LEE'S NOTE: Embassy e-mail exchange, multiple parties. Occurred when the Ambassador was eleven years old, according to embassy records. First known anomalous event to appear in official recordings. Date lines have not been edited - some data corruption occurred on retrieval.
To: Allstaff
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: Inappropriate conduct
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom it May Concern,
I would like to remind Embassy staff that as ambassadors to our respective nations and races, we are expected to adhere to certain standards of behaviour in order to represent our peoples. Though I do not wish to imply that we must be humourless, there are certain acceptable ways to exhibit levity within the boundaries of propriety.
Jumping off the balcony in the atrium does not fall into the category of "acceptable."
Though I make allowances for my colleague's youth, I would strongly suggest that some professional development might benefit certain staff members.
Sincerely,
His Excellency, Bradley Petersen
Ambassador of the United States of America
Acting Ambassador of Humanity to the Kingdom of Monsters
Note: Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this message and may be subject to legal privilege. Access to this e-mail by anyone other than the intended is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you may not use, copy, distribute or deliver to anyone this message (or any part of its contents ) or take any action in reliance on it. In such case, you should destroy this message, and notify us immediately. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately by e-mail or telephone and delete the e-mail from any computer. If you or your employer does not consent to internet e-mail messages of this kind, please notify us immediately. All reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure no viruses are present in this e-mail. As our company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this e-mail or attachments we recommend that you subject these to your virus checking procedures prior to use. The views, opinions, conclusions and other informations expressed in this electronic mail are not given or endorsed by the company unless otherwise indicated by an authorized representative independent of this message.
To: Petersen, Bradley
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: Inappropriate Conduct
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Dear Bradley,
I'm sorry I jumped off the balcony. And I'm sorry about the tree. I received some bad advice. I'm studying every day to be a good ambassador, I promise. I was on my break, or I wouldn't have done it.
From,
Frisk
Her Royal Highness, Katherine Anne of the House of Dreemurr
Ambassador of the Kingdom of Monsters
Ambassador of Humanity
To: Allstaff
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: Inappropriate conduct
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom it May Concern,
I would like to remind certain staff members that the responsibility to comport ourselves with respectability and decorum is not restricted to "on the clock" hours. Our respective nations and races depend upon us to represent them at any hour of any day, and not simply when it is convenient to us.
Perhaps such concepts are not taught in certain independent schooling systems. Or perhaps such insights come with maturity. Should staff desire, I may be prevailed upon to act as mentor to certain inexperienced members of staff who require remedial training.
Sincerely,
His Excellency, Bradley Petersen
Ambassador of the United States of America
Acting Ambassador of Humanity to the Kingdom of Monsters
Note: Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this message and may be subject to legal privilege. Access to this e-mail by anyone other than the intended is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you may not use, copy, distribute or deliver to anyone this message (or any part of its contents ) or take any action in reliance on it. In such case, you should destroy this message, and notify us immediately. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately by e-mail or telephone and delete the e-mail from any computer. If you or your employer does not consent to internet e-mail messages of this kind, please notify us immediately. All reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure no viruses are present in this e-mail. As our company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this e-mail or attachments we recommend that you subject these to your virus checking procedures prior to use. The views, opinions, conclusions and other informations expressed in this electronic mail are not given or endorsed by the company unless otherwise indicated by an authorized representative independent of this message.
To: Allstaff
From: Dreemurr, H.R.M. Toriel
Subject: Educational Curricula
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom It May Concern,
Greetings. I would like to remind all staff members that the Summit on Cooperative Education between Humans and Monsters was held last year. If I may refer you to the peer-reviewed journals outlined in previous communications, Cooperative Curricula meet and exceed all standards set by all respective nations in the Cooperative.
We also offer remedial classes on manners for those members of staff who may require them.
Warmest regards,
Her Royal Majesty, Toriel of the House of Dreemurr
Queen of all Monsters
Minister of Education
Headmistress, Cooperative School
Winner: Pie Division, Winner: Best in Show, Royal Winter Fair
To: Allstaff
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Hi Everybody,
I promise I won't try to jump off the atrium any more, and I'll be a good representative of humans AND monsters.
But I'd just like to say, I'm not stupid. SOMEONE was supposed to catch me.
From,
Frisk
Her Royal Highness, Katherine Anne of the House of Dreemurr
Ambassador of the Kingdom of Monsters
Ambassador of Humanity
To: allstaff
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: the atrium thing
Date: November 2, 20[XX]
someone did catch you. it just happened to be a tree.
To: Skeleton, Sans
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Dear Sans,
It's not the same and you know it. You said it would be fun. Landing in the tree wasn't fun. Bradley is really mad about the topiary.
Love,
Frisk
Her Royal Highness, Katherine Anne of the House of Dreemurr
Ambassador of the Kingdom of Monsters
Ambassador of Humanity
To: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: the atrium thing
Date: November 1, 20[XX]
i seem to recall you laughing pretty hard until that weenie started yelling. bradley is a dink. you needed the break.
aw, forget this email stuff. look behind you.
To: Skeleton, Sans
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Dear Sans,
Yeah. I guess you're right. What do you mmmmmmmmsnthnklj;
[NOTE: E-mail is incomplete. Contains attachment. Webcam photo shows Sans Skeleton vigorously hugging the Ambassador in her office. Action appears to be reciprocal. Passkey records indicate Skeleton was keyed in to the north block at the time. Photos show that Skeleton still wearing passkey. Faulty passkey tracking? Investigate.]
To: Admin
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: Inappropriate correspondence
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom it May Concern,
Why does the janitor have an official embassy e-mail address?
Sincerely,
His Excellency, Bradley Petersen
Ambassador of the United States of America
Ambassador of Humanity to the Kingdom of Monsters
Note: Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this message and may be subject to legal privilege. Access to this e-mail by anyone other than the intended is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you may not use, copy, distribute or deliver to anyone this message (or any part of its contents ) or take any action in reliance on it. In such case, you should destroy this message, and notify us immediately. If you have received this email in error, please stick it where the sun don't shine. The views, opinions, conclusions and other informations expressed in this electronic mail are made by a weenie and should be ignored and deleted right away.
To: Petersen, Bradley
From: Admin
Subject: Inappropriate correspondence
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Yo, Your Excellency,
Thank you for your correspondence. The employee in question is not a janitor.
Also, you wish you were that cool.
Signed,
Assistant to the Chief Technical Officer
Human-Monster Embassy
IT Department
To: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
From: Admin
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Yo, Frisk,
The security cameras caught your swan dive off the balcony! Man, that was totally sick! Check out the vid. Think I could try it sometime?
We should totally show this to the King and Queen.
Later!
Artie
Attachment: [video: "friskswandive"]
[NOTE: Video attached. Security cameras show that Ambassador Petersen and his personal secretary, monster child identified as A. Monster (present as part of work study program), and monsters identified as Whimsun, Snowdrake., and Migsop are present in the atrium. Coffee cart visible at leftmost frame occasionally staffed by Sans Skeleton. Sans Skeleton not visible in footage. Video shows Ambassador Dreemurr climbing to the balcony rail above the atrium on the left side and jumping. Camera appears to temporarily short-circuit just after the jump. When footage resumes, the Ambassador is in the topiary at the centre of the atrium. Logistics has flagged the angle of the jump. Current calculations seem to indicate it impossible for the Ambassador to have reached the topiary. Possible tampering with security footage? Recalculation in progress. Will advise]
To: Admin
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Dear Artie,
Do NOT show this thing to my parents. I'm already grounded.
Love,
Frisk
To: admin
Cc: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: the atrium thing
Date: November [X], 20[XX]
hey, hook me up with a copy.
To: Skeleton, Sans
Cc: Admin
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Sans, no!
To: admin
Cc: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: the atrium thing
Date: November [X], 20[XX]
sans, yes.
To: Skeleton, Sans
Cc: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
From: Admin
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Done, dude. Check your inbox.
Artie
To: Skeleton, Sans
Cc: Admin
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: The Atrium Thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
NGAHHHH!
To: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
From: Actinopterygii, Undyne
Subject: Re: fw: re: the atrium thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Hey, punk!
That is NOT how you NGAAAAAHHHHHH! You need to breathe from the diaphragm and project! Have you been paying attention AT ALL? Clearly not. Tonight's training session is gonna be TWICE as long! Fuhuhuhuhu!
Love,
Undyne
PS: yeah, that's right, I typed out my laugh so you know I'm serious. This is my serious face: °ww°
Guard Captain Undyne
Human-Monster Embassy Security
Gym Teacher & Head Coach, Cooperative School
Owner & Proprietor, Aquatica Fitness & Training
To: undyne
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: fw: re: the atrium thing
To: Skeleton, Sans
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: Re: fw: re: the atrium thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Quit forwarding stuff to Undyne! She just showed up at my office and she's yelling through the door about training. I still have science homework!
Love,
Frisk
To: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: Re: Re: fw: re: the atrium thing
Date: November [X], 20[XX]
which you have a reason for not doing now. you're welcome.
To: Skeleton, Sans
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Re: re: Re: :re: fw: re the atrium thing
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
Attachment: [photo: "friskpuppyeyes"]
To: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: re: Re: re: Re: :re: fw: re the atrium thing
Date: November [X], 20[XX]
holster the big guns, kiddo. i'll help you with your homework later. science project's almost done anyway. don't keep the fish waiting.
To: Skeleton, Sans
From: Dreemurr, H.R.H. Katherine Anne
Subject: Thank you! (still mad though)
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
I 3 u!
To: frisk
From: Skeleton, Sans
Subject: no you're not
Date: [XXXXXXXX] [X], 20[XX]
i less-than-three you too, buddy.
To: Allstaff
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: Inappropriate commotion
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom it May Concern,
Might I remind all staff that this is a place in which important business is conducted? We must set an example of decorum, as I have mentioned before. It is impossible to conduct the necessary tasks required in order to maintain the treaties we have brokered when security personnel are screaming in the hallway and attempting to suplex certain ambassadors who should know better.
I have been patient, but it is evident that certain members of staff do not give their positions the care and consideration that they deserve. I suggest that a personnel review might be in order.
Sincerely,
Lord High Bossypants, Bradley Petersen
Ambassador of the Untitled Snitches of Angrytown
Ambassador of Humourlessness to the Kingdom of Awesome
Note: Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this message and may be subject to legal privilege. blah blah blah is anyone even reading this anymore? sounds like bradley is getting a little hot under the collar. guess he's using e-mails to blow off steam. crue, it's important to have somewhere to dump the ideas that are percolating. this embassy is a real pressure cooker of diplomacy, and bradley's been stewing in it for a while. looks like now is when it's all coming to a boil, but the ambassador can cook up a buffet of solutions. looking forward to seeing what's on the menu.
To: Petersen, Bradley
From: Skeleton, Papyrus
Subject: I HAVE DECODED YOUR SECRET MESSAGE [WINK]
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
AH HA!
I HAVE BEEN WONDERING ABOUT THE PURPOSE OF ALL THESE E-MAILS TODAY, FOR SURELY YOU COULD NOT HAVE BEEN REFERRING TO FRISK, WHOSE GREATNESS IS SECOND ONLY TO MINE. BUT I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS, HAVE FINALLY DECODED THE SECRET MESSAGE YOU HAVE CLEVERLY HIDDEN WITHIN YOUR MAILS!
I KNOW IT HAS BEEN A LONG TIME SINCE I WAS THE GUEST CHEF IN THE CAFETERIA, BUT BRADLEY, IF YOU MISSED MY COOKING SO BADLY, YOU HAD ONLY TO SAY SO! I WILL BE THERE SHORTLY!
REALLY, BRADLEY, I AM TOUCHED. AFTER YOU FILLED THE COMPLAINT BOX WITH YOUR NOTES, I THOUGHT YOU DID NOT CARE. I SEE NOW THAT IT WAS MERELY A CUNNING RUSE TO DISGUISE YOUR ADORATION. WELL DONE!
NYEH,
ROYAL GUARDSKELETON PAPYRUS
HUMAN-MONSTER EMBASSY SECURITY (& MASCOT)
GYM TEACHER (& MASCOT), COOPERATIVE SCHOOL
HOME ECONOMICS TEACHER (& MASCOT), COOPERATIVE SCHOOL
PERSONAL TRAINER (& MASCOT), AQUATICA FITNESS & TRAINING
BUY MY NEW COOKBOOK, "PASTA FOR POWER, PRESTIGE, AND POPULARITY!"
To: Allstaff
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: blah blah blah
Date: November 3, 20[XX]
To Whom it May Concern,
Who has been tampering with my e-mail?
Sincerely,
His Excrescencey, Bradley Peetersen
Stinky Poop Head
Doodietown
Note: insert pretentious stuff made to make people feel like they're more important than they actually are here.
Attachment: [photo: "bradleyinboxers"]
To: Petersen, Bradley
From: Facilities
Subject: Invoice for Damages
Date: November 4, 20[XX]
Ambassador Petersen,
The following items are not covered by the embassy's insurance policy. Please find attached an invoice for damages.
Sincerely,
Woshua Waterman
Facilities Manager
Attachment: ["Petersen Invoice" ]
Broken window (x2): $2000
Glass cleanup: $500
Removal of spaghetti stains in carpet:$700
Removal of spaghetti from computer peripheral drive: $100
Removal of spaghetti plate from ceiling: $200
Ceiling repair: $1000
To: Allstaff
From: Petersen, Bradley
Subject: Inappropriate personnel
Date: November 4, 20[XX]
To Whom It May Concern,
I am lodging a formal complaint. That tall skeleton is a joke. It has no business at this embassy, and I am fairly sure that toxic waste it calls "pasta" is a biohazard. Possibly a war crime.
Between it and the overindulged child someone had the gall to call an ambassador, I would be tempted to think this entire thing is some elaborate sort of joke. They need to go. Now.
Sincerely,
His Excellency, Bradley Petersen
Ambassador of the United States of America
Acting Ambassador of Humanity to the Kingdom of Monsters
Note: Privileged/Confidential information may be contained in this message and may be subject to legal privilege. Access to this e-mail by anyone other than the intended is unauthorised. If you are not the intended recipient (or responsible for delivery of the message to such person), you may not use, copy, distribute or deliver to anyone this message (or any part of its contents ) or take any action in reliance on it. In such case, you should destroy this message, and notify us immediately. If you have received this email in error, please notify us immediately by e-mail or telephone and delete the e-mail from any computer. If you or your employer does not consent to internet e-mail messages of this kind, please notify us immediately. All reasonable precautions have been taken to ensure no viruses are present in this e-mail. As our company cannot accept responsibility for any loss or damage arising from the use of this e-mail or attachments we recommend that you subject these to your virus checking procedures prior to use. The views, opinions, conclusions and other informations expressed in this electronic mail are not given or endorsed by the company unless otherwise indicated by an authorized representative independent of this message.
***ERROR: MESSAGE NOT DELIVERED***
To: Petersen, Bradley
From: XXXXXXXX, XXXX
Subject: Meeting Request
Date: [XXXXXX XX, XXXX]
Auto scheduler: The following meeting has been scheduled for all recipients of this message:
Date: [ERROR]
Location: [Office 302 (Petersen, B.)]
Additional notes: Be seeing you. . .
To: Allstaff
From: Dreemurr, H.R.M. Asgore
Subject: Teambuilding Exercise Fun Day!
Date: November 7, 20[XX]
Howdy folks!
Hope you all had a fantastic weekend! It's a bit nippy out today, so be sure to take some of the complimentary tea in the cafeteria to keep you warm. You can enjoy it in the Atrium while you check out the new topiary.
There's been a spot of tension or two around the place lately, so I wanted to announce that we'll be having a Teambuilding Exercise Fun Day on Friday! Team assignments will be going out shortly, and there will be a super-special prize for the team with the best team uniforms, so put your heads together and show us something really nifty.
This will also be a great opportunity to welcome our new Ambassador of Humanity to the Kingdom of Monsters, and I know I can count on you to make her feel right at home.
Happy Monday!
His Royal Majesty, Asgore of the House of Dreemurr
King of all Monsters
Minister of Monstering
Groundskeeper, Cooperative School
Winner: Floral Division, Royal Winter Fair
Co-winner, Number 1 Nose-Nuzzle Champs, '98
