Pam was left alone in Ryan's condo that afternoon as the snow began to really build up in the grayish skies. All ready she could hear snow plows. Getting up a little after one to use the bathroom, she felt how chilly it was and turned up the heat. Usually she wouldn't find herself so comfortable in someone else's home, but with Ryan gone she felt at ease and somewhat curious. Even though they both had known each other for all these years, they were still in many ways strangers. Having only been to his apartment a few times before the last month or so as everything began to happen, she wished so badly she could of remembered Halloween night.

She went to his living room and looked out the window as snow kept falling.

She had made her choice, she wouldn't have an abortion. Then she began to think about what Ryan and her had talked about it. If she did very plan on giving the baby up for adoption…what would happen?

She would have to let her parents know, disappointment them. Then everyone would work know, she knew she would spare Ryan from it all and maybe decide to never tell anyone who the father was. But something inside her made her think…maybe, just maybe Ryan would still want everyone to know even if Pam was intending on giving the baby up after it was born.

Didn't he know what would happen? The gossip, how cruel people could be, how everyone would talk behind their backs. Pam knew it would be a complete nightmare during the pregnancy and after it was gone. How everyone would treat them. She knew it would ruin any career Ryan had planned on having. She knew things would be strange and awful until one of them quit.

Did she really plan on going through a while almost nine months of pregnancy…with or without Ryan's help. She was scared out of her mind and knew how she wasn't read for this. A million terrible fears entered her mind thinking of the months ahead of her.

Would she really be able to give it up right after having it.

Thinking of childbirth scared her to death as she crossed her arms and looked out.

Just give her baby up after all that and have some other people raise it in the end?

She knew adoption was the best thing. Maybe she would have to leave work…maybe that would be better. She could talk to her parents and maybe stay with them. Maybe after the baby was born try to go back to school…and forget.

She then remembered the terrible hurtful look in Ryan's eyes.

What did he think of all of this?

She knew he didn't want the adoption…but what now? He couldn't be serious. They couldn't do this…most of all together. Thinking of their life's getting ruined and living on the streets she thought of Jim and her heart slightly ached.

She missed him more then anything.

An hour later as she listened to the weather reports she dressed and left Ryan's jersey on his bed after she made it. Walking past his dresser she spotted a framed photo of Ryan, taken a few years ago at a bar with a few other younger guys, maybe friends from school. They all were laughing at the camera. Looking down at the photograph she sighed before grabbing her coat and calling a cab.

When she got home the roads had been icy and bad. She flicked on all of her lights and checked her messages. Falling into bed, she heard the phone ring a few times around eight. When the machine got it Pam heard Ryan's nervous uneven voice telling her he made it home all right, but how bad the roads were and how the entire weekend was expected to get nearly ten inches. He paused on the message before asking her to call him before hanging up.

Pam shuffled into the kitchen around ten and decided to fix herself a huge bowl of sugar filled cereal. She had gotten hungry. Making her bowl she sat down at the table holding her cell phone.

It also had a message. Listening to her voicemail she got Ryan again, repeating the same message. Sighing, Pam flipped the phone closed. As much as she wanted to talk to him she knew they needed their space.

The weekend past quickly and Pam returned to work the following Monday. All of the co-workers at the office seemed outraged that they had to come out in the terrible weather. Pam sat behind her desk and buried herself away in her work. She had been feeling a little sick to her stomach before coming in.

Ryan came in about ten minutes after her with what looked like a cup of coffee. Pam tried to avoid eye contact before he walked over and set the large styrofoam cup down.

"Hey Pam, thought you might of wanted a hot chocolate…"

Pam looked up as he dropped his eyes, almost embarrassed before quickly going back to his desk in the back. Pam noticed Dwight was staring. Going back down to her work, it took her a few minutes to take the hot chocolate. Sipping it as she worked it tasted wonderful and her stomach started to slowly settle down.

The entire day they stayed away from each other.

At the end of the day he caught her while she walked to her car.

"Hey Pam wait up!"

Pam was bundled up in her winter jacket before stopping and turning. He came over quickly with his pea coat buttoned up. Tiny snowflakes fell onto his dark hair. He looked at her.

"Listen, did you get my messages…"

Pam nodded.

"I think, thanks again for letting me stay at you're place…"

"Hey, do you want to come over again for dinner…I could drive you home with the roads being so bad…"

"Ryan, don't."

He froze and looked at her. It was killing her to say this. Her breath came out in tiny clouds from the cold freezing air.

"I…told you we should keep our space until I talk with my parents, okay?"

Ryan looked hurt but slowly nodded, right away she knew she hurt his feelings.

"It's just I'm scared somebody might notice something is wrong…"

Just then Pam saw Angela walking to her car, she hoped she wasn't looking.

"Ryan, I'm sorry…it's just…"

"No…it's okay I understand. Drive safe…"

He mumbled under his breath before heading to his car. Pam watched helplessly before getting into her own car. That night she was so worried, she nearly cried herself to sleep.

The next two following weeks ran very smoothly. It was almost Christmas and the entire office was decorated. Pam meanwhile who usually loved Christmas time was more worried about other things and seemed almost in a shocked daze. Ryan kept away from her. In those two weeks they had three meetings with Michael. Pam noticed he would sit across the room from her not even looking in that direction. She also noticed Kelly trying to sit next to him or talk. Pam tried to ignore it, this was what she wanted. She pretended everything was okay and went about those next fourteen days as if nothing was wrong at all.

But Ryan had noticed her race to the bathroom twice during that time, or looking beyond exhausted. She claimed it was the flu to other co-workers who noticed.

They didn't speak.

Pam spent a lot of time alone. She knew she was in the worst depression of her life. A million upon a million worries began to spin in her mind.

She couldn't do this…she knew it.

Two weeks before Christmas, Friday finally came and Pam planned on visiting her parents on Sunday and telling them about what happened and her plans. She hoped they wouldn't in angry with her…in fact that thought terrified her.

It had snowed again the night before, yet work wasn't canceled. Everyone was in a terrible mood and then a freezing rain came in right before dark.

Pam was feeling sick again, in fact she had all morning. She knew after she spoke with her parents could would have to make a doctor's appointment. Looking down at herself she was still so stunned by what had happened. She was pregnant. Something she never expected to happen. When she was with Roy she never even paid any further thought of them one day having children. Back when things were going on with Jim, she had thought maybe in another six years…maybe having kids would be fun. She used to day dream of living in the nicest house in a perfect neighborhood and being a stay at home mom. She would dream of how special she would feel if she was pregnant and how much her husband would love her and treat her like a princess.

But all of that was shattered.

But still, she was pregnant. Growing inside her perfectly still flat stomach…was the baby.

Just then Michael came flying out of his office, he nearly crashed into the desk. Just then Ryan was walking by. Dressed in black slacks and a button up blue shirt. Pan felt a strange toss in her stomach looking at him. In fact he was the nicest thing to look at after these last two terrible weeks.

Looking at him she felt awful.

She hadn't been fair to him, she knew they would need to talk right away. He looked as if he hadn't been sleeping that well either.

Just then Michael grabbed at his shoulder.

"Ryan I need you…"

He sounded out of breath and he leaned in closer to Ryan.

"I need you to get this folder out to the UPS truck that's pulling out of the parking-lot right now. I forgot about this and it's very important. It needs to be send out now!"

Shoving the folder into Ryan's hands, he roughly pushed him towards the door.

"GO!"

Ryan seemed a little caught off guard yet ran out. Pam hated the way Michael sometimes ordered people around whenever he didn't want to do something. She hoped maybe when Ryan came back she could get him alone to talk.

Sitting there, she tried to type on the computer.

At that exact moment Ryan flew down the stairwell. He was running as fast as he could to catch the UPS driver. He hated whenever Michael made him do stupid stuff like this, he knew the truck was most likely gone by then.

Running, a few thoughts jumped in his mind.

These last two weeks were terrible, he was scared out of his mind and somehow knew Pam wanted nothing to do with this baby or with him. He had wrecked everything.

Just then he pushed open the door and ran out, seeing the truck just starting to pull out. It was freezing outside and snowing.

"Hey wait!"

Ryan ran before slipping on a huge thing of black ice on the pavement. His body went up and crashed down hard, blood came from his lip from biting it so hard.

Meredith who was standing outside on her cigarette break froze.

Ryan just laid there, just then the UPS truck stopped. The driver seeing what happened in his rearview mirror. Putting it in park, exhaust flooded out into the cold night air. Right away Meredith and him ran over.

"Oh my God!"

Both kneeled down as the driver shook his head.

"Jesus he hit hard!"

Meredith leaned over and saw the blood on Ryan's lips. She felt for a pulse and got one. He laid there unconscious.

"Go inside…upstairs! Tell them to call an ambulance!"

The driver quickly nodded before running inside. Meredith didn't move him, she simply kneeled down beside him worried out of her mind.

Just then upstairs the driver almost blew the door off as it flew open. Standing there out of breath he gasped for air as everyone stared at him.

"There's been an accident…some guy fell in the parking-lot…I think he's dead!"

Pam just sat there in complete shock. There were a few gasps before Dwight and Michael raced out. Creed told everyone he would call an ambulance as Pam stood up, knocking down her chair and rushing out after them. Kelly watched before running out as well. Angela and Kevin followed. The others simply sat there stunned.

Pam rushed out right when Michael and Dwight dashed out before them. Freezing from the cold and shock, she stared down at Ryan laying unconscious on the icy ground. Meredith was kneeling beside him with the truck driver. Right away Michael and Dwight nearly knocked them over to get to him.

"I'm a trained deputy!"

Dwight yelled, claming he knew what to do. Meredith in a worried voice told him maybe he could wait for a paramedics. Michael meanwhile kneeled down beside Ryan and began gently slapping his face.

"Ryan! Ryan wake up!"

Pam was outraged, she screamed at the top of her lungs. Kelly and Kevin who had just walked out froze.

"Leave him alone!"

Pam's eyes filled with tears as she went down beside him. She saw he was still breathing. The blood from his mouth made her feel sick. Gently her fingertips touched his thick hair and she felt swelling on the back of his skull. She knew people could die from this…the driver was right, he had fallen hard.

"Maybe it's a concussion?"

Angela softly said walking out, her arms crossed from the cold.

Pam kneeled down beside Ryan in the freezing cold and thought…what if he had cracked his skull.

What if he died?

For no reason at all she bursts into tears and held onto his hand. Kelly watched with hawk eyes as Meredith comforted her. Minutes later the ambulance came. The paramedics loaded him up and began pumping oxygen over his mouth.

Pam thought she heard one of them saying internal bleeding.

She almost screamed.

Meredith stood next to her holding her hand and sniffling herself as Ryan was taken away. Michael ordered to ride along with him. Oscar came out with everyone's coats as they watched the ambulance pull away. The sirens screaming.

Dwight looked down at his shoes before sayings something about following behind. Pam then nodded and walked over to him.

"I'll go with you."

"What?"

Kelly snapped, Pam looked over, a little uneasy.

"Dwight and I will go, it's just another hour till close…"

"Yeah I'll watch the calls."

Oscar said. Kelly looked outraged and began to say something when Pam turned, taking Dwight by suspire.

"Come on let's go…"

"But I have a history with him! I should go! He might need me!"

"There's all ready enough people Kelly, right now this isn't about you."

Angela said. Pam couldn't help but feel a small feeling of respect for her as Kelly shot back a shocked look. Dwight then hurried her to his car and began speeding to the hospital.

Dwight the entire time talked about head injuries and the worst possible things that could happen to Ryan. Pam meanwhile sat beside him as they drove and held back from crying. She prayed he was okay.

She needed to talk to him.

They arrived a few minutes later. Rushing across the freezing parking-lot they went into the ER and asked at the front desk.

The nurse had no information and told them to wait. Dwight kept attempting to sneak in behind her but finally gave up after the third try. The two of them sat beside by side in the waiting room. Christmas music playing in the background.

Pam just sat there worried.

Dwight grabbed a magazine and annoyed her by humming. Pam meanwhile just sat there and kept thinking about him.

Around nine, Michael walked out. A terrible look on his face. Pam nearly died, right away she knew something was wrong. Dwight and Pam shot up as Michael dropped his eyes and simply shook his head. Pam's eyes filled with tears before she spoke out in a broken voice.

"What…is it?"

Michael kept shaking his head.

"It's terrible…oh God it's awful…"

"Michael!"

He kept looking down.

"Guys…I don't know how to say this…but Ryan is dead."

Pam gasped out loud making a few people look. She slapped her hand over her shocked face as she just started at him. A terrible helpless cry croaked from her throat. Michael then looked up, slightly uncomfortable before giving a nervous laugh.

"April fools!"

Pam just stood there stunned before Michael tried to laugh, Pam saw Dwight was smiling.

"It's a joke…he's fine. He bumped his head pretty bad and he's staying over night…he's fine."

Michael still tried to laugh before Pam angrily shoved past him and started for the nurse's desk to ask what room number he was in. Moments later she went down the hallway, checking the room numbers before finding his. On one side of the curtain an older man about sixty slept. Moving to the other side, in which a huge bay window looked up at the highway, Pam felt her heart skip a beat.

He laid there in the hospital bed, pale and tired. She saw he was sitting up somewhat and had an IV hooked up to his arm. As she walked in, he looked up at her and faintly smiled.

"Hey…"

Pam couldn't control herself, she held back tears before standing beside his bed.

"You okay?"

Ryan shrugged.

"Just blacked out…I feel a little groggy that's all."

Pam took a deep sigh of relief.

"You scared the hell out of me."

Ryan just kept looking up at her before clearing his throat.

"Anyways, my mom is coming by later tonight…just wants to check in on me."

"Oh…well I rode with Dwight so I better get going…"

Her words trailed off before Ryan reached out and held her hand.

"You okay?"

Pam slowly nodded before giving a nervous laugh.

"I really thought something had happened…"

Pam looked down at her shoes before struggling with the right words.

"Ryan…I need to know how you truly feel about all of this, no more lies okay?"

Ryan laid there for a second before looking up.

"It was a mistake…yeah, it was a one night stand…yeah…but as soon as we came out of the clinic, I knew there was a reason."

"So you want me to have it?"

Ryan looked uncomfortable before biting down on his lip gently. Pam saw there were two tiny stitches in them. He looked sore and tired.

"Hey…this isn't what I wanted. I'm scared to death and I don't even think I would be a good parent…and I know that you don't want a relationship with me…I just think adoption isn't the answer."

"Then what is Ryan? Keeping it? Raising it? We're not a couple!"

"Yeah but we would be parents…"

"It would never work, we both have dreams like I said, plans on getting out of here. We're too young and we don't have enough money, this would be for all the wrong reasons, it would ruin us!"

Ryan looked at her.

"I've messed up my life a lot lately…but I think this baby might be a chance to start over. Trust me I know everything is going against us…but I think we could really try."

"Ryan it's a baby…not something you can return once it gets hard. I can't do it alone."

"You'll have me."

Pam shook her head.

"We slept together once. Things will get confusing…messed up. It would never work…"

"How can you say that without knowing?"

"You'll want that promotion, you're single…you'll meet other women…"

"Pam I love you."

Pam just stood there as he stared at her. After a few moments of silence she fought back the tears and spoke in a broken voice.

"Don't you dare say that…"

"But it's the truth…I think you might have feelings for me to."

"Oh really?"

The entire time I blacked out all I remember was hearing you're voice…you were scared.

"I thought you were dead."

Ryan reached out trying to hold her hand but she wouldn't let him.

"Please Pam…I could work hard and give you a better life."

"I like my life."

"Do you?"

She said nothing before finally he took her hand at once and squeezed it.

"Come on Pam…please."

Pam didn't say anything, instead she simply pulled away trying to control her tears and met Dwight and Michael in the lobby. That entire night she kept thinking of what Ryan had said.

She laid there, thinking of him laying like that on the ice. Not moving.

Touching her stomach, she laid there in the darkness. She had no idea what she was doing. But one thing was clear for once for her. Turning on her side she looked down at her stomach and thought of him.

She loved him.

Holding herself, she tried to sleep but couldn't.

The next morning she woke early and dressed. It was snowing again.

She went straight to the hospital.

Checking with the desk, she was informed that Ryan would be discharged in a few hours. Praying she wouldn't run into his family, she slowly went to the room and walked inside. This time the roommate was missing.

Ryan sat in a T-shirt and jeans on the bed, His hair was getting longer now and pushes back. He sat on the bed as the early morning sun drifted in through the window and watched some basketball game on TV. Pam stood there, unable to speak.

Finally he looked over and saw her.

"Pam?"

Pam walked forward before going to the edge of her bed. She reached out without saying a word and took his hand. Moments later she took a seat beside him and gently pressed his hand against the side of her face. Ryan watched her as she touched his hand lovingly before looking at him.

"Are you sure…that's what I need to know."

Ryan slowly nodded.

"I'm sure."

Ryan really didn't know didn't know if he should of kissed her or just stayed the way they were. Sitting there, he watched her hold his hand and gently press it up against her face. Ryan tried to smile before holding her hand.

"So what now?"

Pam sat there, trying to think.

"Well Sunday I'm seeing my parents and telling them about the baby…would you like to home, if you can?"

"I'm fine now…yeah of course I want to go…ummm…"

Pam knew he was nervous about something before he looked up at her.

"Their going to hate me aren't they?"

"If it's anyone their going to hate…it's me."

"What a way to make an impression…"

"I'm sorry Ryan, it's just if we're really going to sit down together and talk…well about this entire thing…well we'll need my parent's help whatever way you wanna be involved?"

"Involved?"

Pam looked down for a second before Ryan's grip on her hand tighten, she looked up.

"Pam, I'm scared to death…but we're giving it a chance."

"I just all ready know we're being stupid, we barley know each other…"

Before she could finish another word he leaned over and kissed her right on the lips. Pam seemed suspired before nearly tilting back in her chair. Looking at him, she couldn't believe it. Ryan then reached out with his own hand and cupped the side of her face gently.

"So we're doing this together…promise me?"

Pam struggled with her words.

"Well…as long as you promise me this is want you really want."

Ryan nodded before trying to kiss her again. Pam pulled away.

"We need to think about the baby now, not ourselves…understand?"

Ryan nodded before Pam looked at the clock.

"So…when do you get out of here?"

About ten minutes later Pam and Ryan walked out of the hospital together. Pam held onto Ryan's arm and helped him to his car. It was still snowing out.

"Easy…"

She said letting him in. His gaze met hers for a second and she couldn't help but smile. A feeling that seemed to overcome all of the worry. It was a nice feeling…almost of comfort. Getting in and starting the car they began to drive.

Ryan asked to use her cell and called his other brother who was supposed to pick him up later. He told him a friend of his from work had gotten him.

At that comment both glanced at each other as he drove on.

He hung up finally and thanked Pam before looking ahead. Pam turned the head on.

"My family got my car from work…they want me to spent the weekend with them but I'm fine."

"Could of fooled me…"

Ryan glanced at her before she pulled up the street that lead to her apartment building.

"So you're parents live in town?"

"Just outside, few miles."

"What time do you wanna head down there?"

"Before ten if you don't mind."

"Do you have any idea whatsoever on how we're going to explain this."

"Well…we need to figure that out first Ryan."

Then they pulled up to the sidewalk.

Going inside the apartment, she fixed them a pot of coffee. Ryan took his coat off and sat in her living room, looking at her sketches when she came in with two steaming hot mugs.

He looked up at her, his bangs fallen in his face.

"This is really good…"

Pam seemed embarrassed before setting the mugs down.

"Oh…it's nothing really."

She sat beside him and tried to take a deep breath. That's when they began to talk.

They decided to be very straight forward and save the bullshit. The two of them sat together drinking coffee and talking about the huge life changing decision they would make.

If they didn't plan on putting the baby up for adoption, then they planned on raising it together. Pam brought up almost all the cons, but deep down inside the idea of now knowing the baby that grew inside her was all hers, not waiting to be someone else's child.

They wrote down salary's , regular paychecks, insurance, and their so called "five year plan" both had to laugh at it all. Two office workers going about such a serious thing like this. Pam was very blunt when she told him she knew he was up for that promotion and really couldn't handle a newborn and work at the same time. She wanted to be independent, and not rely on him. Ryan on the other hand wanted to take care of Pam and show her he was working hard for her and the baby.

She explained that job was in New York and she really didn't want to move right after having a baby in a big city she didn't know. She hoped her parents would be supportive and she didn't want to move that far away from them.

Ryan explained he would talk to his parent's Sunday night. His mother had remarried after his father died when he was younger. He had a brother, and a sister who lived in Los Angeles with her husband and family. He told Pam he would talk to them first and then invite her over. He knew they would like her, but would he shocked from the news. He wanted to smooth things over ahead of time.

The thought of this made Pam feel sick.

They talked about telling Pam's parents and the awkward way of breaking the news to them. Both talked things over while still drinking coffee.

Ryan explained that the promotion wasn't until next year and until then he would stay here and intern. He told her that the money was so good he could really take care of the baby the best way he could. Pam meanwhile felt awful, it seemed as though he still had so many dreams and was trying to figure just how he would sort this out.

He told her he would figure out someway. He would be gone less then three months. Maybe he could take the train in every weekend. Then after he got in, maybe he could pull some strings to relocate closer to her.

"But that's not what you wanted…"

Pam softly said.

Ryan reached out and slid his arm around her, he looked scared.

"No…it sounds like it won't work, but it will."

Pam just looked down before they began talking about living arrangements. Telling work, juggling appointments and how much Ryan really did want to be part of this pregnancy. Money, and then how they would handle raising their child together. They would have to work out something.

It all seemed like too much, and so far away.

But Pam knew within the end of the year she would be a mother and everything would change.

Ryan meanwhile kept trying to lift her spirits and kept talking about how good it would be and how they would face things together. He kept telling her not to worry and that things were really turning around for the two of them. He kept trying to touch her hands as he locked eyes with her and went on and on, comforting her.

He seemed so sweet, and was trying really hard as scared as he was.

It was finally decided.

They were going to try and do this together.

It seemed terrifying.

By the end of it they sat together side by side. They now had a small idea as in what they were planning on doing. Pam kept looking at Ryan is disbelief.

The temp.

She thought amused.

That's when his hand slipped into hers.

They were going to face this together.