I heard Mike slam the door to the kitchen and leave for school. He was still enrolled while also working at his parents store part time. I spent my days answering questions on my personal blog. A few of today's consisted of:
"What do you say to the guy you like when he doesn't even know you exist?"
"How do you ask a guy you like to dance?"
"What is your idea of a perfect date?"
"I'm afraid to show my friends pictures of guys I like because they are not good looking."
"Why do socks come in pairs?"
"I'm addicted to blankets?"
"How do you get over a fear of fish?"
The things people thought of left me wondering the same things, all day long. I liked the random ones compared to the ones about love or boys. People asked me personal questions, told me personal stories, and loved my random rants. I lived within my computer, and I loved it. I wasn't judged within its screen and my words made an impact on those who asked. Sometimes I even built these friendships up to the point where I would give them my phone number and we became almost kind of texting buddies. As if I was making friends with out getting attached to them.
Mike hated that I'd rather make distant friends compared to real ones, in all honesty I didn't want any friends at all. I wanted to stay alone in the world. I mean no one was really needed, we lived and we died, at inopportune moments. Charlie taught me that.
The world didn't need any of us, but the struggle to be invisible even though I knew this was real. I craved people sometimes. I wanted to hear their voices and feel their skin. I wanted to hear a dog bark or walk around outside. I would often visit the woods out back of my house and sit under the trees, not thinking but just sitting and listening to the outside world.
And then I saw the weirdest question pop up on my blog responses. No one had ever viewed a picture of me, ever. Even my texting 'friends'. I was completely anonymous. So it struck me as insanely weird, not threatening, but still weird.
"How do you manage to look so beautiful at five in the morning. -E"
