Chapter One – Perception
I hated him.
The feeling bubbled in me so often now. It was getting harder to hide, thanks to the connection. The back of my left hand had scars of tooth marks dotted across the skin. The palms of my hands bore a line of marks from where my untrimmed nails dug in through my frustration. I spent many a sleepless night trying to stuff that anger back into the box I kept it in when it first reared up in my head. I refused to acknowledge that this fury towards my twin brother had outgrown its hideaway.
After Gekigami's visit, we were tested in our lightning capabilities. As our village worshipped Gekigami above the other brush gods, it was only natural we'd develop an ability to manipulate his lightning. And therefore, since our father was the head, he selected who would go in what order. Naturally the two of us were last. There was some intense skill, even in such young children. But when Okuro stepped forward, He made the "gifted" seem like they were short changed.
The lightning had been so eager; so willing to answer to his call. The shock of the onlookers was palpable. His demonstration seemed to last ten times longer than it really was. I found as he finished I had been moving with the electricity, lost and entranced in its wild energy.
Then I was called forward. I was so eager, maybe even moreso than the lightning had been to answer to Okuro. I had thought that if Okuro had so much raw talent I was bound to be somewhere in that ballpark right?
I couldn't have been more wrong on a bet. In fact, I don't think I could have been a bigger disappointment if I tried. I could barely summon more than a spark, much less control it. To this day, the people's laughter at my failure still echoes in my head. That's when the anger first showed its face. But that anger was more geared towards me than jealousy for my brother. Nevertheless, after a nice verbal lashing from Father, the string snapped, and Okuro just happened to be around to take the initial blow.
"Kierra, not everyone is good at it at first. One kid got zapped in the face, remember?" Okuro chuckled to himself as he recalled it.
I whirled around from the window, glaring daggers in his direction. He flinched back, and I felt a sting of shock through the connection at the sight of the tears streaming down my face. "I'm sorry," he began after the momentary flutter in his control. "I didn't think-"
"Go away." I said it through my teeth.
"I'm trying to-"
"GO. AWAY."
"But-"
"JUST GO AWAY!" I screamed, both out loud and through our connection. I grabbed the closest object to me, and threw it in his direction as he rushed out of the room. The disc stuck in the wall. I spent that entire night stewing in my anger, locking it away in that little box. I didn't get a bit of sleep.
It was that day that I became his "shadow", so to speak. I'd go with him places out of formality. I'd always end up ignored however, no matter how obvious my presence was. The biggest candidate for Gekigami's incarnation was around. Who cared about his pathetic excuse for a twin sister? As much as that should have fueled that furious monster within me, it didn't. It didn't take long for me to remain unaffected from it.
No. That wasn't it.
What made this beast so hard to keep in check was that even with our link, no matter how much I yearned for it, it would never happen. I could explain it every which way, but I couldn't make my hope a reality.
He would never understand my pain.
Probable incarnation of Gekigami, obvious heir to Father, all around cool, collected favorite… the list goes on and on. As long as he was around, I at least got the respect of silence; a clear sign they wanted to remain on his good side. They didn't want him to know what they did to his shadow when he wasn't around to protect it.
I leaned against the wall on my bed, staring through the foggy window at the birds. They seemed so blissful, so carefree. More often than not now I longed to trade places with them. I wanted to be free from the repercussions of my shortcomings for only a day, if not for good.
I heard the door closing silently behind me, and my brother's familiar footsteps moving towards me. I didn't move, didn't even say in the connection that I felt him come in as the anger faded to depression, as it always did.
"Kierra, you're chewing on your hand again. That can't be good for you. What's wrong?" Okuro's voice was louder than I expected, and I jumped. That startled movement caused me to bite deeper into my hand than usual, and thus feel it for once.
I shook my hand in one direction and my head in another.
He sighed, shaking his head in a "you're hopeless" kind of fashion. "You're trying to hide it from the connection, but I know something has been eating at you since the test. Your hands are proof enough of that."
I smiled in a wistful sort of way, still never looking fully at him. "I should have known you'd have caught on by now…" I bit back self-abusive remarks, and blinked back tears.
"I'm sure I caught on faster than you think I did." He reached out, turned my head to face him and held it so I couldn't look away. His eyes were serious, like normal, but somewhere in the depths I saw that same tinge of worry I saw after Gekigami's strike, though now it was cooler and muted. "Now tell me what it is."
"Why should I?" I scoffed. "Not like it matters. You wouldn't believe me anyway."
He raised one eyebrow. "Try me."
I pried his hand off of my head, leaning back against the dull white wall again. "You don't understand…"
"I probably don't, but whatever it is you're holding in…" he shook his head as he tried to find the words. "…It changed you. You're darker. Even with this connection, you seem like a different person. I don't know you anymore."
It took massive effort to keep eye contact, and even more so to keep my composure. I felt a tear break free, and was quick to wipe it away. I didn't know what to say. I couldn't tell him. I just couldn't. There was so much that wanted to spill into the connection, but I had to shove it all back. If anything, I couldn't burden him with this, even if he was literally the only person who seemed to care. "I… I'm sorry… I don't know if I can talk about it now…"
"Call me when you can then…." He let the sentence hang as he stood up to leave. But through the connection I heard the second half.
I want my sister back.
The door slid shut, and the dam broke. I buried my face in my bed and cried the tears that had been trying to get out for years.
