I opened my eyes as I woke up, and I realized that I slept against the front door. I put my hand on my knee to push myself up off the floor, and as I was up on my feet, the blood rushed to my head. I closed my eyes tightly shut as my head started spinning and opened them again after the blood settled. Behind me, I could hear a soft, tapping noise. I turned around, opened the front door, and squinted my eyes. I gasped in surprise when I saw Ben standing there, softly knocking on the door.

"What are you doing here?!" I almost shouted to him.

He widened his eyes and talked as if he was uncomfortable. "Sorry! I didn't mean to startle you! I- I actually wanted to talk to you. Is that okay? I'm sorry, Amy, if you just woke up. It's ten, so I figured you were up by now."

"It's ten?" I mostly said to myself. "Um, Ben it's fine. I'm sorry, I just didn't expect to see you. What did you want to talk to me about?"

"Well.." He walked inside and walked over beside the couch. I followed close behind him, my eyes narrowed in confusion. "I received a phone call yesterday.. from Adrian, and well, there's something that we need to discuss."

I opened my mouth, appalled, as I realized what he had done. "Ben! You didn't!"

He simply shook his head. "No, Amy. That isn't what I meant." He grabbed my hand and walked me towards the couch, his grip around my hand was loose, and he pulled me down to sit next to him. "Sit. Let me talk to you about something."

I nodded my head and said in a low, frustrated tone,"I'm listening."

"Okay, well Adrian called me late last night, and sh–she said she thinks you have a 'thing' for Ricky by the way she saw you touching him. And-"

"Ben!" I cut him off. "I wasn't touching him in any different way. I was just pushing him out the door! But of course he wouldn't go! You can't listen to what Adrian says! She doesn't know anything. So what? You're going to believe Adrian over your girlfriend?"

"Listen to me!" He said, annoyed, as he lost patience. "Amy, I did not say I was believing Adrian. Anyway, that really wasn't the point– whether you touched Ricky in some kind of.. romantic or sexual way. That isn't the point. The point is that Adrian also told me that Ricky told her you were wondering whether he heard anything about my summer. You.. you were questioning whether I had sex. Do- do you think that I would tell Ricky that?" I was looking down at my feet, but there was a long pause, so I looked up at him. He was waited for me to answer.

"I don't know, Ben! I don't know what you and Ricky talk about! Just get to the point." My voice had came out as quiet and unsteady, I was more nervous than I thought I was.

Why did Ricky tell Adrian what I asked him? Ugh. I knew the answer to that.

"Amy.. I-" He stopped. His lips were nervously pursed together, and his eyes were wandering around to the other side of the wall, away from me. With his head turned away from me, he continued. "H- her name is Maria. The girl I mentioned before. I told you she wasn't my 'girlfriend', but I'm sorry. That- that was a lie."

"I used to think you would never lie to me. "I said sadly. He finally looked at me. "Now I'm not so sure. So you did have sex? Why did you tell me you didn't?" I didn't even bother to wipe the tears that were forming out of my eyes. I just let them fall.

"I'm sorry." He said quietly. "I love you, Amy. I do, but I couldn't wait any longer. I know you're upset. I know you won't ever forgive me for what I did, but I hope we can still be friends, at the least. I hope you will forgive me. I hope we can work this out, but if we can't, I understand."

I didn't even know what to think right now. I wasn't even sure that I loved Ben anymore. Well, I loved him in some sort of way, but I wasn't sure that I was in love with him. I couldn't believe that he would cheat on me. Why couldn't he wait for me? Why wasn't I enough? I brushed away the hair from my face with my hand, and I looked away from Ben. Without saying anything else, I quickly lunged my body forward and threw myself unto my feet.

"Ben," I said, not able to speak above a whisper, "Please go home. I need to be alone right now."

He nodded and swallowed nervously. He stood up from the couch and walked over to me, placing his hand under my cheek. He gently pressed his lips to mine, and he pulled away within only a few seconds. "Goodbye, Amy, I love you so much. I know you doubt that right now, but it's true."

I stared him with cold, upset eyes, but I said nothing. He took that as a signal for him to leave. With a quiet click of the door being closed, he was gone. Out of my life forever. Now I was completely alone, and I had no one.

Anguish and unsought flushed through my entire body, sending a sharp, cold chill down my spine. I didn't know what I was going to do. I didn't know if I should do anything or if there was anything in this world that I could do. If Ben didn't want me anymore, then I couldn't control that. He had found another girl, so I must not be good enough for him.

"But Ricky doesn't want me either." I whispered to myself, bowing my head. I walked over to the couch and sulked down into the seat.

"Amy, do you want to talk about this?" I heard my mother's voice coming from behind me. I jerked my head back in surprise and looked at her. I felt like my heart had jumped out of my chest; it was pounding uncontrollably, but not because of Ben. Because of the same reason it was last night.

"A- about what?" I asked, pretending I didn't know what she was talking about.

"Amy.." She said softly. She walked around to the couch and sat down beside me. "Tell me what happened. I just got home, and I saw Ben leaving. Then I walk into the house and hear you saying that Ricky doesn't want you, either. Tell me what happened, Amy."

I sighed, as I thought about whether I should tell her or not. She already knew partially what was going on, so I decided to tell her the rest, but it was not an easy thing for me to do. I knew that if I told her, I would cry again. And not to my surprise, I was crying. "Mom, Ben.. he– he had sex in Italy. He came here and told me, and well yesterday Ricky was over here. We were arguing as we always do, and I asked him to tell me about Ben, but he didn't know anything. I don't know why, but I trusted him that he didn't know anything. I believed him, but I wouldn't let it go. I kept asking him. So, Adrian and Ashley came over here. I was shoving Ricky out the door, and Adrian said something like don't touch him like that." I stopped, contemplating telling her anymore about that. "Okay, so I started thinking back to band camp.. and-"

"Amy, what's in the past is in the past. You can't change it. And if you're about to tell me you think you should be with Ricky just because of what happened at band camp then-"

"No, Mom." I interrupted her. "It isn't that. I started having flashbacks, and I– I saw the look on his face and how he was looking at me.. and I don't know. I just kind of.. fell for him again. I can't really explain it. I'm attracted to him!" I cried. "I can't control it! I wish I wasn't, but I am! I don't know what to do!"

She stared at me as she watched the tears falling from my eyes. "Amy, Ben made a mistake. If you don't want to be with him anymore, that's fine. But don't try to form a relationship with Ricky just because you're confused and.." She stopped, trying to think of a better word. "Just talk to him about it. Maybe he feels the same way."

I looked at her like she was crazy. "Are you kidding?! I can not talk to Ricky about that! I know he doesn't.."

"Maybe being with Ricky isn't the best thing anyway. But I'm not going to tell you what to do. This is your decision, and I won't try to make it for you. Just listen to your heart, Amy."

My head shot up at her. Listen to my heart. I smiled and hugged her. "Thank you, Mom." My heart told me that I wanted Ricky. All along, that's the way it's been. These feelings have always been here since the day I met him at band camp. I was simply afraid of being interested in him. Afraid that people would think I was crazy, but I didn't care anymore. I wasn't going to talk to Ricky about it, but I would just have to hint around. I didn't understand the sudden urge to be with Ricky, but I wasn't going to question it. Finally, I accepted it. I was tired of pretending something that wasn't true. I did care about Ricky, that's just the way it is.

"Uh, Amy.." My mom said. I looked at her, confused, but she pointed at the door. Did the doorbell ring? I never heard it. My mother got up from the couch and walked out of the room. It must be Ricky who was at the door.

I held unto the doorknob, took a deep breath, and pulled open the door. Standing there was Ricky, smiling at my presence, with a small smirk on his face.

"Hi, Ricky." I said nervously. I held my breath and closed my eyes for a second, but opened them again to see him still standing there. "Um, you can come in if you want. I– I mean.. you must be here to see John, right? He's in my room if you want to see him." I tried my best to steady my breathing, so that my voice would be even and the words would come out how I wanted them to sound.

"Yeah, okay." He said indifferently. He stepped inside, and I shut the door behind him. He started to walk into my room, but he only took a few steps before he stopped and turned around to face me. "Did Ben talk to you?"

I let a loud sigh. "Yes. He was just over here."

"Yeah, he told me. He told me.. what he did in Italy. I'm sorry, Amy." He said gently. I could feel his eyes on me, but I was afraid to meet his stare. I was afraid of what I would see if I did and what would happen. I couldn't control myself, though, it was like I was being forced to look up at him. I gazed into his eyes, and he had a calm look on his face. "Look, Amy. I don't want to fight with you anymore. I know you're stressing and it's really hard on you having a baby and everything, but I don't want us to argue and fight. We need to get along for John, but not just because of him. Because it's hard seeing you this way all the time. I just want us to get along."

I was surprised by the sudden words he had just spoken. I nodded my head and smiled sadly, and I whispered quietly, not able to speak any louder, "I know. I'm sorry. I want to get along with you, too." I hid my face down as blood suddenly filled my cheeks, causing me to blush. I turned my head around in embarrassment and stood with my back facing him.

Ricky walked over to the other side of me and suddenly asked, "What were you thinking about last night? You know when you were all out of it? What was going through your mind? You seemed to be thinking about something.. it was like you were in a trance or somethin'."

I was anxious that Ricky would laugh when he saw I was blushing, but he never did. He didn't even acknowledge it. Instead, he was looking deeply into my eyes, searching for something like he did last night. I opened my mouth, but quickly closed it. I couldn't tell Ricky I was thinking about when we were at band camp together. No, I definitely could not tell him that.

I decided that I would compromise. "I'll tell you if you tell me."

"Tell you what?" He asked.

There was that feeling again – embarrassment. I was constantly embarrassed when I was around him, but at the same time, I had butterflies in my stomach. I didn't want to do or say something wrong, so I concentrated on what I was going to say before I said it. "You know what."

"I really don't." He admitted.

"Tell me what you were thinking about last night."

I figured that he would argue with me and say he wasn't thinking of anything. He looked at me for a second, but then said, his face now serious, "You."

For some reason, I was surprised. I was expecting him to say something about it by the hesitation before he spoke, but I, for some reason, couldn't believe he did. I was speechless and at a loss for words. Finally, I managed to reply to him, but I only said, "Oh."

He didn't say anything else. We both stood there quiet for a minute, but I decided I had to do something. I had to give him a hint that I had these feelings for him. But without thinking, I said, "Tell me, Ricky. Tell me what's on your mind. Don't hold back." Although I felt brave for saying this to him, I was also apprehensive about what he would say after this.

I couldn't look him in the eyes anymore. I was compelled to do so, but somehow I ignored that urge, and I was driven away from it.

"Alright." He said. "I'm thinking about you, Amy. I'm thinking about the way you looked last night, I'm thinking about– everything. I can't get you off of my mind."

I couldn't take it anymore, I was forced to look into his eyes. I gasped at what he said, I couldn't believe it. I wasn't going to believe it until I knew for sure.

Now you tell me." He said. "I'm dyin' to know."

I breathed, clearing my lungs. Ricky told me, so it was only fair. I put every doubt, fear, worry, shame, guilt, every painful feeling behind me and only felt one feeling– Infatuation. "I– I was remembering band camp."

He smirked. But then I actually saw him turn his head, as if by embarrassment. Ricky Underwood was.. embarrassed? I couldn't believe it.

"Was it because of that remark I said to Adrian?" He asked.

"Yes." I admitted. "It made me think about it.."

"Well, I'm glad you told me." He smiled, and he started walking towards my room. "I'm gonna see how John is."

"He's fine." I told him as I followed behind him.

We both walked into my room. He stood over John's bassinet, and when he saw he was sleeping, he turned around and looked at me, like he was waiting for something.

"So you really didn't know about Ben until he told you yesterday?"

He nodded. "Yeah, I really didn't know."

I sighed and walked over to my bed. I sat down in the center of the bed, my knees buried into my chest as I wrapped my arms around them. Ricky watched me closely, but then he came to sit at the edge of the bed.

For some reason, I had tears in my eyes. I couldn't figure out why– but the only reason I could come up with was that I was confused by Ben cheating on me, me suddenly feeling something for Ricky, having a baby, and just the mist of everything else that was going on. It left me confused, and I was crying.

I wiped away the tears from my eyes and sniffled as I quietly whispered, "I'm sorry, Ricky."

"For what?" He asked. He swung his legs on top of the bed and leaned in closer beside me.

"For everything."

"You haven't done anything, Amy." He told me gently.

I realized then why I was crying. I was crying because of Ricky– there was no other reason. Right this moment, I felt that Ricky might feel something for me, but any other time I'm around him it doesn't seem that way. I desperately wanted to be loved by him. I loathed these feelings I suddenly procured, but I couldn't help myself. I didn't resist it.

"Yes I have done something, Ricky." I cried. "I'm falling for you again."

His head suddenly snapped, and he looked at me, the look on his face showed shock and confusion, but it also showed passion and amorousness and I thought, for a second, that he felt the same way.

"You are?" He asked in amazement.

I nodded, but I couldn't say anything. I felt ridiculous for admitting it to him. I had originally planned on keeping it to myself for a while, but I couldn't help it. The words just came out. But now that I said them, I didn't regret it. We both locked eyes for a minute, and I leaned forward a little bit, and he took it the wrong way. He also leaned in, and our lips connected. Everything felt right when he kissed me. I wasn't afraid anymore. I forcibly kissed him back, shyly putting my hand on his arm. In response, he placed his hands around my neck.

He kissed me more roughly, but he pulled away, realizing what he was doing. He stared at me, not saying anything. His eyes showed that he was nervous. They showed he felt the same way that I did. Embarrassed, I looked down at the bed. My eyes wandered between Ricky and I, and how close we were situated beside each other. "I- I'm sorry."

"I'm not." Ricky said delicately with a smirk on his face.

"I didn't mean to do that.. I didn't mean to say.. what I said either. It just kind of came out."

"No, I'm glad you said it." He admitted it. He waited for me to look him back in the eyes, and finally I tilted my head up and looked up at him. "I feel the same way about you, Amy."