Bruce woke to the stringent sound of his alarm clock. Six am on the dot and it's not even a week day. Alfred was far too old fashioned for his own good. Slapping the nauseating device with enough strength to shake the table, the caped crusader flopped back on to his stomach and buried his face in the pillow. Maybe if he pressed hard enough he would suffocate. Anything to the alternative. Another banquet in the name of justice or some shit like that. Yeah justice for the fat cats, that's what this city is all about.
Alfred barged in without knocking and Bruce didn't give a fuck. Though he might mention in later. Maybe half way through his second (and last) cup of coffee. He didn't trust the old bastard not to put something nasty in his morning Joe should he shout at him before breakfast.
"Morning sir."
"I am aware."
"It appears not sir."
"Tell me Alfred why dose the word morning automatically come with an extension of 'get up'?"
"Because sir, most men sleep well enough to associated those two words with out difficulty."
"Most men don't run around three quarters of the night catching bad guys."
"Touché sir, still I must insist you get up."
"Go away."
"No. The managing director for the banquet will be here at seven thirty sharp. She's quite a lady. I doubt even Batman can withstand her iron personality. That's why I believe it is prudent to have you prim and ready for her arrival to avoid…an incident,"
"It's Prudence isn't it?"
"Yes sir."
"Give me a moment Alfred. I'd like to drown myself in the shower."
"No can do sir, though a shower sounds like a marvellous idea. I will be back in ten minutes and for modesties sake you had better be in that shower or fresh out; or believe me I will not hesitate to drag you in there, kicking and screaming and wash you myself."
Springing free and briskly walking to the bathroom, Bruce snapped over his shoulder before he slammed the door.
"Thanks Alfred that won't be necessary."
"I thought not," whistled the smiling butler.
The banquet was perfect though nothing less could be expected from the best event planner in the country. Prudence Steal was a woman of many talents. Already in her mid-fifties and still as sprite as a 12 year old girl. What her character lacked in warmth it made up for in her over exuberance for social integration. Prudence knew everyone and everyone knew Prudence. Not everyone liked Prudence, but that's beside the point. Her retrospective career had led her to meeting some very influential people in almost every money making industry in the world; and she made it her sacred duty to introduce Bruce to every last one of them if it killed her. Suggestively flirting with the CEO of Goth Bank, Prudence only dropped her burden for the night around midnight among a group of very drunk, very cheery politicians and their very dazzling, very plastic wives.
"I still believe this year is yours Jerry. Not a man in Gotham can resist voting for you now, not after that speech you gave on anti-terrorism and supporting our troops."
"Yes that was truly inspirational Jeremiah. How brilliantly patriotic you came across in your massage for social justice and defense of our state and families."
Jeremiah Wood, a Gotham senator and in Wayne's opinion one of the biggest boobs in the universe humbly raised his glass.
"Thank you Charlotte, Bill. I must say I'm hopeful for candidacy this year. And I know if I'm elected to run I will no doubt over throw that liberal ass White with out so much as a hiccup. But you know as well as I do we're not out of the woods yet. I will not rest…"
'Ah,' thought Bruce bringing his scotch up to cover his smirk, 'there it is, J. Woods famous verbal diarrhoea.'
"I'm sure you agree Mr. Wayne."
All eyes fell on Bruce who plastered on his charming smile No. 1 and slowly lowered his scotch.
"Yes what is a nation with out a strong political party to lead the way?"
Wood's smile tightened marginally.
"Yes Mr. Wayne though we were discussing why single women who are unable to give proper care to their offspring should be dealt mandatory abortions. For the sake of the infant you understand?"
Bruce was well aware that moments ago his jaw having fainted in shock had thought it high time to retire there, ignored the awkward looks he was receiving. They clearly thought he was a little bit slow. Well fuck them. He wasn't the one sprouting this diabolical nonsense.
"Ah please excuse me," he managed to choke out, and bee lined for the other end of the room before his better judgment shattered along with his scotch glass on top of Woods head. Scratch that. Why waste the scotch? When his wives fist size ruby pendent was so close at hand.
"There you are, my darling boy!"
"Prudence…"
"Did you speak to Jeremiah Wood, his up for candidacy you know? Charming man and great supporter of Wayne Industries."
"Wayne Industries does not require his support."
"Nonsense."
Bruce made to interrupt but she quickly pressed one index finger against his lips.
"Darling before we get into this argument that will most likely require me to slap some sense into you, I must inform you that Alfred contacted me. Apparently he needs you to return to the manor immediately. Something about that unpleasant Joker fellow breaking out of Arkham again. Though I let him know that I own you for the night and that un-banquet related matters can wait he was quite…"
Bruce was already pushing through the crowed.
"Wait darling where are you going?" But he was already out of sight.
"Oh well," Prudence sighed and downed her Martini like a shot, "Mr. Avery how lovely to see you again and this must be your (6th) wife Holly. Hello Darling…"
"Why didn't you contact me sooner?"
"I only just found out sir, please be reasonable."
"What happened?"
"From what Gordon sent me, it appears that the Joker escaped, holding his cellmate hostage and detaining the orderlies with a rubber cement mixture that held a slow acting hazards' acid so by the time the men were extracted the skin and flesh of their feet was beyond help. The hostage, one Kat Jones institutionalized for infanticide was found dead about a kilometer of the premises (good riddance if you ask me). It is assumed the Joker killed her once he was safely far enough to do so. He used a get away car to disappear into the busy evening traffic. Oh and one more thing. An autopsy report arrived a moment before you came. It appears Miss Jones was brutally raped and savagely beaten over a prolonged period of time. Since she was the Joker's cellmate it is safe to assume he brutalized her extensively while incarcerated. Therefore we must act under the assumption that the Joker is probably far more unhinged at this point then he was during the Dent fiasco."
"Thank you Alfred. Is my suit ready?"
"Yes sir."
"Good. I think its high time the 'caped crusader' did his nightly run," he smirked bitterly, turning to walk in the general direction of the Bat Cave.
