VEGETA AND GOKU
VS. THE EMPIRE STATE BUILDING (RE-MASTERED!!!)
Downtown New York was busy as it always was. Catering to the needs of businessmen, tourists, entrepreneurs, and hookers, it was like any other major city, except for one major difference. The Empire State Building, one of the older structures of the city, was a Transformer. It was a little known fact known only by a little. Those included to the little group who knew the horrid truth were: the Empire State Building, a cat named "Binky," and Walt Disney. Of course Walt wasn't talking, so the secret was safe with the state. The Empire State, that is.
For those who don't know, the Empire State was the 53rd state to be annexed, and it was run by baseball zealots, particularly those Yankee bastards, underneath the province of New York or Old Amsterdam. This republic was hidden in caves, much like that of Osama bin Laden. The state collapsed in 1945 due to internal bleeding and the Civil War. "We don't want slaves," they said, "they make life too easy." And they left the state in care for itself. Fending alone, the Empire State lived off mice and other small rodents till its building hit stardom. Using the physical appeal it endowed, it lured important, influential people within its midst, mostly yuppies. Then it waited, biding its time...
And so ends the introduction.
Son Goku, Savior of Earth, Supreme Artisan of the Obvious, Special Friend to the Prince of Saiyans, broke out into song, "New York! New York!" He even added a little twirl at the end.
Beside him - still walking at his own pace - was Vegeta, Questionably-Former Planet Purger, Master of the Obvious, Special Friend to the Savior of Earth. "Hey, Kakarot?" he spoke loudly.
Skipping along, Goku inquired, "Yes, little Veggie?"
Somehow resisting the urge to use physical violence, the brunette said, "Can I have a nice, big, steaming bowl of SHUT THE FUCK UP?" The taller man was crestfallen, like a puppy that had been kicked. "Thank you," Vegeta expressed mild gratitude, "Now I can examine this so-called map in peace."
Goku pouted, "Little Veggie is mean to me.."
Thinking out-loud, Vegeta rattled on, "I think we took a wrong turn at Albuquerque."
With a sigh the younger Saiyan continued as well, "I wish something big would just come and womp on Vegeta to teach him a lesson."
"If we crossed the 48th parallel then we've got to be lost in suburbia," Vegeta informed himself because at least that conversation was more intelligent than the ones he attempted to partake in with the only other full-blooded member of his species. Due to his distraction with himself, he also failed to witness the Empire State Building yawn and then stretch. Goku stopped and stared . Plodding along, Vegeta noted, "Why do Canada and Mexico interchange?" He flipped the map upside down several times.
In contrast to the prince's actions, Goku slowly began to back away, "Veggie..?"
"Not now, Kakarot," the brunette insisted. He was determined to not hear another story about how Goku saved a forest creature's life. The story about the bird was bad enough, but the squirrel... the squirrel monologue was torture.
"But, Veggie.."
Spinning around with the map clenched in his hand, Vegeta shouted, "Forget it, Kakarot!" Therefore, he was very surprised when the Empire State Building grabbed him and attempted to eat him. First, the shock of being picked up, then the shock of being gnawed on, and finally - to top it off with - the shock that a building was doing it to him. "Oh god," he said as he were a fourth grader that just found out he was the only kid in the class not invited to the birthday party, "It hurts."
Goku shielded his eyes with his hand and examined the situation, "Vegeta, you make a really funny expression when being chewed on by a large building."
"And you would - OW! - too!" the older of the two yelled back down in retaliation.
The black-haired Saiyan rocked back and forth on his feet, "If I discreetly help you, will I get the special treat?"
"May.. Maybe..." Vegeta managed to say while getting bitten by hundreds of thousands of pounds of glass, steel, and who knows what else.
"Good enough for me!" Goku cheered, pumping his fists into the air as if he'd already won yet another victory. With a small, nigh miniscule, expenditure of ki, Son Goku flew up to where his friend was becoming more and more ragged in appearance, "Hello, building!" He also opted to toss in a friendly, little wave.
Growling in pure irritation, Vegeta chastised his underling, "Christ, it's an inanimate object, not a creature with the capacity to understand you!"
As if the words were made out of pure, 100 natural spite, the Empire State Building replied, "Hello there."
Too shocked to conjure a curse word, Vegeta revealed his expletives in symbols, "Holy #$! It can talk!"
Deciding to not comment on this, Goku spoke to the building again, "I couldn't help but noticing you kicking the crap out of my special friend there."
Between what he assumed was steel girder teeth and rebar, the prince managed to spit out, "You're telling the building this?" He blushed slightly.
"I was wondering if you could let him go so you don't mangle him for life," the other male negotiated calmly, "I could get you a cup of coffee and a bagel!" It's what Bulma always wanted, so he assumed that it was a good bargaining tool.
"I will let him go on one condition," the Empire State Building declared, each syllable like another world of pain for the shorter Saiyan, "You must bring me.." He paused to make a dramatic pause, ".. a shrubbery!"
Yet, even Vegeta in his battered condition couldn't believe his ears, "What? What use would you have for one?" It didn't make any SENSE.
"Hush, child," the Empire State Building put him in his place for the time being. Which was between what might have been a cross-section of a fire escape and a column support.
Wincing, Vegeta went on, "Hey, I'm probably older than you!"
Before he could finish, the building interjected, "And you're proud of that?"
After a moment, the brunette turned to his subordinate, "..Kakarot! Just go get the stupid shrubbery already!"
"Aye, aye!" Goku saluted before picking a direction and heading off.
"Wait.." Vegeta thought aloud again, "Does he even know what a shrubbery is?" As he smelled the breath of the Empire State for more times than he wished to count to the tenth degree, he predicted to himself the outcome of events, "I'm doomed." It was a good generalization, and he was very pleased with it. He was almost certain he was accurate when quite some time passed and birds tried to nest in his hair. After ensuring that wouldn't happen again, he decided to himself that their fate was a suitable ending to Kakarot's bird story. Of course Kakarot's tale had been full of harrowing danger, action, and adventure, but it was such a let down when nothing died at the end. He was drug out of his pondering by Goku who announced his return.
"Okay!" the black-haired Saiyan beamed in approval at himself, "I didn't know what kind you wanted so I conglomerated them all into one large ball!"
"How can one know words like conglomerate, but can't count to twenty correctly?" Vegeta thought to himself.
"Thank you!" the Empire State Building showed its pleasure by opening and closing all of its doors to make one large clap which convinced Vegeta that he would unfortunately be going deaf and, even worse, sooner rather than later.
"No problem!" Goku responded, somehow floating in the right air pocket to not receive the effects of the approving clap. He watched as the building gently spat the prince out onto the sidewalk before transforming back to normal.
"Nngh," Vegeta took a moment to breathe before saying, "..let's just go someplace so I can lick my wounds."
Ever the kind, the Earth-raised Saiyan volunteered, "I'll help!"
The prince looked up at him in disbelief, as much as a man who was just almost eaten by a 102-story, Art Deco skyscraper can express disbelief, "Uh.. right.."
Goku gingerly wrapped the elder's arm over his shoulder in order to help balance him, "Silly, little Veggie.."
The brunette walked wobbly down the street, "It doesn't disturb you in the slightest that a building randomly transforms into an intelligent being capable of mass destruction?"
"Should I...?" the younger man inquired, genuinely curious.
"You're hopeless," Vegeta declared before mumbling something about pissing blood.
Then something marvelous occurred to Goku, "Can I have my special treat?" It practically came out as a squeak.
"Yes, yes," his monarch said, mostly to keep him as quiet as possible, "Come on, let's find a hotel."
They strode off in the direction of the sunset.
THE END.
