Facing the Music
"Hey," Hermione greeted Ron nervously as she settled down in the kitchen with a cup of tea. Ron hadn't roused until nearly noon, much to her relief and she was able to make herself look more proper in the meantime.
"Hey. Where've you been all day?" he asked. It was nearly dinnertime and she had been avoiding him, though talking was inevitable.
"Just catching up on some reading," she said as nonchalantly as possible.
"Right."
"What have you been doing?"
"Thinking, mostly," he told her. She tried to control her eyebrows that were threatening to disappear under her bangs as she took in the information he had presented her. It was very unlike him to just sit around and think…especially when surrounded by so many people, but Harry had been gone since before he awakened, so she figured he had taken a bit of private time.
She wasn't sure how to respond, so she simply nodded, hoping he would elaborate. Fortunately, he didn't disappoint. "What do you think about Auror training?" he asked her.
"Oh…well it's very a very noble profession, but loads of hard work. I expect Harry will be pretty busy with the training over the next few months," she said with a shrug.
"I think I'd like to be an Auror someday," he told her. She had never seen a more contemplative look grace his freckled features.
"That's a wonderful thing, Ron."
"Yeah…my parents would be really proud."
"They're already really proud," she pointed out. "They love you."
Ron blushed deeply. "I know…I'd just like to do something that would keep them proud…and me busy."
"You're a great man, Ron." She was blushing as well, never having called her friend a man in all her life, but finding it suited him now. His blush deepened and he muttered his thanks. "Erm…have you talked to Harry? Maybe you could join the training now."
"Nope…I'd have to wait a year," he told her. "They only take a few applications each year. I've missed my chance this time around."
"Oh…sorry."
"No big deal. I'll just help George with the shop until then…I'd be making decent money," he admitted. "George is getting better every day."
Hermione smiled, glad to hear that bit of news. She knew Ron was frequently annoyed by his older brother, but he did love and care for him. Though she didn't spend an excessive amount of time solely with the twins she cared about them too. George had had a hard time and everyone wanted to see him get back into the thick of things. Hermione cleared her throat after a moment. "I heard they're reopening the school in September," she said.
"Yeah. Dad was talking about that earlier. Are you going back?"
"I should go back," she replied.
"I'm sure McGonagall would be happy to write you references for whatever job you tried to get, but I figured you'd want to finish on your own terms," he said with a gentle smile. "Always the knowledge thirsty one."
"There's nothing wrong with that," she began.
"Not at all," he admitted before she got a chance to be upset. "I admire it, actually…I wouldn't have gotten along so well without you and your intelligence." She smiled as well.
"Thanks."
"I'll just hate to think of you being at school without us…"
"It will definitely be odd. I can't think of Hogwarts without you and Harry."
"Will you write?"
"Of course…we're still best friends!" she pointed out.
"Right. I just know you'll be busy."
"Ron…can I talk to you?" she asked, her heart speeding up as she prepared herself to broach the subject of her feelings. When he gave consent she cleared her throat before beginning. She was more nervous than she had ever been in her life. "Erm…well, we've been through a lot together and you know I care about you…"
"You want to talk about that kiss?" he asked, referring to the second time in her life they had made distinct contact of a romantic nature.
"Well…yea, partially."
"I….erm…I-I love you, Hermione," he stated, flushing the color of his hair. "But with you going back to school and me applying to the Auror program it's probably not the best time to carry on with a real relationship."
Her heart sank and she bit back the tears that clouded her vision. "Right…of course."
"But…well I do want to explore this."
"Ron…I just want to let you know that when you're ready, I'll be here," she told him quickly, standing up. "I don't want to hold you back."
"You wouldn't be holding me back," he corrected her…but I really would be holding you back…distracting you from what you have to do…"
"I understand," she said, sadness creeping over her. She respected his sentiments, thought it was certainly not what she wanted to hear.
"Please don't be angry…" he pleaded, realizing her pain.
"No…I just…need to think." She left him staring after her without any idea what to do or say. Whatever she had expected, it had certainly not been his reaction. He was maturing and she wasn't quite sure how to take it…he was leaving her behind.
For the next month and a half things were a bit awkward between Ron and Hermione as she tried to come to terms with how things were going. She couldn't believe that he had said they were better off waiting. Ginny had wanted to throttle her brother upon hearing the news, but the older girl talked her out of it before the ideas for his torture could fully culminate. Harry was gone a lot and didn't seem to notice the tension and if he did, didn't comment on it.
As much as it pained Hermione to say so, she felt herself drifting away from the two people who meant the most to her, but she was helpless to change that fact. She felt guilty when relief washed over her at the thought of getting back to Hogwarts. Learning was all she could think about without wanting to cry endlessly. Both Harry and Ron escorted the girls to the train station on September 1, saying awkward goodbyes, as though they didn't quite know how to take things themselves.
"I'll write," Ron promised Hermione as she hugged him. She boarded the train after waving once more, not bothering to reply to his statement. Once moving, she allowed herself to cry on Ginny's shoulder.
"It'll all work out," the red head promised, but from where Hermione was sitting, things didn't look so good.
