DRAFT
Chapter One
THE APPRENTICES
"In time they will learn the ways of the Force."
Luke tried to explain to explain to Leia that he was indeed a good enough Jedi to have apprentices of his own. Leia, on the other hand, was concerned more about who his apprentices would be.
Back when she was a child on Alderaan, Leia had a friend named Gale. They have been in touch ever since their home planet was destroyed. Gale had been married long ago and had two fourteen-year-old twins: a girl and one very screwed-up boy.
Leia herself was terrified of the twins.
Their names were Emily and Evan, and they were both hyper-active and annoying. Emily was just another boy-crazy girly girl. Evan, on top of being nerdy, was a complete homosexual. You can tell mostly from his rather-feminine voice. The two kids together were nothing more than chaos, and it concerned Leia because they had signed up to do Jedi training with Luke.
"You do realize that we're twins too, right?" Luke asked. "You don't see people walking around commenting on how obnoxious and terrifying we are together, do you?"
Leia opened her mouth to speak. Before she could say anything, the doorbell rang. Leia rolled her eyes.
"Don't say I didn't warn you."
Luke watched as she walked into the next room. The doorbell rang three times more, and it sounded as if they were banging on it. Luke began to make his way toward the door. The noise of a light saber sounded, so he walked even faster.
Before Luke could reach the door handle, it swung open, slamming him behind it.
"Well, I guess the doors open!" said Emily. She and her brother barged through the doorway. Emily was dressed in pink and Evan was wearing purple. They were both short and blonde, and Luke immediately was able to tell this was going to be a nightmare.
"Where's our new master?"
Luke tripped over his own feet at the sound of Evan's voice. He nearly fell to the ground. It was so gay, anyone to first hear it was likely to have a heart attack.
"There he is!" Emily shouted.
"Yes, here I—"
Before Luke could finish his sentence, the twins jumped on top of him. Luke had no idea what they were doing, but then he realized one of them was sniffing something. He lifted Emily and gently placed her on the ground and then elbowed Evan in the stomach. He fell to the ground with a pretty loud thud.
"Let me guess, you two are Emily and Evan?" Luke asked.
They smiled and said at the same time, "Yes."
Luke looked away. "Not a shocker."
Emily looked him straight in the eye. Her goofy smile turned into a freakish grin. She finally said after a long period of staring, "And you are Master…"
"Luke."
Evan leaned over to his sister. "I think he should be Master Hot," he whispered loud enough for Luke to hear.
Emily looked at him with an angry expression. "Hey, I saw him first!" she yelled.
They both paused, looked at their master, and began bickering with each other. It lasted about two minutes before it began to really bother Luke.
"Alright!" he said. "That's enough. You kids are going to learn how to be sane if you want me as a master."
Emily and Evan stopped.
"I thought we were going to learn how to be Jedi Knights," Emily noted. Luke turned to her.
"Yes, but not unless you get control over yourselves."
Evan pulled his purple shirt over his eyes.
"I'm scared."
Luke looked at the gay coward and said, "We haven't even gotten started yet. You'll do fine, but no more bickering. Understand?"
"We understand, Master Luke," the twins said at the same time.
Emily pulled out her light saber and sawed a chair in half.
"Way to go, Emily!" Evan cheered. Luke used the force and swiped her light saber away, along with Evan's.
"Hey!" Emily said angrily.
"How did you do that?" Evan said in complete shock.
Luke tucked away the two light sabers. "It's called using the Force."
"The Force?"
Luke smiled and said, "You'll learn soon enough."
A couple minutes later, after watching the twins have their free time, Luke strapped them to a chair and went to look for Leia. She wasn't anywhere downstairs, and didn't answer to his calling. Luke went upstairs and found a note on her door. It read:
ON HIATUS
YOU'RE ON YOUR OWN, LUKE
P.S. I WARNED YOU
Luke heard the chair he strapped Emily and Evan to fall over with a crash, followed by girly screams and hyena-like laugher. This, he thought to himself, is just the beginning of what seems to be the biggest nightmare I'll ever encounter
