Interlude: Anchorless


That first year she awoke, after the MET disaster, at the Miyagusku tomb, Kai was there to greet her. A grown man now, tanned and sinewy, reddish hair peppered with gray, face lined with age, but eyes regarding her with the same love and welcome that she remembered from their earliest years.

The twins had flanked him, an elegant guard of honor, and Saya had been stunned to remember that these young women were actually her nieces. It was their eyes that had enabled her to make the connection, and the grief and wonder that had rocked her in that instant had nearly crumpled her to the floor.

Grief for Diva, for the fate she had suffered, for the death Saya had so desperately wanted to share with her. Wonder for how fast time had flown, for how startling and astonishing her kindred had evolved to be.

"I was so afraid, when I first learnt about Diva's pregnancy, that her children would release nothing but destruction on the world," she had confessed to Kai, later that night. "But I see now, how wrong I was. You've done such a good job with them Kai. I can't begin to tell you how much. I think Dad would've been really proud. And… Riku too."

Kai had smiled, tears glittering in his eyes, the creases on his mouth and brow sharp, but his expression unchanged from the one in her memories. "You made it possible for me, Saya. For all of us. You taught us how precious this life is, and that none of us has a right to take it for granted."

And none of them had. She had felt instantly comfortable in their fold, into the intricate mesh of warmth that they had woven among themselves, a mesh they welcomed her into with open arms.

As the days had passed, she had reestablished her bond with Kai, gotten in touch with all her old friends. She had grown to know both her nieces, to like them and understand them. The origin of their names, the two Furies out of a gang of three, taken from a chapter of Greek myth. (She'd expected Lulu's fine hand behind that; Kai had probably just agreed because he'd thought the names sounded pretty.)

"We've always said we're missing the third Fury," Alecto remarked with a wry smile. "But maybe because that's supposed to be you, aunt Saya."

"Probably," Megaera giggled. "With all the stories we heard from Kai, you'd sure fit the bill."

Saya smiled. "Maybe. Although right now, my days in any kind of 'fury' are numbered. At least I hope so."

Alecto nodded, sobering. "We don't really remember any of it, but we understand you went through so much, to ensure that everyone would be alive here today. For that, we're grateful to you. We hope you'll finally find some peace now."

"We're going to count on it," Meg added, pressing Saya's hands.

Saya's eyes had felt hot, tears of both sadness and love forming a lump to large to swallow in her throat. She smiled tremulously at her nieces, and pressed Meg's hands back. "Thank you."

But despite how effusively cocooned with love she had felt, despite the radiating warmth that had suffused her being with her family, she still felt a hollowness inside, an emptiness that would not heal. A single name had been flitting wide and low through her mind, ever since she had opened her eyes.

Haji.

Where is he…?

She had asked Kai about the whereabouts of her Chevalier. Kai had confessed, awkwardly rubbing the back of his neck, that there had been no sign of him. Not since the pink, ribbon-wrapped rose he had found outside the tomb. For all they knew, Haji might not even be alive any more.

"I'm real sorry, Saya," Kai added with a gruff tenderness, squeezing her shoulder in his work-calloused hand. "I know…how you felt about him."

Saya swallowed and shut her eyes. "I know. I just… I miss him. So much."

Kai looked at her sadly, but said nothing more.

That night, she had gone out alone for a walk to the beach. Struggling to recapture the same shoreline where she had first heard Kai tell her, Nankurunaisa, moonlight silvering the surf and her tears. The same spot where her friends and family had held the barbecue to honor their father's death, fireworks sparkling red and yellow in the sky, the night ringing with laughter and voices and the air immersed in overcooked beef.

The same spot where, from his perch at the steps, Haji had played his cello at sunset, and upon her prompting, offered to give her answers about her blood-drenched past.

But Okinawa's shoreline had changed since her sleep, and though she searched in vain, that area was long gone. It resided only in her own mind now, and she felt the tears gush out of her eyes as she stood there, wind whipping her hair and clothes, peering sightlessly at the glittering water as if trying to drown herself, or go blind.

Haji… Haji… where are you?

She sat there alone, and cried for hours, an outrush that seemed unstoppable. She could never erase the memory of Diva's last concert, of the words he had spoken to her, cool scaly hands clasping hers to gently pry away her sword. A single drop of water, glittering like a tear on his pale fine-boned face. The calm but melancholy look in his eyes, the words he had spoken to her then.

Please live on.

You don't have to fight anymore.

He had been right. Forever her constant guide, her glowing Polaris, he had guided her out of a self-willed suicide and into a life of vibrant light and verve.

But without him, anchorless, rootless, how was she ever going to find her way here on?

"Saya?"

The low familiar voice that spoke her name had sent her whirling around in stark fright. Had she lost her mind? Was she dreaming?

It was his voice she had heard.

And then, more unreal still, she had seen him there. Standing like a lone black pillar in the powdery white sand, outlined by moonlight. Face pale and calm, eyes holding hers with the same mesmeric, gentling gaze that sabotaged her dreams each night since her Awakening.

Her shock had been so absolute it had rendered her paralyzed.

Then, again, the apparition of Haji had spoken. "Saya? Don't you… recognize me?"

Her heart had pounded so fast in her chest she was afraid it would fly out. She felt as though she were caught in some surreal, frightening spell, as if she was no longer entrenched in reality.

Then, unbidden, his name had tumbled from her lips. "Ha—Haji."

He inclined his head. "Yes, Saya."

She told herself firmly that she wasn't dreaming, that she wasn't going crazy. It was his face, his voice. He was standing right in front of her. He was still alive.

"I…I thought you'd left me forever," she stammered, and the tears surged anew, spilling across her face, tracking hot paths across her wind-chilled skin.

He was at her side in the space of an eyeblink, and she relished the solid arms that wrapped around her, the encompassing grip that steadied her and drew her close. The sensory establishment was enough to convince her she wasn't deluded; he was really here, he was still with her!

His lips were cool and soft against her fevered brow, brushing across her tear-streaked face, at the lashes webbed-wet with tears. When he spoke, his voice was low, but with the faintest tremor that spoke volumes about the depth of his emotion, his joy at their long-awaited reunion.

"How could I go anywhere without you, Saya? I would never be able to exist, without you."

She squeezed her eyes shut, pressed her cheek to his chest and held him so tight she could imagine them never separating, never imagining that they could. "Haji, please promise never to leave me again."

His lips against her forehead, mouthing the words more than speaking them, with a subtle vibration in his throat. "I promise, Saya. I will never go anywhere without you. I swear it."


Continued...