Even when you forget, I'll always remember…I'll be the keeper of our memories.
...
Piper realized that every walk down memory lane running into Alex was rendered useless. She was far-gone; a shallow shadow of once clear thought…a love that no longer had a face. Alex's eyes showed no mercy of remembrance about the past, about Piper, about the love they both thought inevitable. Is this how they end? Is this how she'd going to pay for her sins? A brutal thrown of punches, regret after regret. A million stab in the heart of painfully lost memories. The cruel part was, she was the one remembering and Alex did the forgetting. Piper did that to Alex when she first left her in Paris, she forgets while Alex remembered. What goes around really comes back around because the tables had been turned, and she fully grasps the idea of how it awfully hurts.
Their introduction had been brief. After Piper introduced herself, Alex started to become uneasy. She grew uncomfortable with Piper's presence, as the blonde takes her in. She immediately excused herself and dashed through the door, leaving a stunned and worried Piper, rooted still. A stranger asking for a certain genre in the shelves brought her back to her surroundings. When Piper reached her office, she closed the door and deposits herself at the couch beside her own bookshelf. Those books are all reminders of the dark haired woman. Some were Alex's favorites, some have meaningful reminders of their past, others are memories of Alex reading them to her. She stared at them, taking each title binders. A smile edges at her face, and then she slowly released an uncontrollable fit of laughter. Her laugh roared in the silence of her office, as she found the hilarity of the situation she was in. It was crazy, and the universe really had a strange sense of humor, in which she was a favorite laughingstock. She laughed on the situation that she was in, again. She laughed, of how her life was taking its course. She laughed on the truth of how unreachable Alex was. A moment after, she regained herself and wiped the tears of laughter at the edge of her blue orbs. She was trying to hold herself together and failing, as her breathing gets labored. Her eyes are stinging. She tried keeping the tears at bay, but she couldn't. Her mind shifted on how lost she was. She was reminded of all the memories that she had with Alex, which the brunette might never remember again. She sobs fiercely, as Alex will no longer be reminded about Piper's love of margarita. She won't remember their pork chop version. She wouldn't laugh and recall on how embarrassing her Java story was. She wouldn't get why Piper loved Cambodia. She had forgotten why she got her fish tattoo. She wouldn't get the meaning of their songs. She wouldn't be laughing on Piper's jokes. She had forgotten what's the story behind their every favorite place. Alex wouldn't be reminded of how she used to feel about Piper's every kiss, every touch, or every whispered word of love to her. Alex had forgotten. Piper sobbed uncontrollably on her couch. Her hand covered her mouth to lessen the sound, but her heart's deafening crushing sound echoes on the four walls. She calmed down a moment after when her mind finally grasps the idea of Alex giving her a clean slate. There was no memory of Piper abandoning her when Diane died, no memory of her choosing Larry, no reminder of Piper throwing her back into prison, no Stella and her betrayal, and absolutely no clue of her selfishness by disregarding Alex's fears for her life. She was torn between needing Alex to remember, and wanting her to forget. It was a punishment and a relief. It was a curse and a cure. It was an end and a start. Piper felt like she was going crazy. It was a ride that she had no idea where was heading. All she knew was that she was on it once again, as she found Alex one more time, and she begged the universe to make it mean something…this time.
...
It had been four days since she saw Alex. After their abrupt run-in into her store, the brunette didn't show up again. It left Piper disappointed and aching. For some reason, she wanted to see Alex once again. She wanted to talk to her, ask how she'd been. She didn't need her to stay if the brunette didn't intend to, but Piper just wanted to know if she had been doing okay, if she was happy or how she was coping. She knew she lost that right after Alex's attack, but ever since she lost the dark haired woman, the blonde develop a primal need of knowing how Alex was. She craved the idea of the brunette being safe and sound, even if she was in distance from her.
It was reaching 4 in the afternoon and the blonde was keeping herself busy in her store. She had been doing paper works at her office since she came back from lunch. Jackie, her store manager kept an eye around while she locked herself inside her office. Being in the store made her longed for Alex to show up, and the papers she needed to finish was a great distraction to keep her sane. She heard a knock on her door, as she continued sorting those paper works.
"Come in."
"Hey, Piper. Am I interrupting?" Jackie said as she dipped her head inside the blonde's office.
"No. It's fine. What is it?"
"Ugh, the delivery of our new books for the book signing arrived." Jackie said apprehensively.
"Okay." Piper answered as she waits for Jackie to continue.
"The thing is, they delivered only half of it. They said the rest would be handed next week."
"What? We need the books by Monday." Piper said, as her voice rises a little.
"I know, that's what I said, but the delivery guy said he knew nothing about it." Jackie said gently.
"Fuck!" Piper yelled, as her hands cover her face in frustration.
"I didn't sign the delivery yet. Do you want to see?" Jackie asks politely.
"Yeah. Let's go!"
Jackie led her into the rear side of the store where bundles of books are piled. They both approached the delivery guy and made a discussion about their orders. After what seemed to be endless talked of getting back and forth about why the delivered copies were incomplete, they let go of the idea that they can get any answers from him.
"Jackie, would you call the publishing company and ask what happened please...and don't accept any irrelevant excuses! These people need to know this isn't right!" Piper said with venom.
"Sure. I'll handle it."
"Get it cleared out. I will talk to their head publisher if I have to." Piper followed as she places her right hand on her forehead in frustration. She didn't appreciate the added stress, especially when she was already stressing and worried about not seeing the dark haired woman again.
"I'll settle this, don't worry." Jackie replied as she took the order receipt on Piper's hand.
"Hi. Is this a bad time?" A gentle raspy voice said from behind them, as she and Jackie turned towards where the voice came from.
There she saw Alex standing shyly. She had her glasses on, which made Piper smile. It was a familiar way of seeing Alex again. She felt somewhat calm to see the brunette, as she exhaled a breath of relief. Alex fidgets shyly on her glasses, as Piper snapped back from her trance.
"No!" Piper said abruptly, as her tone rise a little due to her excitement on seeing Alex again. Jackie looked back at her, as she wondered who the stranger was, and felt her boss's panic response.
"I mean...no. No, we're done here." Piper said calmly this time.
"Okay. I have to do this." Jackie said as she excused herself and start making a phone call.
They were both standing against each other, as Alex observed her.
"It's good to see you again." Piper said gently. She didn't want to scare Alex again.
"I know. I'm sorry I panicked."
"No, it's fine. I understand."
"Can we talk? Do you have time?" Alex asked as she smiled to the blonde. It made something inside of Piper ache. She missed seeing her smile, but this smile was different. There was an uncertain look in Alex's eyes.
"Sure."
...
They were seated at a far end corner of the store. Both of them didn't know where to start or even how to start. Piper observed Alex carefully, and for the first time she saw the changes in her, that she wasn't able to see when she first saw her a few days ago. She had a distinct scar from the left side of her forehead going down to her brow. Although, it was all healed and you won't see it if you're not closely looking, the scar made Piper cringe. Her right arm has a larger vertical scar, just below her rose tattoo, down to her elbow. She thought about how deep that wound was, as the noticeable scar showed in the brunette's short sleeve. Those were the visible ones that Piper had seen so far, and she wondered how many more are now on Alex's body.
"So, Piper right?" Alex asked, breaking the silence. Piper winced on her uncertainty, as it made her feel she was a stranger. She instantly wanted to cry.
"Yes. Piper Chapman."
"I'm sorry, I couldn't remember you." Alex said.
Piper felt like her heart was being crushed every time Alex states the obvious. Her eyes started to gather tears, as she fought her emotions.
"It's not your fault."
"Who are you, Piper?" She grimaced once again on her question.
"I'm...we're together at Litchfield." She answered. She left the statement as it was; letting Alex made out whatever together she thought meant.
"Right. Benny said I was an inmate."
"Benny?"
"My lawyer." Alex said as she smiled.
"Right. Wait, do you want coffee? I can make your favorite." Piper asked. She didn't realize the gravity of her statement until the words left her mouth.
"Ugh...no it's fine. I don't drink caffeine. It gives me headaches." Alex refused gently.
Alex didn't drink coffee anymore, even though that was her favorite. It was another reminder of how different this Alex was, in front of her.
"Oh, okay." Piper said heavily.
"You seem to...know me. I get that vibe from you." Alex stated. Her eyes light up staring at Piper's, and at that moment it gave her hope, that maybe she was not really forgotten, just tacked in the back of Alex's memory waiting to be discovered again.
"I...I do." Piper answered briefly.
"What are we?" Alex asked as Piper's heart aches on the question.
"We were...close." Piper said as Alex smiled at her genuinely.
Alex then started her story after her attack. She woke up after a month of coma, having no memory of what happened. She was in a hospital where she was being watch by a CO. She was confused and alone until Benny showed up hours after. He introduced himself and told Alex who she was, and why she was there. When Alex started getting better, Benny narrated to her on what happened. He talked about how she got her sentence, how long it was, and who did that to her. She remembered having no emotion while Benny explained everything and instead, feeling like he was just telling her a story of someone else. It took six months for Alex to regain her strength back. She underwent therapy, both physical and psychological. She spent the rest of the remaining of her sentence on house arrest and was handed back her freedom a year after. When Alex started to wonder about not having anyone to visit her months after her vicious attack, Benny painfully said she had no one around. It was just her and her mom all her life, and she passed away some years back. It pained Piper so much hearing what Alex went through. But the most hurting part was Alex thinking she had no one. But it was true. Piper wasn't there for Alex. She never was, not when her mother died, not when she was scared for her life, and not even now. Piper's anger towards herself was raging inside of her. She didn't remember hating anyone as much as she hated herself at that moment. Her eyes couldn't hold the tears anymore. She wiped the tears roughly, as her gaze drops on the floor.
"Piper, I want to remember. Will you help me remember?" Alex asked gently.
Piper heard desperation on Alex's voice. She clenched her hand that was resting on the table. If Alex remembered, she will hate Piper forever, but if she didn't, she'd forget how much they mean to each other. She was trying not to break in front of Alex but goddamn, it was hard not to. She owed Alex her memory.
"Please...the doctor said I still can...and I want to. There are things worth remembering." Alex said hopeful, as she gently placed her hand on top of the blonde's.
Piper missed this. She missed Alex's familiar touch. She missed Alex's presence. She missed Alex's warmth. Her tears were flowing endlessly, as Piper knew it was a little too late to have her again. Her clenching hands relaxed on Alex's tight, yet comforting hold. She looked at the brunette and Alex smiled genuinely at her. It hurts Piper more.
"Okay." She managed to say, in between tears. "Some things are worth remembering." Piper said gently, as she squeezed Alex's hand back. Alex's smile never faltered and Piper managed to smile at her too, not quite reaching her eyes, as terror enveloped her being. It made her scared. This was a choice of Alex not recalling and giving them a chance to begin again, against remembering and loathing her for the rest of their lives. This time, Piper chooses the latter, as she felt a little less selfish.
Hey guys! Here! Thanks for your reviews! I decided that yes, I think this story will be multi chapters, that's the only way i could give justice unto this. Let me know what you think. Sorry for the typos, if there's any. Enjoy!
xo
