Disclaimer: I do not own MASH.
"Clamp!" Hawkeye felt the sweat drip down his face, but a sponge quickly wiped it away. "Come on! Come on! She's bleeding bad here, I can't see!" Hawkeye hunched over the young girl's leg which he was now operating on. The nurse adjusted the lamp above them. B.J. joined Hawkeye at his operating table.
"Hawk, I don't know. That artery is pretty ripped up. It's a wonder she didn't bleed to death."
Hawkeye nodded dejectedly, "I know, I know." He squeezed the clamp tighter as more blood seeped through, blocking his vision. He was careful not to damage the already ripped artery more than it already was.
B.J. leaned closer and let out a sigh. "Hawk it's not getting any better and you know it. You're going to have to amputate her leg."
Hawkeye nodded in defeat. He had known that it would have most likely ended with an amputation, but it still hurt. If only there was something more he could do. "Yeah, B.J. you're right. Nurse, hold this clamp for me."
"Why Doctor?" the nurse took the clamp in confusion.
Hawkeye stared down at the little girl. "I just can't do it. B.J. can you take over please?"
"Sure Hawk. Nurse I need a new pair of gloves over here!" B.J. shouted as he maneuvered his way around Hawkeye to hold the clamp. Hawkeye stared one last time at the young girl. He just didn't understand. This little girl should be running outside playing but she wasn't because of this pointless war. He couldn't take it anymore! Tears stung his eyes and it was all he could do to keep them contained. He needed to leave the O.R. now or he'd be crying all over the surgical equipment. Then he'd never hear the end of it from Winchester.
"Hawk! Where are you going?" B.J. would've reached out toward the distraught Hawkeye, now storming out of the operating room, but was a bit preoccupied sawing an eight year old girl's leg off.
Now outside the O.R. and away from prying eyes Hawkeye let his emotions run wild. He sat down heavily on a bench and leaned his head against the outer wall of the O.R. He reached up and pulled off his surgical cap and mask. Staring out into the rain filled compound, he wrung his cap nervously. He had seen so many things in Korea, men who looked as if they should still be in high school, some still containing baby fat. Yet this one girl tugged at his heart string more than the others. Maybe it was the fact that she was so young, and he could remember being her age and fishing and stargazing. Not having your legs blown off.
Hawkeye was brought out of his reverie as someone laid their hand on his shoulder. He sensed B.J. sit next to him.
"How'd it go." He stated, not bothering to look B.J. in the eye.
B.J. sighed. "It went fine Hawk."
Nothing more was said for awhile. Just the patter of rain against canvas was heard.
"Look Hawk," B.J. broke the silence.
Hawkeye held up his hand for B.J. to stop.
"You know what I need right now?"
"No Hawk. What?"
Hawkeye stood slowly pulling his raincoat over his head as he continued.
"I need a drink." He didn't even bother to ask if B.J. was joining him. He didn't need to. The two men headed across the compound together, the still was calling.
