Where's Jaeger?" Frank asked the following day.
Jack made a face. "We got caught in the rain and she wouldn't get changed, said she'd rather wear wet clothes than dirty clothes. Last I checked she was coughing her guts out and curled up in bed. I tried getting her to go to a doctor but you know what she's like, she's convinced she can ride it out in a few days."
"Can she?"
"I don't know. Frank, I can't make her do anything until she gets really sick and I can override her wishes. Until then, the best I can do is make sure she eats well and gets rest." And Gabrielle had looked too exhausted to do anything but rest when he had left her early that morning.
He came home to find her curled up in the couch, wrapped up heavily, looking pale. "How are you feeling?" he asked. He put his hand over her forehead. She was hot and clammy.
"Cold," she mumbled.
"You need to go to hospital."
She glared at him. If she was cohesive enough to glare at him, there was no way he could force her to do anything. "I'll be fine. I'm not going to hospital so my staff can see me like this."
"Let me take you to St. Angela's then. Please, Gabby, you look awful."
"Well, I wasn't about to compete with Tanya Gregova anyway," she snapped. Jack chose to ignore that and fixed her dinner, making sure she ate it, along with a litre of water. She struggled with it. "I'm not hungry," she complained. "I just want to go to bed."
"Will you at least let me check your lungs?" he asked. He was really worried that she'd deteriorated so badly over one day. She must have already been sick with something and being out in the rain and then staying in wet clothes had just exacerbated it.
"Jack, don't. You're not my mother. I told you… please, I just need some rest, that's all." Biting his lip, Jack nodded. She was a grown woman and, even if he'd been her GP, he couldn't make her do anything until she became too out of it to know what she was doing. Right now, she might be fatigued, she might be feverish, but she wasn't delirious. "Do you need help with the dishes?" she offered weakly. Jack shook his head. She didn't look like she was capable of standing up for that long.
Gabrielle got up and shuffled towards her room. Now that her back was turned to Jack, she placed a supportive arm across her chest and waited for the pain to pass. The truth was, she hadn't been feeling well for a while, just a nagging sense of tiredness, and being out in the wet for so long had just kicked whatever she had into high gear.
She knew exactly what she had – or at least, she had some idea. But the idea of having to be admitted to hospital – it went against common sense for her to go anywhere but All Saints, she'd chosen this house because it was only a few blocks away – to be seen as this sick in front of her staff – well, it was bad enough for Jack to see her this sick.
She gripped the door frame to her room, worrying for a second that she might pass out. She knew if Jack knew just how sick she was, he'd force her to hospital, even if he had to call her family in Queensland and explain in that very patient, charming way that he was so good at that their daughter was sick and needed to be hospitalised and since she wasn't going, she'd need to be committed.
Just give me a day or two, she said, not really knowing who she was talking to. A day or two top get better, and if I don't, I'll go to hospital.
Jack was on top of her, making love to her, making her feel like she could rule the world, making her feel loved and sexy and special and safe and protected, feelings that Steve had never evoked in her.
Steve. Steve had to know. She struggled against Jack's hold, thinking she couldn't do this without Steve knowing about them. He wouldn't approve, wouldn't understand, but they had been through so much together than she couldn't start something with Jack without Steve at least knowing about it. She couldn't immerse herself in the relationship while the guilt of secrecy tormented her. And she so wanted to immerse herself in the relationship. Just a few minutes to be upfront with Steve and then she could move on with her life with Jack, leaving all the heartache of the past behind…
The more she tried to concentrate on Steve and letting him know, the more persistent Jack's hands were on her. Why wouldn't he stop for a few seconds so she could gather her thoughts? She needed to gather her thoughts. She needed to talk to Steve. "Want Steve," she mumbled. "Jack, stop it. Need Steve. Steve…"
"OK, this has gone on long enough." Jack flipped the light switch and was horrified to realise just how sick she was. She had gone to great lengths to hide it – why, he didn't know except she was the most stubborn women he knew and she didn't like to admit she wasn't at the top of her game 100 of the time. Her cough had become increasingly frequent and acute in the past three days and she was looking worse and worse. It was her cough that had woken him up. But to actually see her in bed, shivering despite the heavy blankets, her skin wan, he realised just how sick she was.
He rushed over to her bed and was sickened to realise she'd been coughing up blood. She most likely had pneumonia, probably caused by acute bronchitis that she'd already had in its early stages, made worse by spending so much time in the rain then in wet clothes. He pulled her out of bed against her protests and was grateful that she didn't have the strength to fight him. He ran his stethoscope down her back and his heart skipped a beat to hear all that fluid in her lungs. He didn't know how she was managing to breathe.
"Jack, Stop it. Need Steve."
"I'll get him for you."
"Steve. Need to tell you something…"
She was awake and looking right at him without knowing who she was. She was delirious. That made things easier for him. "I'm taking you to hospital," he said.
"Not going. Don't want people to see me like this." She made a weak effort to get out of his arms but he held her easily. "Need to tell you… me and Jack… didn't mean… sorry…"
He'd heard enough. He needed to keep it together to take her to hospital and if he heard much more of her babbling about being sorry for what had happened between them, he was going to start thinking like a man instead of a doctor. "I'll take you to St. Angelas," he said, even though he knew talking back to someone who was delirious was stupid. He lifted her into his arms and out of bed. She lacked the strength to even wrap her arms around his neck for support.
"What the hell happened?" Zoe asked a short time later when Jack brought a still-weakly protesting Gabrielle into St. Angela's. "Why isn't she at All Saints, don't you guys live a few blocks from there?"
Jack made a face. "She'll kill me if I let the people who work for her see her like this. I had to wait until she was in this condition to override her wishes. She's got pneumonia."
"Thanks, Jack, but you're not licensed to work here and I think I can make the diagnoses myself." Her voice softened when she saw how distressed he looked. "What happened?" she asked. Jack chose his words carefully, explaining they'd gotten caught in the rain on the way back from Canberra and she'd been too stubborn to put on dirty but dry clothes, and had gone to some effort to hide just how sick she was from him, without admitting the reason they'd gotten caught in the rain. He eased her onto a bed and had to restrain himself from going over her himself. It killed him to see her like this.
"Steve," Gabrielle mumbled in her delirium. "Jack."
Jack grabbed her hand. "I'm here," he said.
"Need Steve," she said, and his heart wrenched. He knew she was delirious, but after what had happened between them, for the only thing to be on her mind to be him… Jack wondered if he'd been right all along, that she wasn't over him.
"Do you know if she was sick before this?" Zoe asked.
Jack bit his lip. "She seemed a bit lethargic and she had a cough but she was taking all these suppressants – God, I can't believe I missed it."
"It's not your fault. If she didn't want you to know how sick she was – maybe she didn't even want to admit it to herself." She looked at Jack sharply. Everyone knew how close they were, but this was something different to what she had last seen of them. True, it had been several months but there was something intense about Jack's distress that didn't come from just friendly concern. "I'm going to have her intubated and start on antibiotics." It was too early to say definitely what the problem was, but Zoe's initially impression concurred with Jack's; Gabrielle had pneumonia and had it pretty badly at that. "Then I want to talk to you. In private."
Gabrielle fought Zoe's attempts to intubate her and kept asking after Steve the whole time. If there was any extra proof needed for Jack's feelings towards her, it was there on his face whenever he called for Steve. He was in love with her. "You may as well tell me exactly what happened," Zoe directed him a few minutes later in her office. "You should know better than to without information."
So Jack admitted they'd gotten caught in the rain because they'd been fighting about weather or not he found her attractive until his temper – or was that ego? – had gotten the better of him and he'd hauled her out in a storm to prove otherwise. "I really tried to make her put on something dry and then I wanted to take her to hospital and she kept blocking me. God… I should have made her… I should have called her family and had them commit her or something." Jack raked his hand through his hair. "I should have known her better than to listen to her."
"Jack, listen. This is not your fault. I'd say she had bronchitis already, you don't get that sick that quickly just from being cold for a few hours. She was stubborn and irresponsible to let it go on as long as she did. We're going to treat her and since I know she's already blocked attempts to be treated, I can threaten her with being committed to make her comply. She knows how bad that will look on her record and anyway, she's in no position to fight us now. As for you two personally... do you know where she stands with Steve?"
"She said she was over him but now… she either calls for him or babbles about us like she thinks she's talking to him… she keeps freaking apologising for it, like she – like she cheated on him or something." The irony wasn't lost on Jack.
Zoe reached out a comforting hand. "I'm sorry, but remember how sick she is. I know you don't like to think about it, but they do go a long way back. Maybe she just wants that familiarity."
Jack shrugged. He wasn't so sure.
She was sick, so sick. She felt the tube down her throat and didn't have the strength to fight it. Where was Steve? She had to tell him about her and Jack. She wanted Jack by her side but felt guilty every time he touched her, would feel guilty until everything was out in the open.
She could hear Jack talking softly, pleading with her to get better, sounding more like a boyfriend than a doctor, stroking her clammy skin gently. She stiffened at his touch, crying out for his affection on the one hand and feeling terribly guilty to be carrying on like this while Steve was in the dark. She needed to tell him, then everything would be OK and she could let Jack touch her in that loverly way he was trying to do. "Steve," she cried out.
"I called him," Jack said, and suddenly Gabrielle was filled with paranoia. Steve heartily disliked Jack, and the feeling was mutual. She wouldn't put it past Jack to be lying.
"Steve," she cried out again, and struggled against her lethargy and the tube down her throat, struggling to breathe as her fluid-filled lungs battled against her mounting hysteria…
"Easy, Gabrielle. Jack, do not move any closer, you know perfectly well you can't treat her."
"You're just as much of a bossy bitch as you were at All Saints," Jack snapped at Jessica Singleton.
"And you're just as unprofessional when it comes to the women you're involved with," Jessica retorted. God, what was it about Jack that he brought out the child in her? "Look, I'm really sorry OK but you can't treat her. You shouldn't even be here, Zoe's only letting you stay as a favour. So back off and let me do my job, OK?" Jack nodded like a chastised child and sat down again, bringing her legs up against his chest and wrapping his arms around him. Jessica felt sorry for him. She hadn't always had a lot of respect for Jack for the way he kept falling for the wrong woman and making it ED business, but you couldn't be angry at a person who was looking so forlorn. "What's the deal with you two?" she asked. "You looked pretty cosy at the wedding."
"That was nothing, she was drunk," Jack said. "But we're mates and we were at that convention in Canberra a few days ago and a lot of stuff come up and…" he trailed off, blushing.
"Yeah, Jack, I know you're not very good at keeping your hands to yourself when you're keen on someone," Jessica said. "So is she still hung up on this other guy?"
"I don't know. And the stupid thing is, he won't even return my calls. He's got to have gotten my messages by now – God, if it was me, I'd be here in a flash." As it was, he was defying Frank's request to come to work. Zoe had called and explained what was going on and that, in her personal and professional opinion, she would not want someone as distressed as Jack was working in an ED; better to just give him the day off and let him stay by her bedside.
"I know," Jessica said sympathetically. Jack may have driven her bonkers with his lack of professionalism when it came to the women he was dating, but there was no denying that when he fell, he fell hard, and he had definitely fallen hard for this woman.
"Where the hell have you been?" Jack demanded aggressively after three days of Gabrielle asking for Steve. She may still have feelings for him but damned if he was going to deprive her of the person she felt so driven to speak to.
Steve glared at Jack. He was resentful that Jack was there by Gabrielle's side, resentful that Frank and Charlotte were giving him compassionate leave and making the rest of them fill in, resentful of Jack's stupid requests that he be there. Yeah, if she wanted him so much, why was it about Jack? "She has you, I don't see why it matters," Steve said.
"Oh, tell me that you are not so childish that you're going to boycott a woman you've known for years because I happened to be there for her first?" Jack asked. "You think I like you? You think I would be coming to you if I didn't care about her? All she's done is cry about you. She –" Jack broke off, thinking about the way Gabrielle rejected his embraces, crying for Steve instead. It cut straight through his heart every single time. "She wants to see you and you must be less than human if you can't grant a woman that sick that wish."
Jack had feelings for her, Steve saw. No surprise there. Everyone knew what a skirt-chaser he was. Steve had no doubt that for Jack, Gabrielle was the last in a line of dozens – or hundreds. But he also saw his opportunity. "Fine, I'll be there by the end of the day," he grumbled.
And he was there by the end of the day. And she had turned a corner. She was no longer delirious, just sleeping very deeply and finding it hard to stay awake even when she awoke. Jack had left her with the solemn promise from Jessica that she would page him when she woke up.
It happened that Steve was there when she did wake. "Steve," she said breathlessly. "Did Jack call you?"
Steve feigned confusion. "No, Zoe did. Said you were really sick."
Her heart fell. So Jack had lied about calling Steve. She couldn't really blame him for feeling jealous, but still… "I need to tell you something," she said in that same breathless voice.
"No, you need rest."
Her heart palpitated, still weak, but she was determined. "I need to tell you something… so I can move on."
Steve didn't like the tone in her voice but there was something in her eyes – an honesty, an integrity. She had cried out for him constantly to be honest with him and here he was now and something in her eyes made him shiver. He had to deliver on this one. He didn't know why, but he knew it. He had to deliver if he had any hope of redeeming himself with her, even just as a friend. "Shoot."
"Jack and I… we were together. I mean, we slept together. Although I'm not sure that's the right word but… Steve, I love you. I will always love you. But you and I… it's over. I knew the second Jack kissed me. And if you can give it to me, I want your approval."
Steve gripped the edge of her bed. She had slept with him? And the way she said it – what, had he taken her in some off-road camp somewhere? And she still wanted to be with him? "Why?" he managed to choke out.
"I know you don't like him but he's got such a sweet soul. I love him, Steve. He's my best friend and I love him… I love you, too, but in a different way. I know now that you and I are in the past and he – he is my future. I know you don't understand but I wanted you to know first."
"I understand you're about to get your heart broken," Steve said bitterly. "You think he has any idea of love? He screwed one of your nurses, for Christ sakes!"
"I know. And I know he's changed. Steve – maybe you will never understand but he's an amazing human being and I love him."
Steve saw the light in her eyes and knew there was no moving her. "Fine," he said pleasantly. "My blessings to you." He knew if he wanted to keep Gabrielle in his life, he needed to be OK with whatever relationship she embarked (somewhat stupidly) on with Jack Quade…
… Steve, I love you. I will always love you. That was all Jack bothered paying attention to as he passed by her room. She had been crying in her delirium for Steve for days, he knew he shouldn't be surprised. But to hear her say it – and right when he was bringing her flowers and chocolates…
He rushed away as fast as he could, not willing to listen to the last of the conversation. He holed himself up in the public toilets for an hour or so, trying to muffle his sobs as the truth sank in. She loved Steve. Their little tryst had probably been just what she'd needed to make her realise that. He'd made love to her with all his passion, all his strength, and all it had accomplished was making her realised she loved Steve.
She loved Steve.
It was another two hours before he was fully composed enough to swing by her room. "Hey," he said. He kissed her on the cheek chastely. No point in letting her think he was a creep who still had the hots for her. "I bought you these." He handed her the flowers and chocolates.
Lilies and centre-filled chocolates, her favourites. She and Steve had been together for so long she'd forgotten, and he'd never bothered to learn something like that. "Thank you," she said.
"You're welcome. I was really worried about you for a while. You should have told me you were that sick."
"Jack, I'm sorry. I really thought I could ride it through."
"It's OK. You're OK and you're going to get better – so long as you take care of yourself, which I intend to see to. And look, I'm sorry to bring this up while you're so weak but I think it's for the best." He gripped her hand. "I'm sorry for what happened between us and I wish… but I can't take it back and neither of us are in a position to be seeing someone so I think it's best we pretend it never happened."
He took the disappointment in her eyes to be relief. Relief to be out of the situation of having to turn him down because she had realized who she really loved. "I agree," she said in a small voice, scarcely believing he was dumping her when they hadn't even been together. But if Jack wanted to wriggle his way out, well, creating a scene wasn't going to achieve anything.
He smiled at her, determined to be an adult about it, and Gabrielle didn't realize how much unrequited love was in that smile. "Good," he said. He stroked her hair and kissed her forehead, determined that they should get back to being friends. "I love you, you know. As a mate." He forced himself to say the words.
"I know," she said, wishing desperately he loved her as something more.
