Valkyrie: 12
OPEN
Case File #0065: Exploding Sheep of Kilkenny
Assigned Detectives: Sanctuary Prime Detective Skulduggery Pleasant, Trainee Detective Valkyrie Cain
Objective: Investigate strange sightings of exploded sheep corpses in the southern regions of Kilkenny – possible sorcerer involvement. Warrant for arrest granted. Cleaver back-up on request.
Referred by: Mortal civilian Joey Longuns
Signed by: T. Guild
Other notes:
You have a warrant for arrest.
I just want ONE criminal, Pleasant.
And it bloody better be the one who actually DID the crime, and NOT the one who annoyed you.
They stood under the hot Kilkenny sun with sweat pouring from every nook and joint, panting, groaning, where in the last two hours they had trudged up and down the rabbit-holed paddock like soldiers in squared marching formation.
It was hot. Hot, hot, hot, hot, hot! And to her frustration Valkyrie kept stumbling into rabbit holes. The only thing that made her feel any joy was that Skulduggery seemed to be slightly uncomfortable in the heat. He had taken off his jacket, loosened his tie and had unbuttoned the three topmost buttons of his dress shirt in a vain hope that some wind would blow his way.
Valkyrie had his hat.
She had insisted upon it because she could feel the skin on her nose and cheeks begin to burn, dry, blister and peel. As far as she was concerned Skulduggery didn't need a hat to keep cool because he had no skin to protect. She did.
Skulduggery stood sharp against the skyline and his skull gleamed a brilliant white under the insane glare of the Irish summer sun. He scanned the horizon meticulously as Valkyrie sat crouched in his thin shadow, exhausted.
"There is plenty of sheep over there," he informed her for no particular reason as he slowly turned – he had taken the gloves off from his hands, probably too uncomfortably hot to keep on.
"Alive or dead?" Valkyrie asked as she closed her eyes and wished for a breeze to come her way.
"It's hard to say from this distance," he gave a slight sniff. "Most likely dead."
Valkyrie opened an eye and stared incredulously at his back. "You got that deduction from a sniff?"
"Yes."
"How?"
"If you concentrate you can smell the carcasses from here."
Valkyrie paused and gave the air a small snort, twitched her nose, mulled over the scent she had picked up and frowned. "All I can smell is sheep dung."
"Maybe if you stood up off the ground-"
"Forget it! I'll just trust your judgement!"
Skulduggery's head turned around at almost a one-eighty degree angle to stare over his shoulder at her. She always felt that particular stare slightly unnerving. He observed her for a moment and turned back to the direction he wanted to head in.
"We'll go this way," he said and pointed to the horizon – nothing in particular looked interesting over there but Valkyrie got to her feet regardless. "Keep your eyes peeled for anything…suspicious."
He walked onwards and Valkyrie ambled along in his shadow, her head down, the rim of Skulduggery's hat doffed upwards out of her line of vision.
As they walked she studied the foot prints left behind by the detective in the grass. For a skeleton he must have had some remarkable weight because he was most certainly crunching his heel in the dry ground and leaving a definite imprint.
Valkyrie looked up at Skulduggery and studied him. He had the jacket of his suit over one arm and he glided over the hillocky ground like a skater on ice. His skull was startlingly glary.
God, she was jealous of how cool he was.
And with that train of thought, Valkyrie fell into another rabbit hole.
For the millionth time, Skulduggery stopped, laughed, and then lifted her up and out by hooking a bony hand under her arm.
"This doesn't get old for you, does it?" She snapped, straightening her shirt as Skulduggery chuckled merrily to himself.
"No. No it doesn't. I consider your misfortunes as one of life's little perks."
"Oh, well, sheesh, thanks."
"Well, wouldn't you find it funny if a four foot pre-teen kept falling into holes?"
Valkyrie huffed. "No, I would not find it funny!"
Skulduggery shrugged. "You're loss then, Valkyrie," he said and glided onwards.
Twenty minutes of walking and they reached the smell Skulduggery's non-existent nose had managed to whiff from miles back, giving Valkyrie the impression that he was like some kind of saggy-eyed bloodhound.
As they stepped over the hillock and into the paddock Valkyrie froze, the sight of the blood spattered across the field and the remains of sheep lying scattered amongst the blood and guts would most definitely be giving her nightmares tonight. She cast her gaze around – most of the poor creatures looked like they had exploded in similar fashion, as if they had rolled onto their backs and BANG! Then left their ribs behind like a carved thanksgiving dinner on those American shows while everything else…
Well, kind of had flown away everywhere.
Skulduggery paused a moment before vaulting over the fence into the fly infested field.
"Oh my god!" Valkyrie objected loudly."Are you kidding!? I'm not walking around in that!"
He turned around with his head cocked. "And, why not?"
"Because dead stuff carry diseases."
A beat of silence passed.
"I'm going to take that as an insult," Skulduggery said and walked off.
Valkyrie groaned and shouted after him, "You know what I mean!" He just waved nonchalantly at her. "Skulduggery!" She called. "I don't want to…hey! Listen will you!? I don't want to-"
He was starting to descend over a rise and grew smaller in size as he walked smoothly between the carcasses.
Valkyrie panicked as she scrambled up the wooden post of the fence and jumped down into the paddock with a fluttering heart. She skirted the dead sheep as best she could. Tried to avoid looking too hard at anything in particular and found herself gaining quickly on Skulduggery who was slowly studying the ground as he made his leisurely way down hill.
Spurred by how close she was Valkyrie skirted around several up turned ribs, jumped over a head, some limbs and was almost at the skeleton's level when a rabbit hole decided to make its presence known.
She went down.
She went down so painfully slowly that it felt as if the fall lasted a good five minutes and all the while she was absolutely powerless to stop it.
Her leg slipped into the hole, her hands shot forward, and the sheep-gut drenched ground came rushing up to her.
Then SPLOCK.
She went front first into the intestines of a particularly smelly sheep – the splash got into her mouth. She tasted the rusty taste of off blood and chocked back a sob as she slammed her lips shut. Then her chin banged into the grass with a slick splat. The ends of her hair got into the stuff.
She was perhaps down there for half a second.
But it felt like forever.
She felt a hand pull her up by the back of her shirt and set her on her feet again.
It took her a moment to register that Skulduggery was standing there, fussing over her, and asking if she was okay over and over.
Valkyrie stared into Skulduggery's open collar, not fully able to comprehend what had just happened to her. "Some got in my mouth," she murmured, unable to stop clenching her jaw in case she suddenly fell again and swallowed the whole field.
Skulduggery rocked his jaw side to side and finally answered with an, "Ah."
She reached a hand out to him where a bloodied item was clenched in her fist. He reached for it and she let it drop in his hand.
It was a wallet.
Skulduggery flipped it open, read the name of the owner and closed it again. "You may have just found us our clue, Cain," he said.
Valkyrie didn't reply. She just stood wide eyed and thin lipped and covered in blood.
"I said: you may have just found us our clue?"
Nothing.
"Valkyrie?"
Her eyes darted to him and she whimpered.
"Whoa! Sorry you guys, but we can't have you ride in the car all covered in-"
Skulduggery promptly punched the Sanctuary Official out and crouched over him, cuffing his hands behind his back. "You're under arrest for telling me what I can and cannot do. You may kick him."
Valkyrie kicked him.
"Do you feel better?" He asked her.
She nodded and they climbed into the Sanctuary vehicle, blood, guts, glory and all.
The man lay there on his side as his car drove away.
CLOSED
Case File: #0065
Notor Skins arrested for Misuse of Magic, Misconduct of Magic in Mortal Presence, Unlawful Damage of Property, and Inhuman Slaughter of Animals: 25 years.
Hans Bugle arrested on false pretences: released.
Skulduggery Pleasant to take disciplinary action for punching a Sanctuary Official and stealing his car: N/A
Additional Notes:
Need to take two hats on hot day excursions because Valkyrie says my head looks like a white beacon.
SkulduggeryP
:D haha...another chapter for y'all!
The lesson Val learned from this case is why be reasonable when you have fists?
Violence makes all bad moods go away :D
:D PREACH IT!
