Here's chapter two… hope you like!

Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight, not me sadly..

I make my way back to my apartment in a daze, not really concentrating on anything as I grab my mail from the receptionist in the lobby of the building.

"You have a nice day Mrs. Swan." Her cheery voice calls after me before the elevator doors shut closed behind me. I think it's a bit late for that. I tuck the envelopes under my arm and hit the button for floor number five, staring at the wall as the elevator creeps up floor by floor. It stops on three and the doors ding open.

I roll my eyes as a thirty-something mom in a bikini five sizes too small and too much make-up struts in beside me and hits the lobby button. Does she not know it's below freezing out there? Her little son just barely makes it in behind her before the doors slide shut.

We start moving upward and the lady lets out an exaggerated sigh. "Does this damn elevator not know I have an aerobics appointment in thirty seconds?"

I snort. "Not unless you think it has a brain." I mock.

"Oh, I'm sorry I didn't see you there." She smiles sarcastically. "I'm going to be late because of you." She clicks her tongue and shakes her head. "Thanks a lot."

"Oh, you're welcome." I smile sweetly and push past her as the doors dings open on my floor. "Have a nice day ma'am. Oh and in case you didn't know, your tattoo is showing… and you spelled 'fucking sexy' wrong." I point to her left boob which is, in fact, popping out of her top. She huffs and I giggle to myself as I make my way to my flat.

I realize my key is in my purse back at the office and dig around in the soil of the plant outside my door looking for the spare. My fingers wrap around something hard an I pull it out, dusting off the dirt as I slide it in the lock.

I lean against the wall, kicking off my boots and shutting the door behind me. I slide down until I'm sitting on the floor. I grab the x-ray from my coat pocket and unfold it reluctantly, not quite ready to see it again. I set it on the tile beside me face-down as far from me as I can get it.

Don't think about it Bella, I tell myself. You'll only make it worse. I take a deep breath to clear my thoughts and place the stack of mail in my lap. I shuffle through it gently, discarding the bills to the side.

Bill, bill, bill, December issue of In Style, shit from the company, card- Card? I flip over the green envelope to find the return address. Emmett and Rosalie Swan. Of course, the yearly Christmas card. I smile and gently tear the flap open. I pull out a thick piece of cardstock and discard the envelope.

I finger the card lightly and flip it over to the picture side. I trace my brother's smiling face and laugh as I pass over his signature dimples. Rose looks as beautiful as ever in her maternity sweater, glowing as she holds her hand over her protruding belly. Emma and Ethan are wearing matching holiday sweaters and toothless grins as they beam into the camera. God, they're so big… they've got to be, five? Six? I flip over the card to the message on the back.

I skim through their letter, trying to ignore the pain in my chest I feel when I read about all their adventures and hardships. Ethan and Emma recently celebrated their sixth birthday at La Push beach with a bouncy castle and Grandma Renee's famous fish fry… Six already. I flip back to the picture side. I don't realize I'm crying until I feel a wet tear trace down my face. I rub it away and stuff the card roughly under the stack of bills.

I carry the stack over to the kitchen table and slump down in a chair. I reluctantly find the card in the stacks and stare at it. I wouldn't even recognize my own niece and nephew. Or my own brother. God, I've wasted so much time.

And for what- I think angrily. A hotshot job opportunity at a slowly dwindling magazine company?

I scream angrily as I shove the stack of mail and magazines off the table. The papers scatter around the room. I thump my head down on the mahogany table and groan in pain as I let the wracking sobs overtake me.

I don't even know what the tears are for anymore. Maybe they're for the life I'll never get to live. The life that I've wasted here, away from everything and everyone I once cared about. Maybe it's for the fact that if I were to die right now, nobody would even bother to come to my funeral.

Maybe it's the fact that I haven't spoken to anyone back in Forks since I left five years ago. Or because the last thing I said to my parents was that I'd rather burn in hell than be trapped in that puny ass town for the rest of my life. Or that I told him I didn't love him. That our six years together meant nothing to me.

Thinking about him brings on a fresh bout of tears. I pound my fist against the table as I scream, verbally punishing myself for being so stupid all those years ago. I would give anything to go back. I'd shred that acceptance letter I got from NYU and never look back.

I hear a gruff pounding on my apartment door and quiet my sobs. I rub my teary eyes and wipe my face with my hands. "Hang on!" I croak out, sniffling as I make my way over to continual knocking.

I stop in front of the door, attempting to shake out my hair and straighten down my outfit. When I finally feel somewhat presentable, I crack the door open.

"Is everything alright?" Mr. Jenks asks immediately. I sigh in relief and pull the door open all the way. He hobbles his way in, balancing on his cane. He pushes his thick glasses up his nose and inspects the place. "I heard some screaming comin' from your place," he accuses, pointing his bony finger at me menacingly.

I smile, resisting the urge to hug and find comfort in the four foot old man. Jay Jenks has been like my second family ever since I moved in next door. We hit it off the second I knocked on his door to ask for sugar and he answered in his teddy-bear robe.

"Everything's fine." I tell him, trying to sound honest. He humphs and hobbles over to check the hallway. I feel myself getting emotional as I watch him limp down the hall. God I'm going to miss him. "Jenks," I protest and follow him, "I swear everything's fine. I was just… upset."

"Upset?" he squints up at me. "'Bout what?" he cocks his head to the side. "Why you been crying, child? Did somebody hurt you?" Only myself. "I'll kick the ever-loving shit out of them! Just give me a name!" he shouts and races down toward the door. Well, as fast as an eighty-something year old can.

"No! Jenks, no one hurt me. I'm fine." I insist.

"Humph." He crosses his arms over his chest, leaning against the wall for support. "Those red eyes 'a yours tell a different story." He makes his way over to me and grabs my hand, pulling me to the couch. He pushes me down and takes a seat next to me. I smile as he hops up to make it on the couch, his feet not touching the ground. "Don't keep an old man waiting', now. Tell me what's wrong."

"You don't want to hear it." I tell him weakly, my resolve already cracking.

"A course I do, silly child. Didn't I ever tell you I was a psychiatrist?"

"What?" I look at him in surprise, "Really?"

"Naw, course not. I worked in the steel mill. Psychiatrist- Bah, crazy girl." He shakes his head. "Don't you make me force it outta you little girl." He warns, giving me his best version of the stink-eye. It kinda looks like he has to fart.

I giggle. "Jenks, I do have a bathroom ya' know." He glares and my smile drops. "Jenks, if I were to die right now would you go to my funeral?" I ask him seriously.

"Of course I would. After I bring you to life and beat the crap out of you. Ain't no way I'm out-livin' ya little miss." He jokes and I smile. "What brought this on?"

I shrug. "Just wondering, I guess." There's a silence as he waits for me to continue. "I don't know if my family would."

He's silent for a minute as he ponders it. "They're your family." He pauses. "Quoting Lilo and Skibs 'Ohana means family, and family means no one gets left behind or forgotten.' Of course they would come." He states with finality.

"Um, Jenks? I think its Lilo and Stitch."

He rolls his eyes. "That's what I said. And they say I need the hearing-aid." He mutters. "Back to my point, they're your family Bella. They'd have to be heartless if they'd miss something like that."

"It's not them though." I confess. "It's my fault. I'm a horrible person." I choke out and sniffle to hold back the tears.

"There, there." He pats my back. "You, my dear, are the most wonderful girl I have ever met. And I'm sure-"

"Don't you see?" I cut him off. "I told the only man I've ever loved that I hated him. I abandoned my family, Jenks. My friends! I left them all behind- and for nothing." I sob, finally allowing the tears to escape. "I hate myself, Jenks. I'm worthless! I ruined every good thing I had."

"Don't you talk like that!" he demands. "Don't you ever say stuff like that about yourself!" I stare at him, shocked at his outburst. He takes a deep breath and his eyes soften into the calm and collected man I've always known. "Everyone makes mistakes, Bella. You're human, and so is everyone else on the planet. Don't fault yourself for that." He hands me a blue hankie and I gratefully take it to dry my eyes. "Be thankful," he tells me wistfully. "You're young, healthy. And not to mention, quite a catch." He wiggles his eyebrows and I laugh. "You can make mistakes, Bella. You can fix them too." I lower my eyes to the ground. A bright red and green piece of paper catches my eye. Emmett's Christmas card.

"I just think… maybe it's too late." I tell him as I bend down to pick it up. I only have a week, Jenks, I think. I flip over the thick cardstock and the Swan's gleeful faces come into view.

"It's never too late to make amends, child." He pats my arms and pushes himself into a standing position. "Well," he yawns and grabs his walking stick. "You have a good night Mrs. Bella." He hobbles over to the door. I barely notice him, my eyes fixated on the hand-written message below Emmett's picture. We're having a get-together at our place on Christmas… would love if you could make it. The message has been the same every year, and every year I had ignored it.

"Bella." Jenks calls. My head snaps up in surprise. "Enough with all this funeral talk." He smiles lightly and pulls the door shut behind him. I rush over and peek though the peep-hole to make sure he gets across the hall okay. With Jenk's luck, he'd get zapped up into an alien spaceship walking two feet to his apartment.

He gives a small wave in the direction of my door, knowing I'm watching, and I smile as he pulls his door closed.

The invitation card is burning a hole in my hand, and I can no longer ignore it. Four years is long enough. I grab my phone off the counter and take a seat at the table. I take a deep breath and dial the unfamiliar number on the card into the keypad. I hit the green button and shove the phone to my ear before I can change my mind. It rings a few times and I check the number to make sure it's right. It rings a few more times before Emmett's voice flows out through the speaker. Well, I assume its Emmett's voice. It's kind of hard to hear over the screaming children in the background. There's a familiar beeping sound indicating it's time for me to leave a message. I'm silent for what seems like hours as I think of something to say.

"Hey, Emmett. It's me… Bella. Um, your sister… but of course you probably knew that." I trail off awkwardly spinning the card around on the table. "Anyway. I, uh-" I clear my throat and shift on the chair, "I got your Christmas card." I blurt out. "The kids are getting so big… I know it's probably- well no, I know it's really late. Christmas is in three days, after all." I chuckle humorlessly. "If you're still doing the whole get-together thing, I think- well I mean- I'd love to. Go that is. You know, t-to your party." I glance up at the clock and realize I've dragged this phone call out for over a minute. "Just, give me a call… maybe. Um, if you're not too busy and stuff." I rush out. "I really would love to see you guys." I add and slam my phone down, officially ending my idiotic rant.

Too late to back out now, I think and push the card away from me.

There's another knock on the door and I roll my eyes. "Jenks I told you, I'm- Victoria?" I'm taken aback at the smug look on Vic's face as she holds my purse in one hand and her phone in her other. "Vic, what are you doing here?" I rub my face, trying to erase all traces of my breakdown.

"What does it look like I'm doing?" she thrusts my bag at me and pushes her way into my apartment. "I love the new color." She comment and motions to my freshly painted entry.

"Thanks." I push the door shut and watch as she settles herself onto the couch.

"You owe me five bucks." She pops her gum and holds out her hand.

"What?"

"Our bet? You know, EMT lady's crotch? We bet on the carpet would match the drapes?"

"Oh, right." I rub my forehead and take the seat beside her. "I completely forgot."

"Well, pay up." She wiggles her fingers. I roll my eyes and grab a five out of my purse. I'm about to hand it to her when I pull back.

"Wait a minute, how do you know that?" I accuse.

"Apparently Miss Heidi Boon has a bit of a wild side." She smirks.

"God, Vic." I smack her shoulder. "You didn't."

"Yes I did," she waves her phone in front of my face. "And she even let e take a picture of her vag-"

"Vic!" I scream and cover my ears.

"Sorry," she shrugs, not looking sorry at all. "So, I went to the hospital to bring you your purse, but by the time the damn cabbie got through traffic they told me you had already left." She plays around with her phone and smiles as she clicks on something. "Anywho, I bumped into Miss Boon in the hallway on my way out."

I raise my eyebrows at her, "You just happened to bump into her?"

"You call it a coincidence, I call it fate." She smiles impishly. "She recognized me and said hello. I found out she was on break and I offered to buy her coffee. She agreed, of course. You seem to be the only woman who can resist my charm." She adds. "We went to Starbucks and ended up doing it in the bathroom."

I look at her in horror. "Vic, that's disturbing."

"Disgusting or not, you owe me five bucks." She grabs the money from me and shoves it in her bra. "So, I'm seeing her again tomorrow night." I look at her in surprise and she dismisses me with a nonchalant wave. "Don't act so surprised. We both knew there was bound to be a woman to tame me one day." I can tell by the wistful look on her face that she's already hooked. "So, enough about my sexcapade; what did the doctor say?"

I shrug, trying to look unconcerned. "Nothing much. He felt around a bit, did all the normal doctor shit. He said he didn't find anything unusual." I lie. She looks at me skeptically, but doesn't comment.

"So how much is that going to set you back?" she asks and stretches out on the couch.

"I didn't ask. I really don't want to know." I mirror her position. "I told them to send me a bill."

"Heidi said you seemed upset when you left, but your doc wouldn't tell her why."

I shrug, glancing at her sideways. "Nothing to worry about. He just pissed me off is all."

"Do you want to file a complaint?"

"No, Vic! Just drop it!" she looks taken aback, and I'm instantly regretful. "I'm sorry, it's just been a long day."

"I understand." She nods. There's an awkward silence as we just sort of stare at each other. We both visible jump when the phone rings beside us, scaring the shit out of me. Vic leans over me and grabs it before I can stop her.

"Swan residence, Pedro speaking." She answers in a deep voice in a completely serious tone. I cough loudly, trying to cover my laugh and attempt to take the phone from her. "Yes, she's here. May I ask who is calling?" she winks at me. "Uh, huh. Here she is." It's Emmett? She mouths questioningly and throws the phone at me. I barely catch it before it crashes to the floor and hold it up to my ear.

"Hey Emmett." I answer. I jump up off the couch and make my way down the hall, away from Vic.

"Bella?"

"Yeah," I chuckle awkwardly. "Sorry about that."

"How are you?" he asks quietly.

Horrible. "Fine. How are you? And the fam?"

"Good, everyone's good. Excited about Christmas…" he trails off. "I got your message."

"Yeah?" I hold my breath, waiting for him to elaborate.

"Bella," he sighs. "I can't tell you how much it would mean to us if you came."

I let out a rush of air. "I really want to be there." I tell him truthfully. "Emmett, I'm so sorry. For everything I've done- well, haven't done in the past few-"

"Enough." He cuts me off. "We can talk about that another time. The important thing is that you're coming now."

"Thank you." I wince at the crackle in my voice as I hold back tears. "When should I…"

"As soon as you can?" he asks. "We'll be having everyone over Sunday at ten. In the morning…" he adds. "But, if you could maybe- shit." He pauses. "I don't know, if you could come over earlier…" he takes a deep breath, and I hate myself for making him act like this. "I miss you Bella." He rushes out. "I mean, fuck! I haven't heard from you in years, Bella! The only reason I knew you were still alive is because your name was still in the magazine you write for!"

"I'm so sorry," I sob. "I'm sorry. I miss you too, I miss all of you!" my voice shakes, "I'll be there tomorrow," I promise. "I need to see you." It's silent on the other end, and I check to make sure the call hasn't been disconnected.

"I'm sorry too." his voice is quiet and strained on the other end. "I'll see you tomorrow, Bella." He lets out a breath. "I love you B." he whispers and hangs up before I can answer.

"Bella?" Victoria whispers from behind me. I spin around to face her and slump down to the floor. "Bella, what happened? Where are you going tomorrow?" she rushes over and squats down beside me.

"Forks. I'm going to Forks." I answer, my voice void of emotion.

"Where you grew up?" I nod. "Bella, tell me what happened! You're not making any sense- you hate that place."

"Do I?" I retort.

"Of course you do. That's why you came to New York, remember? You told me all about how you hated small town and all the people you grew up with." She looks at me questioningly. "Who was on the phone?"

"My brother."

She tenses. "Is everyone okay?"

"What?" I look up at her concerned face. "No, no. Nothing like that. Everyone's fine. They invited me to a Christmas thing."

"Like they do every year." She baits. "Did he call you to yell at you? Did he guilt you into going Cuz if he did, I swear to god I'll kill that mother fucking-"

"No!" I interrupt. "I made the choice to go. I haven't seen them since I left. They're my family, Vic." I rest my head on her shoulder. "God, Vic. What have I done?"

"I don't know, what are you doing? You swore to me that you'd never go back. So forgive me if I'm not so quick to understand why you're changing your mind now."

"Say I were to die in… a week."

"Bella, don't say that!" she chastises.

"I want to fix this, before it's too late." I tell her with finality. "I'm going to Forks, and I'm going to make things better. I refuse to continue living like they don't exist."

"Bella, are you sure? Maybe you should think about it?" she suggests. I shake my head and allow her to pull me over back to the couch.

"I don't have time to think about it." I tell her cryptically. "It's now or never."

"If you're sure…"

"I'm positive." I smile tightly. "Can you grab my laptop?"

She groans and smacks my arm. "Get it your own damn self." She protests as she grabs it off the table and hands it too me. "Lazy ass."

"But you love me." I flip the switch and power on my computer.

"I do, Bella." She tells me seriously. "I'm worried about you. You're one of my best friends." She thumps down beside me on the couch and rests her head on my shoulder. "Are you sure you're… okay with this?"

I log onto the internet and find the American Airlines homepage. "I need to do this, Vic." I scan the list of flights and click on Seattle. "Do I want to fly out tomorrow and eight a.m. or tonight at eight?" I glance at the clock in the corner of the screen. 3:34. I can be ready and at the airport in four hours. "Tonight it is." I punch in my billing info and confirm the flight.

"Holy shit, Bella!" Vic glances over my shoulder. "You're leaving now? What's the rush?" she complains. "I think you're jumping the gun here."

"No, I'm not. I'm going tonight and that's final." I print out the confirmation and shut the laptop. "Will you help me pack? I want to leave no later than seven." I tell her. I jump up and head into my room, not waiting for her to answer.

"Just tell me what brought all this on." She demands. "Two days ago you were fine with never speaking to them again, and now you can't get there fast enough."

"I can't tell you Vic." I grab my suitcase out of my closet and unzip it. "Just, trust me. Please, Vic. I need this."

"Why can't you tell me?" she asks and hands me a black pea coat out of the back. "Bring this, it's cute."

"It… it isn't important." I grab the coat and throw it in the suitcase along with a few other jackets and some jeans. "You say you're my friend?" she nods and folds up some pajamas and underwear. "Then trust me. I'm begging you." She shoves them in angrily.

"That isn't fair. I know something's wrong! You say you're my friend?" she throws my words back at me. "Then trust me! You can tell me anything." She wraps me into a hug and squeezes me tightly. "I'm worried." She whispers.

I pull back to look her in the eye. "I'm going to be fine." I lie. She seems appeased and gives me a small smile.

"Well, now that that's settled." She rolls her neck and opens up my lingerie drawer. Well, if you could call it a drawer. "Jeeze, I need to get you some Victoria's secret for Christmas." She mutters. I roll my eyes and throw more clothes in the rapidly filling suitcase. "Take these." She shoves something lacey and blue underneath my coats before I can object. "Don't look at me like that. Who knows, maybe you'll meet the love of your life in good ol' Forks." She smirks. "And you do not want to be wearing fucking granny panties when you do." She gives me a stern look and returns to my dresser.

I already met my soul-mate Vic, and I let him go. I shake my head and shove a pair of boots into the bag.

"How long will you be gone, you think?" her voice is muffled as she digs through my mass of clothes.

"As long as I can." I tell her.

"What? Like a few days?"

My mind rushes back to the x-rays lying face down on my living room floor. "Maybe a week."

She snorts. "Good luck getting that much time off." The lightbullb goes off in my head and I smile.

"Thanks for reminding me." I grab the phone off my nightstand and dial Bolton's office.

"Bell, what are you doing?"

"Hey, Mr. Bolton. It's Bella."

"Bella who?" he grunts through the phone.

"Bella Swan." I roll my eyes.

"Oh, yes. Bella. How are you dear? I heard you took a nasty spill today."

"Yeah, I-"

"Before you finish, I just want to let you know that I have a wonderful lawyer who will suck you dry if you even attempt to sue the company or myself for your clumsiness. I would also like to add-"

"Hey dickface." I interrupt his rant. "You can find a new bitch, cuz I quit." I yell and hang up. The phone rings moments later and I ignore.

"You didn't just do that." Vic look up at me in horror.

I beam at her. "Yes, yes I did. And fuck if it didn't feel amazing." I flit back over to my closet feeling like a huge weight has been lifted off my shoulders. I hum and dance around as I pack stuff into the bag.

"What the hell just happened?"

"I quit!" I can tell the smile in my face won't disappear for awhile. "I can't tell you how long I've wanted to do that." My mood is shattered when I see the look on her face.

"You have no idea what you just did, do you?" She whispers. "Do you?" she screams. "I have no idea who this," she motions up and down my body, "is, but I don't like her."

"Vic-"

"Isabella Swan, you have finally lost it." She tells me calmly and dusts herself off. "Bring down your own life, fine. But I won't stand by and watch." She hisses.

"Vic!" I call after her retreating form. "Victoria!" the only response I get is the sound of the shaking wall as she slams the door behind her.

I continue to stare down the hall, waiting for her to pop back in and yell 'just kidding,' but for a long as I wait there, she never does. I lean back against the bed and blink away the stinging sensation of tears waiting to fall.

Is it impossible for me to keep any relationships? I rub my head and glance up at the clock again. 4:30. I need to go.

Fuck her. I think to myself as I zip up my suitcase. I slip off my skirt and throw on an old pair of sweats and my leather jacket over my coat. I wheel my bag down the hall and set it by the door. I check my purse for my wallet and phone, and shove my folded x-ray in with them.

I take one last look around my two bed one bath apartment in downtown New York and silently bid it a goodbye, not knowing if I'll ever make it back home. I think about my life for the past few years as I pull my bag behind me and lock up the apartment.

They say home is where the heart is. Truth is, I haven't had my heart in four years. I left it back in Forks. With my family, with him. With my first apartment, my first car. New York isn't my home. It never was, and it's taken my pending death to figure that out.

I have a week to make it right, and make it right I will.

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