Disclaimer: Still not my Potter.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Feathers, Fangs and Flames
Chapter II
The Moon
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
He was running through the silent forest. His light paws made almost no sound at all. The moon was shining through the branches, calling him further the path. He could smell somebody familiar getting nearer. It was a scent of a pack.
The forest ended abruptly, and he froze in the bushes, his muzzle poking outside.
It smelled of dirt and humans. Children.
His stomach growled, and he leaped forward. A quick dash and he was near the huge imposing tree. He felt eerie familiarity with this place, yet, he couldn't match the smells or sounds with ones in his memory. He could barely remember anything at all. Sniffing the air, he almost ran into a black hound. It bared teeth against him and barked. He stayed silent, watching, ready to spring back or forward, eyes jumping.
He smelled a child again. This time he could even see him, cowering behind the black dog. He seemed vaguely familiar, although he couldn't make out the child's face.
Snarling, he leaped forward, towards his prey. The hound stood in his way, barking viciously.
He stroke like a true wolf, with lightning fast bite. The hound rolled away in the nick of time. He dodged its jaws and lashed out again. The hound tasted familiar.
They started moving in half circles, the hound always between him and the child. His next strike tore a huge bite of fur and meat. His opponent whined and ran.
He stood in front of the child, who moved his hands trying to defend the face.
It didn't help.
The child twitched, his throat torn open, and fell to the ground.
"Remus," was his dying breath.
He remembered and that bought him into the world of hurt. The taste of blood on the fangs was intoxicating. Familiar. Too familiar, even. The bleeding human had a scar on his forehead. A lightning. Harry.
The wolf jumped back and when the child breathed his last breath, turned his head upwards and howled to the moon.
Remus shook awake from the nightmare. He barely made it to the bathroom, leaned down on a sink and threw up. He could still feel the taste of blood in his mouth.
After a few painful moments, he stood up. It was the middle of the night.
After that day, he kept dreaming of Harry. His wolf form was tearing Harry apart each night. And each night he awoke with a howl.
Harry had told him that he hadn't been bitten and Remus wanted to believe that. He couldn't. The taste of human blood haunted him like plague. How could he forget the potion? He had doomed his friend's son. How could he live with that? Lupin stepped towards the broken mirror hanging above the sink. He had broken it the first night he got out of Hogwarts. What could he do? Was there a way to make sure he hadn't? Was there a way to prove he had?
He drank a few mouthfuls of water. The stain of blood in his mouth remained. He looked in the mirror, seeing many broken reflections of himself. Remus took a shard in his hand. How could he live with himself?
A silent tap on the window broke his train of thought.
White owl. Hedwig.
Lupin opened the window, dropping the shard on the ground.
It was a small note form Harry.
Tears forming in his eyes he crumpled it and fell on his knees. How could he be so self-centred? If he did bite Harry, he would have to make sure the cub was safe. James wouldn't forgive him otherwise.
He went to his desk and took out a quill.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
The boy was trashing in his bed. It was an old, uncomfortable bed, but it was better than the ground. Barely. Suddenly, his eyes opened, and an inhuman howl shook the house.
Looking around, confused, he took details of the room. It was dark, but he could make out the uneven floor and plain walls of his room. Someone was grumbling downstairs. His heart started racing. It smelled of cleaning products and hatred. He didn't know if he could smell the hatred, but he had dubbed the smell thusly. It reminded him of Snape-
The door opened with the bang.
...and Vernon. Dursley was staring at him from the corridor.
"Boy!" he was red in the face, and his fists were tense. "Stop this noise this very instant, or I'll shut you up myself."
Harry stood up from the bed, his glasses forgotten on the table.
"I'm sorry." He half growled noticing the wince his uncle made. "It won't happen again."
He could smell the fear that appeared when his uncle started thinking. He had just told them of his godfather and they were terrified of the mass murderer. Of course, he conveniently forgot to mention that Sirius was innocent. His gaze tore into Vernon's eyes.
"Uncle?"
It was threading the thin line, but Vernon just turned around and slammed the door.
Harry sighed, and sat down on the side of the bed. Hedwig was staring at him. He smiled, and she bobbled her head in response.
Without turning the lights on, he walked up to the table and took a piece of empty parchment. The letter he got from Sirius was in the view. He already knew it by heart. But he wasn't going to write him first.
To tell the truth, Harry was afraid to write anything out, so he just settled for the next best thing.
Professor Lupin,
We have to talk.
Please find time soon,
Harry
He opened Hedwig's cage and gave her the parchment.
"Please take this to Remus, alright?"
She hooted silently in response. He smiled back and ruffled her feathers a little.
He opened a window and watched the white dot in the sky until it vanished.
Leaving the window open, Harry fell on his bed, counting the cracks on the ceiling. He quickly fell asleep and had a good dream, even though he couldn't remember anything. Just the feeling of lightness and freedom remained in the morning.
Opening his eyes he saw Hedwig perched on the windowsill, with the same piece of parchment in her beak. The little piece of parchment looked creasy. The reply was written on the back of his old message, with quick, uneven letters. It seemed that Remus was nervous.
Harry,
I'll be at your place in the evening.
Stay safe,
Remus
Harry smiled trying to imagine the face of his Uncle, when Remus would came to visit. Perhaps he should tell the man that Lupin was a werewolf?
He sniffed the air again. Where was this faint smell of vomit coming from? Perhaps he had imagined it...
He headed down for breakfast.
The Dursleys had taken to mostly ignoring him, as it was evident they were deciding what stance to take. Mass-murdering relatives don't suddenly pop up most of the time. So they had to find out a safe solution for the problem.
The breakfast itself was a solemn affair, as Dudley was currently waging a war against the school's nurse and her prescribed diet. This morning, the breakfast consisted of a single grapefruit, and it looked like it would be so for each weekend breakfast they would have. Dudley was fuming, having already swallowed his quarter, which looked more like a half, really.
Harry sighed, Dudley was fat enough for him to need the diet, but Harry wasn't. In fact he felt really hungry... He figured he could write all his friends a plea for help, of course, only after the talk with Remus.
He got up and went to his room, fed up listening to Dudley's whines and Vernon's remarks on "rabbit food", which didn't help his cousin to calm down in the slightest.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Harry felt the familiar smell, so he put his schoolbook away and went downstairs.
A doorbell rang.
"Boy!" Vernon's voice reached him. "Go check the door!"
He only glanced at his Uncle and did exactly that.
"Professor Lupin." He smiled widely at the man. "Glad..." Harry's smile vanished. "...You could make it."
"Harry." Lupin looked even more miserable than before. His clothes were even more ragged, and his face showed that the man was not getting enough sleep.
"Boy! Who is it?" Vernon was stomping towards the entrance. "We are not buying anything," he added after noticing Lupin.
"Actually, I came to see Harry."
Vernon gave Remus a deadly glare. "Get out of my house."
"Actually, sir," Remus was holding eye contact while speaking. "It is very important."
"OUT!" he roared at them and grabbed Harry's arm.
Remus took his wand out. Vernon cringed and froze in place. "Put... that THING -!" He didn't finish as he found the end of the wand under his chin.
"Move," Lupin was stepping in and closing the door behind him. "I'll talk to Harry in his room."
"Of course, Professor," Harry yanked his arm out of uncle's grasp and led Lupin upstairs. "This way."
Any other time he would have been happy to see the expressions of his uncle and aunt, but this time even Dudley, who was hiding behind the sofa, didn't return the good mood he had in the morning.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Lupin was leaning at the wall near the door and Harry was sitting on his bed. It was dark, as both of them didn't bother with the lights.
Remus looked around the room. "Harry..."
His voice broke, as if he was in pain. Harry shifted uncomfortably, but waited.
"Merlin, this is difficult. I came here thinking of a few things we could do to... Be sure, I guess. But..." Lupin tore each word like pieces of flesh from himself. "It's quite evident now." He breathed out. "There is only one explanation... I'm so sorry, Harry... I must have bit you."
Harry nodded, slowly, looking Remus in the eyes. Remus slumped down and sat on the floor.
"I'm sorry. I've let you down... James would kill me if-"
"Professor," Harry breathed out, speaking silently. "I'm not blaming you... And even if I cannot say for sure, I know that my father would... understand. It wasn't your-"
"It is... I forgot the potion. There is no excuse for that. And don't. Don't tell me I was distracted. Seeing Peter on the map is not an excuse... It's foolishness."
They sat in silence for a few moments.
"We will have to talk to Albus," Lupin collected himself as much as possible and continued. "There is no question that he will let you continue your studies, but..."
"Let me?"
"Harry, you now are a dark creature." Remus was raking the floor with his free hand. The other was clutching his wand with so much strength the knuckles were white."You have to have the Headmaster's permission to even enter the Hogwarts grounds. For you to continue your studies he will have to inform the Board of Governors... Harry, you will find such things everywhere you go."
Harry was looking at Lupin with compassion. He had to deal with it for all his life.
"We will probably have to register you in the Ministry." He gulped at that. "That'll probably mean I will be disposed of."
"What?" Harry stood up. "They can't! It isn't your fault."
"Harry. Listen! It is my fault. It is because of me that you are cursed. If you don't hate me now, you will hate me after your first full moon. I bit you. It is an offence, punishable by death."
"This is stupid!" Harry was speaking louder and louder. "You don't have to get killed. You could run! Hide with Sirius! We even could hide that I'm a werewolf! No one would have to know!"
"What if I don't care if they kill me?"
Harry just opened his mouth and stared at him.
"What if I am tired of all this? Every month I have to make sure everyone is safe from me. Every month since I was a little kid! You can't imagine the pain I went through! And I make a mistake once and doom the only son of James!"
Remus wasn't shouting, but he was very near that.
"You think they would be happy with me? You think James would understand? He was scared of me half of the time. He was a friend out of pity. They all were! I can't even get a normal job; I can't get a normal life. You know, they could just come and off me now!"
He hit the floor with his fist and continued so silently, Harry had to listen very intently to hear everything.
"I have lied to myself for all those days, but I remember the taste of your blood. I dream of it every bloody night. I dream how I fought with Sirius. I dream how you pull your arm free and my fangs tear into it at the last moment. I dream how I run away, but then return to find you and kill you. And do you know what is worse than that? I remember the taste of your flesh and I long for it... Both in my dreams and here I am but a monster... You cannot deny it. I must be put down."
Remus slumped against the wall, his head hanging low, as if defeated by his own words. Harry knelt before him and touched his leg.
"Professor, I know it's bad. We know you hurt me and feel responsible. I cannot change that. You cannot change what was done. If you are a monster, so am I. And I need you. I need your help."
Remus looked up and their eyes met. "Do you really mean that?"
"Yes, sir... Please don't leave me with this alone."
Remus grabbed him in a hug. "Thank you, Harry... I'll try."
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Remus shook his hand, muttered another silent thanks and left. Harry closed the door and turned to see his angry Uncle.
"If you think the likes of him can just come and go..."
"He will be back in week."
"Like hell he is!" Vernon grabbed his shoulder and squeezed it hard.
Harry tore Vernon's hand away from himself. "Professor Lupin is going to check up on me a few times in a month. Please don't anger him too much. He is a werewolf, you know."
He could taste the fear in the air.
"Now, if there is nothing else, uncle, I'm going to write my godfather."
Harry started climbing the staircase, Dursley forgotten in a second. In his head he was replaying the bits of the conversation he had with Lupin.
There isn't a good book on werewolves you could buy. The only ones for sale tell you how to find and kill one, not how to live like one. Of course, there are a few stories here and there... So, he had to contend himself with what he heard today. There is 'Hairy Snout, Human Heart' but I still wouldn't recommend a read. It's not exactly cheerful or informative. He still wanted to read that someday, so he had Lupin promise to bring him his old copy on the next visit.
Harry jumped on his bed and burrowed his face in the pillow. Harry, I'm not sure that I had good dreams before the first moon. I was scared and injured. It is unusual, but probably means nothing. Will he dream nightmares like Remus did, after his first moon? He turned over and rolled up his sleeve. It is most unusual that your injuries healed so fast. Perhaps Pomfrey outdid herself. We will have to ask Albus. The headmaster would surely know something. He should have voiced his fears that night... By the looks of things your vision is adjusting at a quick rate. It's perhaps the only good bit that comes with the curse. Just don't look at the sun. He raised his right hand into the air, and started staring at it as if it was his first time seeing a human hand. No, a werewolf hand... Couldn't see any difference, though. There are no foolproof ways to distinguish a werewolf from another man in his human form. You have to look for details, or... He could tell that his own smell was different from the Dursleys. From any human. ...smell it. It's a curious smell. Reminds me of a running wolf and the swirling wind. You'll learn to distinguish them with time...Our ability to distinguish smell is especially potent nearing the full moon. It would get even stronger? You have no idea how many things stink...
He could pick up Vernon and Petunia downstairs. The trash can in the kitchen was just emptied. The fridge was full of vegetables. Dudley was upstairs, eating a hidden bar of chocolate. His stomach growled. You'll have to eat a bit more. At least he promised to send some food. Meat tastes wonderful. He was going to find the 'rabbit food' a bit more difficult than he hoped. With that though in mind he got up and went up to Hedwig.
"It'll be a tough few weeks." He opened the cage and ruffled her feathers. "But we'll manage, right?"
He got a silent hoot in response.
He sat to compose a series of letters. Hedwig perched on his shoulder already excited for the upcoming flight. He found the gesture strangely comforting.
"Smart girl."
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Professor Albus Percival Wulfric Brian Dumbledore sat in his office, a tired old man. Fawkes was perched on his shoulder, thrilling a soothing song, but the Headmaster didn't smile.
"I've hurt him again."
Fawkes shook his head.
"Perhaps you are right." Albus rested his head on his hands. "I'll have to speak to Severus. If only he let go of his grudges..."
His talk with Remus was most distressing, having brought out the full events of the last full moon. It seemed that he failed to grasp a critical moment, and all was threatening to slip from his fingers yet again. Remus was apologetic the whole time, and was taking the blame both for the unapproved visit of Privet Drive and the reason of the problem.
Remus was broken and it only got worse when Albus had to tell the young man that Wolfsbane Potion doesn't work properly before the first moon, as it could easily do more harm than good and there was even the risk of fatality. Remus demanded to help oversee the boy during his first change. I'll be there for him even if it kills me. Dumbledore did value the determination his young professor showed and finally gave in.
"We'll have to bring him to Hogwarts for a day or two." He mused out loud. "Fawkes, I hope you will help an old fool?"
A strong trill brought hope back to the old heart.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
As the days passed Harry had gotten the much appreciated help from his friends. He had a box of sugar-free snacks from Hermione, some Hagrid's rock cakes and, best of all, an assortment of meat pies from Mrs. Weasley; even Lupin had brought few small packages of smoked meat, which he quickly obliterated. The food was disappearing quite fast, but at least he wasn't starving.
Remus didn't arrive yesterday, how he planed and promised. He did send a note saying that he would come the next morning, before breakfast.
Harry had woken up very early in that morning, both dreading and waiting for the professor to come quicker. A quick glance in the room told him that Hedwig was still out with a letter to Sirius. His godfather apparently was somewhere south, as Harry had received a letter from a huge tropical bird. He was glad that Sirius was resting. He couldn't even imagine Dementors on the beach, so it probably was one of the reasons for his godfather to go there.
Harry checked the clock again. It was five in the morning, and he figured Remus wouldn't turn up before six at the earliest. Tired of rolling around in the bed, he got up and opened the window.
His sense of smell didn't increase much, but now it had certain sharpness to it. Now he even could tell which neighbours were sleeping and what most of the faint traces of odour meant. He still couldn't be out of his room for too long, because the spot cleaner Petunia used reeked like death.
The street held a hint of a familiar smell, and he almost ran out half dressed. Remus probably woke up early as well and was waiting for him.
They met at the door after ten minutes. Remus was trying to smile, but it looked insincere. "Harry. Good that you are up early. Can you leave now?"
Harry looked around "What do I need to take?"
"Nothing. We'll be back tomorrow. I'll leave a note."
"I'm ready."
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
They were in an unused classroom, in Hogwarts. Harry probably would have been happier if he wasn't in a huge, conjured, cage. At least he was content that Snape wasn't in the chamber... It took Remus five minutes to persuade the Headmaster that because Harry couldn't take any potions yet there wasn't any need for the potion masters presence.
The crowd, gathered to watch him as if in a muggle zoo, was small, but they all were eyeing him so much he was uncomfortable. Pomfrey had run a few tests before allowing the Headmaster to encase him for their safety. He had no idea why McGonagall had to be there, but he didn't mind.
Suddenly all noise vanished. The smells were gone. The outside of the cage stopped existing. He knew this was just a spell of Dumbledore to keep him from smelling human prey, but it still felt imposing. He knew that on the side in a smaller cage Remus was waiting with him. And as soon as they both transformed he would have company.
It was slightly cold and Harry found himself rubbing his hands together. "Is it going to happen soon?" He knew they heard him, but as they didn't answer, he figured it would. He started pacing around, nervous. The transformation of Professor Lupin was playing in his eyes. His voice was ringing in his ears. It hurts like hell, Harry. It is a similar feeling to the cruciatus curse. I pray that you would never learn the difference. He forgot to ask what exactly a cruciatus curse was, but he thought he had understood enough to fear the moment. It just wasn't happening.
When would he transform?
Ten minutes passed like ten hours. He was afraid that any second he would...
He felt it with his whole body, every single cell in him was whispering.
The night of the full moon.
He started screaming.
\/vvvv\/
/VVVV\
Update schedule details are in the profile. Basically, I try to update every two weeks.
