AN: Thanks for your support on this small piece I put together.
Maura couldn't make it into the Rizzoli household that day. It was Jane's 40th birthday party. She was foolish to think this was the day she would pick to go and say her farewell to everyone. Her rationalization had told her everyone would be there so it was easy to just say good-bye while everyone was congregated and not have to repeat it over and over again, or worry about who to tell first and so forth. But her plan was going to ruin Jane's big day, and that was not her intention. Not showing up for the party was almost as bad, but not so much. So she started the engine, and headed back to her Beacon Hill home. She would have to do it the following day.
True to her word, she drove to Angela's home first thing in the morning. Over the night she had become brutally aware of the fact that she couldn't face Jane and her children in the face to tell them she leaving for good, so she figured Angela would be the one to gently relay the message to them.
''Maura honey, why didn't you come yesterday? Jane said you texted that something work related had come up. Don't think you can fool me for one minute young lady, what's wrong?'' Angela always said so much, and so fast, and so loud, Maura seemed to have not adjusted over the years.
Words failed the doctor, as she began to sob. Angela gathered her in a soothing embrace and let her cry as much as she could.
''I'm so sorry Angela'', it came out painfully.
''It's fine sweetheart. Its alright''
Maura pulled herself together marginally as she started, ''I am going away, for good possibly, or a long time at least''
''Where to?'', the Rizzoli answered quietly. And then let out a sigh. Maura was surprised, she had imagined a whole different play out.
''To 'doctor without boarders''', Maura said surely.
''Are you going to tell me why?''. Angela pulled her so they could sit at the dining table side by side.
Maura let out a long sigh, ''I need to do something meaningful with my life. I don't see my place here anymore''
''I know'', Angela said surprisingly.
''Wha-at'', Maura stammered.
''I know honey, and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to''
''What do you know?'', the doctor asked suspiciously. Angela had a horrid habit of leaping to crazy conculsions.
''Jane told me years ago what happened between you two''
Maura looked mortified. ''She didn't give me details'', Angela added quickly, ''But I pretty much got the gist of it''
''I'm sorry''
''Don't be. You don't have to be Maura. I just don't understand why you let her go though''
Maura hadn't expected to confide in Angela when she drove there. She had no idea the woman knew anything. But she couldn't deny that it felt so good to have someone to open up to after such a long time.
''I wanted to be with her, but she had found Dean''
''But you know she would have forgotten about him if you had just said''
''I know Angela. I wasn't entirely sure, but willing to give it a try. What if it hadn't worked out, and I would have ruined her chances with Dean? I couldn't do that to her. And I was proud, so proud. I didn't want to beg her, so I let her go'', Maura sobbed.
''Its ok, come here'', Angela embraced her again. ''She never stopped loving you'', the elder woman advised.
''I know''
''So why are you leaving?''
''I don't trust myself anymore''
''What do you mean?'', Angela asked confused.
''I'm scared I will lose my resolve one day and hurt her or jeopardize her marriage. I'm scared for my sanity as well, I feel like I am going insane. I can't stop thinking about her''
''You've been fine all these years, you'll be ok''
''No. Recently I started feeling useless. I don't see my purpose anymore''
''Just give it a little time. And you have a purpose honey, don't say that. How do you think Jane will feel if you tell her you are leaving – or the kids, they adore you''
''That's the point exactly. I've….'', she trailed. She was sobbing again.
''Maura, what aren't you telling me''
''It just came to my mind one day, and I got so scared…''
''What came to your mind?'', Angela was worried immensely now.
''I had a fleeting thought. It only happened twice, when I thought maybe-''
''Maybe what?''
''That maybe I shouldn't be living''
Angela understood immediately what Maura was trying to say. And that was it, she knew the two friends had to have a serious conversation.
''I'm calling Jane''
Maura jerked up so fast, it startled Angela. ''please, don't do that. Please'', she begged.
''I'm not calling to tell her what you said. I just want you to talk that's all. I think if you just talk you can sort things out a little bit more''
''There is nothing to sort out'', Maura shook her head.
''As a third mother to you, I ask one thing''
''Yes'', Maura listened like a little child.
''Say good-bye to Jane, in person, before you leave. That's all I ask''
Maura couldn't deny Angela her request, and deep down she knew it was the humane thing to do.
''Ok'', she said quietly and nodded to emphasize her affirmation.
''Good. I will call her right away''
Angela was very confident that Jane could get the doctor to stay put. The worst would be that she could at least convince her to regularly return from 'doctors without boarders' for a visit. The older woman learned something very important from her daughter throughout her life. In fact, she learnt it not from being told, but from observing. And it was that love comes in different forms. She saw the love Jane had for Korsak. It was a respect kind of love. And then Frost. It was an admirable kind of love. She admired him and was a few times in awe of who he was and what he could do. Then there was her husband Gabrielle, that was a dependable kind of love. Jane knew no matter what, he would always be there for her and have her best interests at hearts. Her love for her family was a given. But then there was Maura. The love she had for her combined all the loves she had for everyone in her life, and so much more. Her love for Maura is what Angela had yet to find a word for. Yes Jane had moved on to Dean, but that did nothing to her love for Maura. Angela learnt that you don't necessarily have to be 'with' someone to be totally and completely in love with them.
She needed them to have just one serious conversation about their love for one another. She knew it was too strong to just wither away like nothing. So she dialled her daughter's number. Luckily it was Sunday and she was assured the brunette would be home.
''Hello nana'' Alanna greeted in her ever polite manner.
''Hi sweetheart, could I speak to mama please?''. Angela loved her granddaughter to no end, but was in no mood for pleasantries, there were much more pressing matters at hand, that needed to be tended to immediately.
As if sensing this, Alanna ran with the phone to Jane without another word, ''mama, its nana-''
''-hey, that rhymes!'' she sounded so pleased with herself.
''It does sunshine, you're a genius''
''I know'' Alanna confidently answered.
''And a humble one too. Go get your brother and papa, I am going to start on breakfast now''
Jane's mood when speaking to her mother more often than not, tended to be set on default.
''Ma, its 7am, on a weekend, what is it that couldn't wait till later'' you would have never thought it was the same person that was sweetly smiling at her daughter a mere second ago.
''Honey, you need to come here, preferably now, if you can'' Angela's voice didn't sound right.
''Ma, have you been crying? Is everything alright?''
''Yes Jane. Just leave the kids with Gabrielle and come over please. Its….it's really important.'' She stuttered.
''Gabrielle is about to leave, I have to bring them. You really need to tell me what the hell is going on ma''
''I can't say over the phone Jane, bring them with you, it's alright''. Jane just rolled her eyes. She knew her mother could be overly dramatic unnecessarily; this wasn't the first time she had pulled a stunt like that.
''K' ma , see in you in a bit then''. With that she got off the phone to made breakfast. When they were all finished Jane got Alanna and Johnny ready and headed over to Angela's.
''Mama, now that I am six, can my friends come to sleepover?''
''Welllllll….'', the suddenly nervous mother let it drag for a while. She knew this was going to start sooner or later. She just wasn't as prepared as she thought she would be.
''Mama I just asked a question. You said I was a big girl now didn't you?''
''We'll see sunshine. Depends on which friends you want over and if their parents agree.''
''Can I also sleepover at nana's tonight. It's the weekend and I asked papa before we left and he said ok''
''Why didn't you tell me when we were home so I could pack your things?''
''You were too dis…'' Alanna was wrecking her brain for the word
''Distracted sunshine. Sorry. I'm sure you have stuff at nana's anyway. And before you say it, I will come back home with my beautiful Johnny''
''I'm beautiful too'', the little girl deadpanned.
''Is that so? And who might I ask told you that'', Jane attempted a little British accent, referencing to the English movie they had watched the previous night.
''You mama, on my birthday. You said I was beautiful. Like the sunshine''. They said the last part in unison, and Jane spaced out for a brief while…..
…. January 2005
''I am so nervous Jane''
''I know Maur, I can see it. I really wish you would just calm down. I don't get why this has to be such a big deal''
''It's a DATE Jane, a first one for that matter. Of course it is a big deal!'' It was a big deal to Jane, just in a different way of course. Nothing about Maura going out on a date impressed her. She was miserable. But Maura was her best friend before anything else, so she would support her whenever need be.
''You look great every day. Just wear what you normally wear and be yourself. I don't get why you are so worried''
''WEAR MY WORK CLOTHES!'' Maura's eyes nearly fell out. She looked petrified.
''Mauraaaaa-'' Jane whined ''look at me, you look beautiful, with that dress you have on. If he thinks otherwise then there is definitely something wrong with him''
Maura was slightly appeased now, ''how beautiful?'' she teased slightly.
''Like the sunshine''. Jane didn't need to think before she answered. And Maura, as if to prove that true, flushed Jane an incredible smile. A smile that lit up all of Jane's insides, just like the sunshine did.
Before Jane knew it, they were out of the car and walking up to Angela's place. Flashbacks involving Maura had become few and seldom occurred. When they did however, they left Jane in a painful state of melancholy, which thankfully could be effectively healed by her children. Johnny had latched onto her tightly and kissed her cheek as they left the car. That left her feeling much, much better. What awaited her at Angela's place however, was not something that could be healed with a tight hold and kiss on the cheek.
AN: Great, now I need a third chapter….woops!
