This one contains a lot of strange italizing and holding, and it's better to not to skim it because it makes absolutely zero sense that way.
A guard turned the corner, heading straight for Loki. "Lady Frigga is dead," he said sharply. "She was stabbed by a Dark Elf."
Loki turned to him. He didn't need to ask twice to confirm it. Every line across the guard's face betrayed no lies. Wordlessly, he motioned for the guard to leave him alone. He didn't feel like watching the guard leave him- like Frigga had left him- and he turned around to hide his pain.
Frigga was dead. The Queen was dead. Killed by a Dark Elf.
Frigga was dead.
Inside his cell all he could see was what Frigga had given him. Everything sang of Frigga and her kind generosity. And how had he thanked her? By leading her murderer to her. Loki couldn't stop his mind from whirring into disturbia, grief mixed with guilt and the only one who still loved him unconditionally and listened to him and understood him-
Whenever Loki allowed himself to open his eyes he could see Frigga, only she wasn't there. Everything had no meaning and he could feel himself creating an illusion of Frigga even though another part of him screamed destroy it and he couldn't think straight because the walls of his mind labyrinth had fallen down. Every part of him that could once think calmly through anything shattered and his control fell through his fingertips and through the illusion-
A bright golden light tore apart the false illusion, blasting apart everything that once screamed of his adopted mother and everything inside him collapsed and suddenly he couldn't hold it in and exploded so that every comfort he had now lay in rags on the ground-
And there was that book. A book Frigga had given him herself, a book that needed to be destroyed because he could no longer bear seeing anything that reminded him of-
But he couldn't do it because he still loved her even though she was dead and that meant she was no longer there to be with him and comfort him. She wasn't here to teach him how to create illusions anymore. He couldn't even use magic now because it tore at him the way a needle pulled at a stitch that was undone-
He smashed his fist through something and he couldn't tell what it was anymore; only that it hurt -good- it was made of glass -even better- and why did he tell the Dark Elf to take the stairs on the left-
And why wasn't there anyone to protect the Queen? Why was there no one there to fight off the Dark Elves?
Because I led them to the place that was unguarded.
He grabbed one of the pieces of glass, throwing it to the ground with as much force as he could muster. He watched it shatter and break the same way he felt and he could feel Frigga's gaze piercing him until it became the only thing he could see-
Stop lying to yourself; she's dead and that's all she'll ever be now. In his mind he could feel the power of magic surging through him and he wanted it to stop. What good was it to be the best sorcerer in all the Nine Realms if he could do nothing to save the life of the one who still understood him? Loki was barely conscious of the pricks of glass under his feet. And why should he care? Now was perfect for the pain. It did nothing to numb the grief, but the stabs of physical pain matched the rhythm of pure anger and loss-
And he screamed, because it was the only thing that he could think to do and he screamed. Loki could feel the sound escape him and he fell again, through the cracks that could never be mended again because Frigga was gone and would never return and it was all his fault-
And he could feel himself, lost inside the deep corners of his mind, swirling into nothingness and it was like falling from the Bifrost but only it was all inside his head... But how could it be only inside him when it was all around him as well? It had to be around him, because an imaginary knife couldn't stab anyone-
And for a moment the storm inside him stilled for just the short moment before he was thrown into it all over again and this time he could see Frigga fighting the Dark Elves and he could see her getting stabbed-
No! Loki screamed at her. He screamed for her and he screamed and he couldn't tell if he screamed out loud or not or if he cared-
But it was no use because Frigga was dead. Yet Loki could still hear the ghost of her words and he could hear everything that she'd ever said-
"Monsters are not born..."
Wasn't he a monster though? Was he just one now, or when had the monster grown into him from the very beginning? He thought he had known but had he really-
"Always so perceptive of everyone except yourself," Frigga's soft voice broke through his thoughts.
"Frigga," Loki mouthed silently. When when he raised his green eyes he couldn't see anything but the absence of her. "Frigga..."
He was done. There was nothing left to do. It broke at some strange part of himself and he slumped down. If he looked he could make out the outlines of broken glass and blood and everything was nothing to him now. He didn't care about anything or anyone and he just wished for it to all be over.
Am I not your mother?
Loki bent his head and watched the first tears fall into his hands, watching the effect of pure sorrow and guilt take place of anger.
Yes, you are.
You will always be my mother.
And I swear on everything and anything that your death will be avenged.
Mostly an experiment fic. Playing with effects, and lots of strange wordplay because it's meant to represent insanity.
Did anyone notice that the magic Loki uses to destroy his cell is gold, not green? I don't know if green is only for illusions but I like to think that this is what happened.
oh yeah, the Loki scream. Somewhere on YouTube there's the version with the audio and it's really giving me the feel-chills.
Review, maybe?
