Previously…
"I… I've ch-changed m-my mind" I stuttered between pants
"What do you mean you've change your mind?" Edward asked while he moved to the other side of my neck.
"I… I told you, you would be the first to know" I said trying to control my breathing. I took his face in both my hands and lifted it so I could see his eyes "I don't want to wait. I want to do it. Now" I said, surprised of the confidence with which I managed to say it.
I tried to read the emotions as they crossed his face. The first was confusion, as thought he didn't know what I meant. I wondered for a moment if he would need a reminder or an indication, but then realized he probably didn't; he had after all a great memory.
He looked into my eyes, searching for an answer to my request.
The moment my eyes focused in his molten golden ones, all rational thought in my mind was replace by Edward, even my need for Jacob; which at some point, had grew as strong as my need for Edward. All the anxiety I had been living these past three weeks, from the last time I had known of Jake, the ache that had been left in my chest from my last visit to him. The images of his pained face, as he realized that, at that time, my feelings for him weren't enough for me to choose him. If he or Edward only knew, that I could no longer choose between them, I wasn't strong enough to do it.
All those feelings, all those thoughts, were banished from my mind. Edward. He was all I needed in that instant. Feeling his body slightly pressed up against me; his scent invading all the space around us, intoxicating me… With my hands still cupping his face, I forced him with all my miserable human strength to lean in. He complied hesitantly and brought our lips together, his eyes still confused.
He moved his soft lips slowly against mines, then he licked my upper lip asking for entrance which I excitedly complied. One of his hands went to the hem of my blouse and slid underneath it, caressing with softly and cold touches my stomach and the sides of my waist while our tongues moved in a sensual synchrony.
I wrapped one of my legs around his thigh and my hands went of their own all over his arms, his shoulders, the back of his neck, his smooth silky hair.
"God, Bella… I love you" he half groaned. He placed kisses all over my jaw and down to my neck. I moaned as he lightly nibbled and licked my earlobe.
My left hand move to the nape of his neck while the right one moved all over his back, feeling, even through the fabric, all his muscles contract with even the lightest of my touches.
I was panting nearly uncontrollably; my pulse was hammering against every inch of my body. I was on fire despite having Edward's cold skin almost against mine. I could feel my beast tense up with every light touch of Edward's chest. I needed him to do something… anything. It was almost painful.
Out of instinct I slowly moved down the hand that was caressing his back. At first I just caressed his bottom, a thing I had never done before. It was round and firm, I moved my hand in circles and then gave it a slight squeeze.
"Bella…" Edward whispered against my collarbone. He made a path of kissed till he reached my mouth where I was gladly waiting.
He kissed me more urgently, moving one hand to caress my thigh placing it right in his hip. The heat between my legs was nearly unbearable. The hand that was in his ass brought him closer to me and I froze for a second when I felt it.
He was erected. He had a freaking erection and it was right between my legs, touching me where I needed it most. In the back of my mind that gave me more confidence to do this… I had done this to him. I had aroused him.
Obviously he felt it too, because he broke the kiss and tried to pull away. But for once in my life I was faster than him. I pushed him to me again, harder this time…
"Oh God, Edward…" I moaned as groaned.
"Bella… ugh…" groan "Bella… we should stop"
"Oh no, please Edward…" I half moaned as I pushed again "Ugh… I want you" I moved mi hips upwards this time "Fuck… Edward, oh God… I need you"
"Ugh… Bella… this is dangerous" he whispered against my neck. His voice sounded like he was trying his best to control himself, though whispering in that place wasn't helping much to my control.
I moved my hips I a circle this time and the friction that created the movement was just what I needed. "Edward… please" I panted moving my hips against his.
He wasn't moving, he just held still there, only breathing heavily in my neck. But my hopes hadn't vanished yet… at least he hadn't pulled away from me.
I kept moving slightly against him. I could feel something dripping between my legs and I knew that if I kept the movement I would cum soon. But I didn't want to cum like this… I wanted Edward to make me do it.
"Oh God, Edward… Please" I groaned "I need you Edward… I want you; please don't push away me again. I need you"
I knew the tears were coming, I just hoped Edward didn't notice. It was just that I needed him so badly. Not only the physical contact, though that was a big part of it in this moment. It was all the things together…
I had always been sure that I needed only one person with me so I could live happily: Edward. And now that had change. Jacob had become another indispensable person of my life… I could not be completely happy unless both of them were in it in some way. But of course, I being the most selfish person in the world, didn't conform to having them the way they were now… no, I wanted more of both of them.
I wanted Jacob to be more than just my friend, even though I have Edward… and in the other hand, here I was, asking Edward to push our physical relationship further when I was plenty conscious that it was hard for him.
And if that wasn't enough, I had to add to the list that, me giving up being a vampire, I had given up a possibility of life I thought I was sure I wanted, I had given up the possibility of being forever with Edward. And I deep inside of me, I knew the real reason of it… I was not to become a vampire if that meant that Jacob could no longer be in my life in some way. And now that I had decided not to do it, he was definitely not in it…
So yes, I desperately needed Edward. I needed to know that at least one thing was certain in my life, that one thing was constant…
"I'm here Bella, don't cry" Edward said kissing away a few tears I didn't know had left my eyes.
He cupped my face in both of his hands and looked at me in the eye. "I love you Bella. I will be here with you, always… So please, do not doubt that"
I sometimes asked myself if he was just pretending to not be able to read my mind. "I love you too" I lifted my face t kiss him.
When the kiss became too intense, he slid one hand underneath me and cupped my butt. I moaned when he thrust slightly against me. He did it again, this time pushing me toward him at the same time I moved in small circles.
"I won't push you away ever again, Bella" he said in the middle of a groan "But you most tell me… ugh… if I hurt you" he thrust again.
"Oh God… I will Edward… I will" he thrust again, harder this time and I threw my head back. He kissed from my earlobe, passing by my jaw, my throat, my neck, my collarbone, the top of my breasts…
He looked up at me "And you most tell me if I'm going too far… I'll stop whenever you want me to" he said before kissing me just in my left nipple. He slid his left underneath my blouse, caressing my belly bottom with his cold long and smooth fingers. He traced a path upwards with his fingertips, causing me to shiver slightly.
When he reached the base of the left breast, which he was still giving attention, he looked up at me again "Will you tell me if you want me to stop?" he asked in a husky voice I had never heard before.
I looked back at him. He was a vision to behold. One hand beneath me, the other underneath my blouse, his lips right above my covered nipple, the smooth lines of his face… his eyes, usually golden brown or black, were totally different… a few darker shades of golden with a fine black line on the border.
But it was not the color what held my attention there, it was what they transmitted. Love, desire, lust, adoration… and I was overwhelmed, because all those things were the feelings Edward had for me. I cupped his face in both my hands and brought him so our faces were on the same level.
"I don't want you to stop Edward… Never" I said before kissing him, willing to take this as far as it would go.
