Title: Pride and Prejudice


Disclaimers: Sadly, I do not own anything or anybody related to CSI. Nor the lines I quoted in the story.


Chapter Two

There is no saint without a past, and no sinner without a future. - Shri Haidakhan Babaji

There was nothing more comforting than waking up to tender caresses. Sara instinctively let a smile adorn her lips. She did not want to open her eyes, probably she was still half asleep and the soft fingertips felt so wonderfully on her nose, Sara just wanted to enjoy the feeling. Grissom. She knew nothing was more beautiful than Grissom's delicate fingers and now, feeling their soothing play on her skin created a sort of solace, she felt safe, no one could hurt her. Grissom. His voice was like a promise that she would not be alone anymore, so steady, so deep and constant.

"Grissom," she whispered.

"Miaow," was the only answer and then Herbie's rotor started working again. He brushed Sara's nose once more, clearly demanding that she should wake up completely.

All of a sudden, realization hit her like a pile of bricks. This time, she could not open her eyes. Suddenly everything came back to her abolishing the illusion of safety and tenderness. Sensing this woman's turmoil, Herbie stopped purring. Anxiety flooded over him like a tsunami. Herbie did not know what he did wrong but he surely wanted to fix this problem. This sad woman had provided him a warm home and he valued a pillow dearly. He carefully inched closer and tried another approach to win Sara's love back. With his bony paws, Herbie started kneading his newly-found partner's upper arm. Sara knew she had scared the poor animal, she knew no matter what people thought about cats, they were ultra sensitive to emotions. And even though cats would do everything to hide their emotions, when the trust and love were established, it became harder and harder for them to camouflage how they really felt. Hiding behind the mask of arrogance did not always work. And there were rare occasions when these specifically private creatures' real feelings got to the surface.

Perhaps, Grissom is a cat too, she thought. I wish you didn't love me, or at least you would have never confessed your feelings to that vile murderer. You made both me and yourself miserable with that simple monologue. At least I had dreams to live on, at least I could hope. But you denied me both your love and my hope. How can I work there now? Knowing that you have feelings for me but you are too arrogant and selfish to let me love you. How do you think I can live here knowing this? How can you believe that I would destroy you? You just didn't think about me. On the road we both are going to be destroyed.

Sara finally looked at Herbie only to find a pleading pair of green eyes. She reached for his head and the skinny cat went closer willingly restarting his throaty sawing.

"Hey beautiful, it's time to get up, don't you think?"

Receiving no answer she said, "Huh? Grissom really must be a cat, he has no answers either."

Herbie started to recognize the word 'Grissom' and so he answered, "Miaow."

Sara sat up in her bed holding the feather light cat close to her heart. When she had taken him home in the morning, she had not had the energy to examine Herbie. She had just realized how very thin this animal really was. She checked his ears, they were clean, and his fur was also nice as Sara had bathed him. Normally, the sight of a wet cat would have made her snicker but not this time. He had looked horribly emaciated. One more thing caught Sara's attention; this cat was declawed that meant he used to have an owner. His behavior was blameless, almost too immaculate. Sara did not want to imagine how it could have happened that a cat had become this hungry for love or how it was that he had had to live outside, unwanted at the mercy of luck, love and fate. A cat never forgot where he lived so it was clear that this innocent creature had been abandoned. Sara looked at Herbie and saw her own life. When she had moved to Vegas, she also had felt needed, wanted and maybe loved. But then, just like this little guy, she had been kicked out of the home of someone's heart. Or it was that Grissom had led Sara to feel and believe. Until that hateful day. Lurie had brought death to both Debbie and Sara. Life was cruel. Feeling the pangs of hunger, Sara decided to get moving instead of mulling over her misery. It also angered her that she let Grissom monopolize her thoughts.

"Herbie, let's find something to eat, okay. Don't expect a biggie," and she was already investigating her fridge, her cupboard and lastly her purse. Only little candies. They were great to kill the hunger. She had been in a supermarket last week where a new candy product had been promoted, so Sara could take as much as she had wanted. But she just could not give him a candy to eat. She was on the verge of crying. She could trick her own body. Every day she washed her teeth with toothpaste - for kids - that was either watermelon or bubble gum flavored. Sometimes she bought super strawberry flavored stuff. Anything but mint flavored. Mint would have made her feel even hungrier but these sweet and tasty toothpastes created a fake feeling of repletion. But for a cat it was just not an option. She checked the last place she suspected to find some secret food and her effort was rewarded by finding some sugarcoated cornflakes. Not really a cat food but with water, it could work for now. For both of them.

"Sorry darling, I'll get something tonight okay?"

Herbie was hungrier for kind words than food. After a while, the body learned to live on minimal input. He waited until Sara started to eat and then he gratefully ate his meal, too. After soothing their stomachs, Sara washed her teeth and felt much better, then sat down at the table to see how much money she had until payday.

"So…let's see. Today is Wednesday and salary comes this Friday. Two days…and…um…almost three dollars. Bank-roll!"

"Miaow."

"Yes! You're right," she laughed for the first time in days. "There was a couple in California who had lived on one dollar a day."

"Miaow," Herbie added.

"Yeah, I know. They tried it for only one month…which is a joke. But we have $1.50 a day. We're cool. And Friday is here soon. But after I pay the rent, the current expenses and the monthly payment for the…oh god…," she sighed deeply at the memory, "I…oops and reach my credit limit and again I'm back to square one."

Herbie was watching her. And pretending he understood every word. There was something totally weird about cats. They could watch their partner seemingly without blinking. After ten or so minutes, it could be frustrating.

"Yes, I know. My fault. I should have known better. Brass even warned me. If I had listened to him, I wouldn't be in this humiliating situation but I screwed up. Again."

It had been easy to walk down the same path over and over again hoping Grissom might change his mind about them but he had not. It had taken a great courage to step off that path and journey down on an unknown one. Making a change in her life had been a difficult and scary process but the rewards could have been immeasurable. But she had made a mistake and now she had to pay for it. Literally.

After a few more minutes, she got tired of self-pity, so she went to caress Herbie's head and then she started to dress for work. She was determined to work more. The more she worked, the more money she had. So she decided to go to the Lab earlier. The fact that she could see Grissom had nothing to do with her enthusiasm. At least she worked hard to convince herself of it. Within minutes, she was dressed up and was about to say bye-bye to Herbie when she could not find him. She called his name - nothing. She tried to call him 'Grissom'. To that, a weak cry came from under the sofa. Sara ran there and found Herbie in obvious pain. She panicked immediately but picked him up and drove at a spanking pace to the Pet's Clinic. Sara called Dr. Woods from her car so she could take Herbie in right away.

"Thanks for letting me bring Herbie in on such a short notice, Dr. Woods," she breathed.

"Of course, Ms. Sidle. In emergency, anyone can come any time. Plus, you are our most dedicated donator, without your help, this place would be less equipped. So what happened to him?"

"I found him in his vomit and it seemed he was in pain…at his abdomen. I found him this morning in the rain. I took him home and fed him."

"With what?"

"First with a slice of ham and an hour ago with cornflakes…I…I know it was not for cats but I wasn't prepared for having him."

"I want to run some tests and will see how this little guy is doing. I'll call you when I have the results. Same number?"

"Yes, I'd be extremely grateful. He means a lot to me. He is a great guy and he deserves a better life than he had."

"Don't worry; most probably it is just the food. You know when animals or humans for that matter are starving for long, the first two or three day, food can upset their stomachs. Or he just ate too quickly."

"Uh…can you tell me how much the test will cost?"

"It depends but I guess it'll be about 20-30 dollars."

Sara could not be any paler. She had three dollars altogether. "But as you're providing home to this animal, it's considered as a foster home for him, so his medical attendance is free."

"Oh, thanks so much. Thanks so so very much!"

"I'll call you."

Waiting for Sara to get out of sight, Dr. Woods called his assistant. The doctor and Sara were not close friends but both respected each other for what they had been doing for animals. The doctor was observant and sensitive to changes. Animals could not; humans did not want to tell what bothered them. And James Woods noticed the changes Sara had gone through. He had not asked Sara but he wanted to help.

"Yes, doctor?" the assistant answered.

"Send me the bill for Herbie's tests, please."


GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI - GSR – CSI


In the Lab everybody had been busy by the time Sara arrived there. Although she knew Herbie was in good hands, she could not get rid of the idea that most probably she had caused him the pain. She felt that no matter how hard she tried to help others she only kept generating more trouble. And problem it was only she had constantly caused to the only man she loved. He had been so sad and so tired a year ago when he had given upon her. He had been broken. Because of her. And then the shame he had had to deal with, all because of her. When he had taken her home, she had decided to stop drinking and finally take her life in her own hands. Grissom had rejected her as a woman and he had declined her as a CSI when he had not chosen her for the promotion. So what kind of a future was waiting for her in Las Vegas? Sara furiously entered the building, closing the door a little more forcefully than it was necessary. She was thinking about Grissom - again. She became angry - again.

Deep in thoughts, Sara was walking through the corridor to the locker room. Only Greg was there standing in front of his mirror in a suit and tie. He was straightening his hair trying to get it to stay down. Sara had to smile at him.

"I look like a dork," Greg complained.

"No, no. No, you look like a pro, which is what you are. Let me guess, a prelim for Sherlock?"

"Yep."

Sara was giving Greg some useful instructions how to handle Judge 'not the sharpest tool in the shed' when Catherine poked her head in the doorway.

"You're mine tonight," she said and without waiting for Sara's reaction, she left.

Mine…not with me, mine. So I know who the boss is…as always. Why don't you want to work with me, Grissom. I could be a professional. I am a professional.


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Grissom was sitting in his office faking busy work. He had come in much earlier hoping to see Sara and that strange case of those bodies buried in tar had served him a great excuse to be around. But he had understood that Sara had not come in yet so he had started to assist to Catherine. His mind had kept returning to the thought Sara had planted in his subconscious this morning.

I'm sorry, Griss. I'm not alone and I can't leave. Next time?

She had not been alone. Of course she had not been alone. He had been clear enough for scores of time. He had not wanted to be with her. No, it was not true. He had wanted her in his life but he had not wanted to risk his job. His words back in the interrogation room seemed ridiculous even for him now. Risk his job? What a lame excuse! He did not care about his job when he had made friends with Heather Kessler. And if something, well, that would have risked his reputation. And here was Sophia who was just waiting for the chance to jump on him. And again, he had let her chum up with him. And during all that time, he had wanted no one else but Sara. He decided that he had been a damn coward and certainly a sadist. He had witnessed Sara's struggle but done nothing. And now, she had a boyfriend. But what kind of a boyfriend he is? Don't you see, you bastard, that she is fading? I won't just sit here and do nothing.

He stood up and went to see Sara. He was determined to fix their relationship and earn her trust back and maybe, just maybe her love if she was still interested. He needed to know what was going on with her. He was about to cross the doorway when it clicked. He had given Sara to Catherine for the night.

"She is in good hands," he sighed.


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"Get in my office. Now," Ecklie barked at Sara as if she was a dog. Entering the office, he started his speech, "You are a law enforcement officer and a representative of this city. That means I expect you to conduct yourself in an appropriate manner, in and away from this lab."

"You know what if this is gonna be one of your 'for the good of the lab' speeches, don't bother. I've heard them."

"Willows is a supervisor that means you treat her with respect. Insulting her in front of coworkers ..."

"She's not my supervisor," and not my owner, she added soundlessly.

"All right your superior. Sara, you berate witnesses, you disrespect the people you work with, and you luck your way out of a DUI. Take a look; you got a half a dozen complaints in your jacket. And if Grissom really documented your performance, there'd probably be a dozen more; that's not the kind of person I want in my lab."

Shut up Sidle, you need this job, you need this job, think about Herbie! "The only reason this is your lab is because Grissom doesn't kiss ass. You couldn't hack it in the field, so you fail your way up, you break up our team, and now you just hang out in the hallways waiting for one of us to screw up."

"Sidle, you're on one-week suspension without pay."

"Great." You can just as well kill me.

"And when you get back, you're apologizing to Catherine."

I'll die sooner. "No, I'm not."

And that was it. She lost her job, she was sure of it. Now she really had nothing. Maybe it was the exhaustion of her body because of the undernourishment, or because of too much work that had driven her to go into orbit. Probably both. She was just so tired of being judged. Judged by those who had made more mistakes than she had ever done, by those who kept doing absurd things, she hated being despised by those who needed a mirror to look into! It was ironically funny that all of the overestimated CSIs had caused someone's death. Catherine had thought she had had to share confidential information with the husband of a victim who with that knowledge in head had shot an innocent person. Warrick had gone to make his own business and Holly Gribbs had died, for that reason had she been asked to come in the first place. And still, it was her who was treated like a neurotic deviant.

not the kind of person I want in my lab…

Sara was practically running to her car. And for the first time in years, she was sobbing...openly. Not because she had just been fired but because of the reasons. She did not deserve to be scorned like this.

you berate witnesses…."No, I am telling them the truth, while others hit them or shouted at them, oh, sorry, they are not me!"

you disrespect the people you work with…."No, I just don't take ass kissing or gossiping; show me one person I was disrespectful to."

you luck your way out of a DUI…"That's true, still you don't know shit about me."

if Grissom really documented your performance…"I would have been promoted, yes!"

not the kind of person I want in my lab… "If you want people in your Lab like you and your gang, then I don't want to work here either!"

She got so upset that her stomach felt like a leaden ball. The sickening salty taste in her mouth mixed with the tears made her bend over. One of her hand was on the roof of her car trying to balance her, her other hand was in front of her mouth. Sara breathed deeply hoping the feeling just go away. But this time it did not. She was heaving for long minutes but came out nothing. This was the worst kind of retching. It tired the body even more. Nothing lasted forever, not even the pain, so many deep breaths later; Sara was able to straighten her back again. She looked up to the sky and wished she were anywhere but here. She wiped her mouth with the sleeve of her blouse when she felt her cell phone vibrating. She pulled it out of her jeans to see who wanted to reach her. Sara's hands were still shaking from the nausea that had hit her minutes earlier. The still buzzing phone fell onto the concrete. Now, Sara could shout her frustration out but instead, she knelt down to pick up the device. It was the property of the Lab. She had no intention to pay for it, too. Something glorious caught her eyes. She could not believe it. A ten-dollar bill. Her first thought was Herbie. She smiled despite of her situation. She could buy food for both of them. And Friday was here soon. She took the phone and dialed back the caller.

"Hi, it's Sara Sidle. I've got a call from this number."

"Miss Sidle, I'm Sonia Davis from the Pets' Clinic. Did you have a cat named Herbie here?"

"What do you mean by 'did'?" Sara asked the woman. She felt the overwhelming fear filled her veins.

TBC