Chapter Two - Wrong Turn

"I've got so much to tell you, Doctor," said Amy Pond, brandishing her babies, "but first, maybe some kind of apology's in order."

"That's all right, you can apologise later," The Doctor reassured her, looking at the babies and pulling out his sonic screwdriver.

"Me?! Apologise?"

"Well, you're a year late, and you just bring along these uninvited guests, though admittedly the one with the fez is adorable."

"You're lucky I'm holding these babies, Doctor," Amy growled."And to think, I was worried about you making it back to the Tardis. That was a waste of a sticker."

"A sticker?" asked The Doctor.

"It's on your ba-" Rory began to point out.

"It's not important!" Amy said, cutting Rory off dead.

"And why wouldn't I find my way back?" asked a puzzled Doctor.

"You could barely find your way to your feet," began Amy. "I've never seen anyone so drunk."

"I'm sure I wasn't-"

"You weren't just dancing the giraffe, you were doing the whole safari by night's end," she continued. "You made Glasgow look sober. You're their new hero, they replaced that portrait of a potato with one of you."

It was now Rory's turn to interrupt, "Could we save this till another time? I'm more interested in what happened while we were away."

"Quite right, Rory," said The Doctor, thankful to be turning his attention back to the babies. "So, what's been happening here?"

"Well-" began Amy.

The Doctor interrupted her, "No, I was asking this handsome young fellow."

Amy raised an eyebrow, while the baby in a fez gurgled back.

"Quite right," said The Doctor, "better not get too close. Can't risk touching."

"Who are they?" asked Rory.

"They're us," explained The Doctor, "though you seem to be much younger, Rory."

"You seem to be a lot younger too," pointed out Amy.

"Of course I do," said The Doctor, deciding that now was complicated enough without dragging regeneration into the mix. "The little chap didn't seem too sure, bright but not a lot of information."

"What about baby me?" asked Rory.

"I'm sure he'd be an incredible help," The Doctor said, "if he wasn't so obsessed with Amy's breasts."

The older Rory looked embarrassed, as he gave Amy a half-smile.

"No change there then," said Amy. "Anyway, I think I better warn you-"

"No time," said The Doctor. "We better get out of here, while we still can. Maybe the Reapers will arrive or-"

"But, Doctor," Amy yelled, "we're heading towards danger and -"

However, Amy's words came too late, drowned out by the sound of the Tardis dematerialising, for The Doctor was already dancing around the Tardis's control panel, turning dials. pushing handles, pulling levers. "Have to keep moving," he said, as he kept moving. "Can't stay in the present, need to buy ourselves some time."

And so Amy could only stand and watch and hold the babies as the Tardis lurched back in time to a completely new time and place. However, to be completely accurate, although it was a completely new time, it wasn't a completely new place, not for The Doctor anyway, as he would soon discover.

He opened the Tardis's door, and stuck his head out, only to see he was in a dark basement, with a familiar white stone face staring back at him.

"Oops!" he exclaimed.

"What is it, Doctor?" asked Amy and Rory and the baby in a fez, while baby Rory stayed silent, still transfixed by Amy's fleshy mounds.

The Doctor looked back to tell them, and then realised, just as he was about to open his mouth, that that was the very last thing he should have been doing.

Still, at least he didn't blink.