If Balthazar had known the state he would find Sam in he would have never agreed to help. When Sam stopped praying Balthazar figured it was because he found out what god had in store for him and lost his faith. Seeing the truth was like a punch to the stomach. Sam had lost his soul after sacrificing himself to save Dean. Balthazar wanted to cry at the sight of the man he's learned to care for so deeply. There was no life in Sam's eyes, not compassion, or the love that Balthazar had heard in every prayer. But he couldn't act like he cared so Balthazar slipped on his big boy pants and pretended that it didn't matter.

The next time Balthazar found Sam he had completely forgotten the hunter. It wasn't fair to hold the new Sam in comparison to the old so he came to terms with what had happened to his old human and forgot them both. But the pull was still there. When Sam prayed Balthazar ignored it, but when Sam performed the summoning spell he had no choice but to go.

"I'm not your puppy Sam, and I don't enjoy being forced to come when you call!" Balthazar growled angrily.

The last thing he wanted was to be standing in front of the monster that had eaten his Sam. It wasn't fair to judge him that way because it wasn't Sam's fault his soul was left in hell with Lucifer. No it was whoever pulled him out's fault. Everyone knows there's the right way and the wrong way to retrieve a person from hell. And of course the only way to pull them out in tact was to have an angel or god do it. So whoever pulled Sam out had to be human.

"I need you to help me," Sam stated.

Balthazar knew he couldn't say no. As much as he wanted to poof away and never see Sam again, he also knew he would do anything the boy asked of him.

"With what?" Balthazar asked.

"Castiel and Dean are trying to get my soul back. I need a way to keep that from happening," Sam answered.

Balthazar sighed. It would be easier to forget Sam if he remained soulless. He wouldn't have to give any of himself to the hunter if there was no one to give it to. So Balthazar gave him the instructions on how to keep his soul out of his body. When he left he felt like the monster. Who was he to keep that Sam around while his soul was battered and torn apart in the cage with Lucifer and Michael? It was selfish but he didn't care. Balthazar would do anything to keep his heart from being broken. Even if that meant sacrificing the one human he knew he was supposed to bond with.

That was the first time they'd had sex as well. It was rough and powerful with both of them fighting for dominance. Balthazar ultimately won with his strength but Sam fought until the end. Balthazar felt nothing when he left. Sam had paid him for the information but because it wasn't his Sam he forced himself to hate it. Just like the many partners he'd had before, Sam was a business deal. And it nearly crushed Balthazar to have to admit that his Sam would forever be gone. It didn't stop them from "dealing" with each other again though. Any time Sam called Balthazar would be there allowing himself to ravish the body he'd always wished to feel.

It didn't take long for Sam to stop calling. And it only took a few months for Balthazar to hear the first prayer. Sam had his soul back and Balthazar wondered if he remembered their "extra-curricular" activities. As much as he hated the monster that was soulless Sam, Balthazar couldn't help but rejoice over having his Sam back. And as long as Sam never remembered how they used to interact he figured he could be in the hunter's life.

"Please if anyone is listening I need something. I don't know what it is but I'm tired. So tired of being alone and having to watch everyone I love get hurt. Maybe I haven't been the greatest guy but I've been dealt a shitty hand. I think I've made the best of it, done what I can with what I was given. But I can't keep this up. Why don't I deserve a normal life, someone to care about me, someone who actually cares if I come home at the end of the day. It's nice having my brother, but why can't I be like everyone else, clueless about the paranormal until it happens to me. What have I done to deserve what's going on?" Sam prayed.

Before Balthazar even realized it he was standing behind Sam. His eyes were soft as he watched the human prostrate on the ground waiting for an answer. When he realized he was there he made himself invisible to the human and stepped closer. How could Sam not know there were things in the works for years before his birth? Gently he placed a hand on Sam's shoulder. Almost instinctively Sam leaned back into it.

"You didn't have a choice. You're life has been written for you thousands of years before you existed. There was nothing you could have done. But I am here for you. I will always be here for you," Balthazar whispered into Sam's head.

Sam stood in shock searching the room for the intruder. When he didn't find anyone he checked the bathroom and outside the door. He knew it was pointless, that the thing had spoken directly into his thoughts, had heard his prayers even though they weren't spoken out loud. A shiver wracked his body as he thought about something reading his mind. The uncertainty of whether it was something he had to kill caused him to search the room again.

"I won't hurt you. I promise I will do everything I can to protect you," Balthazar said to Sam.

"Why?" Sam asked out loud.

"Because it's always been you. It's always been us."

"I don't know what that means," Sam sighed.

Sam felt the gust of wind on his face but he didn't know what caused it. He stood and made his way over to his lap top to make sure there wasn't some ghost after him. After hours of research all he'd come up with was angels. But angels could only speak directly into human thoughts from close range. Cas had told him it took a lot out of an angel to remain invisible while using other powers like telepathic conversation. But there were two teams in heaven. Those with Cas and those with Raphael, meaning Sam wasn't completely out of the woods. The angel could have lied. He could want to trick Sam into trusting him so he would let his guard down.

Balthazar hated himself for being so sentimental with Sam. Their past relationship had been purely physical and he'd forced himself not to care. Just because Sam had his soul back didn't mean they were in love. Sam didn't even remember him so there was no need to try and gain Sam's trust. But Balthazar knew he was lying to himself. The snarky sarcastic attitude was all a ploy when it came to Sam, it always would be, because deep down in his grace, he would always belong to Sam. And Balthazar regretted ever leaving heaven, ever hearing the prayers of the man who wanted a legacy. Because from that moment on Balthazar knew there would be an end to his life. He would die to protect Sam. And he was sure it would come down to it. That one day he would no longer exist to protect a miserable slug of a human that got no choice in what happened to him.

Sam had been to hell and back. Worse than hell actually, he'd been locked in the cell with two angry angels that were fully prepared to kill each other. The anger the two angels felt towards Sam for ruining their plans had battered his soul so badly and Balthazar knew there would be a time when Sam would remember everything. Remember him and their relationship when he had no soul, how bad it was in the cage with the angels, everything. That was the moment Balthazar feared the most because Sam would summon him and demand everything be explained.

Balthazar lived his lavish life of excess while he waited for Sam to summon him. It didn't take too long. Castiel had appeared and informed Balthazar that the wall had been broken. All he could manage was a nod before Cas was gone. And as predicted a summoning spell was performed.

"Balthazar," Sam said.

There was anger in the hunter's eyes. Balthazar wasn't surprised. He would have been angry had the tables been turned so he stood leaning against a wall with a bored expression on his face. Sam let his anger build as he watched the angel that had taken advantage of him stand so casually as if nothing had happened. He couldn't believe the way the angel didn't care. Weren't they supposed to protect and watch over people? How could he just use Sam and act like it was nothing? Suddenly Sam felt exposed and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Can I help you darling?" Balthazar asked as if he didn't care.

"You're an angel," Sam almost shouted.

"What of it."

"You took advantage of me!" he did shout.

"Oh sweetie, you were a very willing partner. All you had to do was say stop and none of it would have happened," in a flash he was pinning Sam to a wall, "But you didn't. You summoned me, I had no choice but to come. You were desperate and one step away from begging on your knees," he was whispering in Sam's ear.

"No," Sam breathed trying to push Balthazar off him.

Balthazar pinned Sam's arms above his head and laid his body flush with Sam's. Sam fought but both knew Balthazar wouldn't let him go. As much as Balthazar wanted to be gentle and loving with Sam, he knew that he had to get his point across. Show Sam that it wasn't just his soulless self that wanted him.

"How could I have turned you down? You were so pathetic, so needy. But the fire in your eyes as you fought so pointlessly to dominate me. But always pulling me back, never letting me leave. You were like a whore, starving for whatever I would give you," Balthazar breathed hotly down Sam's neck as he spoke.

"That's not true. I didn't have a soul! I didn't know what I was doing," Sam countered weakly.

"Are you sure? I can show you every moment of it. The sounds, the words, how desperately you held me like I could give you something, anything," Balthazar said louder.

Sam was breathing heavy but had given up his fight. He knew Balthazar wasn't lying, that he'd begged like a whore for the angel. And he knew exactly what void he was fighting to fill. Even without a soul he was empty. It was no surprise Balthazar had seen through whatever mask his soulless self had worn for their encounters. But he had no control over it. Whatever punch he had drank while with the angel had filled his blood and he wanted more. He wanted everything the angel would give but wasn't willing to beg for it anymore.

"Why did you summon me?" Balthazar asked against the flesh of Sam's neck.

A shiver raced up Sam's spine at the feeling of the angel's lips on his skin. It lit a familiar spark that Sam would have done anything to douse. Balthazar knew what he was doing and Sam hoped that it was because they wanted the same thing. Although he wasn't going to beg for it, or even ask for it. If Balthazar initiated he would follow but he couldn't start. Not when Balthazar already thought so little of him. Not when he had too much to lose.

"I wanted to know why," Sam said holding his breath against Balthazar's assault.

"Why what darling?"

"Why you kept letting it happen," Sam said letting out his breath.

"I'm an angel, it's my job to serve. Whether it's the sexual need of a human or as the warrior of god is only a matter of morals. You summoned me and prayed I wouldn't leave so I stayed and gave you what you what you asked for. What you choose to believe of me is your own decision, I personally couldn't care less about your opinions," Balthazar said after flashing to the bed.

Sam let out a loud breath and let his arms drop to his sides. His body slumped and he let himself slide to the floor along the wall. He was exhausted after such a short time with the angel and he wondered how he ever lasted during their previous rendezvous. When he looked up he saw Balthazar looking at him with a curious expression before the angel was gone. Deciding not to let Balthazar throw him off his game, Sam stood and made his way to his laptop. He would find a case to keep him occupied while he tried to forget the careless angel. It was bad enough having the angel in his head, now he had it in person to deal with. And he regretted all those times he'd prayed for an angel to watch over him when he was a child.

The sound of the door opening pulled him from his thoughts and sent him back into hunter mode. Dean set down the food but Sam wasn't hungry. Really, all he wanted to do was sleep for a week. But he had a job to do. Evil didn't stop because he was having an angel problem. Nothing stopped, it seemed like Sam would forever be stuck fighting the battles against evil and his mind. But Dean was there and he would keep Sam sane for as long as they could both stand.