If scuttlebutt said she was dead she was dead. If scuttlebutt said she was alive, then she was alive. And if she walked through his front door right...now wearing nothing but a raincoat he'd die a happy man. But he had to be honest with himself. Shepard was dead. He'd watched her shape burst into flames upon reentry from the window of the escape pod she'd forced him to go to. The love of his life was dead and he had to move on. But that was the problem. Moving on wasn't as easy as the vids made it seem sometimes. Shepard was a one of s kind, with her teasing smile, tempting walk and captivating eyes. Shepard had no idea how beautiful she was and that endeared her all the more to him.
The'yd only had about a month to be together, and they had yet to share another night like that one before Ilos, but that month together had been one of the happiest of his life. Sure they'd had the occasional Geth outpost but they'd been together.
And now they weren't.
Shepard was dead and he was alive, Shepard was space dust and he was in one piece.
Kaiden threw the towel in the washbin and pulled on a pair of boxers. Shaking his head to get his hair out of his eyes. It had grown some in the last few weeks while he'd been on leave and he knew he'd have to cut it when he went back, but that could wait. Today marked two years without her and he wanted to simply wallow in his misery. It had amazed him that Anderson had known about him and Shepard, but then, Anderson knew everything. At least when it came to whatever happened on the Normandy, whether or not he was on the ship. It had been Anderson that he'd first called when the crew had contacted the Citadel.
Standing on the small balcony of his apartment he watched the ocean waves ride across eachother. He tried to organize what time he had left. Only another week and then he had to report abck to the Citadel and Anderson. What the hell was he supposed to do for a whole week? Anderson ahd suggested that he see a grief counselor but Kaiden didn't feel like sharing. He'd shared his life stories with someone before, and now that someone was dead. Just debris in the atmosphere of a planet he never wanted to see again. He ran a hand through his hair and leaned against the door frame, listening to the incoming tide crash on the rocks below. He'd wanted to bring her here, once they'd gotten leave. To show her that Earth could be beautiful as well. He glanced back over his shoulder into the small bedroom, his gaze puposefully avoiding the king sized bed that dominated the room. He'd taken to sleeping on the couch on the side wall to avoid thinking about her. Anything to avoid the mistake he'd made that first night, the night after she'd died.
He was just so tired. The Alliance and the Council had been debriefing everyone for the last few hours, asking the all too invasive questions. And the news had hit, Shepard was dead. Officially declared dead by both the Alliance and the Council. And with that the crew of the Normandy had been officially been disbanded; the Alliance crewmen who had survived reassigned to other ships while Shepard's team drifted apart. While he'd gotten a promotion, Staff Commander Alenko still sounded rather strange, He watched those he'd come to call friends leave him. Just as she had.
Garrus went vigilante, running about the Terminus systems trying to right wrongs before they reached Citadel space. Liara had simply disappeared into the crowds, and Wrex had gone back to Tuchanka. Tali had been the only one to say good-bye, but even that had been short lived. She's given him a rather awkward hug and he'd barely heard her say "I'm so so sorry." before she'd stepped away and let the crowds swallow her up. Just as space had taken Shepard from him. Everyone was being taken away from him. Hell, he was even missing Joker! The blasted pilot had been so angry with the Alliance and the Council, especially after they had grounded him and even now he didn't want to think about it. But he understood. A pilot needed to be able to fly, and the Alliance had put a stop to Joker's ability to do that. If Cerberus could give him that then more power to him, but that didn't mean that Kaiden had to like it.
The sun was beginning to rise over the city, its light reflecting on the water and blinding him. He could feel a migraine starting in the base of his skull, pulsing from his biotic implant. 'Great' he thought, pushing himself away form the door and closing it tight against daylight. 'Jsut great, another shitty start to another shitty day.' Of course he refused to admit that the drinking bender he'd been one for the last few days had anything to do with his current state of affairs. None whatsoever. Nor would he think about the only thing that could possibly make him feel better. Memories of her.
She who was now dust in the wind. She who had saved him from himself, brought him out of his military shell and be willing to show his heart again. She who ahd the nerve to up and die. HOW DARE SHE! Waht was she even thinking! What could she possibly accomplish by dying and leaving him alone like this! She was the only one capable of convincing the Council, and the galaxy, about the Reaper threat. She was the only one who could stop them. He fell back across the bed he'd tried so hard to ignore, growling angrily and pressing the butt of his hands into his eyes. He inhaled sharply but a sob left with the exhale.
"Leia..."
Yup. Today was gonna be a shitty day... Now where was the last of the beer?
