Chapter 2 – Smak Dat Ho!

After the obligatory hobbit chit-chat, Frodo was feeling a touched, and thus decided to invite the two tricksters over for a bite at Bag End. Pippin was delighted at the prospect, and briskly led the way, much to the regret of the woozy Frodo who could barely walk even with Merry supporting him.
"Why are you two so eager to get back to Bag End? You know you're ALWAYS invited over for a meal if you like."
"We've got a big surprise for you, Frodo! Tonight, Merry and I…" Pippin's speech was broken by Merry's closed fist making contact with his hobbithood.
"Shut up you stupid git, do you wanna give away the plan before we even get started?" rasped Merry.
"Oh Pippin! Are you alright? Are you feeling okay? I'm not feeling too hot myself. Well…" Frodo was interrupted by the dry heaves of Pippin, who was gasping and writhing on the dirt. "Have you had a bit too much to drink? I drank quite a bit myself. Is it hot out here or is it just me? Oops! There goes my shirt." The two friends watched bug-eyed as their host began to strip right there on the deserted, dusty trail.
Pippin, suddenly sobered, whispered, "Wow Mer, this is going to be easier than I thought!" Merry merely smiled and nodded agreement. Frodo was down to his knickers at this point, and finally realizing that he was being watched, stopped.
"Oh My! Drunk old Frodo's made a fool of himself again! In front of his cousin, no less!"
"Mr. Frodo, you've seen us in worse shape! There's no shame in having a bit of fun." Merry winked at Pippin. For the 12th time that night, Pippin grinned like the vacant fool he was.
"Perhaps you're right. Remember Bilbo's party? I bet your pants were never the same! Maybe some food will sober us up. Eh Pip?" Peregrin nodded roughly, a toothy grin spreading from ear to ear.
Upon arrival at Bag End, the unlocked green door was stampeded in by Pippin, who made a mad dash for the pantry. Moments later he was followed by Frodo, who was using poor Merry as a crutch.
"Well, Pippin seems to be making good use of your pantry, why don't I help you into bed?"
"Oh, what would I do without such good friends as you?" Merry smiled inwardly to himself. Poor fellow didn't have a clue as to what he and the Took were planning for the evening.
Frodo laughed in a drunken haze as Merry dropped him on his rather large bed. Too large for one Hobbit to have for himself.
"That was fun, eh Merry? Come, let's do it again!" Frodo lunged from the bed, attempting to grab Merry around the neck, but fell short and hit the floor.
"Be careful there Frodo!" Merry lifted his friend up from the ground and placed his safely back on the bed. Looking around, Merry began to see the real problem. It wasn't to find a way to put the horribly drunken Frodo in the mood, but how to get their client into it. Frodo, though know for being attractive, wasn't exactly going to be wining any hearts reeking of whisky, and most likely later on, reeking of vomit. Something had to be done. Frodo just grinned a unknowing grin and Merry, and Merry was beginning to wish that people would just stop smiling altogether.
"Dear Frodo, you can't expect to sleep in those clothes! Tell me, where do you keep your sleepwear?" It took Frodo a minute to process that Meridoc had said to him.
"There, in the bottom drawer of my dresser." Merry eyed the drawer and began to wonder what interesting things he'd find. Sadly, none of his expectations were fulfilled. Most of Frodo's clothes were spotted with holes and were unclean in appearance, and there was no hidden secret stash of porn. Looks like Frodo would have to spend the evening naked.
"You're looking awfully flushed there Frodo, are you still hot?"
" I'm hot in more ways than one!" This was getting easier and easier by the minute.
"Then how about you sleep naked? Much cooler that way."
"Oh really?" Frodo questioned, pulling down his pants.
"Indeed, Pip and I have spent a number of warm nights in nothing but our birthday suits."
"You and Pippin sleep naked?" Merry nodded. "Together?"
"No. Now, take your pants off." Frodo's pants somehow got tangled around his large bare feet, so it was up to Merry to get them the rest of the way off.
"Merry, you're such a sly one! You and Pippin must have a raunchy good time on those hot summer nights!"
"Shut up and get naked."
"My Merry, you seem so fascinated with me being all bare. Are you planning something special?"
"Oh I am, something very special." Frodo laughed a horribly drunk and strangely seductive laugh. Merry instructed that Frodo should remain in the bed till he and Pippin returned.
"And then I get my surprise?"
"Oh yes, you'll get your surprise, a grand surprise." Merry slowly back out of the room.