Chapter Two: Bedlam
"So," Buddy begins. "Do you think I'm insane like everyone else does?"
Castellanos pauses, and then laughs in a soft, feminine way. "I don't believe in insanity," she says.
"HA HA HA!" The client's laugh is loud and merry.
"I don't," she insists. Her tone is inviting. Playful, even.
"How do ya explain that? Insanity exists. You'd be insane to suggest otherwise." He snickers at his own joke.
"The word insanity is often used negatively," she responds coolly. "It's been used for ages to put people in a box, people whose minds might work differently than others' would. Not to mention, it's a term often reserved for oppressed groups. Used to remark upon the unknown."
The client pauses thoughtfully. "Well-answered but I don't appreciate you attempting to psych me out, Doc. Can I call you 'doc'?"
"Psych you out? What makes you say that?"
"I mean, don't pretend to be all touchy feely woo-woo on me. It pisses me off!" His tone of voice is hardly "pissed off". It is closer to jovial than anything else. "Of course insanity exists—"
"Diseases, disorders and illnesses exist. I'm not arguing with you there, Buddy. But for me, insanity is a term that implies negativity—it brings to mind loony bins, asylums… the mistreatment of people who think differently. So I'd appreciate it if we approached this topic a different way—"
"You never said whether I can call you doc, Doc," he interrupts. This time he sounds exasperated.
"Yes, because I'd rather you try not to divert the conversation," she says lightly.
"Because that's your job," he says. There's suddenly a hint of nastiness in his voice.
There is a strange pause. The therapist clears her throat. "If you feel I'm diverting the conversation, why don't you tell me what you want to talk about?"
"I almost had you there. Almost. Clean recovery," he replies mischievously. "But that brings us back to my question about insanity. I don't really care whether you like the term or not. I want to know if you think I'm insane."
"Because everyone else does," she states.
"Yeah," he says, and chuckles. "So I doubt you're different, even if you're trying to be politically correct about the usage of the word."
"I don't think you are insane," she says in a very firm tone, "because I don't use the word 'insane'. It's too early for me to comment on whether you have some sort of affliction or difference because this is our first actual session."
"You're not like the others."
"What others?"
"People," he says, and the tape picks up some background noise: footsteps and the rustling of paper as though the client has risen and is perusing the office.
"Who do you trust, Buddy?" she asks warmly.
"I trust myself, and I also trust them," he says, and the ambient noise continues. "Can I borrow this book?"
"Buddy, I'd like for you to try and sit down again. I understand it's difficult. Who are they?"
"Who are what?" He sits, but taps his foot impatiently.
"They," she urges softly.
"You seem too nice for this. I'd hate for you to be disappointed in me," he replies, and is deeply, undeniably sarcastic.
"If you think I'm not like these others you mentioned before, then maybe I won't be disappointed," she says.
"Touché`," Buddy says.
The therapist makes a small noise like laughter. "That's all for today, Buddy."
Castellanos chews on the end of her pen, a habit her last boyfriend deemed "unattractive", as though she were a programmable doll. She dumped him cordially after the promised promotion and then ended up screwing him over when she quit three weeks later. The last part was unintentional. She'll do many things to get ahead but she was not attempting to send a message or appear vengeful toward him. He was an alright lover, after all. She pauses, wondering why he's even in her mind. The new job and new town can seem lonely, but not that lonely.
She shakes these thoughts from her mind and starts the tape recorder.
"4/16/69. Buddy is fairly forthcoming with his opinions. His constant questioning about being insane and his references to being certain he will disappoint those around him almost seem like a red herring. Buddy has a deep understanding of how therapy has usually worked in the past and how his past therapists have used certain tactics in order to will him to talk. His compliance seems to be a choice; he is almost so aware that he is casual about therapy and seems hopeless regarding medications and cures. Very keen on using humor: perhaps a diversion? Too early to say. He could simply enjoy making jokes." She laughs to herself and the tape cuts off.
