AN. I hope you like this second entry, and I'm hoping on some R&R, I hope you guys enjoy this. Please let me know what you thing, Love Kiwi!
Dear diary,
It's been a few days, and my feelings are changing, my feelings towards my boyfriend that is, I don't know why, I don't understand. I love him so much, we used to laugh so much, we always had fun, we talked, we understood each other, never did we fight. I always felt butterflies when I knew he was coming over, even after we'd been together for over half a year. When did they stop coming? I can't remember. When did we stop having fun, laughing. Why don't I know? I just can't wrap my head around this, I can't look this up in a book, there is no one who can explain this to me. I just lost my status as miss-know-it-all. We fight, all the time, about the stupidest things, he's blaming me, I'm blaming him. I'm being a nag, he says, whining and complaining about everything, and he's constantly putting me down, blaming me. I can't even remember when all this fighting started, I'm not sure how much longer I can take this. All this fighting, it's exhausting, annoying, and not helping on my earlier issues. And it's not just that, kissing him doesn't feel the same. Lying in bed with him, it's comfortable, but no more than that, I don't feel the need to hold him as close as I can anymore. I don't feel the urge to jump him when I haven't seen him for a week anymore. It's like all those feelings just disappeared, and it's not fair, I love him, I don't want to hurt him, I want to stay in love with him, I want to want him. I just want things back to the way they were. Why can't it just be like that again, when I was on cloud nine whenever I thought of him, when him kissing me would sent shivers down my spine and would leave me longing for more, so much more. When being with him wouldn't feel awkward, when I would be excited all day if I were to see him at night, instead of dreading his visit in fear of this awkwardness. 'Cause I'm afraid that I'm going to have to break his heart one day, and I don't know if I can, even if that means I'll be, less happy. I'm not unhappy, it just doesn't feel right. I can only hope eventually everything will turn out okay. Till then it'll be our little secret. My deepest darkest secret.
H.G.
AN. What's coming up next, where are her feelings taking her.
