She takes a deep breath, steeling herself for the conversation she knows isn't going to go well. Heading down the hallway into her dad's study, she sees him hunched over his desk, staring at the empty Nikki Heat document. Knowing that this might do him in, she also knows she can't avoid the topic forever.

Not even trying to cover up the guilt on her face, she knocks on the doorframe. "Dad, can we talk?"

When he looks up at her from his desk, the pain from the last case with Beckett is still evident on his face. She's not sure of the details, but from what she had gathered it sounded like a kidnapping gone wrong.

There are bags under his eyes, and the later-than-five o'clock shadow on his face tear at her heart. She knows it's not going to get better, not after what's eating her gets out. "Hey pumpkin, of course," the unsuccessful smile on his face belying the lackluster tone in his voice. "What's wrong?"

She fiddles with her hands, and he knows that's her tell when she feels guilty. His heart begins to race, fear and anguish beginning to course through his blood.

"It's about Dr. Parish. I just … she told me something, Dad, and I'm not sure what I should do about it." Everything is coming out in a rush, and she knows she's babbling, but once she gets started, she's not sure she can stop. "I mean, it was said in confidence, and by accident, and I wasn't supposed to say anything, but then the last few days happened, with Detective Beckett and the case, and I don't know what do to, and I just … I don't know if I can keep it in anymore."

"Sweetie, just let it out." This is the most he's felt like a good father, like a human being, in the past few days, after a case like this past one. "If there's no way around it, sometimes you just have to take a breath and spit it out."

"Dad, it's about her," she draws in a shaky, almost tearful breath, "about Kate's shooting."


Silence. He can hear nothing, he can feel nothing, and yet he feels everything. He can see his daughter's lips moving, can see the heartbreak on her face as she tells him everything, but in reality, outside of his body? He hears nothing beyond her utterance of "She knows." The blood starts rushing through his head, and all he can hear is white noise. Just the fuzzy edges of the conversation Alexis is trying so desperately to control.

He sits back in his chair, staring at the ceiling, and drifts for a moment.

He tunes back into Alexis, hears her pleas of "Dad, I swear, Lanie didn't want to tell me, but it slipped out, and I'm not supposed to tell you, but it's been eating at me for a few days, and please, just say something?" But he can't muster up the words to ease his daughters fears, can't figure out how to placate her, and he feels horrible.

Yes, he had his suspicions, but to find out it's all true? To have his worst fears unfold in front of him, that the woman he loves, the woman he would wait for, do anything for, would lie to him? To his face. Repeatedly.

He misses when Alexis walks out of his study, her head hanging low, ashamed to have to have been the one to break him, misses when his mother ushers her upstairs, glancing back into his office, at his broken form at his desk.

It feels like hours until he finally finds the strength to move and leans forward, placing his elbows onto his desk, staring at the Nikki Heat chapter that mocks him from his laptop screen. Reading the words he had been attempting to get onto the page, he feels sick to his stomach. He needs to get out, to head somewhere other than his office, where Nikki permeates through every surface. He lifts an eyebrow at the knock at his door.

"You ok, kiddo? Alexis told me what happened." Martha's face is a palette of emotions, sadness and frustration echoing her son's, with a hint of Martha's own nerve. Her voice is gentle but firm. She crosses the space in an instant to stand next to his chair.

He's become very interested in a spot on the corner of his desk, so when she reaches out to grab his hand, he looks up at her, barely shed tears in his eyes.

His mother sighs.

"Oh, Richard. I know it's a lot. Tell you what," she runs her hand over his, "why don't you go take a walk, clear your head? Looking at Nikki Heat isn't going to help any, and Alexis believes she's destroyed everything by telling you."

"Mother, she hasn't … it's not Alexis' fault." He fumbles for words, nothing seems right now. "I just … you're right, I need to take time. I think I'm just going to head out, take a walk. Get coffee or something." He pats her hand as he lets go, grabbing his jacket from the coat rack by the door. Turning to her one final time, he surprises her by pulling her into a hug.

"No matter what I say, or have said in the past, Mother, know that I love you, ok? I may tease you endlessly, but you have taught me well. Give Alexis a hug for me, please?" He shakes his head, his voice falls to a whisper. "I don't know when I'll be back tonight." He knows that the look on her face is fear, and he places a kiss on her head. "Don't worry, Mother. I just need to clear my head, like you said."

She smiles at that, and chuckles a bit. "Son, just don't do anything rash, ok? Take some time to think before you visit any specific person, or make any choices, please?"

"Of course." With that, he heads out his front door with a heavy sigh.