This is the beginning of the quest now. This will be the day we're waiting for. This will be the day we open up the door.
Johanna, Brutus, Li Ming and Valla make it to New Tristram. They have no idea what stands in the way. Oh wait they do because each and every one of them know about the dead. How did any of them know exactly. It's not like have TV or anything. Especially Brutus and Valla shouldn't know a thing because nobody knows them and nobody cares.
"You know I wonder. How did we all know about the dead being here?" Li Ming asked.
"Zakarum told me. He sends me letters should I have to do anything." Johanna answered.
"Demons used to terrorize us by throwing rocks at us then telling us we are infected." Valla answered.
"I don't know. Diablo told me." Brutus answered.
All attention went on Brutus and confusing the barbarian.
"What?" The gargantuan asked.
"We were just wondering how does that make anymore sense then the stories we told." Valla said.
"Come on you guys can't- Hey look zombie lets go kill it!" Brutus ran towards the zombie and bashed it open.
Valla caught up to Brutus. She looked around and found 2 more zombies and killed them.
"Alright the zombies are dead lets go home." Li Ming said.
"How could you say that. There are thousands of zombies out there and they must be put down." Johanna said.
"But Johanna we keep wasting time like this and it is much more fun then saving the world." Li Ming said.
"Ok then lets waste time." Valla said.
The four stood around doing nothing. Li Ming sighed.
"Fine I will save this fucking world from fucking disaster because it is better then what we are doing now." Li Ming said.
The heroes made it to a blockade. 1 Zombie threatened the guards. Johanna swung her flail and killed the zombie.
"Oh my god. I've never seen anyone fight like that before. You are so skilled at fighting and oh my god so experienced!" Captaim Rumford cried.
"Have you ever swung a flail?" Brutus asked.
"That is a called a flail? Holy Akarat. Only one of great skill could possibly use a flail. You must be gifted in ways no man, demon or angel has ever dreamed of!" The captain went on.
"I was told that I was very gifted and only I am eligable to wield such a great weapon." Johanna smiled.
"I hear ya. I don't even know how to us that thing." Valla said.
"I know. It's so swingy." The wizard added.
"Are you kidding me it's just a flail!" Brutus got fustrated.
"Are you serious? It is the most dangerous weapon that only the chosen one can wield." Rumford said.
"You can hurt enemies without using magic." Li Ming said.
"Just swing it around." Brutus facepalmed.
The heroes made to the Slaughtered Calf Inn.
"Why is it called the Slaughtered Calf Inn?" Valla asked.
"Because Blizzard couldn't think of a better name." Li Ming answered.
"How dare you insult the name of Zakarum! They were the ones who give you this amazing oppertunity to save the world!" Johanna screamed.
"This saving the world thing sucks. I'm sure the world can save itself." Li Ming said.
"How could you say that?" The crusader yelled.
"Demons are not smart enough to think of such a thing." Li Ming said.
"But they still do it!" Johanna said.
"I have to agree with Li Ming." The huntress said.
Valla and another demon hunter were spying on demons.
"Listen all of you. I have an important announcement to make. It could be the difference between life and death. Who stole my beer. I can't get drunk without beer and I need to get drunk to tell you the key to our victory is I am drunk." The demon said.
"I didn't do it. Hey maybe Tucker did it." Another demon said.
"They are lead by Caboose." Valla said.
"We need to find Leah. Hey look it's Leah that was easy.""" Brutus said.
"Are you Leah?""" Li Ming asked.
"Yes I am. I am Leah and I need help finding my uncle who I think is crazy and don't really care what happens to him. My uncle is Deckard Cain and that makes my important.""" Leah explained.
"Whatever why did I come to see Leah?""" Johanna asked.
"I told you these quests are stupid.""" Li Ming said.
"You say that when we go on our next quest.""" The crusader said cheerfully.
The heroes were hunting wretched mothers.
"I told you these quests are stupid.""" Li Ming said.
"Well you say that on our next quest." Johanna responded.
"Johanna face it. Blizzard can't even start a story off correctly.""" Brutus said.
"So. Who wants help me find Deckard Cain?" Leah asked.
"Not it!""" Everyone said Li Ming last.
"Fuck you guys.""" Li Ming said.
Sorry guys but this isn't as funny as I have hoped. Trust me in Act 2, 3, 4 and 5 things will improve but trust me I am very disappointed with my work so far I might just edit it.
