The Song Remains the Same
By Sara M
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Author's Notes: I know that some of my gentle readers are concerned that this is not fluffy and wonder whether this story will have a less than friendly Spike in it's future or be unredeemingly bleak. I can't reveal to you where we are going as I believe it detracts from the story as it unfolds naturally, even though I know that some of you find it difficult to wait. I can promise that although it is not fluffy, and does contain some difficult subjects - violence, abuse, rape, hard bumps in the road, etc - that the end will not be bleak and the times are not all terrible and depressing. I don't think I am going to be writing anything gratuitously violent or grim. I am bringing the characters along as they are, neither all good nor all bad, and I can assure you that no major character in this story falls on one side entirely or the other. The problem I do have, though, is that I plot this story out and then start to write, but almost immediately I find myself watching the characters play out their parts in their scenes, and they tend to take over and diverge from where I thought they were going to go. They are stubborn and very willful like that. I don't always know what they are going to do. Anyway, I hope you'll stick around and trust me on this one. Thank you to all who leave reviews, they are water to a thirsty girl.
Disclaimer: The characters from Buffy the Vampire Slayer are owned by Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and Fox studios. This story is not meant to infringe upon anyone's rights, only to entertain.
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Chapter
Six
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Home Fires
The night of the 'field trip' to the Sunnydale Mall, Buffy lay awake in bed thinking about the kids she hid from that afternoon. They were carefree girls, shopping and eating and teasing and talking about boys and what to wear to the next party. This last year she had suffered through and experienced things she had never even considered previously, and was a different person here at the other end of it. But today she was reminded that, not so very long ago, she was one of those girls. Once upon a time, she had had such friends, and all the time in the world to be young and silly and extravagant and carefree. Her life then had revolved around beautiful clothes and cute boys and sneaking out to parties. She thought she'd been at the start of her life then. How did it so suddenly become the end of it instead? A few months, that's all it was, just a few months.
Today, her world was constricted by feeding schedules, diaper changes, mystery stains, and some how/some way, finally getting enough sleep.
Sleep!
I'd better stop this pity party and get some before cranky miss wakes
up again!
Buffy turned over
on her futon and tried to will herself to slumber. But when her eyes
closed, the blond boy with the leather coat appeared before her,
deeply kissing his girlfriend right there in the mall in the middle
of the afternoon before God and everybody. Intense, single-minded,
concerned only for the kiss, the girl, that moment in time. She
carried the deep impression within her that today she'd glimpsed a
moment in the life of someone who was absolutely, thoroughly,
unapologetically alive.
Had she ever been alive like that? Could she ever be?
Argh! Sleep,
dammit! You want to be alive, you're gonna need some sleep!
She
punched her pillow and turned back over. Closed her eyes.
That
was a great
coat.
Sigh.
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Buffy's head was swimming with ideas of what clothes she wanted to re-make for herself and for Fred. The mall trip had given her so many ideas. Faith had said her ex was an artist, and her room still had some boxes of things he'd left there, so Buffy decided that possession being nine tenths of the law and all, she was free to see if there was anything there she could use for herself. She'd look first, and if anything looked promising, she'd ask Faith if she minded Buffy using it. After all, he was Faith's ex, not Buffy's, and she didn't think Faith would take kindly to her appropriating the things without permission. She rifled through them and found, among other less interesting items:
A clock radio/CD player (great! for that
far off future time when I actually want
to wake up again!)
An Exacto-blade kit
Some unopened artist's
clay
Drawing pad with half of the pages still left
Drawing
pencils and artist's crayons and chalk
These were a great find and Buffy couldn't wait to ask Faith if she could use them. It'd be hours before Faith came home though, so she decided to use a couple pages of the paper and the pencils & crayons to sketch some ideas that wouldn't stop clamoring to come out of her head and onto the blank page. She thought Faith would understand. Faith wouldn't mind letting her have these things. They were just sitting there, after all.
xxxxxxx
Dinner.
Well, if you only defined 'dinner' as the evening meal, then I suppose this is 'dinner', Faith thought morosely.
Buffy had, once again, cheerfully placed toast and scrambled eggs on the table for their evening meal. She was, in fact, quite giddy that she had not burned the eggs this time, and Faith had to admit the toast was perfect. Buffy had just recently been trying out new things to cook, and eggs seemed to be a big favorite of hers. Although she had attempted other egg recipes - if you could call them that - it was only the scrambled eggs she seemed able to get to the plate without some unfortunate incident. Although Buffy was quite proud of her scrambled eggs, Faith thought that her success with them had more to do with the fact that the actual scrambling was inherent in the dish itself.
It was now two weeks until Christmas, and the home front was proving a strain on Faith's patience. She realized it wasn't fair, that Buffy was just a kid and still getting little sleep and completely consumed by taking care of Katie, but dammit, the girl could at least pick up after herself sometimes. Faith was tired of coming home after working all day to an apartment that looked like it had been left in the hands of a pack of trolls. There were wet towels on the bathroom floor. There was art paper and pencils scattered upon every table and chair. There were cloth diapers everywhere - clean ones, ones with spit up on them, ones used to wipe up mystery substances, dirty ones in the diaper hamper in the bathroom or in the bag waiting by the door for the diaper service pickup. Some days there wasn't a clean dish in the house. And forget ice cubes - Buffy never remembered to re-fill the trays.
Katie slept a little longer at a stretch - now she was nursed at 10 p.m., and didn't wake up again until 3 a.m. to eat some more. Sometimes Buffy wouldn't even hear her crying - how! how! how! can you not hear that screeching two feet away from your head for God's sake!? - and then Faith would have to get up and shake the girl hard until she wakened and took care of business. After which, fully awake now, Faith would stumble back to bed and try to sleep again before her alarm went off at 6 a.m..
Faith decided then and there that she was never having kids. Seriously. Never.
"Sooo, how was your day?" Buffy asked breezily as she sat down to eat.
Faith thought she sounded like 'the little woman', asking her husband how things went at the office. That thought was so disturbing that Faith tried to banish it immediately. It refused to leave.
"Different day, same ole shit." Faith groused as she buttered her toast.
Buffy put down her fork. "Ewww," she frowned.
"Don't start, Buffy," Faith fired her warning shot.
"Sorry. It's just, you know, dinner and everything. Didn't need that visual." Buffy rolled her eyes and picked her fork back up.
Faith was starting to get pissed. "And how did we wind up as Ozzie and Harriet anyway?" she snapped.
Buffy stopped eating again. "What?"
"And if we are doing this whole nineteen fifties happy couple scene, could you at least pretend to do the housecleaning? I can be Ozzie if you want, but you'd better damned be Harriet!"
Buffy was thoroughly confused now. "Huh?"
"And I know everyone thinks Ozzie was all mister nice guy, walking around in those sweaters and making sure everyone was happy all the time, giving fatherly advice, but I don't think so! I'll bet he wasn't all sweet and understanding when the cameras turned off! No, not at all! And don't you think for a minute that I wouldn't put you over my knee and spank some sense into you if things don't start changing around here!"
Faith threw her toast down on the table and marched out of the apartment, slamming the door behind her.
Buffy was stunned.
Did she just
threaten to spank
me?
xxxxxxx
It was gone 2 a.m. before Faith wandered back to the apartment, drunk. What lay on the other side of that door was anyone's guess, so she steeled herself and opened it to find -- a clean room. Several clean rooms to be exact. Kitchen, living room, bathroom, all had gotten a good once over and everything was in it's place.
Faith opened the door to Buffy's room and just watched the two girls sleeping soundly side by side. She had to smile at the sound of the light snores coming from the bed. Buffy or Katie? Hmmmm. Buffy.
She shut the door quietly and went to bed. She was asleep as soon as she hit the pillow.
xxxxx
Next morning, Faith woke heavily to a respectable hangover. She arose slowly and padded into the kitchen, keeping her eyes scrunched against the light that was stabbing directly into her brain.
Coffee. She poured herself a cup from the fresh batch waiting there and popped some aspirin.
Buffy sat at the table in her pajamas, eating a bowl of cereal and reading a fashion magazine. Her eyes never left the page. "Sorry." The apology was quiet but firm. Buffy shoveled another spoonful into her mouth.
"Back atcha," Faith offered, taking a sip and staring out the window over the now spotless sink.
Silence.
"Truth." Faith decided to put that out there.
Buffy never looked up. "Truth."
"It was the spanking, wasn't it?"
Silence.
"Actually, that part sounded kinda kinky." Buffy turned another page.
Faith grimaced. "Oh, gross!"
Buffy was unable to suppress a small smile.
Silence.
Faith thought about it a minute, and then suggested, "Although...it wouldn't be so gross if there was --"
"-- a hot guy!" they both exclaimed in unison.
They were both grinning now.
Faith finished her coffee and wandered off to take a shower.
Buffy's eyes never left her magazine. "Skank."
From the living room. "Perv."
Buffy smiled, and turned the page.
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Chapter
Seven
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First Christmas
She loved this time of year the best.
The tree was always so beautiful, with the twinkling lights and the homemade ornaments mixed among others, purchased with care. It had to be a real tree; no artificial plastic or aluminum trees for her. They were a sacrilege against the season. No, it wasn't Christmas unless the scent of pine stirred in the air, and candlelight glowed softly in the room, light and color shimmering gently upon the walls.
She loved this time of year the best.
Most people were excited about the things they hoped to receive on Christmas morning, but she truly loved the giving more. Finding just the right thing for each person, some token of her thought for them at this special time of year. She took such joy in watching her friends and family opening their gifts, so much more so than opening the presents intended for her.
She loved this time of year the best.
Special foods of the season were everywhere, and tasted better this time of year than any other. Homemade chocolate fudge; Christmas cookies in the shapes of Santas and angels, sprinkled in greens and reds and yellows and blues; roast beef and turkey and Virginia hams - plentiful and offered freely with hospitality to any who graced the family table for this very special holiday dinner.
She loved this time of year the best.
The creche upon the sideboard, with it's holy family - minus Joseph, whose head had been accidentally crushed underfoot long years ago - and the wisemen offering their gifts of gold and frankincense and myrrh, and the stable animals gazing with reverence upon the new Mother and Child.
She loved this time of year the best.
The needlepoint stockings hung upon the fireplace, bearing each name, crafted with care and love, waiting to be filled with oranges and nuts and chocolates and small gifts selected especially for each child's early morning delight.
She loved this time of year the best.
Christmas pageants and chorales and little children fumbling through their lines while they scratched under the homemade costumes, all angel wings and fake Santa beards and shepherds and papier mache donkeys and little girls draped in blue veils holding plastic dolls to stand in for the babe Himself.
She loved this time of year the best.
The tree again. The angel graced the highest branch, top and center, gazing down with a holy light, borne of immortality, upon the lesser ornaments below. The angel had always been her favorite, above all the others, and had pride of place. But there was another ornament now, one less graceful and glorious than the angel could ever be, a little gaudy perhaps, and certainly less expensive. It was the kind of ornament she would have disdained had she seen it in a store, passing over it in favor of the more tasteful, more beautiful finds. She could not, would not, stop staring at this ungainly, gaudy bauble, which had been hung with care, front and center of her tree.
Baby's
First Christmas
2003
She
always loved this time of year the best...
"She's not coming back, you know."
"I know."
He stood in the doorway, watching this new Christmas scene play itself out, night after night. The twelve days of Christmas, reduced to this silent vigil in the living room, a glass of Scotch in her hand. She hadn't moved to acknowledge his presence or his words, and he turned away quietly, to his study, where he could forget for awhile.
Dawn sat silently upon the top stair; she knew this play by heart. She rose soundlessly, and returned to her room.
xxxxxx
"A tree."
"Yep."
"Why?"
"It's Christmas."
"Yeah, and it's a tiny apartment and we have like, no money, and no ornaments or lights or anything."
"Yet - it's Christmas."
"It's still Christmas whether we have a tree or not."
"And yet..."
"It's Christmas."
"Exactly."
Faith sighed in resignation. This argument was lost before it ever began.
"Okay."
"Yay!"
"But you're making all the ornaments and stuff, cuz I am too tired to deal with it right now."
"We'll be a regular Little House on the Prairie over here. Homemade everything. We can string popcorn, and cranberries, and make construction paper circle rings, and a glittery angel for the top of the tree - you wait. It's gonna be spectacular!" Buffy's enthusiasm knew no bounds.
"How are you not too tired to do this?"
"It's Christmas."
"Right. Well, I guess we'd better go and get a frickin' tree."
Buffy launched herself at Faith.
Seriously,
way
too much hugging.
xxxxx
The cranberries were a bust - too messy. Buffy discovered that popcorn worked best when stale, so they wound up eating a lot of fresh popcorn they had already ruined in the initial effort. The big challenge turned out to be making new popcorn and not eating it long enough to age into a stringable state of staleness.
The tree was splendid. A gangly thin-branched tree on the smallish side, draped in popcorn garlands, construction paper ornaments, and selected pine cones, pasted with glitter and strung with ribbons to dangle from the branches. Buffy was able to come up with money enough for one string of twinkly colored lights that really raised the tree from 'eh' to 'wow' in her opinion. Lights were key.
Fred and Buffy baked batches of Christmas cookies and chocolate fudge to share, and in the end Faith did admit that the results of all this feverish activity were quite festive. And tasty.
After everyone was asleep on Christmas Eve, Buffy sneaked out to the living room to place under the tree the gifts she had chosen with care. A pair of baby-safe stuffed rag dolls for Katie (and a new pacifier which Buffy admitted to herself was more for mom); a small box of See's chocolates for Fred and Gary, along with some good quality sewing threads especially for Fred; a toy truck for Stevie. For Faith, ear plugs from the drug store (Buffy couldn't resist them for both practicality and humor), and a very small bottle of good perfume she saw Faith try on and reluctantly place back in the display while at the department store the prior week.
After she had artfully arranged her gifts for the best Christmas morning presentation, Buffy sat back and looked again at her tree. Something's different. She rose and moved closer to the branch where she could see red shining with reflected light.
Baby's
First Christmas
2003
She
turned the ornament around in her hand, and noted the message
scrawled on the back side: "For
Baby Katharine. Love at Christmas and Always. Your Auntie Faith"
She
covered her mouth with her hand, and felt hot tears form behind her
eyes.
She had always loved this time of year the best.
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Author's Note: A note regarding the last chapter: I have set the period of this story's beginning in the year 2003. If I had used 1996 - the year Buffy in the series would have been fifteen - I would have run smack into the middle of the massive legal changes that have taken place in the federal and state laws regarding minor teenage parenting, and I did not want to deal with the two separate legal and benefit systems involved. So I chose the more recent laws, and moved the date up. The dates and holidays etc used in the story follow the actual calendar from 2003 on up. Note for this chapter: the movie mentioned in this chapter is a real one, and the plot and dialogue are written from memory only but follow the actual plotline and dialogue of that movie very closely. And yes, it was that bad. :-)
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Chapter
Eight
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Great Expectations
2004
In the beginning of that most memorable year, a year in the lives of four girls, New Year's was a time for both hectic activity and hopeful resolutions. A time for the accounting of a season, of a year, of a life. This new year came with the promise of fresh starts and a better future.
But none truly realized, on that day, what great changes a year could bring.
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For Faith , this New Year's Eve was a time of great expectations. This new man in her life could actually be 'The One'. She was crazy about him. He was tall, handsome, intelligent, with a chiseled body and a charming smile. And he seemed to be as enchanted with her as she was with him. His name was Robin Wood, and they had met over the purchase of a false ID card for her cousin. He had asked no questions - people who require false ID cards do not usually welcome such inquisitions - and she had given no answers. Yet he longed to know more about this beautiful girl with the brown eyes and the flirty smirk. He was bedazzled by her. And she? She thought that, this time, she might even risk love.
So far they had met for coffee twice and lunch once. Robin's job kept him busy most evenings; he tended bar for a club in the nearby town of San Martine, and his nights were not always his own. This New Year's Eve, though, he managed to get coverage for his shift and planned to take Faith out to a friend's New Year's party in celebration of both the year and of the budding relationship. Faith tried hard to keep her cool unconcerned exterior in place, but everyone who knew her, thought her radiant.
xxxxx
For Fred, this New Year's Eve was a time of regret. Regret for past failures, regret for unwise choices, regret for a marriage that seemed determined to unravel as fast as she tried to shore it up. This new start in Sunnydale had seemed like just the thing she and Gary needed to get back on track again. The fights, the family interference, the disappointments and betrayals were left behind in Texas along with her parents and a dog named JoJo. Fred was thinking lately that it may have been better to have brought the dog and left the man back in Texas.
There was Stevie, however, to consider, and he worshipped his hard working father with all of his little heart, and often said that he wanted to be just like his daddy when he grew up. Fred believed that this was the great tragedy of women throughout all the ages; that the little boys they suckled and nurtured and who looked upon their mothers with such love and affection while young, seemed always to grow up to be the same spoiled and ill-tempered men that their fathers had become. With each passing year, Stevie grew up and away from her gentle loving ways, and moved more and more toward his father's imperious sense of male entitlement. It broke her heart.
This New Year's fell during a week when Gary was on the platform again, so their celebration would have to be separate. And she was so very tired. She decided to have a glass of champagne and go to bed early this holiday. She didn't know what the big deal with New Year's was anyway. For Fred, it was just another day.
xxxxxx
For Buffy, this New Year's Eve was her first as an 'adult' in her own right. She realized she wasn't actually an adult, but did feel that living away from home, with her own daughter to raise, and being in possession of ID that marked her as having reached her majority, she could make the claim for this night at least.
Of course, there didn't seem to be anything she could do to mark the evening, what with the baby and the fat clothes and the no money and all. Faith had managed to obtain some champagne, but Buffy knew she could not drink any as she was breastfeeding. Her intention to have an adult holiday had been seriously sidetracked. Until...
Until she remembered that Faith had cable. Well, actually, that Faith stole cable was more accurate. And although she had not really checked to see what offerings were available, she had a suspicion that some of the movies that evening might not be family fare.
Using the cable menu guide, Buffy tried out a few titles to see if they contained anything remotely interesting. She was disappointed to see how quickly she became bored with the entire thing. These poorly written and acted movies were a big deal? They were all the same, with little variation and no real plot to speak of. Except...
Except there was one that caught her eye. A raunchy comedy about a porn movie school for pretty young girls and handsome men who wished to learn all about acting in the movies. Their instructors were very helpful, with a hands-on teaching style.
This
is sooo bad it's fantastic!
Buffy
settled down to watch her bad porn movie. Yes, this New Year's Eve
was definitely turning out to have some
interesting...themes...
xxxxxx
For Katie...well...basically she ate, played with her feet, and slept that night. There really wasn't a story there yet.
xxxxxxx
The following Tuesday, Faith came home from work and found Buffy sitting raptly in front of the TV in the living room.
Faith had noticed that Buffy seemed to be watching more TV than usual lately, but hadn't really given it another thought until she took a moment to take in the nature of the movie that had Buffy so absorbed. Faith pulled up in her tracks while her jaw dropped.
"What the hell are you watching?!"
"Vampire porn." Buffy's eyes never left the screen.
Faith's eyes widened. "What?"
"Vampire porn."
"And again. What?"
Buffy turned to Faith for a second to be sure the other girl was watching the TV, and having been assured of the undivided attention of her audience, turned back to the screen and excitedly explained the movie to her cousin.
"See, this girl - the one on the left there - she's being stalked by this female vampire, who wants her to join them in their unholy yet eternal life. But the girl doesn't want to be turned into a vampire, she wants to live."
"Uh-huh," Faith sat down beside Buffy on the sofa.
Buffy continued breathlessly, "But the vamp lady, she tricked the girl into letting her in her house, and talked her into having sex with her. But the real reason the vamp lady wanted to have sex was to get her all vulnerable and turn her. Which she started to do, but didn't completely drain the girl dry before the girl got away a moment and called 911."
"Uh-huh."
"So the paramedics arrived, but the vamp lady almost finished the girl off before they got there -- I think the vamp lady kept getting sidetracked from the actual vampire-turning by having sex with her instead -- Anyway, the paramedics and police are there, and save the girl. They're loading her up into the ambulance and taking her to the hospital. That's where they are now, in the emergency room. They're trying to save the girl."
"Uh-huh."
"That's as much as I know right now...Wait! Something's happening!"
xx
"Doctor! her blood pressure is practically nothing!" xx
"Dammit! We're losing her! Quick, take off all her clothes!"
xx The girl is quickly stripped by the two nurses, and she
now lies nude upon the gurney. xx "Give me the paddles!"
xx xx "It's not working!" xx "Again!"
xx xx "We've lost her doctor. There's nothing more you
could have done." xx Nurse pats the doctor's arm
soothingly and takes the paddles from him. xx "So young,
so beautiful...Take her to the morgue!" xx Doctor walks
briskly away as nurses leer appreciatively at him.
Faith frowned. "He zapped her with the paddles right on top of her tits."
"I know. Isn't this the best bad movie ever!?" Buffy grinned.
"Uh-huh."
"Hold on! What's that morgue guy doing to her now?" Buffy leaned in toward the TV.
Silence.
"Oh!" Buffy's eyebrows shot up and she pulled back.
Faith settled in at the other end of the sofa to watch the movie. Even at her young age, Faith had seen enough porn to note a sameness to it all that made most of it boring after a while.
"Jeepers." Buffy blushed three shades of scarlet.
But watching Buffy
watch porn? Now that
was entertainment!
xxxxxxx
Once Buffy realized that Faith had herself a new honey, she was relentless in her questioning of the older girl.
Who was he? Where did she meet him? What did he look like? Where did he work? Was it serious or just a fling? Did he know about Buffy living there too? When could she meet him?
Faith indulged her cousin up to a point, but hesitated to mention the number one fact about Robin that she thought - no knew - that Buffy would have a problem with. And that one critical piece of information was that Robin was a bartender in a club that catered to men. In other words, a strip club. Her new man worked in a strip club.
Faith was dismayed to learn of this development herself, but not for the obvious reasons. It wasn't that she thought less of Robin for working there, or would be embarrassed to let people know what he did, or even that she would be concerned about whether he could be faithful to her in such an environment, night after night.
No, Faith's number one worry was that she had run three thousand miles away to get away from her mother and her sleazy boyfriends only to wind up following in her mother's footsteps. Secretly, Faith worried that her life would not be so very much different than her mother's, that her contempt for Darlene's way of life would eventually blow up in her face when she looked in the mirror one day and saw her mother staring back at her. Faith could think of nothing worse than that. This was the core of her nightmares: that all of Faith's dreams of a good life because she had made better, smarter choices than her mom had, would amount to nothing, and she would, perhaps, one day be the object of scorn of her own daughter, and for the same reasons.
Faith told no one of her secret fears. She hardly admitted them to herself.
But she really liked this guy, might even be falling in love with him. And he seemed to be a good guy, the kind of guy who could prove worthy of her love and trust. She had to step out and move beyond her fears at some point, didn't she? Who was to say that this was not the time to do just that? That this was not the man to do that with?
Faith decided to take a chance. If happiness and love had walked up to her at this place and time and in the person of this man, then who was she to refuse it? She would die a bitter old woman if she never took a chance on love when offered to her. And he was a good guy, she'd bet any amount on it. He was worth the risk.
Oh, yeah. She was falling, all right. Falling hard and fast.
xxxxxx
"Tai Chi."
"Gesundheit."
"Ha ha, very funny," Buffy retorted. "Tai Chi is a system of exercises that builds strength, flexibility, and endurance for people of any age and health, and also a martial arts...art. Like kung fu. Or karate."
"You know, I wasn't actually going to spank you."
Buffy laughed. "Silly. I'm not doing this for self-defense, I'm doing it to get in better shape and so I can fit the new clothes I want to make. I'm not putting all this effort of learning to design and sew new things just to wind up making new fat clothes. I have to get my figure back as quick as I can. You know?"
"So...out of all the exercise programs the rec center offers, you chose one that can also teach you to kick my ass." Faith looked suspiciously at her cousin.
"That was just icing on the cake." Buffy explained.
Faith frowned.
"Okay, the truth is, it was the only one that was actually free and that I could join any time I wanted to, no waiting for the next class to start or anything. The whole self-defense thing didn't even enter my mind...Although, now that you mention it..." She grinned devilishly.
"Yeah. I thought so." Faith smirked back. Buffy just gave her an enigmatic smile and went back to reading the pamphlet for the new class she had enrolled in that morning. This was going to be fun.
xxxxx
Fred looked over the pictures clipped from fashion magazines and the drawings Buffy had made of clothes she thought would do Fred proud. She had to admit that they weren't too bad. They were up to date and stylish, yet very casual and comfortable and wouldn't make Fred self-conscious were she to wear them out anywhere. Buffy had really captured her well.
This
was a huge relief to Fred, who had been practicing for weeks on ways
of gently letting Buffy down when she was made to face the terrible
fashions she was certain Buffy would gleefully attempt to force upon
her. Dodged a bullet there.
Buffy
had also found some things for herself that she thought wouldn't be
too difficult to pull off, given her money situation and the fabrics
and accessories she already owned. Fred thought most of Buffy's
choices were actually doable, given the right skills and equipment.
Fred had both, so they were all set to go. They would work on some
things for Fred first, so Buffy could learn while doing them, and
also to give the girl time to get back in shape so the sizes would be
right.
Buffy went into teacher-mode, using her research as her guide. Why reinvent the wheel, right?
"Okay, first things first. When you want to look good on a budget, you have to know what you can make and what you'll have to buy. Accessories must be bought, and you must buy those that are of as good a quality as you can. If you make something from scratch, or even remake something you already have, you have to do it as professionally as possible so that it looks great on you. Then you accessorize with belts, shoes, purses, and jewelry that you buy." Buffy looked expectantly at Fred, to make sure she was following her logic. Fred nodded her understanding. "So, let's start with this little blouse ...here... cuz it'll look so cute with those new sandals you bought and it also fits in with some of the slacks you already have."
"Okay. I guess we should hit the fabric store and get started then."
Buffy beamed. This was going to be so great.
xxxxx
It was a simple pattern to follow. It should have been a simple thing to make. Then why oh why was she ripping out this damn seam for the third time, Fred having found it wanting and needing a do-over? Buffy was sooo frustrated by how hard this had all turned out to be. And it was devilishly difficult to concentrate when you had to take a break every thirty minutes or less to tend to a fussy baby. She wanted to cry.
Fred saw that the poor girl was near tears, and decided to step in and rescue her from herself.
"Baby steps, sweetie, just baby steps." Fred smiled at Buffy as she looked up tearfully from the seam she was ripping out. "How about I do the sewing on this one, and you watch and pay careful attention, and then you can try the next one while I watch and guide you? I mean, it's no shame, honey. You're very new at this sewing thing. We're working together, right? It's all in building experience and skills, right?"
Buffy nodded tearfully and handed the seam to Fred, who fixed it up with no problem whatsoever. She envied Fred her skills. And she vowed she would build her own if it was the last thing she did.
But first she thought she'd better change Katie. Her baby steps came with an actual baby.
xxxxx
Hope you're still with me here. Spuffy will be coming up in the future, and it will be the primary relationship of the story, but these other relationships are critical and we have to move at the right pace. Please read and review, tell me what you think.
Sara
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Chapter
Nine
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Rain, Part One
Rain.
Not just any rain, but Noah-sized ark-building rain, buckets and buckets of it. And no sign of letting up any time soon. The basement laundry had already been flooded, and the landlord - the bar owner, Mr Kralik - had closed it while a sump pump worked at removing the water and the damage to the washers and dryers was assessed. Fortunately, nothing else leaked, so the girls were dry and warm inside their apartment, but still...
So much for sunny California! Buffy groused to herself.
It was the fifth straight day of heavy rain and she was going stir crazy. After that first trip to the mall to go window shopping, she had made it a point to get out of the building at least once a day, usually to the corner market or the nearby park. The rains were so heavy, however, that she did not wish to venture out with Katie in the downpour, so she had been stuck at home for five straight days now.
Worse yet, this torrential flood had arrived during one of Gary's seven day periods home from the offshore oil platform, so she had not had much of her friend's company either. Buffy had come to understand that when Gary was home, his entire household changed from a place of quiet harmony between mother and child, to one of barked commands and petty quarrels between husband and wife. Fred walked on eggshells around her volatile husband when he was home, and from the first meeting, Gary had made it clear that he had enough on his plate with Fred and Stevie underfoot, without having to deal with a teenager and young infant invading his space, even if that teenager was his wife's friend. So for Fred's sake, Buffy made herself scarce during those seven days when Gary was home, and anxiously looked forward to the seven he was back out on the platform and she could see her friend again.
Buffy didn't like the way Gary spoke to Fred. When he was irritable, he sometimes called her a 'cow' or 'stupid', and even when pleasant he rarely called her by her name. 'Hey!' was his usual method of attracting Fred's attention to him, and he never used any polite niceties, such as 'please' or 'thank you'. Fred told Buffy it was just the way the job was; men spent twenty-four hours a day for seven days ordering men around and being ordered around, having to yell over loud machinery to be heard. It was difficult to turn that off and change into respectful husbands and fathers when they came home. And then right around the time the men would start to adjust to the home environment, it would be time to go back out again and bark orders or be barked at again. The whole system could be hell on family life.
Fred would quietly remind Gary that she was not a roustabout to be ordered around and that she could hear him quite plainly since there was no loud equipment impeding the sound of his words to her. Sometimes that brought Gary up fast, and he would take the easygoing remonstrance to heart and school himself to speak to Fred more softly and with more respect as his wife. But other times, her gentle reminders would be the catalyst that set him off for hours, and at those times Fred could do nothing that didn't earn her a sneer or start another petty quarrel.
Buffy loved Fred, and it hurt her to see her so unhappy and poorly treated at home. And she had come to loathe Gary most of the time, although Fred insisted that he was a good man at heart, and that there were plenty of good things he did that others did not see as they were not there with them in their home. Buffy had her doubts about this, but she was smart enough to know when to hold her tongue and let Fred lead the life she had chosen for herself. It wasn't Buffy's place to interfere in a marriage she only could see from the outside looking in. She had to trust Fred to know when enough was enough. Apparently, it hadn't come to that yet. All Buffy could do was be there for her friend should that time ever come.
She just wished she couldn't hear the loud rows that came crashing up to her from the apartment down below. When was enough, enough?
xxxxxxx
"The basement's dry now, and the machines are workin' again." Mr. Kralik's gravelly voice called out to them as Buffy and Fred left the building together for a quick trip to the market during a sunny, albeit brief, respite from the rain.
"Great!"
"Thanks!"
They didn't slow for a second as they started to head down the sidewalk to complete their errands. When it was clear the girls were not going to stop and talk, Mr Kralik coughed and called their attention back to him again. Apparently, he had more news to impart. The girls turned around expectantly and waited for whatever he had to say.
"Here's the thing," the portly older man shifted his feet nervously and rubbed the back of his neck while he stared at the sidewalk.
Whatever he's gonna tell us, it does not sound good, Buffy worried.
"Yeah, well...you see, my son has been away for a couple years now, and now he's comin' back home again..." He seemed to fade away into his own thoughts for a moment, then returned to the conversation he had started as though he had not zoned out, "...and he's gonna be stayin' with me here, in my apartment, and doin' odd jobs 'round the buildin', you know, to get used to bein' out here and workin' and all..." he trailed off, and was getting more fidgety by the moment.
"Well, that's sounds wonderful, to have your son home with you again," Fred responded gently, a small smile gracing her features. "He's been gone long, has he?"
"Yeah, well...a few years now..."
"Where was he?" Buffy's weirdness meter was going into overdrive. He had to get used to being 'out' and 'working again'? Add that to Mr Kralik's odd demeanor, and she was not reassured.
"Yeah, well, he...he had a little trouble a few years ago, with his ma - you never met her, she was a wonderful woman, but she passed a while back - but he's comin' home tomarraw, and I thought I ought to let you know, so you'd know he belonged here, wasn't some stranger wanderin' the halls..." Mr Kralik sounded like he could ramble on in that manner for some time, and never quite get to the point of whatever had him so nervous.
"Oh. Well thanks for the warning then. If I see him I'll be sure and say hello." Fred offered politely.
Buffy just furrowed her brows and nodded politely.
"Yeah, well, he'll be here tomarraw, so I guess we'll see how it goes," Mr Kralik glanced around the street, caught himself fidgeting, then stuffed his hands in his pockets once again, as though to keep them still. "Be seein' you 'round." And with that he hurried back inside the bar.
"Interesting." Buffy was getting some seriously weird vibes from the entire conversation.
"Yeah, he seemed nervous," Fred agreed. "But he's probably just anxious about seeing his son again. Probably nothin' more'n that." She nodded and smiled reassuringly.
"Do you think we can trust this guy, that he's gonna be okay? Mr Kralik was acting so skittish." Buffy couldn't help but worry, the landlord's entire manner had set her on edge.
"I guess. We'll have to wait and see. I don't want to judge the boy right out of the gate, you know, until we see what he's like, I mean, if he seems dangerous or anythin'."
"Can you tell if someone is dangerous by looking at them?"
Fred glanced quickly at her friend as they continued their walk. "Not usually, no."
"Great."
"Yeah." Fred laughed. "But I'm sure everything'll be fine. No worries, right?"
"Right." But Buffy didn't feel right.
xxxxxx
Sixteen. A milestone year. A year girls had big parties and gained new privileges. A year when many girls began to date in earnest, obtained a drivers license, perhaps even got a car of their own. Sixteen was a very important year in the life of a girl.
Buffy would be sixteen in two days. January twentieth. She had looked forward to that day many months ago, before her life had changed irrevocably into something she couldn't even conceive of at the time. Conceive. She certainly had, hadn't she? And here she was now, turning sixteen in a strange place, afraid to leave her apartment due to the oddly silent young man now wandering the halls of the building, with a two month old baby dominating almost every aspect of her existence. This was not the sweet sixteen she had hoped for.
Negative much, Buffy? Snap out of it!
It was
raining again, and the laundry was piled high, and she really needed
to get some groceries, and it was one of Gary's 'at-home' weeks so
Fred hadn't been able to get away much either... Stop
it! she ordered herself. You
are a strong, capable woman, and there is no reason to sit here and
feel sorry for yourself any more!
She
decided to call Faith and ask her to pick up some groceries on her
way home. Faith had a date with Robin that evening, but said she'd
pick up a few quick but vital items on her way home.
That done, she looked again to the laundry and sighed. She called Fred, hoping she had laundry, surely Fred had laundry, too. But there was no answer there, and Buffy remembered then that her friend had said they were going to go on a work 'retreat' at some place near Carmel for three days. Apparently, there'd been some fights the last couple of months during Gary's seven-on, so the oil company decided that a team-building retreat was necessary to get the group working smoothly again. Of course, they scheduled it at a beach resort during the rainy season, so they mostly had to stay indoors and stare at their families during their down time. Buffy suspected that some sinister psychologist had worked that one out - see which worker finally blew up staring at his wife and kids for three whole days, rained into a bungalow, when a beautiful beach and golf course lay outside doing no one any good due to the horrible weather. She wondered whether it would be Gary that popped that gasket.
Anyway, this meant that Fred was gone for three days, as of this morning. She called Mr Kralik next, to see if he could escort her to the laundry room, but he too was gone, off visiting an old friend this afternoon, leaving his son to stock the bar and tend to the daily chores necessary to run the establishment. When Buffy called, it was Zack on the phone. Boy, was that awkward, she thought unhappily. Zack offered to keep her company down in the laundry room, if she wanted. She cringed, and then backpedaled quickly and thanked him but said she'd decided to wait. The silence on the other end of the line made her nervous. He may be mental, she thought, but she was sure he knew a poor excuse when he heard one.
"Okay," he responded flatly. "Another time then." The phone disconnected without a goodbye.
Well, that went well, Buffy chided herself. Idiot. What did you think he was gonna say?
So...now...what to do? Katie had spit up on or wet or dirtied everything she had, and Buffy's wardrobe was similarly filthy. If she waited for Fred or Faith to return, both she and her daughter would be sitting in their altogether and wouldn't that be a fine sight? No, she just had to be brave and sneak downstairs when Zack wasn't looking and do a quick load or two of laundry and run back upstairs again. Piece of cake, right? She was young, strong, and smart. Nothing was going to happen to her, she had to stop being so paranoid about this man. He'd been there almost a week, and he seemed okay, in a looming, quiet, stalkerish way. But that was just her own paranoia talking. She couldn't stay locked up in her apartment like this. She refused to live that way.
So it was decided then. Laundry would be done today, and Zachary Kralik be damned.
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Authors Note #1: Buffy is very young and sometimes makes poor decisions, as she does in this chapter. I am not condoning or recommending her decisions, I am merely writing a fifteen year old mother's logic and inexperience.
Author's Note #2: Just for the record, from the earlier chapters, the waiting period for signing adoption papers in New York turns out to be...none. Pop the kid out, sign the papers, fine by New York. It's not that there's no rule at all, it's just that the law makes it variable to the situation with no guidance on it, which is practically the same thing as no rule in my opinion. That's not the usual, most states have a waiting period, and three days seems to be the most common, but still. I'm in California, so I used three days (our law), and originally I had Buffy starting in a different state so when I moved her to New York I forgot to check into that waiting period law there. Oh well, I tried. Sorry.
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Chapter
Ten
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Rain, Part Two
Once Buffy decided that she was not going to let any paranoia keep her from her rightful laundry privileges, she checked on Katie in the bedroom. Katie had just gone to sleep, and was good for a while, she decided. What could happen? She was in the same building, and it wouldn't be for that long. Katie'd be fine. Besides, if she took Katie she'd have to make several hard trips carrying the baskets and each time carry Katie too, and that was not the way to do this fast and quiet. No, better to leave Katie safely asleep in her new-used crib and do this fast on her own.
All the way down the flights of stairs, Buffy kept a careful eye out for Zack. The guy made her spooky-weird-vibe-meter go off the charts, and her main goal, besides clean laundry, was to do this without him ever knowing she slipped past him.
Down in the basement, she looked at the room a moment to assess whether she was indeed alone. All seemed clear, except for the noise of one dryer doing someone else's load. The basement laundry room was very old and dingy, with only some highly placed narrow windows 10 feet above, at about ground level. A single bulb tried to illuminate the shadowy room, and the cement floor and brick walls gave it a damp chill most days. The laundry room was not Buffy's favorite place to be, even on a good day with company she trusted.
Get in, get it done, and get out fast! she admonished herself.
As Buffy was loading two washers, she heard a clang-clunk from the far side of the room, near the storage area. Her heart leapt into her throat as she spun around expecting danger and praying silently for help. That's when she saw him - an ugly old rat, scurrying from behind the far dryer and under the wire mesh fencing which 'protected' the stored items from those who might want to walk off with them. Buffy let out her breath and told her heart it could start beating again. She never, in her wildest dreams, thought that the sight of a big old ugly rat scurrying across a room she was actually in, would be a relief to her.
That says a lot about where I live now doesn't it? she frowned.
Her breathing under control again, Buffy turned back to loading her machines when she heard another noise, from the doorway. She froze, afraid to turn around again.
"Changed your mind, eh?" asked a deep scratchy baritone, a voice which belonged to none other than Zack himself.
Buffy thought her heart would stop beating right then and there. Steeling herself, she turned around to return the greeting, of sorts, from the man she had been trying to avoid all along. And here he was, a tool box in one hand and a flashlight in the other. Wonderful.
"Yeah, I decided the laundry couldn't wait after all." she smiled nervously.
Babies and animals smell fear. Do strange stalker guys smell fear too? God, I hope not. I must be sending off waves of stinky fear fumes right now...
"Yeah? Huh." He just looked at her. She couldn't read anything in his expression, and that made her more nervous, if that were at all possible.
"Yeah." Buffy nodded briefly, trying to end the conversation before it started.
She turned quickly and began to put quarters into the machines. As she fished them out of her change purse she fumbled and dropped one. Unfortunately, she only had enough to do her loads, and needed that damn quarter. Bending down to peer between the two machines, Buffy could just see the coin about three inches beyond her reach. She tried to retrieve it but the machines were in the way.
"Need help?"
"Aiee!" Buffy straightened as she screeched in surprise. Zack was immediately behind her now, crowding her personal space and sending her heart into overdrive.
"Sorry." Zack offered, in a flat voice that Buffy could not interpret at all. But he didn't back up.
What's going on in his head? God, is he just strange or is he dangerous and why doesn't he back up and what is he thinking...oh god...
"Let me," he pushed past her to the machines, leaned down and slightly lifted with one arm while he picked up the errant coin in the other. Standing, he offered her the quarter without saying a word. He also did not back up, and Buffy was getting more frightened by the second.
She took the coin, and uttered a subdued, "Uh, thanks...Thank you."
"Sure." Zack finally backed up and walked back to the broken dryer, fiddled with it for a few minutes, while neither of them spoke again. Buffy wanted to leave the room, but wasn't sure how to do that in a way that didn't broadcast her fears. Everything inside her was screaming that this man wasn't safe, but she had no proof and no factual cause for alarm. And he was her landlord's son. She didn't want to tip him off to her unease any more than she already had. If she showed her fear, he might be emboldened to do something to her.
Yeah, Buffy. And you're covering so well. I'm sure he doesn't suspect a thing.
As she was thinking over her options, Zack packed up the tool box, stood up, and slowly stepped back over to her side of the room again, stopping about three feet in front of her. She tried to look as though she were reading the detergent bottle and didn't see him, even as she noticed, in her peripheral vision, that he seemed to be working his way into actually saying something to her. Just as she had decided that cowards lived to fear another day and she should get the hell out of there, another tenant came shuffling into the room.
Buffy had never been so glad to see someone in her life as she was at that moment. She looked to be sixty-ish, with a bad dye job on her thinning hair, wearing a red velveteen house dress complete with very large costume jewelry necklace, and pink terry cloth slippers. She appeared to be rather slovenly, with a cigarette perched on her lips and a scowl on her face. Buffy thought she was the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. She could've hugged her right there.
Zack turned to gaze expressionlessly at the intruder for a moment, considering, then decided to leave the laundry room. He stopped in the doorway with one last flat look at Buffy, then left in silence. Buffy was totally spooked and completely relieved.
The woman stared after Zack as he left, then turned, frowned, and looked hard at Buffy.
"Interestin' fella." Her voice had a deep and throaty timbre, probably from years of booze and cigarettes Buffy guessed.
"Yeah, he's different." Buffy smiled at her heretofore unseen neighbor.
"Gives me the heebie-jeebies."
Buffy nodded. "Oh, yeah."
"You're new." The woman started to remove her laundry from the dryer which had stopped a short while earlier.
She wasn't sure what to say to this woman, she seemed very old and kind of irritable, and Buffy didn't have much to go on here as far as conversation went.
Irritable Woman looked Buffy up and down appraisingly. "Which one are you?"
"What do you mean?"
"Which one? Screamin' Baby?, or Screamin' 'when-the-fuck-you-gettin'-a-job-you-shit!', or Screamin' 'Oh-god!-Desmond!-Oh,-you're-so-hard, give-it-to-me-yes-yes-yes!'" she mimicked the last one a little too well, then her bored yet irritated gaze settled back on Buffy.
Buffy raised her hand tentatively. "Uh, I would be Screaming Baby." Buffy blushed, "Can't say I've heard Screaming Desmond yet."
"You ain't missed nothin', let me tell you," Irritable Woman leaned toward Buffy conspiratorially, "Frankly, I think she's fakin' it. 'Course, it's been awhile, could be I don't remember right how that one is s'posed to finish." One of her eyebrows shot up, she pursed her lips and nodded sagely.
Buffy was thoroughly embarrassed by both the subject and the reenactment. "Yeah, well..."
"That makes you 3C then. With that Faith girl." Irritable Woman folded a few towels, then asked bluntly, "You two lovers?"
Buffy's eyes went wide as she quickly denied that rumor, "No! No, no not...that."
"Huh," she nodded. "Well, it's California, you never can tell." Bras and granny panties joined the towels. "So, you're not a couple. What are you that she'd take on some slip of a kid with a baby? She don't look like the motherin' helpful type, you don't mind me askin'."
Irritable Woman was nearly done folding her laundry. Buffy hoped she would leave soon - stay and keep her company - leave - stay -- Argh!!!
"Faith is very nice and helpful." Buffy defended. "We're cousins. I moved from another state; she's just helping me out for a while." Buffy hopped on top of one of her washers.
"Huh. You don't say." Irritable Woman sloppily folded some sheets. "What's yer name, honey?"
"Buffy."
"Ah," she nodded knowingly. "Pros or strip?"
"Excuse me?"
"You're a workin' girl. A prostitute, a stripper...?"
"Why would you think...?"
"Buffy." she stated simply.
"Yeah...?"
"Well don't tell me your ma gave you that name."
"Um, well, she did." Buffy sat up straighter and narrowed her eyes.
Irritable Woman laughed at that. "Yer ma gave you a stripper name," she nodded, "I think I'd like your ma."
"No, no stripper name, just a name. There was that TV show in the sixties, the little girl was named Buffy. People keep telling me about that one. I know she wasn't a stripper." Buffy was getting defensive. She was tired of people dissing her name.
"No. She died overdosed on drugs when she wasn't older'n you, by the looks of you. But, no, not a stripper," Irritable Woman pronounced her judgment.
The wind went out of her argument in defense of her name.
"Well, I was born with this name and I think it's a perfectly nice name."
"Huh." Irritable Woman nodded. "S'alright." She appraised Buffy, then asked suddenly. "What's the kid's name? She get a strip name too?"
"Katharine. A perfectly good name for a girl." she declared defensively, and muttered under her breath, "so is Buffy, but I guess there's no pleasing some people..."
"What's that?"
"Nothing. Just trying to remember my grocery list for later."
"Huh." Irritable Woman seemed doubtful. "Well, I'm all done here, so I'm goin' fer now. See you aroun'."
Irritable Woman had reached the doorway when Buffy suddenly remembered she didn't know Irritable Woman's name.
"Wait! I didn't get your name."
Irritable Woman stared at Buffy consideringly, then said "Angie." she paused a moment. "2B."
"Nice to meet you, Angie." she smiled.
"Yeah." Irritable Woman nodded once, then shuffled out the door and up the stairs.
Buffy sighed and looked at her watch. Great
neighbors you got here Faith. At least she got stalker guy to go
away...Stay away...please stay away...please stay
away...
xxxxxx
Laundry done, Buffy returned to her apartment and checked quickly on her daughter. It had occurred to her that she could've been attacked in that laundry room and no one would have known and her daughter would've awakened alone. She decided then and there that leaving Katie behind was not an option any longer. She regretted doing it and would not do it again.
Katie was still sleeping, thankfully,
so Buffy folded her hastily basketed laundry and put it away.
Afterwards, she pulled the old afghan around her shoulders and sat by
the living room window to think and watch the rain falling on the
grey concrete below.
The
buddy system from now on, no exceptions.
xxxxx
When Faith returned home with a bag of groceries she found Buffy still sitting at the window.
"Hey."
"Hey yourself." Faith called as she put the items away. Buffy was awful quiet, and sad. Faith wondered if something had happened, and decided if she didn't come out with it soon, she was going to ask.
Buffy remained silent, then without turning from the window stated, "If you ever see me walking around in a red velveteen house dress and pink slippers, just kill me quick."
Faith chuckled. "You met Angie."
"You could say that." Buffy turned around and watched Faith fold the grocery bag.
"She's a hoot." Faith walked over to her cousin. "Give me your hand."
"Why?"
"Just give it to me."
Buffy presented her right hand to Faith, who took it and turned it palm side up. She looked at it carefully, tracing a path along the creases she found.
"Nope," Faith pronounced. "No Angie in your future." She let the hand go. "You're safe."
Buffy gave a small smile.
"But just in case the worst does happen, how 'bout I just promise to buy you somethin' else to wear instead? Killin' you would be so messy. Hard to get the blood outta the carpet."
That earned a bigger smile. "Deal."
"There ya go."
Buffy got up to follow Faith into her room while the older girl prepared for her big date, and told her all about her meeting with Zack and Angie. They agreed that from then on they'd keep a sharp eye out for the strange young man.
xxxxxx
Thanks for the reviews guys. I appreciate every one.
Sara
