Xander sat in the basement.the basement of the Summers' house where Spike was kept. The bleached blonde vampire wasn't around, so Xander sought his solitude there. He leaned his head back against the wall, knees to his chest, arms folded over them. His head was tilted to the side ever so slightly, his eyes on the floor. Above, the familiar sounds of those who shared the household could be heard. With a house that was for the most part over flowing with estrogen, there was so wondering why Xander would hide away from them.

Where's Xander? The voices upstairs were muffled, faint, but this one was easily distinguished with its authoritative tone. Dawn, look upstairs. Andrew, check the basement. Talking ceased. Footsteps echoed up the stairs to the second the floor. Andrew! Silence. And an interval where it was likely that she clutched his collar in her fist, forcing obedience out of him. There was no sense in arguing with the Slayer.

Cautiously, he descended down the stairs into the basement. "Xander?" His voice barely broke above a whisper, "Xander, are you down here?" He stepped off the final stair and into the soft glow of light from the bulb that hung overhead.

"Yeah, I'm here."

"Oh, good. I'll go tell Buffy," He turned to start back up the stairs, but paused before taking the first step. He pivoted to face Xander, regarded him for a moment, and then joined him on the basement floor.

"Something wrong?"

"No, everything's fi-"

"Well, 'cause you can tell me if anything is wrong. I mean, you know, if you wanted to that is," He never looked at Xander, merely fingered the sleeve of his shirt.

"Thanks, but thing's are -"

"Is it Anya?"

"What? Oh, no. No, definitely not. Her and I are done for good. Finito. No more."

"Buffy?"

"No, I'm so over that."

"Uhm, Willow?

Xander turned brown eyes toward the boy, whose own gaze was still fixated on his sleeve. A slight look of confusion graced Xander's face.

"It's not a girl."

"Oh." Andrew finally moved his gaze from sleeve to face. "Oh?"

"No. No, it's not.I mean, I." His face went pink; he quickly moved his eyes from Andrew's face to the floor. Idly, awkwardly, he traced patterns on the bare floor.

"Well, you know, it is ok if.I mean, you know, it's not a bad thing if you.if you're inclined that way." Andrew watched Xander's finger move along the floor for the split second between his words being spoken and Xander's eyes meeting his again.

"But I'm not."

"Yeah, I know.I'm just saying.it's, uh, fine if you are."

Silence. Footsteps and muffled voices above. Buffy and the gang most likely waiting on their two cohorts in the basement. Neither was inclined to move. They sat in awkward silence, Xander again drawing on the floor with a finger, Andrew watching. Xander glanced up at him as if sensing his gaze.

"I.uhm, well.Xander, I .there's no guarantee that we'll all live through this.this war, and I.I wanted to thank you. You know, for.being so nice to me. I mean, sure you were mean to me at first and you, you tied me up and stuff, but.you've been nicer to me than most people. And, well, thank you."

"You're not as bad as I thought. Even for a mu-nerd." They exchanged smiles, Andrew's cheeks pinkening. "You're really not bad at all," he reiterated. They stared for a while before Xander leaned in and brushed his lips across Andrew's, barely touching them. He cupped Andrew's face in his hands and pulled his lips in for a kiss.

I remained in the shadows, watching them. They kissed awkwardly, heatedly. They moved to the bed, fumbled with zippers and clothes. Were circumstances different, this would have felt more voyeuristic as I watched Xander claim the last thing I ever had going for me.

Andrew was still as beautiful as ever. Dirty blonde hair a perfect contrast to his pale skin. Skin I knew to be soft to the touch. Skin now glistened in sweat, covered in kisses from Xander's lips, and not mine. There was a feeling in me; one that compared to the way my chest ached every time I looked at Andrew just months ago. I felt forgotten. My life began and ended in a full circle of neglect. Of going unnoticed and unwanted. With the final thing said to me being "None of them care about you." My existence now passed, and still I remain the furthest thing from everyone's mind. It was to be expected though, and not just because of there was an apocalypse in full swing.

There was a certain amount of beauty to their lovemaking. I was assured then that Andrew would be ok. I could tell, even if they couldn't, that there was a love between them that would ultimately protect them both. I had been the last person Andrew had left in his life, but now I could rest easier knowing that he'd found his way into someone else's heart.

"What do you want?" His eyes, that gorgeous blue, fell upon me when he and Xander had finished. Those eyes were tinted with mistrust, and I knew it was because he mistook me for The First. I smiled at him. "Go-go away, I- I'm not going to fall for your tricks again. You're not Jonathan."

Xander followed his gaze, wrapped his arms tight around Andrew when he spotted me standing just a foot from the bed. I kept smiling. Perhaps it was the fact that I didn't speak that made Andrew realize that I wasn't an apparition of evil.

"Jonathan?" He sat up, prepared to stand, but I shook my head. He sat there, stared at me, as if having completely forgotten the warm body beside him. There were so many things that I could've said to him then. A thousand or more that had needed to be said in my life, but that were never spoken. I couldn't manage a syllable of any of those things.

His lips parted, as if to speak. I knew that he had just as many things to say to me as I did to him. Every word he tried to say caught in his throat and was made audible in the form of soft indistinguishable noises. So much of what he wanted to tell me was evident in his eyes though. He was sorry. Sorry for taking my life.

The closest he came to saying anything was when he mouthed 'I'm sorry. I love you.' I smiled, and faded back into the darkness of the basement. I couldn't allow myself to impede on his life for any longer. He stared after me for a while, and then turned back to Xander.

"It was Jonathan. It was really.it was really.him."

"How do you know?"

"I just.I just did."