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"Damn!Late again" I muttered under my breath in frustration. I stood outside the classroom door to wait for my breath to come back from running to school in hurry to not be late. Seems useless now. I laughed at the irony.
"Just my luck" Still muttering I reluctantly opened the door and entered the room.
The classroom had four rows and single desks,8 desks per row, with two doors one for the back and one for the front. Students enter from the back and teachers enter the front. As I walked in through the back I did my usual greetings with the people I knew and just nodded my head at the people I didn't. It's funny because no everyday was just the same. The same conversations. The same schedule. I was always angry at how they can act like nothing has happened when i'm here just making it through life one day at a time. But, why should they care? I completely separated myself from the world and the pain inside me. People used to say they could 'read me like a book' but now, nobody had know idea. One of the things I learnt off him I guess. I made my way to my desk, 8th in the second row, at the back. Yukari, who sits next to me, and Nanase, who sites in front of me, both turned to talk to me. The only two who knew what I was really feeling, and what they knew wasn't a lot.
"How you holding up?" Nanase asked concerned
"I'm a lot better now" I lied emotionless. I smiled to try and prove that what I was saying wasn't a lie. You could say I was trying to convince myself, not just Nanase and Yukari.
Nanase nodded and smiled sadly back at me.
"You know I've asked around but we just can't find him." Yukari patted my hand. This was Yukari's way of comforting me. She never was as good as Nanase who knew just what to say and when to say it though in this case, nothing she could say would make things any easier.
"Thanks, but, I don't care. Seems that I wasn't as important to him as he was to me and there's nothing I can do to change that". I put my head down in attempt to sleep to which Nanase and Yukari turned back around to wait for the teacher for first lesson. I found sleeping made things better. Well not better, more like easier. I used sleep in a sort of escape. Whenever I slept I would be taken from reality to what I like to call 'dream world'. And it was always the same dream. Me and Kazuma would be looking out on the pond behind the Kannagi house watching the sun go down behind the wall of the Kannagi property. We would be sitting in the bank of the pond him pulling me close and hugging me from behind. Our hands en-tangled within each other. My heart would sore like the wind he controls. But the drop back down from the dream would always hurt more than the one before. I would always wake up with tears filling my eyes.
Nanase and Yukari would wake me up after every lesson so I could get the right book out to at least make it look like I was paying attention in class. Then at break and lunch times we would go to the rooftop where I would sleep some more after nibbling at a fruit salad. Yukari would eat what I didn't to make it look like I was eating in school. Today was different though.
"Ayano, we need to talk" Nanase said softly. I looked up before I sleep whisked me away to 'dream land'.
"what is it?" I yawned.
"well, you don't look to good. We know you've been lying to us saying that your getting better. We can see your not. Your losing weight and not healthily either. Look, we love. You are our best friend. We don't want to see you like this."
Her words hurt more then a dagger to the heart. Part of me wanted to stop listening and yet part if me wanted to carry on listening knowing that what they were saying was true. But, admitting that would just be too much. Instead I resorted to anger.
"So, what your basically saying is that because I am going through this I don't deserve your friendship? Well, thanks for making our friendship clear".
I left Nanase and Yukari, sight going blurry from the tears in my eyes as I left the rooftop. I searched the grounds looking for a place to cry in peace when I remembered the creepy tree at the back of the school which everyone said was haunted. For me, it was a memory. A memory of laughter, of walking around the school with Kazuma. His lips on my nose and how angry I got. I still blushed at the thought of it. I settled myself under the tree and it was a perfect wind trap. The air blew through my hair and the tears in my eyes finally rolled down my cheeks. It felt like I was alone now. Really alone. I used my bag as a pillow and I curled my myself around the trunk of the tree. This is the closest I have ever felt to him. Sleep slowly crept up on me and I slowly lost myself in the dream of Kazuma.

Before I knew it, it was the end of the day. The bell rang in my ears and I awoke from the dream. I trudged through the school gates. Usually I'd meet Nanase and Yukari just by the school gates but this time I kept on walking. Not bothering to stop. The walk home always seemed to be the happiest time of the day. The time where I could day dream of what it would be like. Kazuma picking me up from school, walking hand in hand to the Kannagi household. Laughing and joking. Time flew and soon enough I found myself walking underneath the 'Kannagi' doorway which represented the boundary between the property of one of the most powerful families of Enjustu and the outside word, for me it was a doorway which represented the boundary between control and freedom. As soon as I entered Ren ran breathlessly towards me.
"Ayano" He yelled worriedly. He hasn't grown much since a year, he might be a little taller and his hair longer but ever since Ayumi he has definitely changed, at least somebody benefited from what happened last year.
"Hey Ren, what's up?" I greeted him. cheerfully. Ren took it hard as well when Kazuma disappeared so I always tried not to show how I felt towards him. It would just make things harder. If i'm perfectly honest, Ren never failed to put a smile on my lips. Although, he had a habit of being Fathers messenger so he was always the one to bring bad news which I wasn't very happy about.
"Jugo wants to see you". A wash of frustration washed over me.
"I just got here, at least let me put my bag down, Ren."
"He told me to tell you as soon as get back, he wants to see you right away" Ren defended himself.
I sighed. "Alright, alright. tell him i'll be there as soon as i drop my bag in my room, okaii?"
"he's not gonna be happy but alright"
Ren accepted the task and ran off, tripping on the way. I chuckled at his clumsiness. He's always clumsy whenever he's scared or anxious which was a lot of the time due to the bad news he always seems to bring. I watched him until I couldn't see him then made my way to my room. I Dropped my bag on my bed and changed out of my school uniform into casual clothes. What is he gonna lecture about to me now, last time it was my grades, the time before because I got fired from my part time job which I got with the intention of it to help forget about Kazuma. Obviously, I didn't tell father that, he thought that I was taking responsibility instead of just being and 'insulant teenager'. I briskly walked down the corridor preparing myself for battle against the head of the Kannagi family. I entered the family room where all meetings where held.
"sorry I'm late father"I said tiredly as I walked into the room and saw Ren and few other members of the Kannagi family. I sat on his right facing the wall while Jugo faced the front. I searched for the furthest seat away from him but the only seat saved was the one closest to him.
"Where were you? I thought I told Ren to tell you to see me ASAP!" Jugo first started out calmly but through the sentence his voice rose in frustration.
"I went to drop off my bag and get changed" I responded emotionless.
"I'M TIRED OF YOUR DISOBEDIENCE AYANO"He yelled.
"AND I'M TIRED OF YOU SHOUTING AT ME FOR EVERY LITTLE THING!"I yelled back.
"Leave us". I saw the anger rise up in father and yet he held it down enough not to lose face in front of the rest of the family.
We both waited for til they all left. Father sighed.
"Ayano, i know things have been hard on you since Kazuma.." He said quietly.
"Father!"I interrupted as a jolt of pain rushed through me in the mention of his name.
"let me finish!" He held up his hand to stop me.
"I know it's been hard but we all have to move on." I clenched my teeth.
"father".The pain was intensifying.
"Ayano, you have a responsibility as the heir to the Kannagi family" He said harshly
"WHAT IF I DON'T WANT TO THE RESPONSIBILITY? NOBODY ASKED MY TO BE THE HEIR OF THE FAMILY" I rose from sitting down. Anger and hurt inside me. Emotions boiling over.
"NOBODY HAS A CHOICE INTO WHAT FAMILY THEY ARE BORN INTO, IT'S JUST HOW IT IS!" He rose too.
I searched his eyes for any recognizable emotions for what i was feeling but all i found was an emotionless wall. I broke down on the floor in tears. I was tired of feeling like this, tired of feeling like the whole world was against me.
"i didn't want this" I sobbed. " I didn't ask for this".
Father kneeled down before me and held me until I had no more tears to cry. Hours passed when I lifted my head and looked into his eyes. Sadness, the sadness i was looking for, finally showed in his eyes. He smiled a sad grin. It reminded me of how he used to be when mum was still alive. I felt like we finally connected on some sort of level.
"I know it hurts now, but it'll get better. okaii?"He soothed as he held me in a hug. I nodded, still chocked up, knowing that he understood me and how I was feeling. Hours passed and he didn't move. Our arms still holding each other until father finally moved.
"time for bed don't you think?" I nodded, to which he helped me up and walked me to my room. I got to my room and collapsed on my bed through emotional exhaustion, not bothering to get changed into my pajamas. Sleep fell on me like a warm blanket on a cold day and this time I didn't dream.

I awoke to my alarm ringing in my ears. Dread washed over as I was getting ready for another day at school. After getting ready I left the house saying my goodbyes to everyone before leaving for school. The was an awkwardness was between me and father but he hugged me despite that, which shocked the household as he usually showed no affection between us in public. He had always had pride but I think realized that sometimes I need a bit of fatherly love instead of a lecture from the head of the Kannagi family. It showed me that he did understand me at a certain extent. After the goodbyes I set off towards school loosing myself in my music going over what happened last night and wondering why I didn't dream of Kazuma last night. Fear washed over me as though it was due to me finally getting over him. I walked for about 10 minutes still pondering this idea until I felt it. The wind. His wind. My body froze as the feeling of his wind enclosed around me. It was a feeling I have missed and the worries of getting over him disappeared in an instant. As it wrapped itself around me, the pain for the first time drifted away. for the first time in over a year I felt all the happiness I have missed out for the entire year. It's not real, It's not real. I had to keep telling myself it's not real otherwise the fall from this feeling of weightlessness is going to hurt more than before. My head was spinning and felt my body collapse back against a warm, strong chest. The last thing I saw was the blue sky as a worried voice called out.

"Ayano.."