Part 2
Roger and Trish Burkle were happily adoring Darla and Angel's son. "He's just so adorable!" squealed Fred's mother as she played with the baby. Angel was trailing anxiously around after the couple as they played aeroplane with his child.
"Angel, stop that!" Darla smacked him on the arm as he hovered over the Burkles again.
He gave her a wounded look, "I don't want him to get hurt. Can't you see how careless they're being?"
Darla simply rolled her eyes, "Angel. They. Raised. Fred. Look how she turned out. Do you really think they'll damage our son?" Suddenly she bit her lip and glanced away from him.
"What is it?" Angel stepped forward and leaned down to look her in the eye.
She gave a soft, bitter, snort of laughter and blinked away sudden tears, "It's just that he's probably safer with them than with me. His mother. What do I know about babies anyway? Other than how to kill them?" Darla began to fold in on herself.
"Hey," Roger broke in, "First of all, you seem to be doing real well with him." He smiled encouragingly, "Also, when Trish and I first brought Fred home, I was absolutely terrified I'd drop her, or hurt her, or something." He wrapped an arm around Darla and gently squeezed for emphasis. "All parent are scared to death they're gonna screw up. You're no different."
And Angel had decided to join the self-pity trip, "Anyway, if anyone's going to be a bad parent it'll be me. Look at my father. I'll probably turn out just like him."
Cordelia had entered as he spoke. On hearing that statement she walked up to him and thwapped him upside the head. "What did I tell you about stupid self-pity?" she demanded.
Angel moved with alacrity to put Darla between him and his seer, "Not to have them around you so I don't get hurt by lunatic women with visions?"
Darla and Cordelia had reached an unstable truce over the months, but not so stable that either wanted to confront the other, "Don't get me in the middle of your fights Angel," she warned as she moved aside to allow Cordelia full access to a now mock-cowering Angel. "Now give me back my son," she demanded of the Burkles, who forked him over with only a token protest.
The couple, having fulfilled their obligations as people meeting the vampires' son sat down to talk with Cordelia about Fred and Gunn. Of course it was mainly along the lines of, "Are you sure that he's good for her? I mean, not to insult your friend, it's just that we don't want Fred hurt."
Wesley arrived, and the talk quickly turned to the latest cases. Darla was pissed off at Angel for not allowing her to join him when he went out fighting. "Honestly, it's the most chauvinistic thing I ever heard! I'm a perfectly good fighter, and Lorne does a way better job of babysitting Connor while he waits for you to come back covered in slime."
Angel glared at her, "I don't want to run the risk of leaving Connor motherless too," he said, "He needs to have at least one parent there to take care of him."
"Then why don't we take turns? Angel, I'm getting bored stuck in this hotel of yours all day." The others wisely stayed silent.
Which was when Spike cheerfully made his way into the hotel lobby carrying flowers, a jar of blood, a package of Weetabix, and a bag of what seemed to be clothing. "Hello all!" he said exuberantly. He made his way to Darla's side and handed her the flowers saying, "For the loveliest lady here."
Darla smiled and looked like she would have blushed if she had the circulation to do so. She shifted Connor over to his father and smelled the flowers her smile brightening as she got a good look at them. "Lilies! Oh Spike, you remembered!"
He shrugged and flopped down next to her, "Eh, you're easy compared to Dru. Her I could never get flowers 'cause she'd always bring up the time Angelus got her a whole garden." He shot Angel an annoyed look, "Also, I didn't have to. You always dropped hints at him," he jerked his head in his grandsire's direction, "To get you lilies. He never obliged."
Darla leaned over and kissed Spike, "Well it's still sweet that you remembered."
"Hey!" Cordelia demanded, "How come she's getting flowers and no one else?"
The bleach blonde shot her a dark look. "When you and I are dating, which I hope to God never happens, I'll get you flowers."
Her eyes widened, "You guys are dating?"
"Well, I wouldn't call what they did in Wesley's office dating per se," Angel muttered softly enough that only the other two vampires heard him.
Trish looked somewhat surprised, "So you two," she gestured at Angel and Darla, "Aren't together?"
Darla's brief glare at Angel left him unrepentant, and she answered the question, "No, not anymore. We used to be, but we're just not a compatible couple."
"But you and Spike are?" Wesley asked, looking rather flummoxed.
Just then Gunn and Fred returned from their date, and the conversation was sidetracked off of Spike and Darla's relationship and onto the other couple's. The change was facilitated by the dating vampires' choice to sneak off to Darla's room so they could have some privacy.
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Buffy finished off the last of her and Spike's manuscript and stuffed it and its cover letter into an envelope and started to search for stamps singing the song of the stamp hunter as it has been sung for years, "Stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp. Staaa-aaamp Staaa-aaamp Staaa-aaamp stamp stamp stamp stamp!"
With the big finale when she flushed them from the drawer they had taken refuge in, "STAMP!"
She rapidly affixed the irritating pieces of gluey paper to her manila envelope and trotted down the street to the mail box. Hopefully the rest of her money would arrive soon. She needed more cash for the broken fixtures. Again. Not to mention paying back various stores for the things Dawn had stolen. All in all she had to wonder why it was the universe was conspiring against her to make her have to pay for all the things she could theoretically spend money on.
She made her way home and asked the Powers what she had done. Buffy was certain that, whatever things she had done that could garner punishment, she had already been punished for them. It just wasn't fair that she had to have the weight of the world on her shoulders and all the other stuff people had to deal with too.
When she got home Dawn was in the process of hiding a notice of parent teacher in between the seat cushions so she could claim she forgot it when Buffy found out the day after when Dawn's principal called. Buffy didn't call her on it figuring that she'd dig it out after Dawn had gone to bed.
So Buffy waited until Dawn had finished with her efforts then walked in with a weary "Hey."
"Oh! Hey! How is everything? I mean, the whole hunt for Warren and his buddies thing. By the way, there's a special on TV on penguins. I thought we could watch it. Together?" Dawn's desperate sounding babbling had Buffy smiling tiredly as she shooed her sister toward the television.
"Sure Dawn. I'll make some popcorn. You get settled. You finished all your homework?" The Slayer queried her sister.
"Yup!" came the cheery reply.
Buffy got back in time to see the opening credits. The two watched the black and white birds waddle about while the announcer made comments of a serious nature about the various adorable things the penguins did. Willow joined them halfway through and the girls enjoyed a peaceful evening until Xander called to tell them Anya was being held prisoner by a large puce demon who wanted forty bucks and for Buffy to provide him with an unlimited source of vampire dust so he could suck the world into Hell. His name was Ornuylianhovdufhasoirnafijther. Arthur for short.
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Angel sat in his room with Connor and tried to block out the enthusiastic sounds coming from both Fred's end of the hall and Darla's. He wondered what Buffy would think if he asked her there to distract him from the noise coming from both directions.
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Arthur, it turned out, was an even worse fighter than he was bargainer and Anya was rescued and Arthur decapitated. Thus the evening was concluded with showers all around because the demon had turned into slime and exploded as though propelled by dynamite. Dawn was hustled off to bed and Buffy and Willow crawled into theirs both trying to forget the squoosh the demon had made when he landed on the Scoobies. It was enough to give a gal nightmares. Buffy wondered what Angel would think if she asked him there to distract her from the icky noise coming from the depths of her mind.
*SQUOOSSSHHH* "Stop it!"
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Spike enjoyed the life he was living now. He had a wonderful girlfriend, got to needle Angel nearly constantly, and had been accepted by the A-Team as one of their own. Not to mention the possible amounts of money he was going to get from Buffy should their book become a success.
He had been left to babysit Connor while the others went to beat up some lawyers. Or maybe it was a vampire hunter. The details were way too complicated for him, and all he knew was that since he was useless for the mission, and Lorne was unavailable for babysitting, he had been left alone with the now four month old Connor.
"So kid," he said, unsure of how to address someone who didn't even speak yet, "You want uncle Spike to teach ya how to play poker?"
The baby smiled in response, and Spike could smell that Connor's diaper needed changing. That just opened a whole can of worms better left alone. Unfortunately for Spike, he couldn't leave it alone. So several minutes later Spike was grimly trying to get the kid to lie still so he could get him cleaned up and changed. Things were not improved when Spike turned around only to feel something wet land on the back of his shirt. "I wonder why no one drowns all the boys at birth," he muttered as he struggled with the plastic tabs.
The others came back carrying a faint whiff of blood one hour later. Spike, who hadn't brought a change of clothing, was grumbling to himself as he waited for his shirt to finish drying. Darla immediately trotted up to her lover and kissed him. "What was that for?" he asked, "No wait. Don't tell me," he grabbed her and kissed her longer and harder.
It was the catcalls that finally brought the two out of their self-induced haze. When Spike and Darla turned around Gunn and Fred were grinning, Wesley was stoically English, Cordelia looked envious while looking hard at the shirtless Spike, and Angel was glowering at the couple.
"What?" asked Darla. She made a beeline then for Connor's crib and began to giggle helplessly at the state her son was in.
Spike just growled at her amusement. When he turned and grumped off to the other side of the lobby the others went over to investigate what had happened. Connor was fine. In fact, he was enjoying himself immensely, despite having his diaper wrapped around with duct tape. The shiny grey tape formed a band around the boy's middle. "Have some trouble with the diaper?" Gunn asked, shaking with suppressed laughter.
"Oh shut up."
Angel looked from his son, to the people around him, to Spike, and back again. He headed over to the blonde while the others figured out how to get the pampers off the boy. "I usually have one of the others do his diaper for me," he said, "The first time I tried to do them myself Darla came in, took one look at me, and shoved me over to do them with far too much ease for my peace of mind."
Spike snorted, "It's probably a woman thing," he retorted.
"No, 'cause Gunn, Wesley and Lorne have no trouble with the diapers at all." Angel took a deep breath to steady himself then said, "Look, I'm sorry I've been giving you and Darla a hard time about your relationship. Besides, if Buffy trusts you around her sister and friends, I can trust you around Connor and Darla."
"S'okay, I nearly killed you a couple times anyway." Spike grinned at Angel and waited for the response he knew he'd get.
"Same here, whelp. I still haven't forgotten you got us trapped in a Yorkshire mineshaft with that loony act of yours." In an abrupt subject change Angel asked, "What the hell happened to you shirt, by the way?"
"Your son decided I needed to be anointed," responded the vampire irritably.
"Hunh," said Angel, "You know, I was thinking it might be nice to spar with someone who'll put up an actual challenge. You game?"
A wicked smirk settled on Spike's face, "To kick your ass? Always."
**********************
Three months later Buffy received her cheque for $2,000 as well as a second cheque for her percentage on the anthology her story had been included in. That was about $850. The sudden influx of money caught the burgeoning author by surprise and Buffy found herself staring blankly at the money before remembering that she didn't want the others finding out. She didn't know what their responses would be but, whether her friends pleaded with her to write more about them or whether they were horrified by her selling her life story for cash, she didn't want to deal with them.
She was also grateful for the money because her job at the Double Meat Palace hadn't panned out. She had been fired despite her knowledge of the secret ingredient because she was continually having to take time off to take on Warren and his geek patrol. The last time they had acted up Buffy hadn't even had a chance to show up for work.
So Buffy took herself and her cheques to the bank and looked at her soon-to-be- dismally-empty bank account, sighed, and started to write the cheques to pay the bills. The job market was little better. The only place Buffy could find work was as one of those irritating people who ambush you in a shopping mall and spritz you with perfume. Buffy, being the new girl, got to have the perfume no one would buy anyway. Of course.
Yet again she found herself with no money to her name and a lousy job. The last $100 was going, as promised, to Spike. Now all Buffy could do was wait and hope that this whole book thing worked out. In the meantime, "Dawn!"
"What?" called the girl from upstairs.
"Your teachers tell me that you're being disruptive in class," Buffy made her way up the stairs to where Dawn was frozen in her bedroom door, "Look. I'm not saying you have to let bullies walk all over you but you have to at least try to get along with the teachers."
"Mrs. Delaney-"
"I had Mrs. Delaney my first year here, and she was one of the few teachers I had who didn't think that I was a hooligan. She was also one of the few teachers who recognized every single class bully for who they were." Buffy gave her sister a level look, "I know it's tough, but she's not one of the bad ones, and if she's commenting on your behaviour like this maybe you need to change."
Dawn stared in shock at her sister for a moment then screamed, "I hate you!" and whirled into her room slamming the door after.
When Buffy got downstairs she saw Willow looking at her reproachfully. "What?" she asked her best friend.
"Buffy, maybe you don't have to be so harsh." The ex-witch seemed patronising to the irritated and broke Slayer, who didn't, unlike her friend, have parents to fall back on, did have a sister to finish the upbringing of, and had the social services people telling her she was not eligible to receive welfare payments.
"Willow," her voice was tightly controlled, "Tell me, do you think Mrs. Delaney is one of those teachers who would give a student unfair reports?"
The hacker hesitated then said, "No."
"Do you think, maybe, if Dawn is getting mediocre grades at best, bad ones at worst, and every single teacher she has, bar none, says that she's causing disruptions in the classroom that maybe there is some fault on Dawn's part?"
"Well-"
"Dawn, who used to get straight As in school with almost no visible effort, is now flunking her favourite subjects, getting called on disruptive behaviour, and has been stealing from the Magic Box." Buffy had gotten more wound up with each word and was now speaking with grim intensity, "I am Dawn's legal guardian. I now have to do the things that a parent does. That means providing for Dawn, giving her a stable home environment, calling her on it when she screws up, and I have to punish her when she does so deliberately. If I don't do this she will be taken away and put in a foster home."
Willow was looking bug-eyed at the girl she suddenly barely recognized. Buffy had never taken that tone of voice with anyone except when slaying was involved. The fact that she was doing so now made Willow abruptly realise that Buffy was being a grown-up. An adult.
"Willow, I have to be Dawn's mother now. I can't be her sister or her friend. You and I both know that a parent can't be friends with their kids, and from the moment Dawn was put in my care I essentially had the responsibility of a parent. I was able to slack off on that when Giles was here to be the grown-up, but I can't now."
"Buffy," her friend leaned over and gently clasped her hand, "I know you mean well by being strict, but Dawn barely has any pocket money, and she can't do things like go to the movies with her friends or-"
"That's because I have no money whatsoever in the bank." The certainty and grimness of the Slayer's voice stopped Willow's reprimand in its tracks. After all, what good to suggest Buffy give Dawn money when she had none to give?
Neither woman noticed Dawn quietly creep up the stairs again. She had been planning on appealing to Willow, but Buffy's speech had forced her to rethink her position. Dawn knew she could do fine in school. The fact that she had been so distracted had been partly her fault. She also hadn't realised that they were in such dire financial straits. Giles had bailed them out before, and even then, the threat of poverty hadn't made much of an impact.
Hearing Buffy talk that way, about adult things like money, parenthood, and social services. Suddenly the world was full of things Dawn barely understood. Things that had no relation to magic and that Buffy couldn't defeat by beating to a pulp. She retreated to her room to think over what she'd heard.
When Spike popped by several hours later Dawn spilled out the whole story to him, and he looked at her gravely as she finished, ". . . And I didn't know that Buffy wasn't giving me money because of being broke, I just thought she was being mean!"
"Easy Niblet," he put an arm around her and Dawn leaned into his ironically comforting presence. "The Slayer didn't want to worry you. You have enough on your plate what with school and losin' your mother and all. She was tryin' to keep you from worrying." Then he gave her a wry look, "And you're telling me you honestly didn't know that she was flat broke after I caught you snooping in her financial stuff?"
The girl bit her lip and looked away shamefacedly, "But how do I fix it?"
The look on Spike's face was one of vast amusement, "You're telling me you can't figure it out pet? All those things that she keeps after you to do, all that stuff about the social services and you have no idea?"
Dawn's face lit up and she leaned forward to hug him, "Thanks Spike."
"No problem luv." He got up to leave then turned back to her, "You might start with that large pile of homework you got there," he nodded at the desk, then swept from the room in a flare of leather. Dawn gave a dreamy sigh after he departed then settled in to do her homework.
********************
Spike arrived back downstairs to see Buffy holding a wad of cash. "What's that? The book people finally send you the money?" he asked.
"Here's the last hundred dollars," Buffy gave one last longing look at the chunk of money in her hand, "It's your payment for the help with the book. The rest has paid off my bills and stuff. I even have groceries to last me until when I get my first pay cheque from work." She put the money into Spike's hand.
"You didn't have to luv." Spike recalled how upset Dawn had been, and the shadows under Buffy's eyes confirmed how bad things were for her. For a moment he regretted that he had been spending so much time with Darla.
She just smiled and said, "Why don't you take the girlfriend that you refuse to tell me about out somewhere instead of spending all your money on cigarettes."
He considered refusing the money. She obviously needed it and was only giving it to him out of her misguided sense of morality. Still, it was hundred bucks that he'd earned, and Darla would like to go out to that new production of Shakespeare that was playing downtown. "Thanks Slayer," he said, and hurried off before he changed his mind and actually gave up the cash. God he'd turned into a pussy.
Buffy watched him go thinking how sweet it was that Spike had almost had a generous impulse. The fact that it had almost happened at all was a testament to how much he'd changed. Her slight smile vanished as she remembered a vampire who was sweet not graded on a curve. Sometimes she missed Angel so much it left this pain in her chest. She'd tried to move on with Riley, to do what Angel had asked, but it felt too weird to be dating another man because her soulmate had told her to. It was way existential or something.
Dawn had gone to bed and Spike had, no doubt, vanished off for another couple days to see his girlfriend that no one knew who she was. Buffy knew she existed because Spike kept coming by the Summers' home smelling of Chanel no 5. After all the angst and worrying of the day Buffy went upstairs and went to bed. She was exhausted, and she couldn't ambush people at the mall the next day looking like one of the living dead.
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Two more months passed and Spike and Buffy's book hit the shelves of bookstores. It opened to reasonable reviews by several critics, some rave reviews by a couple of sci-fi magazines, and Buffy got two free copies in the mail. One for her, and one for her co-author William LePointe. She'd rolled her eyes at the name, "William The Spike? Please!"
His reply had been succinct, "So Anne Winters is so much more subtle?"
The two had spent time just flipping through a book that they had written and was their novel. Well, Buffy's biography, but who other than the two of them knew? It was a literary work put together by their own four hands.
It was another two and a half weeks after the premier that Buffy received a letter from her publishers requesting that she and William meet them at their LA head offices. The pair pulled into the underground parking lot and hurried up to the office for the meeting. Neither had a clue as to what was coming next.
Spike and Buffy hesitantly entered the room they had been directed to and sat down when a stern faced man with a formidable grey beard gestured for them to do so. At his side sat an impeccable secretary, and on his other side was a somewhat more genial looking man with light brown hair who identified himself as Jeffrey Turner.
The other man turned out to be one of the executives of the company, and the vampire and slayer were exchanging nervous looks when he began to speak. "I understand you are the two authors of the "Kitty the Demon Huntress" book?" he asked. They nodded in response. "I hope you realise how important it is that this matter be handled carefully," he continued, "We here at Mitchell publishing always appreciate the efforts of our authors. However, in this case we seem to have underestimated the issues involved in your book."
His expectant look only confused and worried the two listening intently to the businessman's words. "Oh?" said Buffy finally.
Apparently satisfied with the inane comment he proceeded, "So, I hope you will understand when we decide to cancel your contract to redraw it in a manner that is preferable for all concerned."
"Oh," chorused Spike and Buffy faintly.
Jeffrey Turner now spoke. "I hope you understand that as an unknown quantity we must keep our options open. This is why we're offering a very limited contract."
Buffy's eyes filled with tears, "Are we... I mean, did it sell that badly?"
It was the two executives' turn to seem confused. "What do you mean?" asked Turner.
"What does she mean?!" Spike exploded, "We're bloody talkin' about the fact that you're talkin' like you need to revise the contract 'cause you're not makin' enough money on it! She's workin' her ass off in the damned mall every night to keep herself and her sister from bein' thrown out of their home, and you're tellin' her she isn't gettin' any money! What the bloody hell else are you babbling about?!"
Both executives looked taken aback but the secretary immediately filled in the gap looking intensely sympathetic. "You really have no idea," she said.
"No idea about what?" Spike interrupted, grumbling.
"The book has hit the top of the New York bestsellers' list. You're being recommended by critics all over the English speaking world. People love your book. The contract ups your percentage from eight to twenty percent of the profits with a reduction to fourteen should sales on this book drop."
The two stared. The notion that their book could become a hit had never occurred to them. "How... How much money are we talking about?" Buffy asked, bracing herself for a shock. She wasn't disappointed.
"Well," said the secretary hauling out her facts and figures, "We've made around 2.7 million in profits so far, so that's about $540,000. Sales are continuing, of course, those are just the latest figures."
Buffy started crying and left Spike to do the dickering as she thought about how she would have enough money to give Dawn an allowance, to pay for food, the bills, and all sorts of things she hadn't been able to do. She didn't even begin to get herself under control until Spike realised that she wasn't acting to give him an easier time bargaining for extra perks. Then he began to cuddle her in earnest, and finally walked her down to his car, half supporting her as she hiccoughed with the tail end of her sobs.
"You alright?" he asked once she was calm again.
Buffy looked at him for a moment then broke into a wide smile, "I'm just so amazed. And happy," she explained, "I'll be able to pay for stuff again. I won't have to default on bills."
"You also have a writing career to start," Spike said.
Buffy looked blankly at him, "What?"
"Weren't you listening at all? They want us to write a second book. Start a series." Spike's grin was so wide that Buffy thought he was joking for a moment. When it became apparent that he wasn't she threw herself at him with a squeal.
"We have a bestseller on the market! We're famous!" The two settled into plans for the second book as they drove back to Sunnydale. Both agreed that to include their friends would create unnecessary complications. Also, since both the A-team and the Scoobies had given up on fantasy novels after discovering the reality (none of them up for a busman's holiday) it was extremely unlikely anyone would ever find out about the series.
***********************
"Hey Trish!" called Roger.
"What?" responded his wife.
"You have got to take a look at this new book that just came out. It's a lot like Fred's life out in LA." Roger grinned as he held up his brand new copy of "Kitty the Demon Huntress". Trish and Roger Burkle settled in to read this new book. Neither had been very much interested in fantasy before, but since finding out all that stuff was real they'd taken to reading it. The ones with happy endings usually helped make them feel better about letting Fred live that dangerous life in LA.
Roger and Trish Burkle were happily adoring Darla and Angel's son. "He's just so adorable!" squealed Fred's mother as she played with the baby. Angel was trailing anxiously around after the couple as they played aeroplane with his child.
"Angel, stop that!" Darla smacked him on the arm as he hovered over the Burkles again.
He gave her a wounded look, "I don't want him to get hurt. Can't you see how careless they're being?"
Darla simply rolled her eyes, "Angel. They. Raised. Fred. Look how she turned out. Do you really think they'll damage our son?" Suddenly she bit her lip and glanced away from him.
"What is it?" Angel stepped forward and leaned down to look her in the eye.
She gave a soft, bitter, snort of laughter and blinked away sudden tears, "It's just that he's probably safer with them than with me. His mother. What do I know about babies anyway? Other than how to kill them?" Darla began to fold in on herself.
"Hey," Roger broke in, "First of all, you seem to be doing real well with him." He smiled encouragingly, "Also, when Trish and I first brought Fred home, I was absolutely terrified I'd drop her, or hurt her, or something." He wrapped an arm around Darla and gently squeezed for emphasis. "All parent are scared to death they're gonna screw up. You're no different."
And Angel had decided to join the self-pity trip, "Anyway, if anyone's going to be a bad parent it'll be me. Look at my father. I'll probably turn out just like him."
Cordelia had entered as he spoke. On hearing that statement she walked up to him and thwapped him upside the head. "What did I tell you about stupid self-pity?" she demanded.
Angel moved with alacrity to put Darla between him and his seer, "Not to have them around you so I don't get hurt by lunatic women with visions?"
Darla and Cordelia had reached an unstable truce over the months, but not so stable that either wanted to confront the other, "Don't get me in the middle of your fights Angel," she warned as she moved aside to allow Cordelia full access to a now mock-cowering Angel. "Now give me back my son," she demanded of the Burkles, who forked him over with only a token protest.
The couple, having fulfilled their obligations as people meeting the vampires' son sat down to talk with Cordelia about Fred and Gunn. Of course it was mainly along the lines of, "Are you sure that he's good for her? I mean, not to insult your friend, it's just that we don't want Fred hurt."
Wesley arrived, and the talk quickly turned to the latest cases. Darla was pissed off at Angel for not allowing her to join him when he went out fighting. "Honestly, it's the most chauvinistic thing I ever heard! I'm a perfectly good fighter, and Lorne does a way better job of babysitting Connor while he waits for you to come back covered in slime."
Angel glared at her, "I don't want to run the risk of leaving Connor motherless too," he said, "He needs to have at least one parent there to take care of him."
"Then why don't we take turns? Angel, I'm getting bored stuck in this hotel of yours all day." The others wisely stayed silent.
Which was when Spike cheerfully made his way into the hotel lobby carrying flowers, a jar of blood, a package of Weetabix, and a bag of what seemed to be clothing. "Hello all!" he said exuberantly. He made his way to Darla's side and handed her the flowers saying, "For the loveliest lady here."
Darla smiled and looked like she would have blushed if she had the circulation to do so. She shifted Connor over to his father and smelled the flowers her smile brightening as she got a good look at them. "Lilies! Oh Spike, you remembered!"
He shrugged and flopped down next to her, "Eh, you're easy compared to Dru. Her I could never get flowers 'cause she'd always bring up the time Angelus got her a whole garden." He shot Angel an annoyed look, "Also, I didn't have to. You always dropped hints at him," he jerked his head in his grandsire's direction, "To get you lilies. He never obliged."
Darla leaned over and kissed Spike, "Well it's still sweet that you remembered."
"Hey!" Cordelia demanded, "How come she's getting flowers and no one else?"
The bleach blonde shot her a dark look. "When you and I are dating, which I hope to God never happens, I'll get you flowers."
Her eyes widened, "You guys are dating?"
"Well, I wouldn't call what they did in Wesley's office dating per se," Angel muttered softly enough that only the other two vampires heard him.
Trish looked somewhat surprised, "So you two," she gestured at Angel and Darla, "Aren't together?"
Darla's brief glare at Angel left him unrepentant, and she answered the question, "No, not anymore. We used to be, but we're just not a compatible couple."
"But you and Spike are?" Wesley asked, looking rather flummoxed.
Just then Gunn and Fred returned from their date, and the conversation was sidetracked off of Spike and Darla's relationship and onto the other couple's. The change was facilitated by the dating vampires' choice to sneak off to Darla's room so they could have some privacy.
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Buffy finished off the last of her and Spike's manuscript and stuffed it and its cover letter into an envelope and started to search for stamps singing the song of the stamp hunter as it has been sung for years, "Stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp stamp. Staaa-aaamp Staaa-aaamp Staaa-aaamp stamp stamp stamp stamp!"
With the big finale when she flushed them from the drawer they had taken refuge in, "STAMP!"
She rapidly affixed the irritating pieces of gluey paper to her manila envelope and trotted down the street to the mail box. Hopefully the rest of her money would arrive soon. She needed more cash for the broken fixtures. Again. Not to mention paying back various stores for the things Dawn had stolen. All in all she had to wonder why it was the universe was conspiring against her to make her have to pay for all the things she could theoretically spend money on.
She made her way home and asked the Powers what she had done. Buffy was certain that, whatever things she had done that could garner punishment, she had already been punished for them. It just wasn't fair that she had to have the weight of the world on her shoulders and all the other stuff people had to deal with too.
When she got home Dawn was in the process of hiding a notice of parent teacher in between the seat cushions so she could claim she forgot it when Buffy found out the day after when Dawn's principal called. Buffy didn't call her on it figuring that she'd dig it out after Dawn had gone to bed.
So Buffy waited until Dawn had finished with her efforts then walked in with a weary "Hey."
"Oh! Hey! How is everything? I mean, the whole hunt for Warren and his buddies thing. By the way, there's a special on TV on penguins. I thought we could watch it. Together?" Dawn's desperate sounding babbling had Buffy smiling tiredly as she shooed her sister toward the television.
"Sure Dawn. I'll make some popcorn. You get settled. You finished all your homework?" The Slayer queried her sister.
"Yup!" came the cheery reply.
Buffy got back in time to see the opening credits. The two watched the black and white birds waddle about while the announcer made comments of a serious nature about the various adorable things the penguins did. Willow joined them halfway through and the girls enjoyed a peaceful evening until Xander called to tell them Anya was being held prisoner by a large puce demon who wanted forty bucks and for Buffy to provide him with an unlimited source of vampire dust so he could suck the world into Hell. His name was Ornuylianhovdufhasoirnafijther. Arthur for short.
************************
Angel sat in his room with Connor and tried to block out the enthusiastic sounds coming from both Fred's end of the hall and Darla's. He wondered what Buffy would think if he asked her there to distract him from the noise coming from both directions.
************************
Arthur, it turned out, was an even worse fighter than he was bargainer and Anya was rescued and Arthur decapitated. Thus the evening was concluded with showers all around because the demon had turned into slime and exploded as though propelled by dynamite. Dawn was hustled off to bed and Buffy and Willow crawled into theirs both trying to forget the squoosh the demon had made when he landed on the Scoobies. It was enough to give a gal nightmares. Buffy wondered what Angel would think if she asked him there to distract her from the icky noise coming from the depths of her mind.
*SQUOOSSSHHH* "Stop it!"
**************************
Spike enjoyed the life he was living now. He had a wonderful girlfriend, got to needle Angel nearly constantly, and had been accepted by the A-Team as one of their own. Not to mention the possible amounts of money he was going to get from Buffy should their book become a success.
He had been left to babysit Connor while the others went to beat up some lawyers. Or maybe it was a vampire hunter. The details were way too complicated for him, and all he knew was that since he was useless for the mission, and Lorne was unavailable for babysitting, he had been left alone with the now four month old Connor.
"So kid," he said, unsure of how to address someone who didn't even speak yet, "You want uncle Spike to teach ya how to play poker?"
The baby smiled in response, and Spike could smell that Connor's diaper needed changing. That just opened a whole can of worms better left alone. Unfortunately for Spike, he couldn't leave it alone. So several minutes later Spike was grimly trying to get the kid to lie still so he could get him cleaned up and changed. Things were not improved when Spike turned around only to feel something wet land on the back of his shirt. "I wonder why no one drowns all the boys at birth," he muttered as he struggled with the plastic tabs.
The others came back carrying a faint whiff of blood one hour later. Spike, who hadn't brought a change of clothing, was grumbling to himself as he waited for his shirt to finish drying. Darla immediately trotted up to her lover and kissed him. "What was that for?" he asked, "No wait. Don't tell me," he grabbed her and kissed her longer and harder.
It was the catcalls that finally brought the two out of their self-induced haze. When Spike and Darla turned around Gunn and Fred were grinning, Wesley was stoically English, Cordelia looked envious while looking hard at the shirtless Spike, and Angel was glowering at the couple.
"What?" asked Darla. She made a beeline then for Connor's crib and began to giggle helplessly at the state her son was in.
Spike just growled at her amusement. When he turned and grumped off to the other side of the lobby the others went over to investigate what had happened. Connor was fine. In fact, he was enjoying himself immensely, despite having his diaper wrapped around with duct tape. The shiny grey tape formed a band around the boy's middle. "Have some trouble with the diaper?" Gunn asked, shaking with suppressed laughter.
"Oh shut up."
Angel looked from his son, to the people around him, to Spike, and back again. He headed over to the blonde while the others figured out how to get the pampers off the boy. "I usually have one of the others do his diaper for me," he said, "The first time I tried to do them myself Darla came in, took one look at me, and shoved me over to do them with far too much ease for my peace of mind."
Spike snorted, "It's probably a woman thing," he retorted.
"No, 'cause Gunn, Wesley and Lorne have no trouble with the diapers at all." Angel took a deep breath to steady himself then said, "Look, I'm sorry I've been giving you and Darla a hard time about your relationship. Besides, if Buffy trusts you around her sister and friends, I can trust you around Connor and Darla."
"S'okay, I nearly killed you a couple times anyway." Spike grinned at Angel and waited for the response he knew he'd get.
"Same here, whelp. I still haven't forgotten you got us trapped in a Yorkshire mineshaft with that loony act of yours." In an abrupt subject change Angel asked, "What the hell happened to you shirt, by the way?"
"Your son decided I needed to be anointed," responded the vampire irritably.
"Hunh," said Angel, "You know, I was thinking it might be nice to spar with someone who'll put up an actual challenge. You game?"
A wicked smirk settled on Spike's face, "To kick your ass? Always."
**********************
Three months later Buffy received her cheque for $2,000 as well as a second cheque for her percentage on the anthology her story had been included in. That was about $850. The sudden influx of money caught the burgeoning author by surprise and Buffy found herself staring blankly at the money before remembering that she didn't want the others finding out. She didn't know what their responses would be but, whether her friends pleaded with her to write more about them or whether they were horrified by her selling her life story for cash, she didn't want to deal with them.
She was also grateful for the money because her job at the Double Meat Palace hadn't panned out. She had been fired despite her knowledge of the secret ingredient because she was continually having to take time off to take on Warren and his geek patrol. The last time they had acted up Buffy hadn't even had a chance to show up for work.
So Buffy took herself and her cheques to the bank and looked at her soon-to-be- dismally-empty bank account, sighed, and started to write the cheques to pay the bills. The job market was little better. The only place Buffy could find work was as one of those irritating people who ambush you in a shopping mall and spritz you with perfume. Buffy, being the new girl, got to have the perfume no one would buy anyway. Of course.
Yet again she found herself with no money to her name and a lousy job. The last $100 was going, as promised, to Spike. Now all Buffy could do was wait and hope that this whole book thing worked out. In the meantime, "Dawn!"
"What?" called the girl from upstairs.
"Your teachers tell me that you're being disruptive in class," Buffy made her way up the stairs to where Dawn was frozen in her bedroom door, "Look. I'm not saying you have to let bullies walk all over you but you have to at least try to get along with the teachers."
"Mrs. Delaney-"
"I had Mrs. Delaney my first year here, and she was one of the few teachers I had who didn't think that I was a hooligan. She was also one of the few teachers who recognized every single class bully for who they were." Buffy gave her sister a level look, "I know it's tough, but she's not one of the bad ones, and if she's commenting on your behaviour like this maybe you need to change."
Dawn stared in shock at her sister for a moment then screamed, "I hate you!" and whirled into her room slamming the door after.
When Buffy got downstairs she saw Willow looking at her reproachfully. "What?" she asked her best friend.
"Buffy, maybe you don't have to be so harsh." The ex-witch seemed patronising to the irritated and broke Slayer, who didn't, unlike her friend, have parents to fall back on, did have a sister to finish the upbringing of, and had the social services people telling her she was not eligible to receive welfare payments.
"Willow," her voice was tightly controlled, "Tell me, do you think Mrs. Delaney is one of those teachers who would give a student unfair reports?"
The hacker hesitated then said, "No."
"Do you think, maybe, if Dawn is getting mediocre grades at best, bad ones at worst, and every single teacher she has, bar none, says that she's causing disruptions in the classroom that maybe there is some fault on Dawn's part?"
"Well-"
"Dawn, who used to get straight As in school with almost no visible effort, is now flunking her favourite subjects, getting called on disruptive behaviour, and has been stealing from the Magic Box." Buffy had gotten more wound up with each word and was now speaking with grim intensity, "I am Dawn's legal guardian. I now have to do the things that a parent does. That means providing for Dawn, giving her a stable home environment, calling her on it when she screws up, and I have to punish her when she does so deliberately. If I don't do this she will be taken away and put in a foster home."
Willow was looking bug-eyed at the girl she suddenly barely recognized. Buffy had never taken that tone of voice with anyone except when slaying was involved. The fact that she was doing so now made Willow abruptly realise that Buffy was being a grown-up. An adult.
"Willow, I have to be Dawn's mother now. I can't be her sister or her friend. You and I both know that a parent can't be friends with their kids, and from the moment Dawn was put in my care I essentially had the responsibility of a parent. I was able to slack off on that when Giles was here to be the grown-up, but I can't now."
"Buffy," her friend leaned over and gently clasped her hand, "I know you mean well by being strict, but Dawn barely has any pocket money, and she can't do things like go to the movies with her friends or-"
"That's because I have no money whatsoever in the bank." The certainty and grimness of the Slayer's voice stopped Willow's reprimand in its tracks. After all, what good to suggest Buffy give Dawn money when she had none to give?
Neither woman noticed Dawn quietly creep up the stairs again. She had been planning on appealing to Willow, but Buffy's speech had forced her to rethink her position. Dawn knew she could do fine in school. The fact that she had been so distracted had been partly her fault. She also hadn't realised that they were in such dire financial straits. Giles had bailed them out before, and even then, the threat of poverty hadn't made much of an impact.
Hearing Buffy talk that way, about adult things like money, parenthood, and social services. Suddenly the world was full of things Dawn barely understood. Things that had no relation to magic and that Buffy couldn't defeat by beating to a pulp. She retreated to her room to think over what she'd heard.
When Spike popped by several hours later Dawn spilled out the whole story to him, and he looked at her gravely as she finished, ". . . And I didn't know that Buffy wasn't giving me money because of being broke, I just thought she was being mean!"
"Easy Niblet," he put an arm around her and Dawn leaned into his ironically comforting presence. "The Slayer didn't want to worry you. You have enough on your plate what with school and losin' your mother and all. She was tryin' to keep you from worrying." Then he gave her a wry look, "And you're telling me you honestly didn't know that she was flat broke after I caught you snooping in her financial stuff?"
The girl bit her lip and looked away shamefacedly, "But how do I fix it?"
The look on Spike's face was one of vast amusement, "You're telling me you can't figure it out pet? All those things that she keeps after you to do, all that stuff about the social services and you have no idea?"
Dawn's face lit up and she leaned forward to hug him, "Thanks Spike."
"No problem luv." He got up to leave then turned back to her, "You might start with that large pile of homework you got there," he nodded at the desk, then swept from the room in a flare of leather. Dawn gave a dreamy sigh after he departed then settled in to do her homework.
********************
Spike arrived back downstairs to see Buffy holding a wad of cash. "What's that? The book people finally send you the money?" he asked.
"Here's the last hundred dollars," Buffy gave one last longing look at the chunk of money in her hand, "It's your payment for the help with the book. The rest has paid off my bills and stuff. I even have groceries to last me until when I get my first pay cheque from work." She put the money into Spike's hand.
"You didn't have to luv." Spike recalled how upset Dawn had been, and the shadows under Buffy's eyes confirmed how bad things were for her. For a moment he regretted that he had been spending so much time with Darla.
She just smiled and said, "Why don't you take the girlfriend that you refuse to tell me about out somewhere instead of spending all your money on cigarettes."
He considered refusing the money. She obviously needed it and was only giving it to him out of her misguided sense of morality. Still, it was hundred bucks that he'd earned, and Darla would like to go out to that new production of Shakespeare that was playing downtown. "Thanks Slayer," he said, and hurried off before he changed his mind and actually gave up the cash. God he'd turned into a pussy.
Buffy watched him go thinking how sweet it was that Spike had almost had a generous impulse. The fact that it had almost happened at all was a testament to how much he'd changed. Her slight smile vanished as she remembered a vampire who was sweet not graded on a curve. Sometimes she missed Angel so much it left this pain in her chest. She'd tried to move on with Riley, to do what Angel had asked, but it felt too weird to be dating another man because her soulmate had told her to. It was way existential or something.
Dawn had gone to bed and Spike had, no doubt, vanished off for another couple days to see his girlfriend that no one knew who she was. Buffy knew she existed because Spike kept coming by the Summers' home smelling of Chanel no 5. After all the angst and worrying of the day Buffy went upstairs and went to bed. She was exhausted, and she couldn't ambush people at the mall the next day looking like one of the living dead.
************************
Two more months passed and Spike and Buffy's book hit the shelves of bookstores. It opened to reasonable reviews by several critics, some rave reviews by a couple of sci-fi magazines, and Buffy got two free copies in the mail. One for her, and one for her co-author William LePointe. She'd rolled her eyes at the name, "William The Spike? Please!"
His reply had been succinct, "So Anne Winters is so much more subtle?"
The two had spent time just flipping through a book that they had written and was their novel. Well, Buffy's biography, but who other than the two of them knew? It was a literary work put together by their own four hands.
It was another two and a half weeks after the premier that Buffy received a letter from her publishers requesting that she and William meet them at their LA head offices. The pair pulled into the underground parking lot and hurried up to the office for the meeting. Neither had a clue as to what was coming next.
Spike and Buffy hesitantly entered the room they had been directed to and sat down when a stern faced man with a formidable grey beard gestured for them to do so. At his side sat an impeccable secretary, and on his other side was a somewhat more genial looking man with light brown hair who identified himself as Jeffrey Turner.
The other man turned out to be one of the executives of the company, and the vampire and slayer were exchanging nervous looks when he began to speak. "I understand you are the two authors of the "Kitty the Demon Huntress" book?" he asked. They nodded in response. "I hope you realise how important it is that this matter be handled carefully," he continued, "We here at Mitchell publishing always appreciate the efforts of our authors. However, in this case we seem to have underestimated the issues involved in your book."
His expectant look only confused and worried the two listening intently to the businessman's words. "Oh?" said Buffy finally.
Apparently satisfied with the inane comment he proceeded, "So, I hope you will understand when we decide to cancel your contract to redraw it in a manner that is preferable for all concerned."
"Oh," chorused Spike and Buffy faintly.
Jeffrey Turner now spoke. "I hope you understand that as an unknown quantity we must keep our options open. This is why we're offering a very limited contract."
Buffy's eyes filled with tears, "Are we... I mean, did it sell that badly?"
It was the two executives' turn to seem confused. "What do you mean?" asked Turner.
"What does she mean?!" Spike exploded, "We're bloody talkin' about the fact that you're talkin' like you need to revise the contract 'cause you're not makin' enough money on it! She's workin' her ass off in the damned mall every night to keep herself and her sister from bein' thrown out of their home, and you're tellin' her she isn't gettin' any money! What the bloody hell else are you babbling about?!"
Both executives looked taken aback but the secretary immediately filled in the gap looking intensely sympathetic. "You really have no idea," she said.
"No idea about what?" Spike interrupted, grumbling.
"The book has hit the top of the New York bestsellers' list. You're being recommended by critics all over the English speaking world. People love your book. The contract ups your percentage from eight to twenty percent of the profits with a reduction to fourteen should sales on this book drop."
The two stared. The notion that their book could become a hit had never occurred to them. "How... How much money are we talking about?" Buffy asked, bracing herself for a shock. She wasn't disappointed.
"Well," said the secretary hauling out her facts and figures, "We've made around 2.7 million in profits so far, so that's about $540,000. Sales are continuing, of course, those are just the latest figures."
Buffy started crying and left Spike to do the dickering as she thought about how she would have enough money to give Dawn an allowance, to pay for food, the bills, and all sorts of things she hadn't been able to do. She didn't even begin to get herself under control until Spike realised that she wasn't acting to give him an easier time bargaining for extra perks. Then he began to cuddle her in earnest, and finally walked her down to his car, half supporting her as she hiccoughed with the tail end of her sobs.
"You alright?" he asked once she was calm again.
Buffy looked at him for a moment then broke into a wide smile, "I'm just so amazed. And happy," she explained, "I'll be able to pay for stuff again. I won't have to default on bills."
"You also have a writing career to start," Spike said.
Buffy looked blankly at him, "What?"
"Weren't you listening at all? They want us to write a second book. Start a series." Spike's grin was so wide that Buffy thought he was joking for a moment. When it became apparent that he wasn't she threw herself at him with a squeal.
"We have a bestseller on the market! We're famous!" The two settled into plans for the second book as they drove back to Sunnydale. Both agreed that to include their friends would create unnecessary complications. Also, since both the A-team and the Scoobies had given up on fantasy novels after discovering the reality (none of them up for a busman's holiday) it was extremely unlikely anyone would ever find out about the series.
***********************
"Hey Trish!" called Roger.
"What?" responded his wife.
"You have got to take a look at this new book that just came out. It's a lot like Fred's life out in LA." Roger grinned as he held up his brand new copy of "Kitty the Demon Huntress". Trish and Roger Burkle settled in to read this new book. Neither had been very much interested in fantasy before, but since finding out all that stuff was real they'd taken to reading it. The ones with happy endings usually helped make them feel better about letting Fred live that dangerous life in LA.
