Now, May 9th, 2012
"Happy twenty first birthday." Johanna smiles.
My friends, Madge, my roommate, Annie, Johanna and Finnick are insisting I take the night off as a mother to party for my twenty first birthday.
One year ago, I lost my virginity to a little boy that hasn't matured yet. He changed his phone number and his parents moved out. I have no way to find him. I have no way to tell him that he has a three month old son. Elliot Ryan is my baby boy. He is three months. His eyes are a blue gray color and his hair is blond, just like his Daddy.
"Your drinking tonight." Johanna says.
"No I'm not. I have to breastfeed."
She sighs and gives up.
We sit at the bar and all of my friends get a beer and I settle with a coke.
"So how's little Elliot?" Johanna asks.
"He's good. He said Mama a couple days ago."
"It was the cutest." Madge grins.
I lot all the baby weight. I went running every morning and did crunches and I worked it all off.
"Well hot damn." Johanna says. "Look, over there." Johanna points across the bar. "Isn't he just eye candy?"
We follow her finger.
"Who?" Madge asks.
"The blond!" Johanna turns all of our heads so we're looking right at him. He's looking right at me, and my jaw drops, my hand clamps over my mouth and I spin around in a chair.
"Fuck, oh fuck, this isn't fucking happening."
"He's checking you out. Why are you freaking out? He's fucking hot! Go talk to him."
I look at the four of them with clenched teeth. "That. Is. Elliot's. Father."
All of their jaws drop.
"You fucked that?" Johanna shouts.
"He's coming over here." Annie whispers.
"I'm leaving."
"We just got here." Annie complains.
"You need to tell him." Finn says.
I grab my jacket and my wallet, and get up and start to move out of the bar, but he moves right in front of me.
"It's your birthday." He says.
"Fuck you."
"Wait." He says. "Please."
I have to tell him.
"Why?" I cross my arms.
"Can I talk to you?"
"About what?"
"About…about what I did to you."
"Peeta, you don't even fucking know what you did to me."
He sighs. "Please can we talk?"
I'm silent for a long time.
"Fine." I walk out, and he waves goodbye to his friends and follows me.
"Listen, I'm really sorry for what I did and the way that I treated you. I was an idiot for leaving. I thought I couldn't give you what I want but I can and…and I think I'm in love with you."
"How the fuck could you be in love with me?"
"I've always had a thing for you. I was scared, okay? I know you think of me as an immature child but I'm not. I was afraid that…that if I got into a relationship with you…you would fall for someone else and I would be left hanging."
I'm silent for a long, long time.
"So you just…hurt me and left?"
"I'm sorry." He says. "Can we just…try and be friends?"
"You don't even fucking live here, Peeta."
"Yes I do. I moved here a few weeks ago." He insists.
I sink down on a park bench and drop my head into my hands. He stands in front of me.
"Peeta." I stand up.
He raises his eyebrows.
"You have a three month old son."
"What?" he asks.
"We had sex a year ago. Nine months was three months ago. You got me pregnant."
He starts shaking his head. "No, there's no fucking way."
"I'm serious." I whisper.
"Why didn't you tell me?"
"How could I? Your parents moved out. I had no way to contact you. I searched every social media sight, I tried government websites and nothing! I tried! I could find you!"
"I…we have a son?"
"Yes. His name is Elliot Ryan."
"Well where is he?" he demands.
"My Mom is watching him."
"I want to meet him."
"Peeta…you…you left, you haven't been there."
"I know and I'm really sorry!" he says.
"Can you wait till tomorrow? Mom has him overnight and I'm tired and I just want to go home."
"What time?" he demands.
"Just…come over at…noon."
"Can I have your address?"
"Yes." I write it down on his hand.
"I can't believe this." He mutters. "Jesus Christ. I have a kid."
I stare at him.
"We can…we can share him or something?" he asks.
No. I don't like sharing my baby boy.
"We can talk about it tomorrow. I'm going home."
"Wait." He says.
"What?" I demand.
"I meant what I said."
"What?"
"I meant it when I said that I think I'm in love with you."
He hugs me goodbye, and then I scurry off, waving down a taxi before he can offer me a ride home.
….a….
I get up at nine and take a shower. I clean the whole house and shout to Madge that I'm leaving, and then I grab my keys and wallet and go out of the house. I get in my car and head off. Madge is going to go. She's moving out, which sucks, and is moving in with her boyfriend, Gale.
I head to my Mother's. It's eleven when I get there, and I know there's absolutely no way I'm going to be there by noon.
I should've gotten his phone number.
I pull into my Mother's driveway and get out, leaving the car on. His stuff is packed and he's all ready to go.
"Are you sure you don't want to stay for lunch?" Mom asks.
"I can't. I ran into Peeta yesterday and well…" I trail off.
"He wants to meet him?" Reed asks.
"Yeah, but he's changed now." I pick up Elliot and his diaper bag.
"He just ate, he got changed, I gave him a bath this morning, so he should be fine."
Elliot lets out a loud cooing noise when he realizes it's me holding him.
"Good luck. I want you to call me when he leaves." Mom says.
"I will, bye." I walk out and put Elliot in his car seat, kiss his forehead and head home.
….s….
Elliot is in a good mood today. He's giggling the whole ride home. He does fall asleep though, and I sigh because I really needed him to stay awake.
I get to my townhouse and take out Elliot and his diaper bag.
I go inside and find a note on the counter.
Katniss,
I'm at Gale's. Peeta showed up and I knew you wouldn't be home till about one thirty so I told him t come back at one thirty five.
-Madge
I look at the clock. It's one thirty on the dot.
Elliot is awake now, and wants to play, so I put him on his belly on the living room floor with tons of toys. I watch him, and then someone knocks on the door.
God, I'm nervous.
