I forgot to say during the last chapter... This story will be very cracky, and quite possibly contain a Suzaku that is just a bit OP. Shh. Let me have this.
Chapter 2. In Which Worthiness is Tested
When Suzaku Kururugi first made his appearance in the Imperial Palace, nobody expected him to last long in Princess Leloucia's service. He was only a Number, and not a very high ranking one at that. He couldn't possibly succeed where everyone else had failed.
Much to the dismay of most everyone in Pendragon, though, the princess did not dismiss him. In fact, Suzaku Kururugi became a permanent fixture in all of the princess's meetings, trailing behind her like a faithful, loyal dog.
He didn't say much. The only words he ever seemed to utter were variations on the theme of, "Yes, Your Highness," including astounding examples like, "Yes, My Lady," or miracles like, "I live to serve/I understand, Princess Leloucia."
There was soon a bet going on in the palace on whether Suzaku Kururugi was actually a human being or simply a machine Lloyd Asplund had invented because he couldn't find an adequate enough pilot for his new knightmare.
Upon hearing of the theory, Lloyd cursed himself for not having come up with the idea himself. Alas, he doubted a robot would be as efficient as Kururugi. Despite the boy's human and thus very flawed nature, he remained the best pilot Lloyd had ever seen. Mercifully, the princess had allowed him to continue to be a devicer for the Lancelot, and had even provided Lloyd with a little extra something for the budget once she had found out the frame didn't have an ejection seat.
Lloyd actually did consider using that money for other things—he had a great idea for an improvement to the Varis and he and Cecile had been talking about energy wings—but one glare from the princess had quickly put that idea on the back burner. He did however make a mental note to build that robot. He might be a sociopath, but he did have some common sense, and he didn't want to be left without a basic part should Kururugi ever find his unfortunate demise at the princess's hands.
For the most part, our young hero was oblivious to such talk. In fact, he couldn't have been happier about his new job. Yes, he was at the Imperial Palace in Pendragon, where 99% of the people hated him. Yes, he was acting as a test pilot for the new and very dangerous experimental frame and a guard for the treasured and very dangerous princess Leloucia. But said princess made everything worthwhile.
He had to admit that in the first days of their acquaintance he had probably not made the best impression. Their first meeting had gone well, but after that, things had become much more difficult. Princess Leloucia had repeatedly questioned his intelligence, the reason for his existence and Schneizel's sanity for having inflicted him upon her. However, he was not dismissed, and Suzaku soon started to understand why.
Princess Leloucia was just like Arthur. Yes, she clawed and hissed angrily, and she was dangerous, but she could be coaxed out of her shell if one just knew how to handle her.
Thankfully, Suzaku had a very thick skin and had been called worse than a bumbling idiot who was dropped on his head too many times as a child. Indeed, as insults went, the princess's comments were moderately mild. If nothing else, she'd never relegated him to anything less than human, which spoke volumes of her character and just made him more determined to win her over.
There was only one way to do this. He had to pay attention and use his brain for a change. Which was a little more difficult for our hero than would have been for other people. He wasn't actually an idiot. He just tended to... not think much. But while doing that had worked well enough so far and gotten him through training as an Honorary, it clearly did not suffice for a princess's knight. As a knight, he was required to be more.
So he dusted off distant memories of protocol and strategy taught to him by a pained Kirihara, dug out what little information he'd been given during training on stealth missions, wriggled a few details out of the ever dutiful Cecile and he was all set.
He was repaid for his efforts when, a week into his knighthood, the princess asked him, "So, how have you been adjusting to palace life? What do you make of the people in the folder I gave you?"
"Pendragon is quite beautiful, Your Highness," he replied. "And I can prepare a detailed report on the latter issue, should you wish to see it."
The princess blinked. He had surprised her. "Actually, yes. Bring it to me tomorrow."
He did. The next day, he provided her with a folder just as thick as the one she'd given him upon his arrival.
Paradoxically, despite the fact that Suzaku's presence tended to be eye-catching, most people still saw him as nothing more than furniture or, better said, a rather well-trained animal. Therefore, when he wasn't in the princess's company, they had no real qualms in talking about things they wouldn't have normally said in the presence of the knight of a royal.
The service staff was particularly guilty of this. They always had the juiciest gossip, were less disciplined than the military and even more oblivious to his presence than soldiers if he ducked in a shadowy corner or something like that.
This was why Suzaku's report contained more information on the princess's family than the princess herself had offered, although its true validity and value was questionable. He wasn't sure how much it was worth it to Princess Leloucia that her sister Guinevere had needed to change her headboard again due to her foray into rough sex and her step-mother Gabrielle had decided to take up knitting. Nevertheless, he jotted it all down. If nothing else, this sort of thing could be useful should the princess ever want to give them a present or something. It was unlikely, but stranger things had happened.
He had, however, sorted each item in a list of what he deemed most relevant. He hoped the princess would not think he was wasting her time.
He held his breath while he waited for her assessment. When she looked up from the folder, she was smiling. "This is quite impressive, Suzaku. It would appear that your qualities go beyond you having nice eyes."
It was the first time she had ever called him by his name, rather than Kururugi. To top it off, she had complimented his eyes. It was an excellent sign. The Alpha male inside Suzaku preened at having pleased his female. He quickly squashed the thought before it could take root and result in more fantasies and dreams about bondage play than he was already having and offered his humble thanks to the princess.
Either way, Suzaku's theory was thus confirmed. He could not give treats to the princess like he did to Arthur, but paperwork was just as efficient. Well, maybe not paperwork per se, but rather, information. In fact, as long as something provided insight into any aspect of the palace, the princess loved to hear about it.
"It's actually very difficult to get information from an unfiltered source in the palace," she explained. "Even the people who are loyal to me decide to only give me bits and pieces. It's quite frustrating. This will be very helpful indeed."
"I live to serve, Your Highness," Suzaku dutifully replied. "Anything you desire, I will provide."
She offered him a smile, and if he had actually been a dog like so many claimed, he would have been wagging his tail so hard his entire bottom half would have been shaking.
With his status at the princess's side a little more secure, Suzaku's days became a mix of uneventful, enjoyable and torturous. He was the one to wake her up in the mornings, although for the moment, he had not been asked to actually enter her bedchambers—perhaps a good thing for his sanity. After that, he was required to stay with the princess throughout work hours. He wasn't sure what she actually did, but she often worked on files far thicker than any he could have provided. He was by her side whenever she left the office, be it for meals, meetings or on the occasional, rare break. Once she retired, he occasionally dropped by the ASEEC to put in some hours with the Lancelot.
The most important thing was that the princess seemed to enjoy his presence, and did not appear to be very likely to dismiss him anytime soon. In fact, she slowly warmed up to him and actually began to make the occasional joking comment. The smiles began to appear more often and Suzaku began to feel even warmer and more fluttery inside.
Now, one would think that this was precisely the perfect time for an evil doer to intervene and attack the beautiful princess and her lovestruck knight. However, this is a crack story and the author has decided to wait before introducing insane midgets. So instead, our young not-quite couple simply... coexisted and bonded, much to the dismay of everyone around them.
Well, everyone except the Emperor, who was currently busy deciding who his next consort should be through the foolproof method of drawing straws.
Finally, halfway through the fourth week of Suzaku's trial month, once it became obvious that Leloucia had already made her decision, a concerned Cornelia staged a meeting with the parties most interested in the situation—that is, her siblings.
"Schneizel, I don't know what you were thinking when you brought that Number here," she said with a fierce glower. "His presence by Leloucia's side is a travesty."
Guinevere nodded, crossing her arms over her barely covered chest. "I concur. Just seeing him around the palace is an eyesore."
"Oh, I don't know," Clovis said, twirling a rose around his long fingers. "A Number he might be, but he is rather visually appealing."
"Clovis!" Cornelia hissed. "Now is not the time for such talk. Besides, the last thing we want is a handsome Number next to Leloucia."
A vein throbbed in Schneizel's forehead at the implication behind the statement. It had not occurred to him until now, but it was true that Kururugi was attractive. Moreover, he seemed to have managed to ingratiate himself into her favor where everybody else had failed. Leloucia refused to tell him why she accepted him when she'd denied everybody else. His attempts to wriggle out information had been met with resounding failures and mysterious, teasing remarks. If he had led the proverbial wolf to his innocent and delicate little sister, he would never forgive himself.
He took a deep breath, summoning the last vestiges of the famed calm that made him so good at wrangling both foreign leaders and crazed relatives. "I think it is safe to say that at this time, it is unlikely that she will turn him away without anything drastic happening." Marrybell opened her mouth, but Schneizel shook his head before she could even utter her predictable suggestion. "No, we can't get rid of him... violently. Leloucia would know and she would be furious."
"He was only a Warrant Officer before this whole debacle," Cornelia said. "Perhaps we can suggest that upon reflection, we fear he may not be completely qualified."
Schneizel considered the suggestion carefully. "We will stage a competition." His lips twisted into a smile that made shiver course over the spines of everyone in the room. "And I know exactly how to do it."
The next day, for unknown reasons, the Emperor decided that, before Suzaku Kururugi could be officially inducted as the knight of his treasured daughter, he needed to prove himself in combat against the best warriors of the land.
Upon hearing the news, Leloucia instantly sensed her brother's interference in the matter. Damn Schneizel. He was always so overprotective, in all the wrong ways. It had been him who had picked Suzaku out first, but now that she actually liked the young knight, he was a threat and he needed to be removed.
Never mind that their uncle was still technically a problem.
Men were idiots.
"Do not fret, Princess," Suzaku told her with an earnest look in his bright green eyes. "They are not wrong. It is only fair that I prove myself worthy of the title of being your knight. I will not fail you."
Leloucia melted a little inside at his words. She would never admit it out loud, but whenever he looked at her like that, she was torn between the urge to coo at him like he was a particularly adorable puppy and the desire to tear his clothes off and lick him all over.
What? She might be a princess, but she had needs, damn it. And with Schneizel always hovering and even monitoring her purchases, she hadn't even be able to acquire something simple like a dildo.
Determination rose inside Leloucia. She had made her choice and she would not be thwarted. Throughout this month, Suzaku had more than eloquently proven that he was loyal to her and her alone—which had always been what she'd wanted. He was far too guileless to fool her and his devotion, no matter how unexplainable, was true. His loyalty wasn't with Britannia as a whole, like in the case of Gino Weinberg, to the Emperor, like Monica, or even to the vi Britannia line, like Jeremiah. It was Leloucia as an individual that Suzaku was interested in. Certainly, he had his own goals, something which must have made him join the Britannian army despite him being the son of the late Genbu Kururugi, but that wasn't a bad thing. Self-interest was definitely something Leloucia could understand, even if in this instance, the reasoning behind Suzaku's actions was unclear.
Taking that into account and the fact that, quite frankly, he made for amazing eye-candy, he was the perfect knight. She would not lose him to Schneizel's absurdity.
Nodding to herself, Leloucia walked to her knight's side. "I believe you," she said with a smile. Without allowing herself to hesitate—because she never hesitated once she made a decision—she leaned in closer and brushed a kiss over his cheek. "For luck. And once you win, you'll get a prize."
She whispered the latter words in his ear, leaving no doubt as to the scandalous meaning. She'd never actively flirted with anyone before, but she thought that would do to encourage him. Hopefully, she wasn't off base and he did think she was attractive.
(At this point, it should be said that despite her intelligence, Leloucia was not the best at interpreting the response of the general population of Pendragon to her physical attributes. But, well... Nobody was perfect.)
Meanwhile, Suzaku just stood there in a mix of awe and explosive arousal. He had stoically endured being by her side every day, watching each graceful motion, smelling the sweet scent of her perfume. It was torture, but one he eagerly embraced, for it meant he could remain with her and protect her from her foes.
He could never have imagined that she would return his interest. She was the beloved Princess Leloucia, the emperor's favorite daughter. He was only a Number, here by a fluke and almost universally hated. Why would his princess kiss him of all people?
As you can imagine, given his less-than-ideal existence, our poor Suzaku didn't have the best self-esteem, so his conclusion and answer to that question was that this couldn't possibly be happening in reality. So he did what he normally did in the dreams that haunted his nights. Before the princess pulled away, he reached for her, pulled her close and crushed their mouths together in a real and very filthy kiss.
Leloucia had just enough time to be shocked at her knight's unexpectedly strong response before her brilliant brain yielded to the onslaught and she melted against him.
The kiss was just as magical as could be expected in a story with the title involving the phrase 'Once Upon a Time'. Leloucia might not have been Sleeping Beauty, but she was very willing. Suzaku's tongue was doing very interesting things in her mouth and she really wanted to see what it could do elsewhere. As for Suzaku himself... Well, his full focus was on her taste, her scent, the feel of her breasts against his chest. All the awkwardness that might have appeared due to inexperience vanished in the flare of their shared passion—and because, quite honestly, the author's headcanon is that Suzaku is secretly a sex god in the making.
Alas, Suzaku did not get the chance to prove these informed skills. Just as he was getting ready to progress past the slightly vanilla lip-lock, it occurred to him that at this point in his fantasies, his lovely princess was usually already nude. Realization dawned and he tore his lips away from Leloucia's, his eyes wide in horror.
Oh, God, oh, God. He'd practically sexually assaulted his princess. He had no shame and no excuse. He was a disgrace. He should commit seppuku on the spot.
He fell to his knees, ready to do exactly that. The princess intervened before anything unnecessarily dramatic could occur. "Don't," she said. "Don't apologize. It's all right."
Suzaku looked up at her, his green eyes swimming with tears. If Leloucia had been inclined to blame him for his impulsive behavior, she would have folded right then and there. "Princess... I don't deserve such mercy."
"Don't be silly. It's not mercy." Leloucia licked her lower lip, and Suzaku's body responded to the unconscious gesture, much to his shame and dismay. "We'll just call this episode a natural response."
The sentence managed to shake Suzaku out of his stupor. "Natural response?" he repeated.
"Yes, of course. Let's face it. Technically, it was my idea." She blushed a little at the admittance, but didn't look away. "I am pleased to see your enthusiasm, so you don't need to worry about having offended me." She paused slightly, watching him with a keen amethyst gaze. Finally, she added, "However, you must win the competition first before you acquire your prize."
Suzaku let out a choked noise, his eyes going a little glazed, like he was hypnotized. Then, renewed determination replaced simple arousal. He reached for her hand and kissed it. "I understand, Your Highness. I will win."
Elsewhere, Cornelia shivered, suddenly having a very foreboding feeling. She wondered if maybe her damn uncle was planning something ominous again. She'd have to bring some extra throwing knives with her the next time she went out. And an extra large gun. The XXL one that aroused Guilford whenever she pulled it out. Being careful never hurt and Victor was crafty. She wouldn't put it past him to use this chance to get to Leloucia.
It never occurred to Cornelia that it would have been simpler to just allow Leloucia to have her Numbered knight. And it definitely didn't occur to her that the result to their scheme would be entirely different from what they expected.
The combat tournament happened precisely one month after Suzaku's arrival in Pendragon. To prove himself, Suzaku would have to fight most of the people who had been Leloucia's knights before. Already aware that Suzaku was a skilled Knightmare pilot, Schneizel had arranged for all the battles to be sword fights.
It was very unfair, since Suzaku was slated to fight one opponent after another. By the time he even reached the last person, he would presumably be tired out from previous combat. Furthermore, Honorary Britannian training was rather lacking in term of swordplay. Honoraries were taught how to shoot and wield a sword, but never with the intention that this training would actually be used much. There was a distinctive imbalance between Suzaku's education and that of Britannian nobility.
But Britannians had never cared about being fair, and in this instance, they pretty much just wanted to see the empire's strongest warriors make sport out the Number who had dared to accomplish what none of them had, earn Princess Leloucia's attention.
To add insult to injury, the whole thing was held in a stadium, in front of a massive crowd. Presumably, to humiliate Suzaku. There was already jeering when Suzaku entered the arena.
Suzaku did not care about their opinion, though. He was more than a little ready to kick the asses of the ones who dared to stand between and his princess. By now, Suzaku's death wish had made a permanent exit, replaced by a far greater desire. He very much looked forward to his prize and to be with Leloucia forever. Nobody, nobody would get in his way.
Since this was about the title of Leloucia's knight, Suzaku's challengers came in the order of how much time they'd spent with her, from least to most. As such, Luciano Bradley was the first. He was a vile man who had attempted to get a rise out of Suzaku more than once during his stay at the palace. He looked forward to goring Kururugi in front of the whole stadium.
It was only when he was actually standing in front of Kururugi that a trickle of uncertainty coursed over his spine. Kururugi's face was unreadable and his eyes piercing and cold. Something about them made Luciano wary.
But Luciano had never been a coward, or a very smart man, and he abandoned caution in the favor of his original plan—bloodshed. Suffice to say, it did not end well for him. Oh, blood was shed. It just wasn't Suzaku's.
It happened like this. Charles—who had miraculously foregone his quest for a new consort and decided to actually move his ass from the palace for once—got up from his throne-like seat. Just like that, the stadium went quiet.
"All men are not created equal," he bellowed. Around him, three quarters of his children mentally sighed. Cornelia and Schneizel in particular desperately wished they could fast forward through this part, just so that they could get to the one they were interested in, removing the damn Number from Leloucia's side.
"Some are born swifter afoot, some with greater beauty. Some are born into poverty and other born sick and feeble. Both in birth and in upbringing, in sheer scope of ability, every human is inherently different. Yes, that is why people discriminate against one another, why they struggle and compete.
"Long has my daughter Leloucia been the most eloquent example of this. Long has she demonstrated her superiority over the insects that surround us. Who would then be deserving to protect her, to stand by her side as her guardian? Today, we will see the answer to that question. Warrant Officer Suzaku Kururugi claims the right to be her knight. Let us see then if he has the strength to succeed."
And just like that, he sat down. Most of the people in the stadium were shocked Charles could end a speech without shouting, "All Hail Britannia!" In fact, they were all so distracted that they completely missed the fact that, during the speech, Leloucia actually winked at Suzaku. The fire inside our young hero's breast burned brighter. He would smite all of his opponents and he would claim his prize.
Yes, Suzaku did have interesting priorities and an interesting take on incentive, but he was very young, so perhaps that wasn't surprising.
Either way, the effects showed as soon as Charles gestured for the fight to start. It was just like in knightmare combat, only without the giant robots.
Suzaku Kururugi, boner boost, launch!
Luciano never even saw Suzaku coming. He lunged forward with a maniacal grin, but his sword hit the ground where Suzaku had been before. Suzaku had already moved right. Spinning in the air, he delivered a beautiful, effortless and physically impossible blow to Luciano's face.
The Vampire of Britannia went down like a rock and didn't get up.
The first battle was over so quickly most people didn't get the chance to see what had actually happened.
The silence that followed was broken by the applause of Leloucia vi Britannia herself. From his seat, Lloyd joined in, whooping, "That's my favorite devicer! I've seen him do that in the Lancelot. Fascinating, isn't it? He uses the Lancelot as an extension of his own body."
The noble standing next to him gave him a look that clearly illustrated his—correct—opinion of the state of Lloyd's mental faculties. Meanwhile, well aware of the dangers of Leloucia's temper, one Schneizel el Britannia chose his battles and started to clap too. There were more fights ahead anyway. Surely Kururugi couldn't win them all.
Famous last... words.
