I cannot process all of the emotions that are pulsing through me.
Fear, at the idea of being thrown into an arena with the trained killers that the careers from districts 1, 2 and 4 will almost certainly already be.
Anticipation, for the time that I will get to spend with the only person outside of my family members that I really, truly love.
Dread, at the thought of leaving my home, District 12, behind.
And, that all-consuming fear of death.
All of this becomes one huge tangled knot of emotion inside of me and I should, by all rights, have fainted and be sprawled out on the hard, coal dust encrusted cobble stones of the square, but instead as I process what is happening to me, I take one steady step at a time, until I reach the steps in front of the stage.
Effie is gesturing for me to hurry but I instead slow myself right down, worried I may fall over.
I take my place on the right hand side of Effie as she chimes in a cheery voice, 'And here we have your tributes from District 12!' She then motions for Katniss and myself to shake hands as is mandatory at this point. I take her hand and give it a supportive squeeze making eye contact for a split second before I drop my arms limply to my sides. 'Good luck and may the odds be ever in your favour!' Effie says in finality and we are ushered into the justice building by Effie followed by 2 rather stern looking peacekeepers.
Effie congratulates us, mostly congratulates Katniss really, for making the reaping exciting.
Clearly she doesn't usually enjoy herself at the reaping. 'We have at least one thing in common there', I think.
'But I'll most definitely be noticed by the gamemakers this year! How could they ignore this remarkable turn of events?!' she bursts out. 'On second thoughts perhaps we have nothing in common' I say in my head.
Katniss and I are then sent to separate rooms to say goodbye to our family and friends, and I can feel my tears welling up, threatening to spill over as my eyes become ever more full and my vision blurs. Just as the peacekeeper shuts the door tightly behind me, I let out a strangled sob that has been trapped in my throat and let the tears stream down my face.
My mother and father are the first to enter the room followed closely by my 2 older brothers. My father embraces me in his warm arms and I feel comforted, but as he pulls away I realise I may never know this feeling again so I cling to him like a 3 year old would to their father's leg. I begin sobbing uncontrollably into my father's jacket, and my mother scolds me fiercely saying 'You'll never win the games like that you stupid boy. Be a man and accept the situation.' I am angered by my mother's harsh words, but not surprised. She carries on, her words stinging, 'Just try and die with some dignity would you? And whatever you do, don't get her killed. District 12 might finally have another Victory this year. She's a fighter that one. A survivor.'
With no regard for my feelings whatsoever, my mother has already announced to me that I am as good as dead to her, and intead she is counting on Katniss returning home. Not me. Not her youngest son.
My mother is a machine. A cold, hard, heartless, machine who doesn't say another word whilst in the room. My brothers slap me on the back and warn me not to do anything stupid. Offer me support. Encourage me, as she stares out of the rotting wooden framed window over 12. Apparently pretending she now only has 2 sons.
The peacekeeper enters abruptly and cuts off a final conversation between me and my father. He simply says: 'All of you, out.' In a commanding tone, and as my family are not ones to cause a fuss they do so without even a look back over their shoulders' to give me reassurance.
They are gone as quickly as they came, and with the soft closing of the wooden door into it's frame, I slump onto a couch against the wall feeling raw and disheartened, realising that from now on, it is me and me only against the world.
Second chapter hopefully is a little better than the first (:
Review and let me know what you think? (:
