A/N: List of reasons why this took five-ever to be posted: 1. Got stuck. 2. Just didn't care. 3. Got distracted working on a different Kames fic that I gave up on. 4. Got caught up working on another fic. 5. Sterek Big Bang. 6. Just didn't wanna work on this. 7. Teen Wolf Big Bang. 8. Still didn't care. 9. Read Shingeki No Kyojin and got caught up rewatching it, watching the OVAs, watching the chibi version. 10. Got caught in another ship and became obsessed with those fics. 11. Got stuck working on plot for Teen Wolf Bigbang that I ended up giving up on because urgh. 12. Also, life.
Reasons why I actually wrote and updated this: Linda bribed me with fanart. Like, legit, that is why. So everyone go thank her and her awesomeness otherwise this might not exist. At least not at this point in time. Whoops.
Um, this contains negative comments towards Dancing With the Stars (because URGH at that show) and yet another reference to Star Wars (because I don't do enough of that in my every day life, but seriously, if I can work in references to things I love in real life, you bet your sweet ass I will do it.)
Enjoy update. Yell at me over stuff. Or don't do either of those things, it's cool either way.
Kendall dumped his bag by the bottom of the stairs, deciding to just take it up later on. His time with James was limited—and unknown—and he wasn't about to waste a second with stupid shit like putting his things away.
Until his mom stared at him with an arched brow and pursed lips.
He paused walking, eyes wide, brows raised in an innocent "what?" expression. James stopped next to him, looking back and forth between the two Knights, hand rubbing the back of his neck as he fought off awkwardness.
"Is that where bags go?" the lone female asked, focus solely on her son, hip sticking out once more.
"No, but—"
"Then go put it away."
"I will after bre—"
"No. Now." She gave him a hard look, eyebrows raised in a dare to argue with her again. "James isn't going anywhere and I promise not to stab him with any sharp kitchen implements in the ten seconds it requires you to take your bag to your room and come back down."
James' head snapped to Kendall's, eyes wide, silently questioning if his mom actually would stab him with something. The blond ignored the look, honestly having no idea. He was new at the whole "introducing your boyfriend to your parental unit" thing, mainly because he was new at the whole "having a boyfriend" thing in the first place. His longest relationship had been a month and even that was using the term "relationship" loosely. Mainly it was a bunch of emotionless fucking until the douchebag got bored with Kendall and laughed in his face at the prospect of anything more serious or monogamous before dumping him with the phrase "if your daddy can't love you, how can anyone else?"
Because he wasn't already slightly forming abandonment issues at his birth dad bailing and his step-dad refusing to love him because he was more into D than V.
And what better way to deal with those issues than to date a pop star who would be constantly leaving him to head back to his own house in LA, when he wasn't on tour around the world.
Fuckin' eh, Kendall really lived up to the stereotypes surrounding his hair color at times.
His mom remained steadfast, eyebrow cocked in question, clearly wondering why he wasn't moving. With a sigh, he shot an apologetic look at James before turning and heading upstairs.
"And put your stuff away!" his mom called after him. "I don't want you just dumping stuff and lying about putting it away later. We both know you won't."
Dammit.
Kendall paused halfway up, grimacing, hating how well she knew him and how much of a James Blocker she was being. But a small voice inside of him was busy reminding him about his new resolution to be a good kid and less of an asshole, meaning he needed to follow his mom's orders. Plus the more he dallied on the stairs, the more time he was wasting. Better to just get it all over with and do as he was told without delay.
With a jolt, he bounded up the stairs, ignoring the sounds of his mom asking James if he liked scrambled eggs. He dumped the contents of his duffel on his bed without care, creating more of a mess next to where his school things had been left and forgotten about, before tossing his charger on his nightstand with the mental reasoning of it being in the right place so it counted as being put away, even if it wasn't plugged in or anything. He'd deal with it later, probably when he headed to bed and went to plug his phone in then got pissed that it wasn't charging and grumbling over what a piece of shit it was, only to realize it wasn't plugged into the wall.
Typical him really.
His dirty laundry was thrown in the vague direction of his hamper located inside his closet, toiletries tossed onto the bathroom counter, duffel chucked onto the closet shelf—twice, since it fell the first time 'cause the Universe was conspiring against him at that moment and taking away precious James time.
Halfway satisfied with his job, Kendall strode out his room and down the hall, teeth tugging on the knot in his bandana where it'd loosened as it sat around his wrist. He thundered down the stairs, fast, heavy footsteps drowning out the sounds of conversation he could only pick up once he'd reached the ground floor and was no longer hastily stomping with the grace of an elephant.
"Milk, two sugars," James' voice drifted over to him, polite but with a strain Kendall had come to recognize as a sign that he was uncomfortable in the situation but knew he needed to be well-behaved and nice. It was his Pop-Star-Being-Interviewed voice and the blond loathed it. He wanted the real James, the sarcastic, witty, cocky, kinda bossy, sometimes scared guy that the teenager was having a hard time convincing himself he wasn't in love with.
Not that he was trying all that hard.
Although admitting it to himself and letting himself know and be aware and be okay with it wasn't really the issue. It was saying that shit out loud—and more specifically to James—that was the godawful, terrifying, gut-wrenching, heart-pounding, can't breathe oh god gonna puke everywhere problem.
He shoved his hand through his hair repeatedly, hoping to clear away the panic he felt whenever faced with the realization that he was most likely in love, feeling the remaining water still clinging to the damp strands transfer onto his fingers.
Oh shit. He'd come home with wet hair. And if James took his—technically Kendall's but whatever—beanie off, then she'd see his wet hair, too, and it wouldn't take long for her to figure out they'd showered together.
Then again, she was probably well aware that her son was sleeping with the pop star. He'd flown out to spend the weekend with the guy, not to mention had just spent the night in a hotel room with him. His mom was well aware of what an angel her son wasn't and had even happened upon his stash of condoms and lube. She wasn't naive enough to believe that he had them just in case. Hell, the condom box was even opened and only had a couple left.
He should probably buy more.
Not that he had a great need for them or a whole lotta opportunities to use them, what with his boyfriend living in California.
Boyfriend.
Jesus, that was still a mindfuck to deal with.
That he had a boyfriend.
Holy fuck.
"Thank god," Katie sighed out overdramatically, catching Kendall's attention and bringing him back to the present. "Glad Kendall's the only freak in this house who drinks his black." She made a disgusted noise and her older brother could perfectly picture her scrunched up nose, her tongue sticking out, her head shaking. "Then again, it matches his soul pretty darn good so."
"Katie," their mom stated in warning, most likely pointing a spatula at her to back up her tone.
"What?" the younger Knight female questioned innocently, most likely shrugging and shaking her head in a "who me?" fashion and fooling absolutely no one. Except maybe James, but he obviously didn't know her well enough to not fall for it. Poor guy.
"I don't think Kendall has a black soul," James muttered, Kendall only hearing it because he'd finally reached the kitchen and was in better hearing range.
"D'aww," the blond responded in a halfway mocking manner, rubbing his hand back and forth over the beanie adorning his boyfriend's head as the older male sat on one of the stools at the breakfast bar. He wasn't sure if it was the words or the action, but either way, he received a glare for his behavior and he scrunched up his nose and lips, slightly shaking his head in response before smirking. James gave him a playful shove away, hiding his own grin and making the teen chuckle on his way to the coffee maker.
"There's nothing wrong with how I drink my coffee," he defended his drink of choice as he grabbed his back-up mug out the cabinet, his first one already having been absconded. A quick glance over at the pop star at the breakfast bar showed James lifting the Dethklok mug to his lips and drinking, smirk barely hidden behind black ceramic.
Jerk.
Whatever. At least he had a second mug. Even if it was a Newtown High Hockey one. Coffee still tasted the same out of it and that's all that really mattered there.
"Yeah," Katie snorted from her spot next to James. "If you like drinking battery acid maybe."
Kendall rolled his eyes as he filled his mug with the dark caffeinated goodness, smirk pulling up one side of his mouth. "Just guarantees you won't steal it." Returning the carafe, he turned to his younger sister, leaning back against the counter and folding his arms over his chest, grin on his face as he blew on his drink to cool it.
The tweenager stared back with her brows furrowed in confusion and her eyes wide in horror, head slightly rearing back. "Mom, Kendall's smiling and it's freaking me out," she whined, turning towards the Knight matriarch as she stood by the stove on the island counter, right in the middle of her two kids.
"Leave your brother alone," their mom scolded lightly. "He's happy."
"It's creepy."
Kendall rolled his eyes again, the green orbs landing on the only other male in the room, James looking confused at the conversation as he turned and met the teenager's gaze. The blond mouthed a quick "later", promising to explain shit to him when the two of them were alone while simultaneously hoping the whole thing was forgotten and he wouldn't have to get into it. Ever.
His mom chastised his sister once again before ordering her and James to go sit at the table, followed by a command for Kendall to help her. The food was served up on four plates, equal amounts of scrambled eggs, toast, and sausage links, the dishes carried over. Silence descended over them as they dug in, James pausing his eating to compliment the chef and make her smile proudly.
"Thanks, sweetie," she replied cheerily, hand touching his upper arm in a way that seemed more like something one would do to another person they'd known for a while, not someone who was essentially a stranger and this was their second time being around each other.
The "sweetie" thing was different, too. Normally that nickname was reserved for her kids—and Carlos, whom she once commented was practically a third child given how much time he'd spent at the Knight house while he and Kendall were growing up—yet there she was, casually using it with James.
Something lurched in Kendall's chest at that, heart pumping irregularly inside a too tight ribcage, stomach filling with something that most definitely wasn't food. He was vaguely aware of James commenting that it'd been a while since he'd had real sausage, a fact that had Katie snarking back about how someone can actually consume fake sausages, leading to the pop star explaining the diet his trainer kept him on and how he was usually only allowed turkey meat. Strangely enough, that had segued into a back and forth banter over how turkeys needed to just be themselves and stop pretending to be something they're not and why they'd even be pretending in the first place.
"Maybe they're just scared of people judging them harshly for who they are and are afraid that people who once liked them will no longer want anything to do with them because their lifestyle isn't anything they approve of."
Kendall had a sinking feeling in his gut that James wasn't talking about turkeys with that.
He turned his head to look at the brunet on his right, noting how his hazel-green eyes were trained on his plate, fork stabbing at his eggs. The incredibly loathed mask was on his face, but his shoulders were hunched, spine curled, like he was protecting himself from whatever negative shit his mind was coming up with. The blond suddenly remembered the convo they'd had in the back of the bus, when James had told him that his mom was super close-minded and thought that bisexuality was an excuse for promiscuity, rendering her bisexual son unable to come out.
Yeah. Definitely not talking about turkeys.
Slipping his hand under the table, Kendall soon found James' on his lap, his fingers digging into his thigh, the digits curved like claws. Without hesitation, the blond pulled on it and forced it to turn over, entwining their fingers and squeezing. He wordlessly offered support, comfort, care, and above all, love. His fingers were squeezed back and the tension left James' muscles, his body language shifting to something more relaxed.
The poker face stayed and Kendall only just resisted the urge to kiss it away. His mom and Katie didn't need to see that. Plus he wasn't entirely sure how James would react to it. The blond was more than aware of the older man's being closeted and his shying away at anything remotely PDA-like. The way he'd shifted away at Kendall simply laying his head on his shoulder in the limo was proof of that. So yeah, kissing the guy in front of the rest of the Knight family was out, at least for the time being.
Not that Kendall was gonna, like, full-on make-out with him in front of his mom and sister at any point ever. Just maybe a quick peck on the cheek or lips, no biggie, completely G-rated, total Disney movie level amount of affection, that was all.
His mom put her own hand over James' as he held his fork still, no longer taking out negative feelings on his breakfast. A sympathetic smile was on her face, blue eyes full of compassion and care. "Well, those people are idiots," she stated bluntly yet softly, volume low but tone hard and brokering no argument. "And you won't find any in this house. You're safe here."
The poker face finally fucked off, the pop star giving her an appreciative smile, his eyes warm. "Thanks," he replied quietly, tightening his grip on Kendall's hand under the table.
She jostled his hand slightly before squeezing it then sliding her own hand away, returning to her food. "So, James," she began, gathering up some eggs with her fork and holding it halfway between her mouth and the plate. "How's the tour going?"
Kendall breathed out a sigh of relief at the change in topic, only aware of the tension in his own body when it left, everything in him more at ease as he listened to James, slyly slipping his hand free so he could eat.
"Actually wrapped up a couple days ago," the pop star informed her, small smile on his face now that the topic of conversation was about his career and not his lingering issues with hiding his sexuality and why he was doing it in the first place. "I'm on vacation right now before I have to start work on my next album."
"And what are your vacation plans?"
That stumped the brunet, his mouth opening then shutting before curving into a sheepish smile, a disbelieving laugh huffing out. "I have no clue to be honest. I haven't had much of a break since getting signed. Maybe even before then." He shrugged as he picked up a triangle of toast, sucking spare butter off his thumb absently. "I had an offer to join Dancing With the Stars and I wa—"
"No!" Kendall immediately objected. Probably louder than necessary but whatever. That shit deserved a loud ass rejection. Because seriously?! "No fu—reaking way. I refuse to let you be on that crap-fest. Forbid it." He turned in his seat to fully face his boyfriend, ignoring the bemused expression on his face as he glared, his own face all business. "For. Bid. It."
"I happen to like Dancing With the Stars," his mom chimed in, voice slightly raised in offense, coffee mug clutched between both hands.
The blond rolled his eyes and huffed, still finding it hard to believe she watched that crap. Kendall had suffered through one episode with her and decided that was enough for forever. Granted he probably never would've watched that much had he not been toasted as fuck and sliding towards the sleepy as shit part of it, making him easily pliable and more likely to give in to her request to join him in viewing it, but still. That show sucked.
"Mom," he started calmly, rationally, somewhat condescendingly, but it was totally justifiable. "That show is rigged as hell. The token old celeb gets knocked out by week three, the eighties has-been makes it to the top three outta sheer nostalgia, and then the Olympian wins the whole damn thing. Rigged."
She sighed softly, head see-sawing. "Yeah, I know," she conceded, carefully setting her mug back down. "But it's still fun to watch. The Olympians are always so graceful and dance beautifully and it's always great to see Cloris Leachman try to dance or Landau Corrisian shake his hips." She wrapped up her argument by raising her hands and wiggling in her seat, lips pursed in an 'O' as she poorly imitated... well, Kendall had no clue what exactly. He figured it had to be a dance of some sort.
Not that he was paying that much attention to it, or the fact that James was grinning and letting out a low amused chuckle through a mouthful of sausage. No, he was too busy hiding his face in his hands in embarrassment. But not at her supposed dance.
"Lando Calrissian, Mom," Kendall sighed out, unable to believe that she couldn't remember that. The Star Wars saga had been his favorite thing for his entire childhood, meaning she'd been subjected to the films and his ramblings about them countless times. Next thing you know, she'll be calling the other characters Leo Skywriter and Hans Silo and Princess Leah.
Totally embarrassing.
"Like I could forget," she replied, lightly slapping at his hands. "You only watched those films nearly every day for five straight years."
He dropped his hands with a slap on the table, mouth opening to argue and point out the fact that she had, in fact, forgotten and how can she do such a thing, when he was cut off by her. Her mouth opened up wide with a gasp, blue eyes sparkling in amusement as she turned her head sharply to James, lips curving into a wide grin.
Oh no.
"Remind me after breakfast to show you Kendall's baby photos."
"Mom, no!" His objection to that was twenty times louder than his previous one about a rigged reality show featuring ballroom dancing so-called celebs and with damn good reason!
Katie giggled to the side in evil delight—typical—and James, poor James, looked torn between genuinely wanting to see them for curiosity's sake and not wanting to upset his boyfriend by doing something he so very clearly didn't want him to do.
Kendall dug his fingers into James' forearm, telepathically sending him threats of withholding any kinda sexual contact from him forever if he so much as dared look at a baby photo of him.
Forever.
Kendall could totally do it.
Maybe.
No sex with James?
Yeah, he could do it. Because he'd never be able to even look at the guy ever again after that humiliation.
No one should ever have pics of them naked in the tub—and on the toilet and in the kiddy pool and running through the sprinklers and okay, Kendall was kind of a nudist as a kid, whatever—shown to their significant other. Especially not ones with them covered in chicken pox.
Not cool.
"Oh, come on," his mom pleaded, bottom lip slightly sticking out in a small pout. "It's the first time you've ever brought anyone over. It's my job as your mom to make sure any persons of romantic interest don't leave without seeing embarrassing baby photos of my kid. What else would introducing your boyfriend to your parents be about?"
It was on the tip of Kendall's tongue to make some sorta quip about how maybe she should resign or something, but the words never made their way out. Because out the corner of his eyes, he saw James' face turn into that damn expressionless mask, saw his body stiffen up, the muscle under his hand tensing.
The change in the brunet's demeanor wasn't noticed just by him though. Katie had paused with her glass of OJ halfway to her mouth, eyebrows raised in questioning. And the playful smirk his mom had been wearing disappeared, her own brow knitting in concern as she turned to their guest.
"You okay, sweetie?" she asked in genuine worry, eyes flicking to her son briefly, Kendall focused completely on the exchange and ready to intervene if necessary. "Did I say something wrong?"
James' mouth opened and shut, opened and shut, goldfishing it as he struggled to speak. Kendall's mind raced over what his mom had said, trying to figure out what could've triggered the older man's shutdown, only for it to hit him.
"Boyfriend."
It wasn't that he thought James had any sort of issue with the term. Hell, James himself had asked Kendall if he wanted the title, only it would be in a "no one else would know" sorta capacity. At least no one in the general populace. The blond didn't really think his family counted. He doubted Logan would be included in that and would be informed of the change in relationship status. And there was no way Kendall wasn't telling Camille or Carlos about the recent development, if for no other reason than he couldn't hide it from them. But he trusted them with his life and with this secret and knew that there was no way they'd sell him and James out like that, not when it meant hurting their best friend and pissing him off.
But it seemed like James still wasn't entirely comfortable with anyone knowing and Kendall knew it had to do with the pop star's fear of being outed and hated on, that it all led back to his mom and her discriminatory comments against bisexuality, not realizing she was insulting her own son with her words.
Squeezing his boyfriend's forearm in reassurance, he trained his eyes on his mom and cleared his throat, partially to get her attention and partially to remove the emotional lump that had formed there, hating how scared James was and how badly he could relate. "James is remaining closeted," he stated lowly, hoping it would explain things. And judging by the long, slow nod from his mom, his point had come across loud and clear.
She gave her guest a sympathetic smile, rubbing his other forearm in a maternal way. "Your secret is safe with us," she informed him.
"Speak for yourself," Katie chimed in, leaning back in her chair, arms folded over her chest, eyes narrowed at James across the table from her. Shit. Kendall recognized that look; it was her "I'm gonna take you for everything you have" look. "I'm not keeping quiet for nothing."
James glanced at Kendall briefly, worry in his hazel-green eyes, before he focused on her. "Lifetime backstage passes sound good?" he offered, forcing a smile on his face that was probably meant to be easy-going but came across nervous as hell. At least it did to the blond; he wasn't sure if his family picked up on the other man's anxiety.
"For starters," she replied, shrugging a shoulder, face showing that she was clearly not impressed. "What else you got?"
Another glance at his boyfriend, tongue darting out to lick his lips in a habit that seemed more worried than anything. "Free merch for life?" he further offered, free hand reaching up to rub the back of his neck. "Uh. Five grand? And the promise that when you're old enough and have a college degree, you can take over as my manager."
Katie's lips twisted to the side as she considered his proposal, before a smirk formed on her face. "Dude, I was gonna do it for free anyway," she admitted lightheartedly, causing her brother to narrow his eyes at her. Fucking Katie. "I just wanted to see what I could get outta you. I'll still take all of it, by the way."
"No, you won't," their mom decided. "The lifetime passes are fine as long as Kendall accompanies you," she altered, the mentioned male having no issue with that. "And the free merch is fine, too. We'll see about the job offer later on, but no money. That's extortion and that's illegal." She pointed a finger at her daughter in warning, eyes hard, lips pursed. "There's been enough illegal activities happening under the roof of this house."
James turned his head and looked at his boyfriend with an eyebrow cocked in confusion, but Kendall ignored the look, refusing to get into it. So far he'd managed to hide his less than glamorous past—aside from the underage drinking which the brunet clearly knew about since Kendall had drunk-dialed him—and he was planning on keeping his skeletons in the closet for the rest of his life—if possible.
Instead, he put a questioning look of his own on his own face, poking his boyfriend in the chest. "Do I get lifetime backstage passes?"
The pop star rolled his eyes before grinning slightly. "Of course," he replied softly, taking hold of the hand that had previously been on his arm and was still repeatedly stabbing him in the pec, entwining their fingers.
Kendall leaned over and butted his head against a broad shoulder, rubbing his forehead against the brunet's t-shirt and hiding his smile. A smile that grew as James leaned his own head over and laid it on top of his, squeezing his fingers as their clasped hands sat on top of the table.
"Aww," his mom cooed, pleased smirk on her face, clearly finding the scene before her adorable.
And while the commentary caused Kendall's own grin to further expand, it had the opposite effect on James, making him tense up once again. His head shot up to a straighter position, his hand slipping out from the younger man's grip before he got a chance to tighten it to prevent his escape. James cleared his throat, adjusted the beanie on top of his head, trained his eyes down at his plate. His cheeks were red with what Kendall assumed was embarrassment, but other than that, there was no way to tell he'd just been halfway snuggling his boyfriend in front of his boyfriend's family.
Typical James, really.
His mom eyed both of them skeptically before dismissing it with a wag of the eyebrows. "So," she began then paused, holding her mug up with both hands, elbows on the table. "Are you two official now or—?" she trailed off, shrugging and shaking her head. "What exactly is going on between you two?" She brought her mug to her lips and drank as she arched an eyebrow in a silent demand to be straight with her because she was the parental figure and therefore had all the power and so help you if you lie.
The two men exchanged a look, Kendall scratching at his head with his now free hand. "Yeah, we're officially boyfriends," he confirmed, dropping his hand to the table. "But 'on the downlow, no one can know' kinda boyfriends."
She nodded as she lowered her mug, licking the remnants of coffee off her top lip. "And you're okay with this?" she asked her son, concern in her voice and in her eyes, only thinking of him and his best interests.
Kendall opened his mouth to speak, to tell her that yes, he genuinely, truly was, because he was able to be with James and that's all he wanted really, but Katie cut him off before he could utter a syllable.
"Duh," she intoned. "He gets to be with James freaking Diamond. Anyone would be okay with that!"
James blushed further, ducking his head as he rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly, and Kendall glared at his younger sister.
"I was actually thinking I was okay with it because he's just James and not because he's James freaking Diamond," he argued, barely holding back the urge to stick his tongue out at her or make some sort of face, but still letting his voice hold a mocking tone before growing serious. "I don't care about the fame or notoriety or money or whatever the hell else. I wanna be with him because he's him." He wrapped it up with a shrug, thumb tracing a pattern in the wood of the table, his own head ducked down in a bashful manner. He hadn't been one for speaking his emotions like that for a while and he was overwhelmed with self-consciousness, feeling like a dork and a moron and all sorts of shit for it.
But out the corner of his eye, he saw the edge of James' lips quirk up in a tiny smile, his foot sliding over so their legs were touching from foot to knee. It wasn't much, but it was enough to calm him and settle him and make him like less of an idiot for what he'd said.
It was enough to make him believe that maybe James liked him back for the same reasons, because Kendall was just Kendall.
His mom was smiling, too, eyes shiny with unshed tears, face a mixture of pride and wonder and happiness for her son. She slid her hand over the table and laid it on top of his, squeezing his fingers and he smiled slightly at her, glad she understood what he'd said, glad she knew that he really was okay with the nature of their relationship and the secrecy surrounding it.
A comfortable silence descended over the table for a long moment before Katie broke it with a somewhat loud "I ship it!"
Their mom sighed as she pulled her hand back, giving her daughter a chastising look, one that was met with Katie's now trademark faux-innocent "who me? What'd I do?" expression. No one bought it. Not even James, who seemed more confused than anything.
The younger Knight female was ordered to clear the table, a task she completed with much grumbling, Kendall setting about on refilling coffee mugs. Dishes in the washer, Katie was then told to get upstairs and get her homework finished, something that brought about more complaining and a fear inside Kendall. His sister being sent away wasn't a good thing. It was clearly a sign that his mom was about to start a convo she wasn't supposed to be a part of or listen in on. Which meant Adults Only Convo. Which meant Super Serious Shit. Which usually meant Kendall was about to get his ass handed to him.
No. He hadn't fucked up—not lately anyway—so he wasn't in trouble.
Which obviously meant this convo was of the Mom Interrogating Child's Romantic Partner variety.
Shit.
Coffee distributed, he scooted his chair a little closer to James' before sitting, noting the quirk of his mom's eyebrow that said she saw what he did but wasn't going to comment. Whatever. He just wanted to be closer to his boyfriend for reassurance and support and maybe because he was kinda scared himself.
It'll be fine. It's no biggie. His mom was nice and she obviously liked James so there was nothing to be afraid of.
Thank god it wasn't his step-dad. Guy was a hardass. He'd rip James a new one regardless of his feelings on same-sex relationships.
His mom took a moment to blow on her coffee and take a delicate sip, careful not to burn herself on the hot liquid. Kendall's thumb found its way to his mouth and his nail between his teeth and he totally wasn't gnawing on it, he was just holding it there between his incisors, totally not the same thing.
He'd readily admit to his bouncing knee though.
Mug back on the table, the lone female folded her hands on the wood, eyes narrowed to show both boys that she wasn't fucking around and they'd better not do so themselves. "I just wanted to make sure that everything really is okay here and that everyone's intentions are pure."
Kendall cocked an eyebrow at her, dropping his hand onto the table. "Why wouldn't they be?"
She sighed, hand running through her red hair, scratching slightly at her scalp. "I'm your mom, Kendall," she reminded him. "I'm gonna worry no matter what. But considering the fact that you're currently dating an older man who lives on the other side of the country and who happens to be famous, it's a little disconcerting." She turned to James, slight grimace on her face, apology in her eyes. "I'm sure you can understand my worries. I just need to make sure your intentions towards my son are good and that you aren't taking advantage of a vulnerable teenage boy."
Said teenage boy wanted to point out that he was turning eighteen in a couple months and that he wasn't some weak little pissant like she was making him out to be. But a hand suddenly cupped his bouncing knee, stilling it, squeezing in reassurance, and he felt his protests die in his throat before they made their way out.
"I promise you that I'm not taking advantage of your son," James vowed, free hand on his chest, completely genuine, earnest look on his face as he met her eyes. "I genuinely like Kendall. He's funny and easy to talk to and calls me on my stuff, which is something I sorely need given the fact that I'm constantly surrounded by ass-kissers. He doesn't apologize for who he is and he doesn't act like someone he isn't, which is a breath of fresh air when living in LA. I just." He paused, sighing, hand scrubbing at the back of his neck again. "I like him. A lot. I miss him when we're apart and I always count the minutes until I can call and talk to him and." Another pause, another sigh, his hand and head both dropping before he began speaking again, his words spoken lowly, that quiet tone that meant he was reluctant to say the next part, to admit it out loud. "He makes me happy, something that hasn't happened in. In years."
A huge grin formed on Kendall's face, growing with each word James spoke, so much so that he even felt his dimples forming in his cheeks. His heart was pounding in his chest, stomach flipping and fluttering and he wanted to throw his arms around his boyfriend and kiss him all over his face and tell him how much he loved the guy between each loud smack of the lips to that tan skin. But rather than giving in to that urge, he settled for nuzzling his head against his shoulder again, humming contently, kissing a muscular bicep. He felt the press of lips to his head and he couldn't hold back the small giggle that the action brought out of him.
"I'm pretty sure Kendall would say the same about you," his mom pointed out, the mentioned male nodding in agreement where his forehead was still pressed to a shoulder. "Which is something he needs himself. He had a pretty rough time after his step-dad left and things were dark for a while there, but it seems like he's coming out of it and I know it's thanks to you."
More nodding from the blond as he wiggled closer to his boyfriend, wishing like hell the convo could just end already so they could head somewhere else and just be alone. Not to do anything inappropriate, but just to wrap themselves up in each other and hold one another close and just be together. He was dying to hold the older man, to feel those arms embracing him and that heartbeat against his own, their breath mingling between them as they shared the same air, eyes locked and no words being exchanged because none were necessary. All they needed was each other and that was enough.
The corner of James' lips quirked up in a small smile, eyes shining in gladness and joy and something Kendall couldn't quite figure out. "Good," he replied lowly. "'Cause that's all I want, for him to be happy, and I'd do anything to make sure he stays that way."
"Anything except coming out," his mom stated bluntly, effectively ending the happy mood they'd all been in, destroying the fuzzy little bubble Kendall had been enjoying.
Awesome.
James tensed up beneath him and Kendall lifted his head to find that emotionless mask back. But his fear and anxiety was clear in his hazel-green eyes, the grimace barely noticeable in his lips, a wince pulling at the corners of his eyes. "I will. One day. Eventually," he admitted, scrubbing the back of his neck again and the blond wanted to pull his hand away before he totally rubbed all the skin away from there. "I'm just not ready right now."
Kendall kept his focus on his mom, mentally pleading with her with an imploring look to understand and not push it. She'd seen first hand how hard it was to come out and how sometimes, that bravery was met with negativity and rejection. And James would be doing this on a worldwide scale, not just his family. It would literally be a billion times worse.
He wasn't sure if his look came across or if his mom was just that understanding—probably the latter—but she nodded, lips slightly curved in a sympathetic and comprehending smile. "I get it, sweetie," she reassured him, rubbing his upper arm. "As long as you're both happy and okay with how things are, then I'm." She paused, gathering her thoughts before waving her hand dismissively. "I'm not sure I'll still be one-hundred percent comfortable with your relationship, if for no other reasons than the fact that you live so far apart and that I'm always gonna worry. But I know Kendall and I know there's no way to stop him from doing what he wants to do, like flying out to California to spend the weekend with a guy." Her voice hardened on the last part, leveling a pointed look at her son.
Kendall's face twisted into a mix of a sheepish smile and a wince, a nervous laugh huffing past his lips. "Sorry."
"Uh huh." She didn't believe him. Or maybe she did but she wasn't accepting his apology, not yet at least. "Point is, that I'm always gonna be a little unsure about things, but not enough to forbid anything or disapprove." She turned her full attention on James, holding his hand in a maternal fashion, eyes soft as she looked up at him. "You seem like a nice man. And if anyone could keep Kendall in line, it'd be you. So I'm fine with you two dating, as long as it's what you both want and makes both of you happy."
Both males nodded, Kendall almost in disbelief over what he was hearing. Then again, it wasn't like his mom would forbid them from anything just out of spite or as a punishment or some shit. She wasn't that vindictive. But still, having her approval settled something in him, made the entire situation more real, drove it home even more.
He had a boyfriend. And his mom approved of him.
The fuck was his life?
"You finish your homework?"
It took Kendall a moment to realize the question was aimed at him and he shook his head to snap himself back to reality. "Almost," he answered honestly. "Maybe an hour or so left."
His mom nodded, lips pursed in consideration before she bobbed her eyebrows, mind made up. "James can stay and hang out, as long as it gets finished."
Holy. Shit.
He perked up in his chair, huge grin on his face, quick to agree with her kind offer. She added in an addendum about his chores being completed as well, something he also agreed to as he yanked James out his chair by their joined hands, the brunet just able to grab his mug before he was dragged upstairs to Kendall's room.
Kendall shut the door behind them as James put his mug on the nightstand then sank onto the bed, letting out a long heavy sigh. The blond turned around to see him sitting on the edge, hands scrubbing over his face, a slight tension in his frame.
Stepping over, he stopped in front of the larger male, standing between his spread legs before pulling his hands away and tilting his head up. He was greeted with downturned lips and dark eyes, a deep sadness mixing in those shades of brown and green, a look he never wanted to see on the other male. Ever.
"You okay?" he asked lowly, cautiously, moving his hands so they were rubbing over broad shoulders in soothing motions. "My mom wasn't too harsh on you, was she?"
The singer shook his head, breathing out a "nah" as he forced the corner of his lips up in a nervous, heavy smile. "She was great. She was." He paused, exhaling harshly, his entire body bobbing with the action. "She was a mom."
It hit Kendall then that James wasn't upset by his mom's behavior, but by his own mom's lack of. He already had a negative impression of the woman, remembering the brunet telling him about how she was all about appearances and was more concerned with how people perceived her than her son himself. Given that information and the larger male's current behavior, and Kendall could only conclude that James' childhood wasn't all that great, that he didn't have a warm, loving family like the blond did, that their lives were even more drastically different than he'd originally thought.
He had no clue what to do or say. There were no words. He couldn't exactly argue since he didn't know any better, couldn't tell him things were okay because they were. So instead, he wrapped his arms around broad shoulders and pulled him close, holding him and trying to make things better that way. James gave in to the embrace, burrowing his head against Kendall's stomach, his own arms wrapping around a lean waist and holding the blond close. The teenager bent over him, held him close, rubbed a hand up and down his back as he felt the brunet shudder against him, relaxing against the physical closeness.
It was another moment Kendall thought would be perfect to drop those three little words, to just say them quietly, to whisper them into the gray knit fabric covering his boyfriend's head and pressing against his lips. But he held back, kept them safe inside his own heart, not wanting to ruin the quiet of the moment. So instead, he settled for something else, something not as heavy or as serious, but just as meaningful and emotional.
"I've got you."
James gripped at the fabric of Kendall's shirt, pulling him closer as though he could get lost inside the blond. His words had been heard, understood, felt, and appreciated and they were having the right effect on his boyfriend. So while they hadn't been exactly what he'd been feeling—yet still just as true—they meant something to the brunet, something deep and touching, enough to settle him. Those three specific words weren't spoken, but the embrace was plenty for both of them.
For now.
