
"God, our Father, we entrust Thomas into your hands," Reverend Couto steps forward letting three hand-full's of soil fall onto the coffin, saying, "You gave him life, receive him in your peace and give him, through Jesus Christ, a joyful resurrection."
Clutching Sam's hand, Andy wipes away the tears that have fallen, while the Reverend has spoken. The arm that Sam has around the tops of her shoulders, has now traveled down to Andy's waist where he gives her a reassuring squeeze.
"Lord God, our Father in heaven, Lord God, the Son, and Saviour of the world, Lord God, the Holy Spirit, have mercy on us. At the moment of death, and on the last day, save us, merciful and gracious Lord God."
When the coffin is lowered into the ground, it's as if Andy's heart skips a beat. Her palms are sweaty, her head is achy and her feet are heavy.
In this moment, she realizes that it's truly over.
There'll be no more Sunday morning visits before shift; no more trips to the park with Boo, no more phone calls describing the latest case that she's helped Sam crack.
No more.
Tommy McNally is dead.
A sob tears from Andy's throat, and she is quickly pulled into Sam's embrace. He uses one arm to hold her to his body, while the other cradles the back of her head underneath his chin.
She can't even explain where it's all coming from, except for the fact that she's been holding it all in for days now. Andy has tried to be strong, to be the woman that her dad has raised and to make him proud of her, but in the process, she has forgotten to really mourn him.
"I've got you, Andy," Sam murmurs against her hair, and she swears that if it hadn't been for this man, then she'd be lying flat on her face next to her dad's gravesite.
She's that exhausted.
Once Reverend Coutu can tell that Andy is okay, and he receives a nod to continue from Sam, he says, "Give him, o' Lord, your peace and let your eternal light shine upon him."
Gathering herself, Andy pulls out of Sam's arms, but keeping a firm hold of his hand in hers, when the rest of the congregation say, "Amen."
"Let us go in the peace of the Lord," the Reverend states gesturing his hand to the make-shift table that holds a huge array of red roses.
Andy walks first, closely followed by Sam to the table, where they each pick up a red rose. Walking hand in hand to the lowered coffin, Andy leans her head in over the spot, where Tommy now rests and speaks from the bottom of her heart.
"I love you, daddy," she feels a tear roll down her cheek, as the rose floats through the air before landing on top of the soil on top of the coffin.
Once Sam has paid his respects, he wraps an arm around Andy's waist as they make their way to where the Reverend is standing.
"It was a beautiful service, Reverend, thank you," she tells him.
Framing Andy's face with his hands, Fernando Couto, tells her something that warms her heart. "Thomas was a proud man, a stoic man, Andrea," she smiles at that. The Reverend always calls you by your birth name, and as Claire has said, Andrea is Andy's birth name. "But his love for you was unconditionally, he loved you beyond reason. Be proud of that, be proud of him and remember him in your heart, but don't let the grief shadow who he was and what he stood for."
Nodding her teary face at Reverend Couto's words, Andy tells him that she won't.
She and Sam take their places next to the Reverend when the people, who have attended the service, pay their condolences with either a shake of the hand or a hug.
By the time Sam and Andy are walking towards the silver truck, and en route to Sam's house to where they're having people over for some coffee and cake, Andy feels drained and not at all in the mood to entertain a house full of visitors – but she knows that she has to.
"I promise that an hour in, I'll start hinting to the fact that you're tired and that you need some peace and quiet." Sam promises helping Andy into the passenger seat of the truck.
"Promise?" she smiles sadly up at him.
Leaning in, Sam presses his lips against Andy's before saying, "I promise."
After he has shut the passenger door and is walking towards the driver's door, Andy's eyes drift to her dad's gravesite.
"Goodbye, daddy."
An hour later, Sam's house is filled with people who had known and loved Tommy McNally – they have formed small groups, talking about all the ways that Andy's dad had touched each of their lives.
Andy had busied herself, the minute that she and Sam had returned home, with the tasks of brewing coffee and unwrapping the cake that Sam had spent yesterday afternoon making, while Andy had been bundled up on the couch next to Boo.
Sam is out in the backyard with the dog and Leo, wanting to divert the little boy's attention from all the sad faces that he's seen today.
According to Traci, then Leo still asks where people go when they die, and after having seen Andy fall apart at Tommy's gravesite those questions had only intensified.
Andy is standing in the living room watching, as Claire is conversing with Chloe and Dov – the topic undoubtedly having to do with her work with children; she hardly speaks of anything else.
She returns a soft smile to Traci, who is standing by the windows overlooking the backyard with Oliver, watching Leo play fetch with Boo, which Sam supervises.
Andy's fingers are wrapped around the pendant of her necklace, a pendant that her dad had given her after her return from the taskforce.
They had been sitting out on Tommy's deck, drinking some cold lemonade considering the warm weather they had been having at the time.
"I have something for you," he'd announced reaching into his pocket for something.
"Dad, you shouldn't have..," Andy tried to object. She felt so bad for having missed out on six months' worth of their father-daughter time already.
"Humor me." Tommy smiled at her before placing a circular jewelry box on the small table in front of her.
"Dad..," she sighed picking up the gift in her hands. "You shouldn't have. You should use your money on Amy, not me."
Shaking his head at his daughter, Tommy said, "Why don't you," he pointed a finger at Andy before continuing, "Let me," he pointed his finger back at himself. "Worry about my money, and open up the gift I spent several hours picking out for you in the Eaton Centre." He said making it abundantly clear that shopping wasn't on Tommy's top ten list of things that he liked to do.
Laughing out loud, Andy used her thumb and index finger to open the latch on the jewelry box, casting one last look at her dad before lifting the lid of the box.
"Oh my God..," she gasped at the sight before her.
The necklace itself was red, but that wasn't even what had caught Andy's attention at first glance. It was the pendant attached to the necklace. A blue stone sat in the center of the pendant covered by copper wires on each side of it, which gave it an antique look.
"It's a protection amulet." Tommy said. "I realize it's a bit late in the game," he added hinting to the fact that Andy had already been away on the taskforce. "But I'm sure that you'll find use for the protection later on as well." He winked at her.
"It's magnificent, dad. Thank you," she pulled Tommy into a hug unable to put into words what this gift meant to her.
"You're welcome, Kiddo," he replied, as they both sat back in the lounge chairs. "According to the girl at the store, then the stone," Tommy said pointing to the pendant, "Represents guiding, healing and protection for the person, who wears it."
Smiling at her dad, Andy picked the necklace up, and put it around her neck. "How does it look?" she asked closing the clasp of the necklace.
"Beautiful, Kiddo," Tommy nodded his head at his daughter like the proud father that he was. "Just beautiful."
"Go easy with him, Kiddo," Traci's voice tears Andy out of her walk down memory lane.
Leo is now sitting on the floor in the living room with Boo, patting the labradoodle's curly fur. But it isn't the sight of the two of them on the floor that causes tears to run down Andy's cheeks, it's the name that Traci had just uttered when telling Leo to take it easy with Boo.
Kiddo.
"You okay, Andy?" Traci asks mid-laugh after having laughed at some corny joke that Oliver had told the group that they were now sitting with on the couch.
Clutching the pendant in her hand, she turns swiftly on her foot, darting up the stairs, which lead upstairs to the bedrooms and bathroom.
"Andy?!" Traci quickly gets on her two feet and moves towards the stairs, but Sam is quicker stopping his partner with a reassuring hand on her shoulder.
"I'll go check on her, Nash. You stay down here and keep an eye on the troops." He says right before taking the stairs two at a time.
"Let me know if she needs anything," Traci tells Sam's retreating back, and she receives a raised hand in return saying that she'll be the first to know if they need anything.
After having checked the bedroom, he knocks softly on the ensuite bathroom.
"Andy?" Sam carefully opens the door, peaking his head through the small gap between the door and the frame of the door.
What he finds pressed up against the shower door breaks his heart. Andy's back is against the glass of the shower door, her knees are pulled up and her arms are wrapped around them. Her head is bowed and her forehead is resting against her knees.
"Baby..," he sighs. He closes the door softly behind him before hurrying to where she is sitting; Andy's entire body is shaking from the sobs that are tearing from her throat.
Squatting down in front of her, Sam places both of his hands on Andy's arms letting her know that he's here now. She lifts her head and meets his eyes.
"Andy..," Sam cups her cheek in his right hand, caressing the skin with his thumb, as he looks at his distraught girlfriend trying to cope with the fact that her dad is dead.
"I'm a mess," she hiccups.
Andy's eyes are red and puffy, and her eyeliner and mascara are a mess underneath her eyes by now, but if anything she's a beautiful mess by Sam's standards.
"Not at all."
He crawls into a sitting position next to her, lifting his arm and cradling her against his side. Tucking her head underneath his chin, Sam rubs a hand up and down Andy's arm letting his touch calm her.
A couple of minutes later, her breathing has returned to its normal pace, and her arms have inched their way around Sam's waist – holding on for dear life.
"I don't know what I'd do without you."
Smiling softly, he presses a kiss against Andy's hair before saying, "Lucky for you, you'll never have to find out."
Pulling her head out from underneath his chin, she tilts her head up to look him in the eyes. "Is that a promise, Swarek?"
"That's a promise, McNally." He replies leaning forward to press a kiss against her forehead. Andy closes her eyes reveling in the feeling of his soft lips against her skin.
"I wish we could stay here all day..," she murmurs when Sam helps her up from the bathroom floor ten minutes later.
Leading her to the sink by the hand, Sam tells her that no one will hold it against her if she just stays up here until it's over. "I can handle it, if you want to just go and lie down," he says pulling out some cotton pads from the cabinet above the vanity unit.
"I can manage," Andy shrugs her shoulders making Sam scoff out loud, as she hoists herself onto the vanity unit.
"McNally," he says pouring some makeup remover solution onto a cotton pad. "It's okay to say that you're not okay, no one in your position would be."
Sam cups her cheek in one hand, while using the other to swipe the cotton pad underneath her left eye, cleaning up the mess that the eyeliner, mascara and her tears have made.
"And what position would that be?" Andy cocks an eyebrow at him when he repeats the motions with her right eye before tossing the dirty cotton pads into the bin.
"Andy, come on," he sighs tilting his head up to gaze at the ceiling not wanting to take advantage of her when she's mourning the loss of her dad.
"Distract me, Sam," she fingers the top button of the black button-down shirt that he has on. "Make the pain go away." Andy begs him, as tears begin to make their way down her cheeks again.
Framing her face with his hands, Sam pushes his lips against her forehead when he feels her nimble fingers unfasten his belt.
"Andy..?" he asks against her skin when she's undoing the button on his black jeans.
"Hmm..," Andy hums, concentrating on the task at hand, which at the moment is to get Sam naked as quickly as humanly possible.
When he through their deep breathing can hear his zipper being lowered, his hands fly down to grasp Andy's in his.
The startled look on her face tells Sam that he's scared her. "I'm sorry, I just..," he closes his eyes on a deep exhale before continuing. "I don't want to take advantage of you when you're like this."
"I just want the pain to go away," Andy tells him, running her teeth through her lower lip. "Please, Sam," she begs him, as a single tear makes its way down her cheek.
Reaching up, Sam dries away the moisture with the pad of his thumb. "On one condition," he says stepping fully into the void that Andy has made for him in-between her thighs.
"What?"
"It gets to be too much for you, you let me know and we stop. Deal?" Sam asks taking Andy's hands, and placing them on his shirt-clad chest.
Smiling weakly up at him, she grabs his face and takes his lips with practiced ease knowing exactly how to snare him in – just in case he'll still resist her. Using her tongue she licks her way into the recesses of Sam's mouth before curling her arms around his neck.
"God, Andy..," Sam groans against her lips. "I've missed you so fucking much."
To say that it's been awhile since they've had sex would be putting it mildly. This past week, their time together has consisted of Sam consoling Andy, telling her that everything will be okay – without really knowing it.
"I've missed you too," pulling away from his lips, Andy presses her forehead against Sam's with her eyes closed.
"You smell so good," he buries his nose in the spot where her neck meets her throat, inhaling deeply, while sliding the zipper of her dress down.
"So do you."
Andy's breathing seems to stop when Sam peels the dress from her upper body, letting it pool around her waist.
"Lift," he instructs her, eying the dress that is now only covering Andy from the waist down.
She uses her arms to lift her butt off of the surface of the vanity unit, so that Sam can get the dress as well as her panties off of her.
Chucking the clothes into a nearby corner, Sam turns back to Andy finding that she's topless as well. "You're sort of over-dressed, Swarek." She announces throwing her discarded bra towards the pile of clothes in the corner.
"And what are you gonna do about it, McNally?" he asks raising a questioning brow at her.
Sam gets his answer when she grabs him by the shirt, tackling his mouth with hers, as Andy's fingers begin to unfasten his buttons, one by one.
Reaching up, Andy pushes his shirt down his broad shoulders, revealing the chest that she has spent countless hours caressing.
Stepping back, Sam toes of his shoes and socks before divesting himself of his jeans, boxers and finally the shirt.
While, Andy has watched him strip down, she has closed her naked thighs – suddenly feeling unabashedly naked in front of him.
"Do you still want this?" Sam asks, his eyes searching Andy's for the truth and not what she thinks that he wants to hear.
True, he's naked and so is she. But if she needs them to stop, then he will. This is about Andy, and if he can alleviate some of her pain by being with her, then that's exactly what he'll do – no matter how they go about it.
Pulling her thighs apart, Andy gives Sam the only answer that she can – without any words. He in turn places his hands on each of her thighs before coiling them around his hips.
"No going back?" he asks a minute later, when he's lining them up with one hand, while the other is nestled underneath Andy's butt.
"No going back."
"God, Sam!" Andy grips his shoulders with her nails, as her second consecutive orgasm is rippling through her body.
The height of the vanity unit is perfect for them. It has just the right height for Sam to slide in an out of her clenching body.
"Oh, I've missed you..," he moans against the side of her neck after they've both come down from their orgasms.
"So have I," Andy nods her agreement against his sweaty cheek. "Never again." She finds his mouth, plunging her tongue in and moaning out loud when Sam begins to suck on it.
They stay entwined like this until their hearts resume a somewhat normal pace, after which they help dress each other again.
"Just say the word." Sam says when they're standing at the top of the stairs.
"I will," Andy nods her head.
Intertwining her fingers with Sam's, they make their way downstairs. Andy knows that if she needs him, he'll be there.
Like he always has been.
A/N2: thank you for reading :)
Next up: Going through Tommy's stuff proves to be harder than Andy originally thought.
