TPH2

Disclaimer – not making any money on JKR's characters or my parody of "Easy A".

Chapter 2

I slowly was developing a bit of a plan for the coming summer and my sixth year. In spite of my raging 'horny sixteen-year-old' hormones, the lurid tales and unsubtle speculation about my supposed sex-life had put a damper on my enthusiasm to just jump in the sack with anyone. It might come in handy in the coming year to be able to prove that, in fact, I'd had sex with no one.

Not to mention it was a rather delicious irony to be able to listen to all the pornographic nonsense and smugly know them all for liars. It was interesting that none of the tales were coming from Slytherin house. All the girls were aware that the stories could, indeed, one day come back to haunt them and the boys felt no need to spread tales about me when they were trying to keep on my good side.

There was also the unwritten rule of Slytherin – no matter how vicious or unfriendly you might be in the Slytherin dorm – you never handed weapons to the other houses. The worst that could be said was that once fifth year started and the marauders had become so extremely vicious was that the Slytherin house had failed to protect me very often. The marauders always seemed to know when I was alone, and they seemed to come form nowhere.

Most of my house would have tolerated Lily better if she had actually been my girlfriend. As it was they couldn't see what I was getting out of the relationship to counter the constant attacks I endured from the marauders. They were taking greater care with me now that I was considered an asset – my very presence caused Gryffindors to turn interesting shades of red and purple. I'd always been valued for my grades – but this was several cuts above mere excellent scores.

I spent the final week networking madly – knowing the assignments that would be needed was an excellent reason to need to owl the girls, and there were several who I would be asking other things from – three of them had lawyers for parents. Another had a mum that was a social lioness who was friendly with the Prince family.

I intended to break my mother free of her husband and orchestrate a reunion with her family.

The marauders tried one last hex as we were loading into the carriages to go to the train ... I ducked and it hit Professor Sprout, who was quite vocal in her displeasure at being covered in multi-colored boils.

She and Flitwick could not take points - the end of the year had passed, so taking points would do nothing as the house cup was already won. Plus the Headmaster insisted all houses start out at zero every year, but the two professors could promise the marauders they would be spending the first week of their sixth year in detention. McGonagall stood nearby looking like she wanted to hex me herself – likely for having the nerve to duck and cause a teacher to be struck with the hex - and getting the marauders in trouble.

The Headmaster, of course, saw it all from one of the entrances. He looked troubled. Whether it was over me or the marauders actually being disciplined, I wasn't sure.

Is was pleased to see Lily cut James and his gang dead both at the carriages and on the train. He likely tried to excuse it by saying "it was just Snivellus he was hexing ... surely he deserved it?"

My posse and I, with all the extra hangers-on and curious stragglers took up an entire car. They all circulated around, finding others with similar interests that could help with summer homework and perhaps help with apprenticeships. I had suprised many of them about starting early on apprentice prerequisites. But they would be here soon and there was only this summer and next to work on them.

My "working ahead on it" speech galvanized the Ravenclaws and the Hufflepuffs. The Slytherins had heard it before and already had plans of their own. I had found it surprisingly easy to talk to the girls over the last two weeks, once they realized I was truly looking for study partners and not any other kind.

I found that they faced a variety of problems that I'd never thought about. The purebloods among them had the possibility of an arranged marriage and they worried about the potential partners and what sort of contract they would be facing. The half-bloods or those from families that tended to have alot of mixed blood in them might also be getting marriages arranged for them – to advance the family or to consolidate the family business.

The muggle-borns were sometimes in even worse shape – especially the one or two in love with someone from a traditional family. They had no idea of how to contract a marriage. They would be totally at the mercy of the pureblood boy's parents. They spouted on about 'trusting their boyfriend' which made the pureblood – and some half-bloods – want to yell at them. We managed to talk them into at least reading some marriage law books.

The girls with lawyers in the family vowed to research and give a few lectures at our study sessions about marriage laws, contracts, etc. I smirked in relief. I seemed to heading up a small revolution among my posse of girls.

I did notice that there were alot of teachers milling around the train car, and McGonagall looked rather dubious about the fact we seemed to talking about marriage and child custody a lot. I half expected her to ask who was pregnant.

We arrived at Kings Cross at last and I was met by my mother. She apparated me to Spinners End and to my relief dear old dad was at the pub. I told her straight out that I had a portkey to go to the Greenhouses owned by Andrew's family for about a month to start on my prerequisites. She just looked relieved and nodded. I wasn't sure the dad would even notice when I was gone.

I was wearing my old clothing and carrying my old trunk. Andrew had shrunk my new trunk for me, to expand on my verbal command. I felt guilty not telling mum about my new stuff, but she was still completely under dad's thumb and if he saw anything new, it would be gone – sold for drink even if it was wizard stuff.

I only had to make it a few days and I would be safely back in the wizarding world. I unpacked the old trunk. I'd put the clothing I never planned to use again in the closet. I rarely parted with any books, even my first year ones, they were all in the new trunk. I'd kept out two books to study that the Hufflepuff Herbology majors had recommended to study.

I had learned several excellent stasis charms from the Hufflepuffs that would keep food fresh for up to a month. I'd raided the sandwich platter several times that last week, whenever the common room was empty. The house-elves refilled it automatically, so no one ever knew. I now had enough sandwiches to feed me for the week, and hopefully my mother for a month. I took several down to her and we ate rather well, for once.

I broached the subject of her leaving dad, and she just shook her head wearily. I firmly told her that I had plans in the works and she would be free of him by Christmas, I hoped. She looked at me fearfully – she was familiar with my stubborn streak. Then she patted my arm.

"If you manage it, that would be fine – but I really see no way out." She whispered.

I redoubled my determination to free her ... and vowed to protect my new friends from this kind of bondage. She and dad had likely had a good start – she insisted they had been in love. Then her father, being an old pureblood traditionalist had brought out the usual contract and had put her dowry in the hands of Eileen's new husband, as was the 'tradition'.

Greed had reared it's ugly head, and mixed with the frequent closings and lay-offs from the factories ... the dowry had been frittered away, slowly. Initially it had bought this house and the slowly deteriorating furnishings that were still in it. Then it had bought a river of alcohol. If only dad had allowed mum to get work in the wizarding world, we would have been alright if believed. He refused, though, afraid she would 'short him his due money' or 'run off with some magic bloke'. The marriage contract bound her to not work except where and when her husband said she could, so she was stuck.

I heard the old sod stumbling up the steps and went to my room. As luck would have it, he forgot I arrived home today and stumbled up to bed without looking for me to swat around. Mum waited until she heard snores and then went to bed as well.

I didn't avoid him the second day, but I appeased him by giving him a few pound notes I'd gotten in trade from some third year muggle-borns for a couple acne reducing potions I'd whipped up. I managed to get through the next days with only a few cuffs and the usual deriding sneers from him.

Mum and I lived on the sandwiches from Hogwarts. I'd also taken as many bottles of the shampoo and conditioner provided by the school as I had dared. It should last the summer if I was careful. I was determined that the nickname 'greasy git' would never be warranted again. The day I left I brought down the remaining food, mum almost cried and I cursed not knowing charms that would last longer than the month. I'm sure they existed. With luck, though we would not need them, soon.

I changed into my new robes and picked up the new trunk, taking the portkey straight from my room to the Greenhouses. I took a room in the apartments over a carriage house that were provided for apprentices. They were not large, but I had a small bathroom to myself. Meals I mostly took with the apprentices, though I was invited to take dinner with the family many times.

Andrew had obviously been cornered by his father about why he was allowing me to do the herbology prerequisite for free. His father was a Slytherin as well, and once the sweating Andrew had explained his concerns about me his father had apparantly been very amused, but had understood his son's paranoia. His father had been curious about me at first, then had found I was interesting to talk to.

I found I was once again networking future alliances by befriending Andrew's family, and they didn't mind getting me into the suppliers to finish the other ingredients prerequisites.

The apothocary suppliers didn't have as nice a room – I shared it with two others, and I did a lot of heavy lifting for them. I learned a great deal from them, though, and they fed me well. The summer went by faster than I could have ever imagined. It was a good thing the charms on the robes and clothing were of excellent quality, as I shot up several inches and gained considerable muscle as well.

I hardly had time to do my summer homework and answer letters from the girls. I apologized profusely for this, letting them know that the work was quite time-consuming. They seemed understanding about this and still sent the letters, even if I couldn't get back to them right away.

I met mum at Kings Cross, and gave her a hamper full of charmed food I'd gotten together. She looked a little worn and I pressed the last of the muggle money I'd gotten into her hand. I hoped she could hide it well.

I put the problems of Spinners End out of my head as best I could – as I did every year. The immediate avid perusal of my person by everyone at the Hogwarts train helped a great deal. There was a lot of giggling from girls, and staring from parents. I wasn't as amused by this as I thought I would be, but I managed to get on the train without acknowledging any of them - especially Lily and her mother who both had worn set looks of rejection and appeared to be bracing themselves for my approach. I hoped they choked on the fact that I ignored the both of them. Since I didn't even look at them as I went by whatever speeches they'd had ready weren't needed.

I found an empty compartment and was soon joined by a flock of Ravenclaws. They and the Hufflepuffs had numerous tales of parental alarm that they'd had to endure when they'd arrived home at the beginning of summer. Chastity checking charms had been applied liberally. Several had been outed as non-virgins, but truth spells had proved the guilty party had been someone else, of course. At least one duel had occured over it and a couple broken marriage contracts.

Angela Prescott was quite smug – a seventh year who had been engaged to a Gryffindor lout that she hated. Her parents had heard 'all they stories', thanks to her mother's cousin, who was Peter Pettigrew's aunt. They'd demanded she never speak to Severus again and had cast the spell to check her status as a virgin. They'd seemed surprised to find she still was one.

Angela had blown up at them, she said, demanding to show them several instances where her fiance had struck her and two occasions when he'd tried to rape her. They'd not believed it until they saw the pensieve memories. She'd then ranted at length about how Severus always acted as a gentleman and had never laid a hand on her. She'd let them know what jealous liars the marauders were and that if they didn't break her engagement, she'd kill her fiance herself. The stunned parents had agreed and said nothing more about Severus.

Angela's audience had applauded enthusiastically and I had grinned happily, glad to be back with ... well, I guessed they truly were my friends. They seemed to accept me, and if there was occasional furtive looks at me that seemed a bit ... lustful, well that happened between teenagers even when there weren't lurid rumors.

Some of the prefects got back from 'the meeting' with the other prefects with the news that the Headmaster had handed down new rules. There would be a lot more patrols 'to keep contact between the opposite sexes to a minimum'. The teachers would be policing known assignation areas very heavily... etc.

I laughed heartily at this. The girls surrounding me looked puzzled.

"The Marauders will be cursing the day they pranked me." I crowed. "This is going to curtail them alot more than it will me ... and all because they pulled down my drawers to humiliate me." The girls looked at me in continued confusion. "You do realize that all of this started there, don't you?"

The light finally dawned, "You're right ... " one of the more intelligent Ravenclaws said. "That is when all the ... um, stories about you started."

She and a couple others looked at me hard, obviously wondering, now just how much was true. They had to have realized that I hadn't chased any of them at the end of last year, or over the summer. Very odd behaviour if I was indeed such a Cassanova.

Eventually the conversation started back up - discussing their boyfriends, homework, hair, engagements, apprenticeships. I let the conversation slide over me. Blissfully aware the the marauders love lives were toast.

I felt quite peaceful, until we got to the great hall. I parted ways with my entourage, except for the two Slytherin girls that had joined us – Andrew's girlfriend Veronica and Narcissa Black, of all people – she was close friends with Veronica. Whispers and wide-eyed looks followed me. I could hardly wait to cast the eavesdropping charm again.

Mary McDonald was sitting next to a clenched-jawed Lily and obviously giving her an unwelcome lecture. "Really, Lily, of course it could be true – you said yourself he was gone all summer. Peter said he heard from his cousins that Snape was put in a rehab for sex addicts by his parents. Peter's cousins parents are healers – they would have heard about it, surely." Mary ended smugly.

I almost choked on the roll I'd been chewing. Wow ... can you be addicted to something you never actually had?

The Ravenclaw girls were laughing uproarishly to the bewilderment of a Gryffindor girl who had come over to their table to tell what she 'knew' to them. She left to go back to her table in a huff. One of the Ravenclaws went to the curious Hufflepuffs and whispered, soon they were tittering and giggling as well. All of them knew, of course, exactly where I'd been all summer.

Word got around, of course, via 'the girls' about my getting my prerequisites done over the summer. The Gryffindors were disappointed, of course, and Lily looked relieved. Mary was quite angry – glared at me at every opportunity for disappointing her. I'd never figured out why she hated me so, but I had just the revenge in mind for her. At the end of November I struck.

I started smiling at her as I walked by, and if any of her friends saw me I would wink at her as well. So the rumors started up that we were seeing each other. I started adding smirks and knowing looks, and remarking to whoever was with me about "Mary being quite ... fine." Lily, of course, looked at the horrifed Mary in betrayal.

I might as well have said she was among the best I'd ever bedded and that she was a total slut. Within two weeks she and most of the Gryffindor table were in shrieking matches at every meal. Lily was glaring at Mary and calling her a hypocrite for talking Severus down and then dating him. Mary was calling everyone else lying betrayers for believing rumors.

I, as well as the rest of the Slytherins, were quite entertained. My entourage of girls were quite puzzled. At least some of them were with me nearly the entirety of the day, and the female Slytherin prefects – Veronica and Narcissa - insisted I went straight to the dorms every night – and stayed there. How had I managed to get into Mary McDonald's pants?

Then, just before Christmas break I delivered the final blow to the witch who had undermined my friendship with Lily since our sorting in first year. I told Avery what to say and as we walked by Mary, Lily and the others he said "So, not so good after all?"

I barely glanced at Mary and sniffed. "No, afraid not ... quite disappointing." That was all it took ... 'the Slytherin basilisk' had dumped Mary as being a lousy lay. It was possibly the only thing worse that being rumored as being my willing wench.

Her screams of rage got her sent to Poppy for a calming draught and McGonagall was back to stalking me and Dumbledore was looking quite offended. The marauders had not had a chance to corner me alone all year, so they just cursed me in full view of an entire courtyard of students. The prefects in my posse were only allowed to take 10 points from a student a day, so they'd had to take the matter to a teacher to get detentions assigned. Luckily they'd picked Flitwick, who could be counted on to not take nonsense from the marauders.

I ended up in the infirmary and not able to enjoy the marauders complaints that Flitwick didn't like them. I'd had to get the bruises and cuts from the bombarda and diffindo's healed. Poppy sat at a desk in front of me – likely so she could say in spite of the blood loss and pain, I hadn't snuck into one of the girl's beds during the night.

I think I alarmed her a bit with all the snickering I did.

Just before Christmas break, Justine's parents came through. I had laid out my mother's plight in very bald terms in a letter to them, and they promised to do all they could to assist me. Justine's mother had gone to school with Eileen Prince and had been friends. I'd had to send copies of pensieve memories and affidavits, but they had gotten a hearing before the family court.

A divorce would be granted they said, though it was taking more time than they'd hoped.

It was time to contact my mother's family, then, so she would have a place to go after the divorce. I wrote another lengthy letter, to the grandfather I'd never met. I took pains to point out that he'd hamstrung her in her marriage contract and I felt he owed her shelter from the monster my father had become. I prayed he would respond they way I hoped.

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A/N – Hope you continue to enjoy this, trying to keep it amusing.