A/N: A word of warning as the first 3 chapters should be entered fairly quickly as they are written, just need to be typed; yes I work better with pen/paper, on the computer I end up typing in terms of Zork- Maximum Verbosity. So I hope you enjoy this chapter as well. Hope my fellow Americans had a safe and happy 4th of July, and for those from other countries to be happy and safe as well. Thanks for giving this a chance.
Chapter 2: Chuck's Perspective
As he opened the door to his apartment he felt a slight breeze kiss his cheek, the pain another reminder of how his first mission back in Burbank went FUBAR. 'At least Awesome was able to drag Ellie away for the weekend… or did they have a double shift.' His mind clouded over from the combination of the failed mission and worse cheese ball detox. 'While it's still fresh I'd better talk to Beckman, maybe I can get a better bunker now rather than waiting until the morning, after Casey and Sarah have their reports in.' Besides scheduling it ensures he has the chance to explain things to Ellie, Morgan, and Sarah to the level that each will understand and be ok with him gone for some time.
Upon entering his room he locks the Morgan door, 'It would be just like him to show up now, in fact why was he back? He still should be in Hawaii training. He was fully outfitted sans the hat or did he have it on?' It saddened him that he may never find out, but felt confident that this way there was at least a chance.He turned on his television, "General Beckman".
"Yes Chuck, I am waiting on the preliminary reports; was there something you wanted to add?"
"Actually General, even though it looks like I won't be an agent, I figured I might as well do a mission report once. Although I am told I can ramble so please feel free to …"
"Bartowski" she barked.
"Sorry Ma'am" with that he relayed the events of the evening to his boss, not finding a better term in his mind to describe her he continued forth. Much to her surprise he delivered a report better than most of her current agents; rather succinctly, especially considering the source, but in great detail. "So General, right now I think it would be in the best interest if I took the bunker option. Sarah and Casey had everything set to work when I came in and sabotaged it." He did leave out the lemon references and that the only time Sarah seemed remotely happy to see him was as he was falling to the ground; that was his problem and not theirs.
"Are you sure about this, if they were aware of your participation, I'm sure the plan would have been altered to work."
"Well they probably would have added a car to tell me to stay in but then not much else would have changed." He chuckled to himself, "Besides your best operatives have had to put up with me for two years, for that they deserve a medal not a small reprieve before being called back to babysitting duty." He paused and took a breath, "How bad is the bunker?" as he audibly gulped.
"It's not quite a gulag," as a small, but noticeable smile showed, "Honestly, I had not planned on you making this decision so quickly. There are two places that have most of the proper facilities, but each needs some time to be fully prepped for your arrival. You would be placed in a holding facility right away, then move you once the final site is ready. I can have you picked up within a half hour if you are ready now."
"Well the reason I called you now was to give me a little time to prepare to go. I am leaving notes for Ellie and Morgan. I promise I will not reveal anything, but I cannot completely abandon them. That would be too much and I've already put them through more than they deserve. Plus without any word Devon will think the worst and at some point will tell Ellie he thinks I'm dead and why. My plan is to tell them that the company is giving me a second chance; however it is in deep Africa. This can explain why communication will be difficult if not impossible. If it is not too much trouble I would like to be able to speak with her on her birthday, anniversary, Christmas, and Mother's Day."
Upon hearing the last one General Beckman sighed and said, "I'm sure that could be arranged and as long as things are progressing perhaps more often than that".
This news brought out the first relaxed smile Chuck could remember having in quite some time, probably finishing the test before heading to the rail station. Although he would swear he smiled seeing Sarah earlier it just didn't register after seeing the hurt and shame in her eyes.
"What about Agent Walker?"
"What about Sarah, General?"
"Are you going to write her a note as well?" she asked somewhat timidly, not wanting to hear about the 'Lady feelings' and this afforded an easy opportunity for them to come forth.
He exhaled and hoped he wouldn't get her into trouble, "Yes, I wasn't sure how I would get it to her though".
"Doesn't she usually see you if you're not at the debriefing to let you know what's going on, especially on the unsuccessful missions?"
As Chuck tried to analyze this, he realized he had never made that connection before, but she did find her way to him whether at home or the Buy More sometimes to yell, sometimes to comfort, but the best were the times that either just needed a laugh to help them reset and then continue. God her laugh made him soar, he even contemplated finding some recording of it; just a snippet could easily take away the dreariness of any day. A good one could last him for a month. Hell the real thing before he left might satisfy him for however long his stay was.
"Bartowski!"
"Sorry General. I was just trying to go through what I'm going to write. I am not going to put my family in danger. "
"Actually I think your original idea is very workable. They know it would be something that you would do," as she expanded on his thought filling in some details to make this executable, "Helping children by connecting African schools to the internet, unlike an install you'd be setting up the system to handle the different climactic challenges. And after your couch antics, by the way please do not grow the beard during your stay here, if given another chance you would jump as a shot at redemption especially if presented as a take it or leave it option. We have established contacts already in place so correspondence and calls will appear to everybody that they are coming from whichever embassy in Africa you are nearby. However, if you are gone for a long time won't she decide to travel to see you?"
As Chuck pondered everything that the General said including the very real possibility of her last question, 'How could she know his sister that well without ever talking to her? It must be from Sarah's reports.' However from just these exchanges he has gained a true respect for the General. Sure he would say he respected her just because it would be rude not to and since both Casey and Sarah did. Nevertheless being referred to as 'the asset' or on good days 'the Intersect' allowed him to dehumanize her as much as she had within these two years. She deserved better, but also more prudently an answer to her question. "General, Ellie does not have a passport. She's only been out of California a few times. The issue came up with the discussion of where the honeymoon was going to be and by the time she figured out Awesome was going to cliff-dive in Hawaii and nixed that location. It was too late to get her one in time which is why they went to the Virgin Isl…" Hearing the sound of fingers drumming on a table he looked down, cleared his throat and continued, "So, when she applies for a passport it could be put on a delay or even rejected by some simple mistake. Thereby giving enough time to set up a small operation or…" despite not wanting to push her but still decided to bring this option out, "maybe I could go home for a weekend".
The General sat back in her chair and ruminated; this was only solidifying her opinion that Chuck did have what it takes to be a spy; unconventional without a doubt and a definite pain in her ass. Even without the intersect; perhaps not as a field agent until he had sufficient self defense skills; but still he can analyze scenarios, come up with solid plans (well crazy when first looked at on paper, but they certainly were quite successful), and has become proficient at delivering non-truths. Unknowingly another smile crept on her face as she thought of Agent Walker's reaction that a spastic colon was on her permanent CIA medical record. "Well that does cover most of the problems, nicely thought out Agen… Chuck".
The smile that he caught and the slip convinced Chuck if he was ever going to trust her he may as well start now. "General, I will leave a note for Sarah here, but there is a chance that if she knows I'm gone she may not come back here. If I sent it to you would you make sure she gets it."
She paused just making sure she heard him correctly before responding, "Yes Chuck, I'll make sure Agent Walker gets the message in her next assignment statement after I get it, however all correspondence even to my home are examined and reads before they get to me."
Even though he knew she had to have some channels which avoided the Government eyes he had an altogether different idea in getting the note to her. "No problem, General if you can hold on for just a moment while I get this going" he turned slightly and started typing furiously upon his keyboard. Stopped then leaned back, hit a few more keys, started to turn back to the General, but paused and hit a final key with a flourish. Soon the General's printer came to life and a single piece of paper came through.
"Mr. Bartowski, the first thing that you are going to do…" she snarled as she took the paper off her printer which simply said 'Thank you'. "You have no idea how irritating you are, Mr. Bartowski. Contact me before you send it, I'm sure you don't want it finding its way into Colonel Casey's assignment packet. Chuck's audible gulp signified that her point was made, "When it comes through I will put it in an envelope marked for her eyes only. Aren't you afraid I will look at it?"
"Well General it is not as if a 49B matters where I am going to be, but…" He responded meekly.
"I understand, I will look at it only to confirm that it printed and the number of pages is correct. I'll seal it in the envelope with you watching."
"Thank you again, General."
"BUT, you will explain how you are able to do this and personally close whatever loophole you exploited to break through the firewall." She commanded.
"Yes Ma'am, I will contact you as soon as I am ready. Uhh can I ask one other question about the cover?"
Having a good idea what he was going to ask she simply responded, "Chuck after we take down the Ring remind me about this and I will check to see what is being done for the children of Africa and see if you can help with that".
Chuck couldn't help but break out the big smile and simply said, "Good night".
"Good night Chuck," there was a slight pause as he noticed some doubt on the General's face, however all too soon the look on her visage was gone and the monitor was off.
'OK, where to start… after the escapade with Longshore he prepared notes to Morgan and Ellie, however he had not updated them in quite some time. Although he fully trusted Sarah, he did not want to burden her with a cover story and knowing her she would blame herself which was unacceptable to him. So he'll start with Morgan's, then Ellie's and finally for the first time, although Casey wouldn't qualify it as fully growing a pair as he is doing it in a letter, lay everything out there for his blonde haired, blue-eyed salvation. After Prague she was owed that at the very least.'
After Chuck looked over Morgan's note he scrapped it as so many things had changed for him: he had Anna, he was fulfilling a career dream that did not involve the Millennium Falcon, and more importantly he had done it on his own volition. So he made sure his new letter to Morgan included: how important he was to him, the confidence that he had in him that he was going to be successful, while he may not be there for his first service the first meal he will have when he returns to Burbank will be wherever he is cooking, and finally that Morgan's belief in him is a major reason why he knows that he will get the job done this time.
Next up was Ellie's and he grabbed a glass of orange juice, loaded the coffeemaker and set it to start in an hour. After going over her letter, he only made some small changes correcting a few items to her legally married status and adding in the job and its parameters. His initial letter conveyed everything that he wanted to say to her. Within the opportunity he was able to tell her that he would be helping a lot of people and despite missing each other she would understand that and even though she would always, well maybe not always, say she was proud of him this was the time for him to truly earn that pride. It was time to let the past fade away, cut some strings while trying to reinforce the more important ones as he was going to live a life of his choosing instead of just surviving. He felt good about these two notes despite being a lie in some details, the rationales were completely honest.
In the other notes he tried to leave clues for Devon to let him know that he is alright, but it didn't feel it was getting the point across. Perhaps he was putting off the letter to Sarah, but in thinking through the messages to both Ellie and Morgan he realized how important and intertwined Devon was and also as the only civilian whom he's shared his secret with simply adding a couple lines at the end of Ellie's letter was disingenuous. Hell he'd probably understand if he didn't even do that, but since he's laying it out there, there's no reason to hold back.
Devon's letter was mostly light-hearted and was incredibly easy to write thinking of things he did that which were seemingly small, but made an impact. He hoped he understood the nickname while somewhat of a joke at first was now frankly what he thought of him. He could not be happier that he was with his sister because not only was he confident that he would always be there for her, he was the only man in the world who was worthy of her. Upon Africa he teased Devon recalling a nightmare he had about being there. He couldn't remember why he was there; he thought a safari as he recalled a camp and killing a large snake, but soon he contracted malaria and ended up recuperating on a couch watching 'ER'. Which made Devon's instinctive response to any mention of Africa 'Africa, malaria, not awesome'? A quick run-through brought a deletion of an apology for the bachelor party, that subject is far better off to rot away. With these three done, he turned to Casey, but quickly realized it wouldn't serve anybodies interest, but maybe he'd send him a bonsai, he had to bear down and do what he hadn't been able to for two years.
He heard the coffeemaker start and allowed himself a brief respite before starting and taking a bigger gulp then initially intended swallowed the liquid lava and waited for a moment until he felt his esophagus was no longer glowing, embarked upon his quest.
Reading his first attempt made his stomach gurgle, while it covered the items that he wanted to, it seemed whiny and that was not what he wanted to show her. He overcompensated in his second attempt as he was quite harsh, not only to Sarah's waffling and leading him on, but he also did not spare himself and some others from his criticisms. In reading the second one again there was a cathartic feeling as he'd been holding back these feelings for almost two years and just revealing them on paper made him feel better. However neither letter was acceptable on their own nor not sure starting over for a third time would produce something better, decided that some sort of combination of the two could work, if not he had no clue what to do.
Taking a moment and a sip of coffee he started merging the two; using the first one as his base he would add in aspects from the second editing some things, while he was completely honest, he would avoid being a douchebag. He brought up times that were good, bad, and worst both; he explained his feelings and what he was hoping she was feeling. Despite their ability to read each other exceptionally well at times, the other times he had no clue and he wrote what he thought she was trying to convey which was usually a bad thing. After scrutinizing the letter he knew it contained the two important objectives: first despite everything they've been through there is nobody else he can see himself with and their problems have only served to deepen his resolve and that even though she does not think she is capable of giving him everything he wants, all he wants is her and second, a way to contact him wherever he may be.
Wiping his hands across his face he was emotionally drained and having put all his letters in envelopes he sealed them placing the first three on the dining table. Unable to let go of Sarah's he contacted the General and watched as the printed copies came out, she quickly confirmed the number of pages but questioned if they came out right. Chuck said the first few words and witnessed her place them in a very official looking envelope. After that they went over the items Chuck was able to bring and what he could not; although there was one item initially refused she eventually relented. At that point he heard some beeps which meant another transmission was about to come through. The general turned and said that she would talk to him when he arrived at his initial destination. She told him to expect the transport between forty-five minutes to an hour, the phrase that the agents will say to him, and his response of 'sometimes things don't go the way we want them to'. That strangely lightened his mood a little as the General could not possibly understand everything, she understood enough; maybe he was something more than 'the asset', and maybe doing this was the right thing.
He always tried to be an efficient packer and concentrating on Beckman's missive: ten days to two weeks of clothes, simply casual and four or five workout 'outfits'; if he needed something else it would be provided for him. 'Not sure what else would be needed for bunker wear, maybe they have a cotillion just to break up the drudgery a little, and hopefully he could invite a blonde haired spy who loves to dance.' As he allowed that thought to slowly fade he sensed that the General had not given up on the lemon just yet. That thought brought a small smile to his face and looking down noticed something was not in his immediate possession, 'Sarah's letter!' Not wanting to look in his 'hero's satchel' what he referred to his duffle bag as; when Sarah asked about that and he told her the detail from Bryce's e-mail she hugged him and told him that is who he is and he'd better not be facetious. For missions that could require a change of clothing or some supplies she would always refer to it as that. Until he left for Prague, she took him shopping and picked out a suitcase similar to one that she had, when he went to pay for it he took a quick look at her and she had a melancholy look which was gone when he looked back again.
As he was wondering why he chose to use the duffle bag now instead of the suitcase, he shook himself to find the letter. Luckily he first chose to look at the bed and there sitting upon the left pillow was an envelope atop a folded scarlet and grey shirt. He immediately recognized it as one of his Stanford shirts and in particular the one that Sarah would commonly wear on the occasions that she stayed over.
Although mostly for cover, but a few times if a mission ran into the wee hours of the morning or was exhausting she would spend the night. She initially offered to keep an emergency night pack in his closet, but never brought it up again after the third time. It was another bizarre part of their relationship, which was similar to many couples, but also proved they were a 'different type of couple'. The first time was incredibly awkward from Lou to candles to excessively inappropriate lingerie to a sister bursting in under the influence of poisonous truth serum. The next time was a mission related one and not for the cover, despite both having trepidations about a repeat it ended up being a very restful sleep for them both. As he made the observation that perhaps it was due to them switching sides of the bed, Sarah giggled. However, they chose to remain on those sides and they found a comfort level per se which added to his confusion. It literally made him soar how beautiful she was while sleeping and on those times that he was able to catch her as she woke up he had no idea of the look that was on his face, but it was enough to make her blush and giggle. He knows mornings and Sarah Walker are at best a volatile mix, but it seemed his bed was the buffer that allowed for the mixture to go smoothly. Their unofficial game maybe helped as well; usually they would start by sleeping on their back or facing away from the other, at some point in the night they would end up facing each other. It also seemed that she shared his view in a sense as she somewhat reveled in watching him sleep and wake up as well. The 'game' was that if they had time one would feign sleep for the other and go back and forth until the alarm beckoned them. Unfortunately, potentially fortunately that is yet to be determined, after Barstow they cannot go back to that peaceful coexistence; he'd like to say resistance is futile, but if the next time he and Sarah are in a bed together and not finish what began in Barstow he may as well package off his genitalia and donate to someone who will use them.
Looking at his watch he saw that his daydreaming had cost him some time and would have to hurry to both shower and eat neither of which he wanted to forego. A quick shower and putting on a red t-shirt and some jeans he headed to the kitchen, choosing not to turn on the light as dawn was approaching he looked to see the three letters still there, and poured himself some cereal. Choosing to eat over the sink, his mind began to drift over the past twenty-four hours as his heart and mind battled once again. His mind throwing out that he wants to help people and eventually becoming a spy and while not ever being the equal of Sarah at least they can be peers. While his heart contends that he cannot leave Sarah again even if it is for the right reasons. As he hoped that she will read the letter and not tear it up in frustration the bowl slipped from his fingers and crashed onto the floor.
Coincidentally at that time the front door to his apartment opened. As he got down on his knees picking up all the pieces as he doesn't want Ellie or Awesome to end up with stitches on their feet because of him he heard a tiny noise and closed his hand opening a gash that spurted out some blood. Normally this would freak him out, but it wasn't that bad and he didn't want to leave any pieces as that could cause Devon to misinterpret things and suspect foul play. He did notice the blood on the floor mixed with the cereal milk creating this pinkish red puddle. Right then he noticed a fairly large piece on the other side of the kitchen; however he could still reach it so he stretched out next to the floor and just before he picked it up.
"Chuck!?"
