Day 3 in my Conquest against the universe

Wow, its been a while since I've wrote in here and a lot has happened to me. Honda died. I grieved for a few seconds and then I remembered how he died.

"You maggot. Hate you I. Account for nothing you will. Imagination figment am i. No nothing you?"

I asked him about his highly annoying way of speaking and he burst into tears and said…

"You notice? How you notice? Force strong…NOOOOOOOOOOOO"

And with that he jumped over a small lorry, seven cars and a dustbin before meeting a monster truck coming the opposite direction. Hundreds of people were upset that day. The monster truck couldn't perform because of the small green and red Frisbee stuck to the windscreen.

Oobi One Keubi has also died. He fought a smith, the evilest most smelliest sprout suckers this side of tandoricurry.

"If you kill me…I'll be more powerful then you can possibly imagine"

"No you won't…you'll be deader than a can of spam"

Oobi's eyes widened as the fact that he wouldn't be more powerful flooded over him.

"Sorry…er…I didn't mean to call you a stupid moron. Please don't kill me"

"No dice beardy. I'm not stupid, I'm just strange. And you shouldn't insult the morons of this world!! MORONS DON'T DESERVE DEATH!!"

Oobi finally smiled.

"Thank the force. I was getting worried for a second then"

They then broke into song. I've wrote the chorus they sung.

"How many school's must we blow up, before we are classed as average? None because we don't do that sorta stuff. We're good boys at heart, honestly."

Oobi then decided to commit suicide because of a drink problem…I guess I didn't need to tell you all that…

Hmm…over the last few days I've begun to doubt the force even exists. Without my friends for protection I've begun to find lifting things with the force rather difficult.

My mother has booked me into a psychiatrist, I dunno why. I took a look at the shrinks card.

Dr Elain Ranscum, Sucks the force right out of you, his skill is priceless...

...real price may vary

I'd heard of Ranscum. He wrote some diary thing years ago. In my humble opinion diaries are useless pieces of trash that shouldn't be kept by anyone. I mean…has a diary ever given us insight into a war? Has a diary ever shown us inside the head of a master criminal? Has a diary ever made us laugh?

NO! And don't answer back!

Day 4 in my conquest against the universe

I bought a druid today. They're useful cause you can throw things at them and they translate languages and stuff. I got a camp one!! He walks around as if he needs designer handbags. He comes with a metal one filled with accessories such as eyeliner…druid oil…spell books…the original blue prints for Stonehenge. He told me why Stonehenge is there.

Apparently it was built as a space port, until the druids realised they hadn't invented the idea of aliens yet…therefore the plan was forgotten and overtime the idea was forgotten and people thought it was weird and out of the ordinary.

I'm planning a trip to Stonehenge. Apparently it's a great place to meet people. And being a people person pilot, I intend to be there.

I saw Oobi today!! I did…honestly. He appeared to me in the mirror. Except he looked, and sounded like me!

"My god," he said "I never imagined you be like this"

I was busy brushing my teeth and ignored him. It took me an hour to figure out it was him and I rushed to the bathroom, only to discover that he'd left, leaving only the exact copy of me in the mirror.

My lightsabre broke today. I was trying to cut down a tree and the end fell off. I wouldn't mind but George Lucas makes us pay for replacements.

I got my heroes autogragph today!! Superman was in town and he signed my shirt

"OH MY GOD!! YOUR SUPERMAN!!"

"What? Your jokin's ain't you kid? I ain't got the nerve (said noy-ve, superman is from New Jersey (said New Joysy))"

All in all a great day!

I went to see Dr Ranscum today, better known as Robotnik. He's a fat, ugly, married man with a taste for red and black. Think of a fat spider man without the looks and you get Ranscum.

"I don't know why you so addicted to the force. Its easy to get over an addiction. 24 months ago I was a drunk without a hope. Then I married a girl I met and suddenly everything was fine. The hedgehog I hated was now my boss and the girl I loved was a…well…. this is too much about me. Here, take these tablets. They induce hallucinations. Next!" The whole meeting lasted about 10 minutes…

Authors note: LOL...sorry for the shameless character plug :P...i wanted one of my fave characters to have a cameo. I also gave out some clues for the next part in RTN. If you want to know more about Elain Ranscum and why the marrage thing is important...read 'Robotniks the name'...by me