Part 1, Chap 2

---------------------

Willow guards Tara's room, interrogating anyone who comes within two feet of the door. She paces impatiently, anxiously awaiting any sign that the Tara she loves so fiercely still exists in the beaten shell lying in the hospital bed.

Finally Tara's uninjured leg shifts in the bed. Tara whimpers in pain as she accidentally hits her broken ankle.

"Tara?" Willow whispers, a hopeful smile forming. "Don't try to move, baby," Willow tells her softly, adding "You're hurt," regretfully.

Tara stops moving, slowly opening her eyes. Worry creeps into her face as she takes in Willow's darkened eyes and hair. She looks away from Willow, biting her lip.

"Tara?" Willow whispers concerned.

"You used magick?" Tara asks, her voice hollow. "Dark magick?" She already knows the answer, but she needs Willow to admit it.

Willow looks back at her lover, Tara's disappointment burning on her skin.

"Yes. I- he- Tara, he hurt you. Warren, he-," Willow struggles to form the words, her mind racing and her heart sinking.

"I know what he did, Willow," Tara replies. "What did you do?" she asks pointedly.

An anger stirs in Willow just thinking of Warren. Her mind is filled with his poison, and Tara and rest of the world fade for a moment. "I killed him," Willow responds, her voice cold.

"You-you killed him?" Tara stutters, horrified.

Tara's horror brings Willow back, and the pain in her chest starts to feel unbearable. "I got so lost, Tara... I found you, all beaten and- and- ... And then I saw his jacket, and this rage just consumed me. What he had done- I-I- I went after him, found him in the woods... he said all these horrible things- about you- and, and then I tried to make him feel the same pain he caused you. I just- I don't- I- I killed him," Willow confesses. Her body trembles, her eyes changing between normal and dark as tears well up.

"It wasn't right," Tara whispers sadly.

"I know- I'm so sorry- I can't- Tara-," Willow bites back a sob, clinging to her lover's name for comfort. She tries again at words, though they feel hollow on her tongue, "I just felt- so dead inside, seeing you like that. Your dress was- your blood- he-," she has to pause as disgust rolls in her throat, and she fights gagging and nausea. She finally manages to be articulate. "He tried to destroy what matters most to me in the whole world. He just took what he wanted... he didn't even care," she cries out, her anger bubbling again.

"But I'm still alive, Willow. You could have stayed with me, rather than hunting him down," Tara argues.

"I'm sorry, Tara. I'm sorry, I'm sorry..." Willow whispers over and over, breaking down. Tears fall across her cheeks, and the darkness in her eyes and hair fading away. She tries again at words, "I couldn't bear it, Tara. Finding you broken, exposed, violated... I hadn't protected you. I hated him, and I hated myself, and the hate just grew until it swallowed me whole. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to make it right. I can't- I'm- I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry." Willow breaks down again, her body rocking back and forth as she helplessly repeats the words, "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry..."

"Willow?" Tara whispers, concerned. When Willow doesn't respond, Tara gathers all her strength to call out, "I need someone in here! Buffy? Xander? Nurse? Help!"

Buffy is in the hall when she hears Tara's cries and comes running.

"Tara? What happened? Are you ok?" Buffy cries out as she throws open the door. A moment after she sees that Tara is ok, she notices Willow, rocking back and forth.

"What happened, Tara?" Buffy asks as she cautiously makes her way over to Willow.

"She admitted she killed Warren, and then she was talking about how finding me- r-ra- you know- made her lose it. She started apologizing, and her eyes and hair faded, and then she-she broke down," Tara tells Buffy.

"Ok," Buffy replies. "I'll calm her down. It'll be ok Tara. I promise," Buffy assures her. "Willow? Honey?" Buffy calls out gently as she reaches Willow. Willow doesn't respond. Buffy carefully pulls Willow into her arms, leading her out of the room. Before she closes the door, she tells Tara, "I'll take care of her."

Buffy guides Willow to a chair in the waiting room, and pulls a chair around to sit facing her.

"Willow?" Buffy tries again, her voice louder and firmer. She tenderly brushes Willow's hair from her face.

"Buffy?" Willow questions, looking up at Buffy as she breaks from her trance.

"I'm here, Wil," Buffy replies with a soft smile.

Willow tries to bite back a sob, but it all tumbles out, turning into body shaking sobs. Buffy pulls Willow into her arms, rubbing her back gently.

-------------------------

Willow leaves the hospital in a daze, fleeing the weight of Tara's eyes upon her. She freezes at the door, before forcing herself to open it. She walks up the stairs to their bedroom, hesitating as she sees Tara's jacket. She flops onto the bed, tears welling up in her eyes as she moves from Tara's side of the bed to hers. Her hand rests upon the pillow Tara slept on just hours ago, and she cries quietly until she's too exhausted to stay awake.

-----------------

"Tara? Do you mind if I come in?" Buffy calls out softy from the doorway.

"You-you can come in," Tara replies.

Buffy enters the hospital room, perching on the end of Tara's bed.

"How are you holding up?" Buffy asks gently, her eyes meeting Tara's.

"I'm al-alright, I guess. There's just so much- I-," Tara struggles with the words, worry heavy in her face and voice.

"I know," Buffy replies, giving Tara a sad smile. Buffy moves closer to Tara, hesitantly taking her hand.

"Tara... Spike- he, um, he kinda tried to- attack me a couple nights ago. I was in the bathroom, about to take a bath after patrol, and he tried to... you know. I know it wasn't nearly as bad as what happened to you. I'm not saying that at all, God... I just- You were really there for me when I needed to tell someone about Spike and I sleeping together, and all- And I just wanted to say that I'm here for you, now," Buffy tells Tara, flustered.

"Buffy- th-thanks," Tara replies softy, squeezing Buffy's hand.

Buffy pulls Tara into a loose hug, allowing Tara to pull out of the hug if she becomes uncomfortable.

"I'm here, ok," Buffy whispers softly.

When Buffy finally lets go of Tara, she notices that her friend seems to have relaxed slightly.

"Tara, I was thinking of checking on Willow... Do you want someone to stay with you? Would you feel comfortable with Xander and Anya here?" Buffy asks.

"S-sure," Tara replies with a weak smile, "Buffy- thank you."

Buffy returns the smile. "I'll back soon, Tara. If you need to talk- here, remember?"

Tara nods, curling up in the bed, careful not to jostle her broken bones.

-----------------

Buffy can't really face a big talk with Dawn about rape, but Dawn is surprisingly quite. Dawn can sense the devastation, and she's withdrawn, trying to process it all. Buffy feels guilty for not comforting Dawn more, but she's utterly emotionally drained.

"You can stay up late," Buffy tells Dawn as they walk into the house, "I'll call you in sick tomorrow." She knows that Dawn is worried sick, and that nothing short of tranquilizing and kidnapping would make her leave Willow or Tara's side. "Why don't you make some popcorn, and pick out a movie? I'm going to check on Willow, and then I'll come watch it with you," Buffy suggests, deciding they could both use a bit of distraction.

Dawn nods, heading to the kitchen. Buffy goes upstairs to check on Willow.

"Wil?" She calls out softly, making out Willow's form on the bed.

She can hear deep breathing, punctuated by tiny sobs, but Willow doesn't respond. Buffy lets out a sigh and heads downstairs.

------------

Buffy and Dawn are passed out to the Pretty Woman part of their Julia Roberts-fest when Buffy awakens to a knock at the door. She checks for drool as she makes her way to the door.

"Giles?" She cries as she opens the door, shocked and relieved.

Giles smiles softly. "You've cut your hair," he remarks, and Buffy throws her arms around him.

"I came as soon as I heard..." Giles tells Buffy once she releases him.

"Did the Council--?" Buffy asks as they make their way into the living room, careful not to wake Dawn.

"The Council hasn't a clue. About much of anything, really. There's a powerful coven in Devonshire. They sensed the rise of a dangerous magical force here. A dark force, fuelled by grief," he replies.

"Willow," Buffy says sadly.

"I hoped not. Then a seer in the coven told me about Tara... How is she, Buffy?" Giles asks.

"Tara's in the hospital. She has some broken bones, but there doesn't appear to be any brain damage... I don't know about how she's dealing with everything else. Willow really scared her, Giles," Buffy tells him.

"What happened?" He asks.

"Willow came to the hospital after killing Warren. She told Tara about killing Warren, and then she broke down. She kept repeating that she was sorry and rocking back and forth. Tara was really worried, and she cried out for help. I heard her, and managed to calm Willow down. Giles- Willow's not herself. I don't know-" Buffy trails off.

"We'll figure something out," Giles replies softly, squeezing her hand. "Is Willow here?"

"She's upstairs in her bedroom. Last time I checked she seemed to be crying more than sleeping, but she wouldn't talk to me," Buffy replies, fighting a yawn.

"Go to bed, Buffy. I'll go check on her," Giles replies with a soft smile.

------------

Giles enters the bedroom silently, resting on end of the bed. Willow is facing away from him, her breathing deep and rough. Giles remains there, unspeaking and unmoving, until Willow relents and turns to face him.

"I killed him," she admits, her voice hoarse. She draws a breath, and continues, "Warren. Not quite a man, more like a monster, but a human being, none the less."

"I know," Giles replies softly.

"Tara-" Willow's voice breaks as she tries to explain.

"I know," Giles interrupts her, his eyes a mix of sympathy and disappointment. "I'm very sorry about what happened to Tara," he adds.

Willow nods, her eyes tearing yet again.

"Willow, you killed someone using powerful dark magicks. You can't hide from it, and wait for it to go away. You need to find a way to account and atone for what you've done. And you also have Tara to think of. I know you love her, but she needs more than that. She needs to feel safe with you," Giles tells her firmly.

Willow nods, then turns away from him.

Giles sighs softly, and makes his way to the door.

---------

In her dreams she's Lady Macbeth, her hands irrevocably stained with blood. Everything she touches becomes tainted with his blood. When she finds Tara crying, she reaches out to touch her cheek and then pulls back, horrified by the bloody mark she leaves. "I'm sorry," she whispers as she runs from Tara. As her revulsion and self-hatred build, the dark magick is stirred inside of her. The clouds swirl and lightening crackles as she casts spells that she doesn't even know the words for. The earth splits underneath her, rivers flooding through the cracked earth. The rushing water pulls her under, and she makes no attempt to fight to the surface. She doesn't deserve the life that air provides.

---------