Disclaimer and notes with part one.
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When Buffy woke up she realized she was holding some one's hand. Opening her eyes she was momentarily shocked to find the lunch lady lying next to her. Suddenly the events of the previous day came flooding back to her. After some minutes of silent wigging, Buffy decided to make the best of it and got up, trying not to wake Giles. After taking care of the necessary morning bathroom visit, a particularly gross and unnerving experience once Buffy remembered she was in Snyder's body, she decided to make breakfast. Ethan was still in his vase, apparently asleep. Hearing thumps from the basement, Buffy made a mental note to talk to Giles about what to do with the people who were staying in their bodies, and proceeded to make pancakes.
She had just finished setting the table when she heard Giles get out of bed and run to the bathroom. Since he was in the bertha's body, it was a sound reminiscent of a herd of elephants. After what seemed like a long time, he finally made his way to the kitchen, stopping to pick up Ethan on his way through the living room. "Might as well feed you too." Giles muttered.
Buffy looked up as Giles sat heavily down in a chair, causing it to groan under the sudden weight. "My god Giles. You look awful. Are you feeling ok?"
Giles looked at her weakly. "Not particularly. My stomach seems to be rebelling against me this morning." He looked at the pancakes Buffy had put on the table. "Excuse me." He mumbled and ran back to the bathroom, where Buffy could hear him as he gagged loudly.
"Well there goes my appetite," Buffy grumbled, as she pushed away her plate. She looked at Ethan. "I don't suppose you want any of these?" The pterodactyl squeaked a yes, so Buffy removed the vase and pushed a plate towards him. "And don't even think of trying anything, or you go back in the vase." Giles came back to the kitchen and leaned on the counter.
"What's the matter, Ripper? Feeling a little sick this morning?" Ethan said between gulps. "Maybe it's not PMS, but something else?"
Giles and Buffy looked at each other in horror.
"You don't think you're…"
"Oh dear lord!"
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Once the shock of Giles/Bertha's possible condition had worn down a little, Buffy remembered the two in the basement.
"We can't just leave them like that. " she said. "They're bound to get hungry, and I think the lunch lady is nasty enough without her being hungry too."
Giles thought for a moment. "I suppose I could put some sort of sleeping spell on our bodies, so that we don't have to worry about them." He reached for one of his magic books. "And cast it so that it will wear off once we return to them."
"You might want to erase their memories too." Buffy suggested. "I don't want a pissed off Bertha coming to look for me."
Ethan laughed. "You two seem to be avoiding the main problem. Why are you in this situation in the first place?"
"I don't suppose you have anything helpful you could tell us, Ethan?" Giles asked.
"Like I said old boy, I'm not allowed to give you the answer." The little reptile thought for a moment. "But I can tell you, that you haven't found out everything there is to know about Watchers and Slayers."
Buffy turned to the small dinosaur and tapped him hard on the head. He fell over unconscious and Buffy sighed, "Gee that felt good."
"BUFFY!" Giles exclaimed, "He might have been able to tell us something else." Giles stopped to ponder for a moment. "Next time, let me. You could have killed him, Slayer strength and everything."
Buffy smiled and shrugged, "Only if I get to do it the time after that."
"Well yes, okay. We can take turns. Although, do you think if we keep knocking him out it could cause permanent damage."
Buffy shrugged, "And the problem with that is?"
"Hmm." Giles looked at Buffy for a moment. "He can't really defend himself at the moment. When and if he ever becomes human again we can kick the living stuffing out of him." He then sighed and settled down to research the spell.
The phone rang and Buffy automatically moved to answer it. "Hello?"
"G-man? Is that you?" Xander's voice replied.
Buffy stood frozen for a second. "No. Sorry. Wrong number." She said and slammed the phone down.
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Xander looked at Willow. "If I didn't know better, I'd swear Snyder just answered Giles phone."
"I told you something was wrong. Giles car is still there but we haven't heard from either one of them since they said goodbye yesterday." Willow said in a worried voice. "I think we should go over there."
"Maybe they decided to become orgasm friends." Anya offered. Xander and Willow just stared at her. "What? Don't tell me you two didn't notice the way they behave towards each other. And it would explain why Giles' car is still there. And why they didn't want any of us to go with them. And wasn't Principal Snyder eaten by the Mayor?"
Xander thought for a minute. "An's right. Maybe Buffy decided to finally get past the 'eww'. If she did she could show me how. Then again, maybe not. I must have dialed a wrong number and thought it sounded like Snyder." He picked up the phone again. "I'll try again and if we get the machine, I'm gonna assume that they're ok. And try to avoid the mind numbing thought of Buffy/Giles wrestling."
"Well." Willow hesitated for a moment. "Ok. But if they don't call us by tomorrow night, I'm going over there."
They were so intent on their conversation that they failed to notice the small portal that opened up in a corner. Several small blue creatures walked out of it and through the room.
"Are we there yet Papa Smurf?"
"No my little smurfs. We still have a way to go."
Anya saw them and opened her mouth to say something, but they had left through another portal before she could, so she closed her mouth again.
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Buffy realized her mistake when she had answered the phone, so she made sure to let the machine get it when it rang again a few minutes later.
"Hey G-man, just wanted to make sure you guys got off okay…I mean didn't have any problems trying to go on your trip. I'll talk to you when you get back."
Buffy breathed a sigh of relief. At least they hadn't immediately rushed over here to find out why Snyder had answered the phone. She sat down at the desk and knocked the stapler off onto the floor. Again she could have sworn she heard a muffled 'oomph' as it landed. Leaning over to pick it up, she glanced at the bookcase. On the bottom shelf were cookbooks. 'I didn't think he knew how to cook.' She thought, when her attention was caught by a black binding that looked out of place. She pulled it out, trying not to sneeze at the dust that rose from the shelf. It was a little black book whose title had worn off over time.
"Who was on the phone?" Giles asked.
"Xander. What's this book?"
Giles jumped up form his chair. "Xander! We have to leave. Now. He can't see us like this. And he can't see Ethan."
Buffy put her hand on his arm. "Giles, chill. He's not coming over. Did you find the spell?"
Giles looked confused. "Spell? What spell? Oh, oh yes the spell. Yes I found it. I just need to go down there and cast it. Then I think we'd better leave."
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A short time later, they returned from the basement, the spell having been successful. Buffy remembered the book she had found earlier and mentioned it again to Giles.
"It's just a bit of nonsense written by a watcher who went insane after his slayer died." Giles looked around for his keys. "Damn. I must have left them in my trouser pocket. I'll have to go back down and get them."
Without thinking, Buffy grabbed her purse and put the book in it. Giles came back up and went straight for the door. "We'd better get going. Just in case Xander decides to show up anyway. I threw a blanket over us, I mean Snyder and Bertha just in case he looks down there."
They started out the door, when they heard a squawk from behind them. "It's not going to be that easy to get rid of me." Ethan said as he climbed up Buffy's leg. "You need me to get you back into shape, as it were."
They climbed into Giles Citroen, put Ethan on the backseat, and drove off, not noticing Willow, who had decided to check on them anyway, walking around the corner. She stared after the car, not quite believing her eyes.
"So where are we going?" Buffy asked.
Giles stopped the car. "I have no idea." Ethan laughed. Giles glared at him in the rearview mirror. "I don't suppose you have any helpful suggestions."
"As a matter of fact, Ripper, I do."
"Would you like to tell us where, or do I get to hit you over the head again?" Buffy asked.
"Buffy." Giles admonished. "It's my turn remember?"
Ethan looked back and forth between them for a moment. "Ok. Turn left up here. You want to get to Acorn Street."
They drove in silence until they reached the street they were looking for. Giles slowed the car down even more than usual. "Which house?"
"They'll have a sign on the front lawn with an acorn and a candle on it."
Giles spotted the house and parked out front. "It would appear they're having a party of some sort." Cars were parked everywhere and the sound of many people were drifting out to the street. "What could we possibly learn here?"
"We'll just have to go in and find out won't we, old boy?"
Giles looked at the reptile. "You can't possibly be serious about coming in with us?"
"I don't think they'll really notice anything unusual about me. They're pretty used to living on the Hellmouth and having strange things happen. They've even been the authors of some rather interesting happenings themselves. But you're not going to find out anything if you don't go in."
They sat there for a few minutes more, watching people go into the house, some in costumes, some with straight jackets, before they got out of the car. They knocked on the door, which was answered by a woman with dark hair, and wearing tweed, who said, "Hi, Welcome to the House of Nuts party. Cool costumes."
