Disclaimer: We don't own Orange but we do own a Orange No-kia :D We also don't own Marcus....
Hey this is the next chapter in the lives of the vampires, focussing on the Volturi this time. And please please review! :D or else we know where you live...
Orange No-kia
Marcus was sitting alone in the throne room of the Volturi lair being as bored as usual, when suddenly, he heard a strange beeping sound. At first he tried to ignore it and eventually the annoying beeping stopped. But then it started again. After several minutes of continuous beeping on and off Marcus discovered for the first time in 1000 years that his curiosity and annoyance had got the better of him; so he decided to do something he had hardly ever done before. Marcus decided to investigate…
Marcus walked over to the coffee table in the corner of the room - which no one ever actually used but it looked good - where a small silver object was vibrating on a chair.
"What in the name of AB-negative is this INFERNAL CONTRAPTION?!?" Marcus said picking up the object. Suddenly he dropped it.
"HOLY CARLISLE! IT'S ALIVE!" The object fell on the floor vibrating. After a while it stopped vibrating and Marcus picked it up. There seemed to be some sort of writing on it.
"What is this 'Orange No-kia' thing?" He flipped open the top and across the screen he read 5 missed calls. The first name read Stefan. Accidentally, he pressed the recall button.
A muffled voice came from the speaker so he held it to his ear to hear better.
" Wazzup Felix. Blud. Brother from another mother. How's it hanging in the ghetto, is Oreo giving you grief?" Marcus jumped back aghast. It really was alive, and it sounded exactly like Stefan. Marcus whispered into the phone, "Oreo?"
"Ya man, you know, Aro bruv!"
"Bruv?"
"Wait, who is this? Is that Felix?"
"ummm… no… its Marcus, are you blind or something?"
"Oh well hello there my dearest friend, I apologise for that… outburst, it was Vladimir's idea."
"Oh it's quiet alright dear chap, quite alright. By the way would you mind telling me what this spiffing contraption is?"
"Why it's a mobile phone."
"Pray, tell me what is this mobile phone you speak of?"
"Well, it's a cellular device that allows communication with the outside world. That is how you are able to speak to me right now."
"So you mean you're not actually here?"
"No, Marcus. I'm on a holiday with Vladimir in Ibiza."
"That's fascinating!" Marcus pondered the possibilities of what he had discovered. "So can I speak to whomever I choose?"
"If they're number is in Felix's phonebook…"
"And where can I find this book?"
"It's cleverly concealed within the mobile. Fiddle about with the buttons and you'll find it eventually."
"Thank you very much my dear friend who is also my mortal enemy."
"No problem, could you get Felix to ring me back when you're done?"
"Ah yes, will do!"
"Farewell!" The line went dead. Marcus stared at the mobile phone in admiration. The possibilities are endless!
Marcus experimented with a few of the buttons and eventually found the phone book. He read them aloud trying to figure out who the people were.
"Stef and Vlad, that Stefan and Vladimir,
Tanny-blud, that must be Tanya,
Super-hot-Vicky-who-is-now-dead… Victoria,
Dog-boy…. Probably one of those shape shifting weirdo's,
Mikey Newton... no idea who he is…" after going though the list he came to a folder named 'Cullen' "Oohh, I wonder what's in this?" Marcus entered the folder.
"Essiemuffin, Carliewoo, Slutface, the Emster, Eddiekins, Bells, mutant baby, my true love allywally, man who is in the way of my true love and is a complete EMO I don't know why she loves him." Marcus stared at the phone incredulously. "Felix has ISSUES!" He scrolled down to the 'emo' name and clicked it. The phone rang a few times and eventually Jasper picked it up.
"What do you want Felix?" He asked. "I specifically told you I did not want to talk to anyone for the next 10 years. I'm busy being emo."
"So am I dear chap," Marcus replied. "It's Marcus, not Felix."
"Marcus! Why this is a surprise! I've been wanting to ask you something seeing as you are the greatest emo of them all."
"Ask away dear child," Marcus smiled.
"How do you penetrate vampire skin?"
"Why do you want to know that?"
"I've been trying to slit my wrists," Jasper explained.
"Ah, a very intricate process…." Marcus proceeded to explain the ins and outs of vampire self-harming for the next half an hour to an extremely eager Jasper. Once he had spoken to Jasper, he had a very interesting conversation with Carlisle about their previous relationships with the Romanian Vampires and Stefan and Vladimir's newly discovered homosexuality. He then spoke to Rosalie about hair care products.
"So if you cut your hair will it grow back?" He asked her, twirling a strand of his hair. "And can you even cut it in the first place?"
"No, it's tragic. I used to change my hairstyle regularly when I was human. In fact, I was planning on getting a side fringe but then I was changed into a vampire and now I'm doomed to look old-fashioned for eternity."
"Ah that sucks," Marcus agreed. "So if you have a really bad hairstyle when you're changed, there's no hope?"
"Exactly. That's why Jazz is so emo. He was going to cut his hair but he never got time when he was in the army." Marcus heard Jasper muttering something in the background about jumping off a cliff. After his fascinating talk with Rosalie, Marcus phoned up Edward and discussed skin rejuvenating body lotions before having a brief chat with Renesmee regarding interesting TV programmes that may help to arouse his curiosity further. She recommended In the Night Garden and Power Rangers. Marcus particularly enjoyed the latter. After phoning the 21st person, Marcus decided that he had used up his curiosity allowance for an entire century so resumed sitting in his throne, staring absent-mindedly at the ceiling.
2 days later…
"That's it! I have no choice Felix! YOU ARE GROUNDED!" Caius shouted at Felix.
"What have I done now?" He sighed, blowing his newly painted nails dry. The venom would end up dissolving it soon anyway.
"What have you done!? What have you done!?" Caius huffed.
"That's what I just asked you duh…" Felix rolled his eyes.
"What you have done, my child," Aro stepped into the room. "Is waste THREE THOUSAND EUROS!"
"What?" Felix looked up.
"I specifically told you to keep an eye on your phone bill Felix! Well you just blew your last chance!"
"But…" Felix protested.
"No buts! Last time you spent two hundred euros texting Victoria; the time before that you spent hundreds trying to win that stupid gameshow trip to Rome! Which is only a ten minutes run away!"
"Oh yeah…" Felix bit his lip. "But I didn't do anything this time! I kept a close eye on all my calls and I lost my phone anyway, two days ago!"
"Before or after you made 103 phone calls?" Aro raised his eyebrows. He pulled out the phone bill and began to call out some of the places Felix had supposedly rung up. "Almost all of the Cullens…" Felix grimaced. "Stefan! What were you doing calling up the Romanians!? They're like our mortal enemies! Or rather immortal enemies…" Aro shook his head. "And who is this Professor Flitwick? Oh and Elise from Sweden? The call girl who charges 5 euros a minute! And you were speaking to her for 12! Really Felix, what were you thinking!?"
"That wasn't me!" Felix stamped his foot. Marcus looked up from where he was sitting.
"Then who did!?!" Aro said.
"Look, touch my hand! I didn't do it!"
"No way am I touching your hand! I don't know where its been, and I don't want to know! You're grounded and THAT'S my final decision." Felix growled and stomped out of the room.
"Kids these days…" Marcus mumbled, inconspicuously texting behind his back.
There you go :D Now you see that little green button thingy right there. Yes, that one. Press it. Yes, like that. Now leave us a comment. Thanks.
TLW x
