- Shizuo -

Before ducking into Russia Sushi, I pause momentarily to turn around, looking up and down the street suspiciously. Something feels... off. For some reason, I could have sworn I had seen that stinking flea behind me somewhere. I must be imagining things in the deceiving evening light.

I shrug as I walk into the restaurant alone, nodding to Simon and Denis before taking a seat at the end of the sushi bar, lost in thought. It wasn't possible. Izaya hasn't shown his face in Ikebukuro since that night. I honestly wasn't even all that sure that he was alive for a while. Shinra, at one point, had confirm that he had survived.

For some reason I had been relieved. I'm not even sure why. We had been trying to kill each other since the day we met. I should have been pleased if I had found out that he was no longer breathing. You'd think so, right?

Somewhere in some seriously sick and twisted part of me - a part of me that I vehemently ignored - I knew that my life would be meaningless without him. Meaningless and boring. What the hell is that all about?

Before he disappeared, I had spent a great deal of time tracking him down. Constantly trying to beat the shit out of him whenever I had a moment to myself. Somewhere along the line, that had warped into a game of cat and mouse that I indulged in every chance I got. A messed up little game that I enjoyed. Thoroughly.

Without him around anymore I had no idea what to do with myself. I worked with Tom as much as possible to fill my days but at night... I was lost. I continued to patrol the streets and I knew, though I would never admit it aloud, I was still looking for him.

I'm always looking for him.

Izaya fucking Orihara.

Chasing him relentlessly had turned into an important part of me. That very idea made me want to scream. I unknowingly clench my teeth as I screw my eyes shut tightly.

"Ah, Shizuo," Simon calls to me, pulling me out of my increasingly disturbing train of thought, making me open my eyes and look at him. He has a sushi platter for one in hand while he's looming over me from across the counter. "You have face of anxiety today. Sushi good. Eat so you no fight." He smiles broadly at me while setting the food in front of me.

"Thanks," I say, forcing a small smile as he nods while walking away. Looking down at the sushi in front of me, I sigh.

At one point a while back, I took up Varona on a visit to Russia. I guess I was trying to get my mind off the Izaya sized hole in my life. Trying to convince myself it wasn't even there to begin with. I thought getting away from the city that was starting to feel empty and lifeless would help me to reset my life.

Every day had become repetitive and monotonous. Work with Tom, run into my few precious friends on the street, food at Russia sushi, sleep, repeat. Every once in a while, I'd get invited over to Shinra's to have hot pot with him and Celty. Sometimes even Kadota and gang were there. But everyday life had become so tedious and so incredibly boring. I just didn't know how to change it.

So I visited with Varona. It was an okay time, I guess. She was a pretty awkward host and even though she meticulously planned what to do every day, it just seemed so... robotic and forced. I don't know what I was expecting to be honest.

At one point, I could have sworn that one of her planned outings had meant to be some weird version of a date but that was just made everything even more awkward. Varona's a friend and I can't see her any other way. What the hell is wrong with me? She's very attractive and she seems to like me for me. I guess. Shit.

I know what's wrong with me. I clench my teeth and snap my chopsticks in half in frustration. Simon thoughtfully drops off a few extra pairs with a knowing smile. Nodding silently I set the broken ones aside as I pick up a second set.

While attempting to push my thoughts aside, I feel my phone buzz in my pocket. Setting my chopsticks down, I flip the phone open to find an email from Kadota. It took all my strength to not snap my phone in half. I really couldn't afford to buy another one this month.

The email's subject reads "thought you'd want to know..." and includes a picture of a certain flea sitting in a cafe somewhere nearby. Snapping the phone shut, I slam it down onto the counter.

I can feel my face start to turn red and my pulse is racing. I attempt to slow my breathing as I try push the image out of my mind, failing miserably. "What is he doing here...?" I grumble to myself. I shove another piece of nigiri in my mouth, glaring at the phone as if it had offended me personally.

"Shizuo. Need more sushi?" Simon asks with concern coloring his voice. He's way too in tune with people's emotions for my taste today.

"I'm fine. Thanks," I say shortly, snatching the phone up again and flipping it open again to stare at the picture. "What the hell is he doing here...?" I repeat, cracking my second pair of chopsticks in half.

Looking closer at the image on the screen, he looks so innocent. Just sitting in a booth, sipping tea. No nefarious look on his smug, stupid face. He almost looks serene. I know better than to believe that. He's up to something. Why else would he be back here?

For some reason I feel a small smile form on my lips. Some part of me... that sick, twisted part of me... is, what? Excited? Thrilled? Fucking hopeful?!

I snap my phone in half. "Shit."

I stand up and shove the broken phone into my pocket. "Thanks for the sushi, Simon," I say as the Russian waiter comes over, that concerned look still plastered on his face. I force a smile. "I'm alright. Don't worry. I just need to go buy a new phone."

After paying, I turn to leave only to be met by Erika and Walker coming in through the door. The smile on Erika's face is obnoxiously irritating. "Hey guys," I say as they block the exit, causing me to pause and raise a questioning eyebrow. "What's up?"

"Did you get the message we sent you?" Walker grins. "We thought you'd want to... you know..."

"He must be back for you, Shizuo," Erika says with stars in her eyes. "He must have missed you all this time!"

"Erika," Kadota says as he walks in behind the two otaku, Saburo in tow. "Knock that crap off."

"But Dotachiiiin," she pouts. "Why else would Iza-Iza be back but to finally claim his undying lo...Mmmph!"

Walker quickly covers Erika's mouth and drags her away to an empty table behind Saburo who's shaking his head. "Don't listen to this one... she ships everything," Walker says apologetically over his shoulder with a small grin.

I raise my eyebrow again. "Ship?" I ask, looking at Kadota.

"Don't ask. You really, really don't want to know," he answers with a sigh. "Anyway, I take it you got my email. I almost didn't send it but, you know... it's him. I figured if anyone would want to know what he's up to, it's you. Are you headed out now? Do you want to know where we saw him?"

"No," I force through clenched teeth, feeling a vein pop in my forehead. "All I know is that I need a new cell phone now. Maybe I'll just take care of that and ignore that flea."

"Really?" He asks dryly. "I didn't think you knew how to ignore him."

"I'm going to try my damnedest. Maybe he'll just disappear again and I won't have to worry why he showed up out-of-the-blue in the first place," I grumble as my hands clench tightly into fists at my side. "I'm going to buy a new phone. If I end up running into that fleabag it's because he's looking to start something. It won't be my fault."

Kadota shrugs. "Well, let me know if you need me," he says as he walks over to join the others at the table. "And Shizuo... you're probably right. He'll just disappear again so try not to let him get under your skin."

I mumble an unintelligible response as I push the door open, walking out into the night in Ikebukuro. "Damn it, Izaya," I mutter to myself. "You're always under my skin, aren't you?" I head off to buy another phone.