okay, so. some logistics. this is probably the fastest that i'll post a next chapter, beause i start school in a week. all of the information that i'm going off of is from the mcu wiki, with some knowledge of the comics, and the rest is civil war speculation. going off of the time of captain america tws (which takes place in 2013), tony is 45, steve is 32, sharon is 29 (i used emily vancamp's birthday for this), because i'm setting this story in 2015. this chapter takes place in august 2015. peggy is 94 at this time, i guesstimated angie's age as a little younger, and i used birthdays to figure out everything else. if this is all boring and confusing i'm sorry. i have a timeline if anyone wants to see it, but probably not.
"You are
a minute
of quiet
in a loud
shouting
world."
- Gabriel Gadfly
Sharon smooths down her black dress in front of the mirror and tries not to cry. "How incredibly morbid," she knows Aunt Peggy would say. Her aunt was always good at making light of a terrible situation. She never took it too far, though, just enough to make sure that Sharon knew things would get better. Peggy was always fond of remembering the good memories instead of the bad, and even though she'd been through her fair share of trauma, she never let it get to her for longer than a few days. She was an incredibly strong person, the kind of person Sharon wishes she could be all the time.
When her uncle Gabe died she remembers curling up in Peggy's lap and crying, and even though her aunt had held her and stroked her hair and told her everything was going to be okay, Sharon had felt the tears fall in her hair, anyway. Still, after the funeral, Peggy had made the best of things, telling Sharon for the millionth time how she'd met her husband and how they fell in love. Sharon never got tired of the story.
The thought of Peggy's stories makes her feel a bit better—not enough, though. She has a lifetime of memories and stories, but she can't help but want more. She can't help but feel like Peggy was taken from her too soon, no matter how old she was.
Sharon feels like she just saw her, which makes this all the more painful. Her aunt had been lucid just last week when she had visited, laughing and recounting old memories. She'd actually known who Sharon was, which was a rare occurrence this late into her condition. It was just old age that took her. Logically, Sharon knew that. Peggy's Alzheimer's was awful, but her age was what really cemented her death. It still stings to think the word, even though she'd had days to process the news. That didn't stop it from hurting.
First her parents, then Trip, and now this. Sharon had been to too many funerals in her lifetime. It felt like everyone close to her was dying and there was nothing she could do to stop it.
She hears a honk through her window and grabs her purse, taking a deep breath and locking the door on her way out. Sharon takes another breath to steady herself before getting into the cab and greeting her Aunt Angie. She tries to give her a weak smile, but it comes off as more of a grimace. She's not feeling up to faking, today of all days.
"Oh, honey," Angie says, gray hair (perfectly curled, though, she wouldn't expect any less of the Broadway diva) tickling Sharon's cheek as she pulls her in for a hug. She allows herself a few dry sobs before pulling away. "It's going to be okay. It was only a matter of time, really. And Peg had a great life." Sharon tries to curve the side of her mouth up, but it just feels wrong. "I'll probably be the next to go," Angie adds, using her humor to cover up her true feelings, as always, but Sharon lets it slide. Everyone has their own way of coping.
"It just sucks," she whispers, chest heaving from the effort of trying not to cry. "It's so fucking unfair."
"Your aunt was a fighter till the end, Share. Don't you forget it."
SHIELD is good at teaching their agents to keep their feelings in check, but sometimes it's just too hard. So she hugs Angie again and tries to hold it together, at least for the entire car-ride there.
The attendance for the funeral is unsurprisingly low. Maria had done a great job of planning the funeral, but SHIELD was just too damaged for many people to hear about it, let alone show up. The organization is still fractured, agents shattered and spread out and confused. Sharon herself has no idea if it can ever be repaired.
The file leak didn't help put a lot of people on their side, either. The American public hates being lied to, even if it is for their own good. Still, Peggy is being honored for her time during the war and after. She's being buried at Arlington. Sharon thinks she'd be kind of proud of that.
So, the low attendance make sense for the current situation. Besides, everyone that needs to be there, is. Sharon spots Tony first, among all of her distant cousins and family members, leaning into Pepper to whisper something to her. Sharon likes Pepper; she wishes that they had more reason to interact. But the redhead spends most of her time in New York, at the newly renovated Avengers Tower, so they aren't that close.
Still, Sharon is thankful for the warm smile Pepper gives her when she ambles over. Tony doesn't say anything snarky, for once, and just pulls her into a tight hug. She knows what Peggy means to him. To everyone, but him especially.
He'd taken care of her a lot when she was younger. She remembers him as a teenager, all awkward limbs and no scruff yet, humoring her by giving her dolls funny voices. She remembers him and Peggy and Angie on cold winter days, her parents at work, with hot chocolate and Peggy's stories to keep them content. Those are the kind of memories that can never be taken away. Her heart swells as he clutches her to his chest.
She remembers when his parents died, too. She was only five at the time, barely old enough to understand what was going on, when Tony lost basically his entire family. A car accident, is what they told them, but she knows now that that was a lie. Aunt Peggy had dressed her in a tiny black dress to fit her skinny toddler frame, which she remembers was extremely itchy for some reason, brushed her then white-blonde hair, telling her to be extra nice to Tony because he was really sad that day.
"What for?" she had asked, and Peggy had just smiled sadly at her.
"You'll understand when you're older, my darling." She loved when Peggy called her that. It made her feel so special.
She'd hugged Tony extremely tight at the funeral, like he had done just now. It was the first and only time she had ever seen him cry, standing next to him while the two coffins were lowered into the ground, gripping his hand in her own tiny one. She remembers that he was trembling. Tony had reciprocated the support when her own parents had died in the same way years later. The world wasn't that creative when it came down to details, apparently.
"How are you holding up?" Pepper asks quietly, and Sharon throws her a weak but appreciative smile.
"As well as I can, I guess. It just feels so sudden, even though I know it's not."
"I could tell you that it gets easier," Tony says, voice rough with emotion, "but it doesn't." He throws her a wry grin, trying to be more like himself, and she smiles her first genuine smile of the day. Pepper elbows him a little, and he gives her a look that says "What?" and she just rolls her eyes.
Sharon leaves them to it.
She spots Steve in the crowd when the funeral starts, all decked out in his military uniform. The old one — the one he wore before he was "Captain America" the symbol, when he was just Steve, the soldier. He's standing next to Sam, staring at the coffin grimly. She can't look away from him.
Angie leans over to whisper something to her. "He sure looks good, doesn't he?" she grins slyly, looking over at him. "Are you going to get on that, or should I?"
"Aunt Angie," Sharon chides, cheeks flushing. So not appropriate for a funeral.
"Oh, come on," Angie responds cheekily, "Peggy would want him to get on with his life. And she'd want the same for you. I saw you checking him out."
"I was not—"
"Sure you weren't."
Sharon rolls her eyes, and bites down on her bottom lip, hard, trying to pay attention. She lets her eyes wander, though, and they widen when she catches a flash of black behind a tree. She couldn't be sure, because she's only ever seen him in pictures, but she could swear that she just saw Bucky Barnes. Shit.
She tries to concentrate on what the priest is saying, but her eyes keep flickering over to the tree, and yeah, it's definitely him. He isn't even tryingto hide, what is he thinking? The funeral might be decent cover, but he's not even making an effort. She has to tell Steve.
The funeral continues, despite Angie trying to distract her, and even though she's on hyper alert because of Barnes' sudden appearance, a few tears manage to escape when Steve helps to lower Peggy's coffin into the ground. His lips are set into a thin line, and she sort of just wants to go over there and hug him, as if that would help make him feel better.
A memory comes to her, quick and sudden, of a day she'd seen him leave Peggy's facility. It was a Wednesday, and Sharon always went to see her aunt on Wednesdays. Routine was good for her, the doctors had said. She'd just turned the corner when she saw him ambling down the stairs. Cursing under her breath, she had considerably slowed her pace, praying that her cover wouldn't be ruined.
But oh, he'd looked so sad. It physically hurt to look at him, the way his shoulders slumped and his hands clenched into fists in his pockets. She knew firsthand how Peggy's illness sometimes took over. It wasn't Peggy's fault, obviously, but it hurt all the same when Sharon came in and her aunt had no idea who she was at all.
That night she had lied awake for hours staring at the ceiling, pretending like she hadn't heard Steve crying. Pretending like she didn't want to do the same.
Angie stays by her side the entire time, which Sharon is immeasurably grateful for. Some people come by to pay their respects, some don't. A lot of SHIELD agents don't know her last name, which she'd done on purpose. She didn't want her job to feel like a handout, like something that had been given to her because she was related to its founder.
Dum Dum makes his way over after everything's done and pulls first her, and then Angie, into huge hugs. One hundred and three years old and still kicking, ever full of life, he turns to her.
"Look at you, girl. I haven't seen you since you were sixteen years old."
"Uncle Dugan," Sharon laughs, happy to see someone with such a warm presence. She really needed it, despite all of Angie's best efforts. "Have you talked to Steve yet?" Instead of asking him, she should really be making an effort to talk to Steve himself, to tell him what she saw. She feels high strung, like her entire body is vibrating with the need to speak.
"Oh yeah, but he's such a downer. I know he's upset and all, but come on. Peggy went out kickin', he knows that."
"They didn't have much time together," Sharon tells him, knowing how painful it must've been for Steve to lose Peggy not once, but twice. "Cut him some slack."
"You're right, as always. Look at her, Ange, she's all grown up. I kind of miss the pigtails, though." Sharon rolls her eyes, looking around for any sign of Steve's uniform or for a glimpse of Wilson. Where one is, the other shouldn't be far behind. "Hows about you let your Uncle Dugan get you a drink. You're old enough for that, right?"
"Yes," she sighs, unable to help the grin that spreads over her face. "But how about we do the drinking at the reception, okay?" She'll find Steve there, and she'll tell him.
The reception is held in one of Howard's old homes that Angie lives in now. She'd moved here after Peggy got sick, telling Sharon over the phone that the place in New York just seemed empty without her, Howard, Tony, and Sharon filling it up. Sharon's visited as much as she could outside of work and her old job of tailing Steve. Angie always appreciated it, scarce as it was.
Steve makes his way over to Sharon while she's pouring herself some punch. She's put her hair up in a ponytail, unable to take the late summer heat any longer. He looks surprisingly unaffected, which she envies. He always manages to look so calm, so collected. She has no idea how he does it.
"I didn't know you knew Dugan," he opens with, glancing at her from the side. She pours him some punch, silently handing it over. This wasn't the way she was planning on having this conversation. "Or Tony," he adds, frowning. His forehead creases in thought.
"Tony and I spent a lot of time together when I was really young. His dad gave Aunt Peggy a house. And Dugan came to visit a lot, more than the other Commandos. He's a nice guy." She lets a smile settle across her face, even though it feels wrong considering she's at a funeral reception, and the fact that she feels like she's keeping yet another secret from him, despite the fact that she only saw Barnes minutes ago. By now he's probably run off, and it's her fault that Steve has missed him yet again. She lets her smile fade.
Steve nods, tipping back the watered-down drink. "I guess there's a lot I don't know about you," he says in response, and she lets herself lean against the table; sips some punch.
"Apparently." He looks away and she lets her eyes roam his face, just for a while. His jaw is set, she can see the muscles in it twitching. He's shaved recently, too, she can smell it on him, and he got a hair cut. His uniform looks good on him. Sharon might even prefer it to his Captain America suit. She goes back to sipping her punch when he turns to her again. She doesn't know why she can't just open her mouth and tell him.
"Do you want to go somewhere?" he asks, and her eyes widen. His do too, seconds after, when he realizes his mistake. "To talk, I mean. Without everyone else."
She finds herself nodding, slowly. She puts her drink down on the table, sees Sam eyeing them, watches as Tony and Angie talk on one of the couches in the large room. "Come on," she says, grabbing his hand, which is much larger than hers and extremely warm, but not uncomfortably so.
She leads him to an old study, one that Howard probably hadn't used in years even when he was alive. The man had so many houses she doesn't know how he managed them all. She spots an old picture on the desk, though. One of her and Tony. She picks it up, rubbing the tarnished frame with her thumb.
Tony's sixteen, maybe seventeen, and she couldn't be more than a year old, sitting on his shoulders, giggling. She takes in her chubby cheeks and bright blonde hair, smiling fondly to herself.
It's odd to think of herself as ever being that little.
Sharon situates herself on the desk, letting her legs swing back and forth. Steve walks around, taking in the room, and makes his way over to her. She scoots to the left to let him sit next to her. His hand moves towards the photo, and she hands it to him. He studies it for a while, and she can't help but grin in response to the warm smile that emerges on his face.
"You and Tony?" he asks, and she nods. "Cute."
"Ha," she says drily in response. "What happened, right?" She wrinkles her nose, slightly embarrassed.
"Were you two close?" he asks, and she can tell that he's genuinely interested. That's always new to her. When people find out she's related to Peggy Carter or that she knows Tony Stark it's usually always "Would you introduce me?" or "What are they like?". With Steve it's different. He's a celebrity himself; their fame doesn't affect him.
"Yeah," Sharon nods, swinging her feet again. "More so when I was younger, but still. He was like an older brother to me."
Steve is silent. "Were your parents here today?"
She blinks. Swallows. Blinks some more. "They died a while back," she tells him. "We had a falling out when I joined SHIELD, but we were working on it. Car accident," she adds, as an afterthought. She hadn't thought about it too deeply in a while, actually, but the wound still felt fresh, like the one on her arm that's throbbing now.
His hand finds hers. "I'm sorry."
Sharon takes in a deep, shuddering breath. "Thank you. It means a lot."
"Are you okay?" he asks, and at first she thinks he means her parents, but then she realizes he's probably talking about Peggy.
"Not really," she answers truthfully, "but I will be."
"It's hard…" he starts, his hand tightening on her own. "To share her. Do you know what I mean?"
"Yeah," she breathes, surprised. "Yeah. Some people here didn't even know her. It's harder when you have… memories. And you think she's… she's yours, you know? Aunt Peggy, that's what she was to me. She was my Aunt Peggy. To these people she's something else."
He nods, eyes flicking towards hers.
"I feel like I've lost my best friend," she laughs, on the verge of breaking down. She can't do this in front of him, it's too embarrassing. She stubbornly wipes at her face, hoping to catch the tears before they fall. This isn't where this conversation is supposed to be headed, but now that all of the emotion that she's been holding back is escaping, she can't stop it.
Her chest shakes, betraying her, and then she's sobbing, letting out everything she'd been trying so desperately to keep in check in front of her friends and family. Steve stays silent, softly pulling her towards him and wrapping his arms around her.
"Shhh," he whispers, voice deep and rough as he strokes her back. "It'll be okay," he says, and that just makes her cry more.
"I'm so sick of people dying," she sobs, and hears his breath catch.
"Me too," he says, and he sounds so tired. "Me too."
She has to pull away, though, has to tell him. If she doesn't do it now she'll have missed her chance and then it'll be too late. She'll be a liar in his eyes again. "Steve," Sharon hiccups, trying to control herself. She wipes at her eyes again, not caring about her makeup anymore. "I have to tell you something."
i really hope you guys like this! i'm definitely taking some liberties with the characters and their early years, but it's a long-standing headcanon of mine that tony knows peggy and angie and that he and sharon spent a lot of time together when they were younger because of those two ladies, and peggy and howard's friendship. i also assume that sharon knows/knew a lot of the commandos just because i'm sure that peggy would've loved introducing her. tell me what you guys think!
