"Life is like a tarantula. It has many legs, and is covered in hair, equipped with eight moist eyes filled with dreams, and when I saw one in my bathroom, I screamed fo my life as I dialed 911 on my Blackberry... I hate spiders."
-Theodore Roosevelt
Scorpius had to get close to Albus; he had never felt the same way about anyone before, even his own knees. Except for that one guy... and that other one... with the sexy knees... in Mexico. Scorpius knew he had to initiate this transaction of love juice; he just had to get a good conversation going with Al, and the pants would fly off, he knew!
At the time of Mission: Pant Count Zero, Albus was sitting in the Slytherin common room, scribbling a potions essay. Scorpius approached with what he thought was a cool, calm, bad ass demeanor, swaggering even harder as he saw the green light of the room reflected in his true love's eye babies.
"So," Scorpius drawled in his sexiest sex sex voice. "I hear our dads hate each other and stuff." Scorpius had been working on these lines for two hours.
Albus slowly looked up at Scorpius, a resigned, sad look on his face. He had noticed Scorpius staring at him, and the noises he heard from Scorpius's bed at night in the first years' dorm made the thought of Scorpius curdle his stomach like a rotting baby in a vat of fresh ice cream.
"Yes," he said, twirling his quill around his fingers expertly. "My dad said that your dad sold five dollar blow jobs in the boy's bathroom when they attended Hogwarts." He scribbled more, scribbily.
"yeah," said Scorpius, surprised his beloved had already turned the subject to blow jobs.. Lucky! "That's how my parents met."
Albus stared at him, incedulous, but Scorpius's sex sex face only made him nautious like dead worms. Dead worms having sex, creepily. "What was your mom doing buying blow jobs?"
Scorpius raised his eyebrows at his soon-to-be sex slave. "What? My mom loves blow jobs!"
Albus collected his homework into his bag and stalked off, glancing behind occasionally to make sure Scorpius wasn't watching him or making obscene masturbatory hand gestures.
He was.
END OF CHAPTER TWO
Author's note: Scorpius accompanies his fapping gestures with a sort of :D expression. Please imagine this whole thing properly, okay? ;D
